Really need some Godly Adivce on Infidelity?

[Newborn83]

Hello everyone this is my first time on this site and THIS will also be my first posting so I really look forward to hear what you all have for me on this situation.

Recently me and my wife have been going to marriage counceling for the last few months or so bc things were just starting to get a little too rocky for either one of us to handle. The reason things were getting so bad was bc their had been alot of things that took place before I deployed for six months and when I got back it was just like things just picked right back up from where they had left off. I'm not going to go into all of the details but infidelity was something that took place awhile ago in our marriage and I don't feel as though I've fully recovered from that situation. A big problem I'm guilty of is TRUST. I found out that my wife cheated on me a little over a year ago emotionally and physically with another female. Of course as a man I felt destroyed but THANK GOD that I had some good godly advice to take in and I decided that I would forgive my wife and try to make it work. That was almost a year 8 months ago from now. One of the biggest issues I have with my wife now is trust and to tell the truth I always have, but that was due to reasons from a relationship before I met her. The main reason I have a hard time trusting is bc when I felt that something is going on, I always seem to find out something was going on. I hate the feeling of spying on my wife but everytime I get these weird feelings that she's acting strange I do it and recently I was having that feeling.

Well three days ago I couldn't take it any longer and I went through my wife's text messages. I found out that she had been texting a old high school friend asking some very unappropiate sexual questions. I immediatly was fumming but I felt bad for going through her phone and invading her privicy which was one of those things that we've been trying to work on. It has been three days now and I'm hurting so much inside right now but I just really don't know what I should do? should I tell her what I read and confront her? Not to mention that this is not the first time that I've went through her phone and found something. I hate for her to feel like she doesn't have any privacy but at the same time I can't help but upset at what she's doing with her privacy?

What should I do???

 

[bythegraceofgodgoi]

he went to be with Jesus in 1982 and i still rock next to his rocker and sing the same songs we sang alone together

 

[infojluna]

How are things going now?

 

[OThomas777]

wow HI brother I am so sorry to hear all this, I know how tough that situation can be. However, you have made the choice to stick with her and I condone that decision . I couldn't help but think of the story in the Bible of Hosea and How God told him to marry the prostitute, and to love her even through infidelity. I Don't know how your prayer life is but I definitely be in a lot of prayer and fasting, there is nothing to big for our God I believe If you want his to work and Love her, and you can't trust her , you can trust God and He is faithful and He through your faithfulness will answer your prayers because it is His will , and by you putting God first and trusting in Him the change in you can win her over. I love you and I am praying, God Bless again seek God first in everything, not humans because to many humans can give the wrong advice, where we can find all answers to our lives situations in the bible and through prayer. HUGS

 

[DreamingLikeSarah0423]

I applaud your efforts to make things work and I think when you've had so many doubts and things have legitimately gone wrong fidelity wise, I think it was right that you found out what you did, and sad that it had to be in the way you did. How are you and your wife doing in your counselling and do you feel that your wife is very committed to making things work between the two of you, it's so important for both of you to put forth all efforts. If not, Christian or not, things cannot work out if you are not both equally yoked in strength. I pray that things go well for both of you and that your hearts can be put together and that trust can be rebuilt.

 

[Prayer Circle]

Sometimes the first lesson we are asked to learn about love, is to love ourselves enough to know that when someone we trust betrays that with us, we are being told not only that we're not wanted anymore by them. But that we deserve better than to suffer as they willfully make us suffer by making their choice that fidelity is no longer something they can honor in that covenant of "us". I wish you peace my brother.


Let Them Walk - Bishop T.D. Jakes - YouTube

 

[blueGiraffe]

Hi Newborn83,
It is a terrible situation to be in, brother. I applaud your decision to stay with your wife even during these hard times. I understand, that you feel horrible for invading her privacy, but now that you have done it, it is best not to keep it a secret. Telling her honestly what you have found out is the honest way to go. Tell her honestly that you feel bad about looking through her phone messages but that you are also very discouraged about what you have found. Tell her that in order for your relationship to heal she really needs to be transparent about her struggles with sin. Then you need to honestly pray together for forgiveness and openness.
There is a book that I`ve heard a lot of good things about. It is Dr. Dobson`s Love Must Be Tough. I admit that I haven`t read it but it deals with marital problems. Also, there is another book I recommend. It is Desperate Marriages by Gary Chapman. It is an excellent book (that I`ve actually read and recommend) that deals with different areas of marital problems (including infidelity).
I hope and pray that your marriage will heal.

 

[episkopos]

communication, forgiveness and loving her inspite of the infidelity

 

[nursesteph]

I would seek counseling to get to the heart of the matter after telling her the truth. There has to be a deeper issue here especially seeing as it is a repeated offense. I'm not saying it is your fault so please don't get me wrong here. There is a reason why you have a hard time trusting her but there is also a reason why she keeps turning to sin and it may or may not have anything to do with you. Giving up would be the easier choice in this situation and the more worldly acceptable choice. People seem to think that being married is all about a person's happiness but it isn't. It's about going through rough times and coming out on the other end united and stronger than ever. Build your relationship with God through these rough times. Take your tears to him, pray and pray and pray until you see God working in your life. You made a vow not only to your wife but to God as well and by giving up on her you are also giving up on him. God meant marriage to be a lifelong journey and not just something useless to be thrown aside and tainted by the devil. This is the devil at work here. It's his attack on your marriage. Will you stand up with sword in hand or will you back down and let him win?

 

[calvaryoakville]

Keep praying for it... be open to her and keep doing things you both enjoy... like watching movie, going to church every Sunday... I remember the movie Fireproof.. it's a movie about a fireman and her wife and their marriage... I pray this could help! God bless!!!