Paranoid….

[Blaise N]

Hi everyone,


I’m posting today a short and low anxiety post about something I’m paranoid about.

So yesterday I had a good day,barely any anxiety and good from the morning onward,so around noonish I began to get unwanted thoughts,and thanks to my medication dosage,I wasn’t scathed as badly as I have been these past 3 weeks,but they were thoughts saying “I renounce you God” and/or “you’re worthless Holy Spirit” and the second one affected me badly because that’s very close to the unpardonable sin,so I reminded him in prayer he was of immense worth and amazing delight to my soul,but the worse one and the one I’m paranoid about came at the end of my workday,so when I got out of my company truck to throw trash we picked up on the road away into a dumpster,I had a thought that overlapped with a prayer I was trying to say and it almost was “I don’t want to be a Christian anymore,b it I meant to word it oppositely,
Meaning I wanted to say to humbly clarify to the lord about the earlier second thought “I still want to be a Christian” but my mouth Overlapped with that intrusive thought,but I didn’t complete that sentence of the “not wanting to be a Christian” thought,I caught myself mid mindless statement,and corrected myself.


Needless to say while I was walking back to my shop(headquarters) across the lot after my co worker parked the truck,I was saying constant prayers in a panic,constantly repenting of that thought and the way I felt when I said it,needless to say k was freaked out more because deep down I had doubts that I “secretly meant it” as well as the scary positive feelings I felt when I mindlessly said it.

I spent the rest of the evening saying prayer after prayer after prayer repenting of everything I felt and thought in that second.

but here’s where the paranoid part comes in.as I’m driving home(on a road my parents told me not to go down anymore because it’s a country road that wasn’t plowed(because we got snow)) My car slid into a ditch and my front left fender covering my tire got dented in from crashing into a tree as well as some steering damage and axle damage,I made it home safely,having already told my mom about it and got a lecture from my dad,yet I never blamed God for it.

This morning I did some snow shoveling because my parents told me to,when my mom came back from the coffee shop with some drinks for herself and me,I went up my stairs with my drinks in hand,and remembered I wanted to tell my mom something,and I slipped and fell 10 stairs down,spilling my drinks everywhere,and hurting my hip in the process,THEN as I went to my room after lunchtime,I was playing a video game and forgot about my parents asking me to go sweep snow off my grandparents front porch,so I was told to come do that whenever parents got home from the store,and was yelled at for not doing the “extra” things like shoveling a path to their bird feeders and putting salt down,so I was upset because I was never told to do those extra tasks.


So to sum it up,I’m extremely paranoid that I’m an apostate worried about having committed apostasy because of that thought yesterday and all these bad things happening are a result of that possibility,I’ve even said prayers all day asking and begging God to not leave me and to please not take the Holy Spirit from me,repenting constantly of that thought yesterday.

I’m just very paranoid…..

 

[Tolworth John]

began to get unwanted thoughts,and thanks to my medication dosage,I wasn’t scathed as badly as I have been these past 3 weeks,but they were thoughts saying “I renounce you God” and/or “you’re worthless Holy Spirit

That you recognised that they were intrusive thoughts is good, that you forgot how to deal with them is bad.

Intrusive thoughts are a bully that taunts you to reply so he can continue to taunt you.

You deal with them by agreeing with the thoughts and then moving on.

To the thought, " You are not a Christian! " say ' yes that is right!'
And pay it no more attention.
The intrusive thought is lying to you, what it says is not true.

 

[Alistair_Wonderland]

What is a Christian? Someone who professes a faith? Hardly. many shall call unto Him saying "did we not do great things in Your name?", and He shall quote Thanos and say "I don't even know who you are."

You aren't a Christian because you you do this or that. That would mean that you somehow had anything to do in your own salvation. The only thing we can do to accept God is stop trying to do things. Our efforts are nothing, His efforts are everything.

If you even have a worry in your heart that you are not following God as you should, then rejoice; that is proof enough that you care, and that you Love him, and so long as you worry about your salvation, know that your worry is proof you are saved. A sinner would not care, after all. So if you ever worry about your salvation, laugh at the Devil and move on, for you would not worry about your love for God if you had none.