Salvation From This Wound And Peace With Myself

[codya517]

Possible?

My best friend that i have known since i was 2 years old, committed suicide and i could not stop or help him, or rather i just didn't. I blame myself for what happened and i have been feeling worthless and disgusting. I do not feel like I could ever serve God again because of my failure. I've even had suicidal thoughts for a while, but those have subsided. I have asked for forgiveness but nothing can change what has happened or make it "okay".

The problem is I can't seem to move forward and at the same time I feel God calling me to something greater. But I do not know if I can live with myself. All this and the pain has changed me, I feel like an entirely different person. I feel reckless but at the same time dangerous and daring. I feel broken and tragic, but at the same time invincible. It's like part of me has died, but it isn't clear what and good or bad or both.

 

[That_One_Dude]

You know, I'm going through something where I am blaming myself a lot. I talked to my cousin who is a pastor. He really help me see things right.

You need to forgive yourself. You pray for forgiveness and though He forgives you, what seems to be more important here is you're not forgiving yourself. Pray not only for forgiveness but the strength to forgive yourself and move on. "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

I will pray for you and hope you can come to terms with yourself eventually.

 

[bubblefish]

I know how hard it can be to lose a friend to suicide, and have the guilt with not being able to stop it. It is definitely not an easy thing to go through. But you are not a failure. There is often not a definite way that we can stop someone taking their own life, or get them to see the true values of living. You can support them and be their friend but you can't make the choice for them and make them live. It is not your fault

Have you tried talking to someone about how you are feeling and what you are going through? A pastor, family member or counsellor? Sometimes talking to someone and getting their perspective can really help. It also gives you a support network when you are going through a bad time or are confused on where to move next.

 

[Maximus_Light]

I had a friend a couple years back that went through wanting to kill themselves, at the time I couldn't do anything to help them, if anything I only made things worse in my own mind. They didn't commite suicide though, God was there for them and for me and still is... I myself thought of it once a long time ago and God saved me so I still feel horrible about it and blame myself sometimes.

But God is there, and he will keep you well, trust in him, regardless of what happens believe in him and do his will. You can't blame yourself for everything.

Praying

 

[appletreeblossom]

When someone close to you dies... a part of you goes with them. Then there's a hole inside only God can fill.
Sometimes the hardest part of life is learning to forgive yourself. You weren't the reason your friend did this. A lot of times people go through things that they don't talk about. You can't blame yourself for what happened. God does want you to move on, deeper in Him. But first, you must forgive yourself. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He loves you, and when you call out to Him through the pain, confusion and hurt... when you tell Him that you feel guilty and ask Him to forgive you and make you new, He will. And ask Him to help you forgive yourself, and He will.

Healing is a process. Somedays are harder than others when someone you love is gone. But between God and time, your heart will be filled with Joy again. Just believe and hold onto His everlasting arms. He's waiting to set you free. And when you can't walk anymore, His strength will carry you through.
I love that song, Still by Hillsong. In your brokenness, He will be whole. And when you can't see, He can. He will fill you up and bring healing to your heart.

Be blessed.