Left meth addict husband, regretting leaving

[missmyluv]

Hi! This is my first post. I have been married for 24 years and with my husband for almost 30 years. We have 3 adult children and 1 grandchild. My husband has an addictive personality. He began as a teenager using marijuana (still uses), he tried several other drugs during his teenage years as well. Around 17, he tried cocaine which he did use quite frequently and when our children were born, we decided to move from our hometown to get away from the cocaine. We moved, he began fishing and hunting and after living in a new state for almost 2 years, he decided to try to work (he was electrocuted and disabled at the age of 24). So at 28 years of age, he began a new career and the men that he met at work were all meth addicts. Of course, my husband decided to indulge. I did not know for years that he was using meth since I had never heard of it or been around it. As his pain worsened from disability, the use increased. When our son got in trouble at school, the use increased. When my husband could no longer work due to pain and had to finally accept disability, the use increased. My grandmother passed away and I had a difficult time with the loss and pulled away from my husband, the use increased and the first affair occurred. His father was diagnosed with cancer, use increased. His mother diagnosed with cancer, use increased. His grandfather passed away from cancer, use increased. His younger sister diagnosed with cancer, use increased. I was diagnosed with cancer, use increased. All of the diagnosis occurred within a 2 year period and then 4 deaths within a 5 year period. My husband was the caregiver for each member. His mother and I discussed his weight loss, his anger outbursts, his constant hi's and low's, and always wanting to be with friends. We thought maybe he was bi-polar. Doctor put him on antidepressant which helped. Then we noticed the bumps on his face, meth mouth, lies, money disappearing, another affair, and gambling. So Easter 2015, my family was visiting and my husband was in the bathroom for extended period of time. My son confronted him about using meth and a white trash Easter ensued; physical fighting (father/son), police being called, and complete shock. A week later, I rented a house, my children and I moved out of our family home and I told my husband he had to change and quit using meth for me to come home. Since that time, he has said he has changed, but the only change is a new woman and running back and forth between her and I. I am standing for marriage restoration and just realized that I was praying for restoration when I should have been praying for him to realize he has an addiction and needs help. Last week, he decided to come home. I helped him move all of his belongings (he lost our family home, his truck, and 2-3 rentals, his boat was stolen and lots of other items were stolen from him). He was doing great (must have been coming down). He had knee surgery on Wednesday and Thursday afternoon he was going back and forth on what he wanted. He ended up leaving my house after calling other woman to pick him up. He took a few clothes, some lockboxes, a pair of shoes and said he would be back later that he felt I trapped him. He left everything of value with me including his beloved dog. I have not seen or heard from him since. I do regret leaving him because I feel that tough love was too much for him. Now that I am trying to help him and bring him back into my life, my boys have written me off. I pray daily, attend church, read bible daily, research meth addiction. My life is revolving around trying to help him. I am afraid he will die. The other woman is also addicted to meth, pills, and alcohol and she has easy access to all. She even stole his medication and the last 3 men she was with have all passed away. So I am very worried about my husband, his health, and well being. I do not hold any bad feelings towards either of them. I know God is working on our lives and our situation. Sorry this is so long, but today at church, I was told that one woman praying for a meth addict will bring him to his knees but a group of woman praying for him will bring him to rehab. If you feel it in your heart, I would like to ask for you to pray for my husband to realize that he has an addiction and needs to seek help. His name is Tim. Thank you so much and God Bless!

 

[dgiharris]

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. You keep expecting your husband to change.

I'm sorry to say this, but just as your husband is addicted to meth, you are addicted to his drama. It feels like you are a codependent. It is a hard fact to face, but sometimes some people just aren't destined to be saved.

Lastly, I have to wonder if you love yourself and assign any worth to yourself. With your addict husband sleeping with other addicts, you are begging for an STD not to mention the drama of getting into a fight with some toothless meth addict and getting stabbed or something. Not to mention putting your kids through all that. As a mother you are supposed to place the welfare of your children ABOVE everything else. So I have to ask, what kind of mother are you.

I apologize for the tough love. Most members on here are warm fuzzy and will hug you and pray for you and tell you everything is gonna be alright. Unfortunately I'm the first to answer and I'm a bit of a jerk.

Move on with your life. Find someone who deserves you. Your life shouldn't be a Jerry Springer episode. Give your husband to god, and move on with your life

 

[Paul808]

Hey there, sorry to hear about your husband. I feel sad for you. Addiction is not a good thing, and I'm sure your husband will recover from this critical condition. I'll pray for Tim.