Infatuated with another?

[JillLars]

This may be kind of a touchy subject, but I'd like to hear some different experiences and responses. 

Have you ever found yourself becoming infatuated or falling in love with someone other than your significant other?  or simply crushing on someone other than your sig. other?  If so, how did you handle this? 

I have found myself crushing on someone other than my significant other but only for a small moment before I slapped myself and realized how ridiculus I was being.  I love the news, I love current events and politics, my boyfriend really could care less.  I met a guy who also loved news, politics, and current events, I found myself crushing on him, for a little bit.  I then sat myself down and did some serious thinking, I mean I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend, and he gives me everything I need, and there wouldn't be any reason to risk what we have over some guy I hardly know.  So, if I find myself wondering about another guy I just have to remind myself that I have the best boyfriend in the world (according to me ) I think its human nature to wonder, but that doesn't make it right, lets hear some stories, if you want to share them!  Thanks!

 

[Didymus]

yup and after I got married and had kids too. i think it is a trick of satan to get us to mess up our witness.How wise you are to fiure out what you have. Now you need to guard your self. don t spend time alone with your other friend. try to find him a girlfriend

 

[JillLars]

Didymus, I agree...I call the guys the "what if" guys, the guys who you have ever thought of dating, or have had feelings for and knew that he had feelings for you but nothing ever happened, I refuse to put myself in a situation where I will be tempted by these "what if" guys, even if its just in my mind.

One of the "what if" guys that I liked in highschool asked me to come visit him at his dorm, and I said, "Can Josh come?" (Josh is my boyfriend) He said yes, so I went and visited him with Josh at my side. I think its best not to put yourself in a situation where your mind will wander...

 

[Didymus]

good thinking. I got myself into serious trouble by ignoring rules and thinking I was strong in the spirit and could resist temtation. I guess i was also dumb or a slow learner, It was a a rough time in my marriage when my husband was gone a lot but that is still nonexcuse.

 

[panterapat]

I pray that I not be put to the test.

Temptation is best fought when caught early.
A thought germinates and grows. Vanquish the thought as soon as it presents itself. And Pray, Pray, PRAY!!!

A illicit physical relationship usually starts with an emotional or intellectual relationship. Be on guard.

Try to engage your husband in current event discussions.

 

[hollygirl]

Jillars, how many guys have you "dated?" Not like a long term realtionship. I'm assuming that the guy you're with has been the long term. Have you had dating friendships with other guys? You are young enough that it might be a good idea to ease up on the seriousness of your relationship and see if there might be someone better. What we think is best sometimes clouds our vision to what is better. Especially when we are younger. (Please don't think I'm being mean or rude. I'm just hoping that you allow yourself enough freedom to explore before you marry. Sometimes getting married when you are wondering what someone else would be like is not the best idea.)

 

[Didymus]

I think you will always wonder what it would be like to be married to someone else. But the older you get the more you relize how hard it is to train a man so you stay with the one you ve got
it is good to date more thenone guy befor you make a decision. My daughter has changed her mind/boyfriends three times in the past year.

 

[panterapat]

Sorry, I missed that you were dating.
Go ahead and date around. If you and you boyfriend are meant for each other you will get back together.

 

[seebs]

I have occasionally had brief crushes, but they don't last. I don't worry about them; they're not a real threat. It's the body; sometimes, it has its own ideas about how to make the most bodies like it, and I don't take them seriously. I'll hang out with people I have a bit of a crush on, and really, all that happens is I realize that much more quickly how wonderful my wife is.

 

[seebs]

BTW, I'm not a big fan of the "find someone better" thing. They're all good, and what makes it work isn't finding "the one", but committing to a relationship, and making sure the other person is serious too.

 

[JillLars]

Yeah, I totally have to agree with seebs. There are lots of good ones out there, its just a matter of committing to one of them. My boyfriend and I are in a committed relationship and I really don't have any desire to go out and look for someone better. I guess I have had many other "dating" experiences. But, my boyfriend is my best friend (he was my best friend before we started dating) and he knows me better than anyone...I just don't think I would want to risk that for someone I hardly know, or someone who hardly knows me. If that makes sense!

 

[Dewjunkie]

I have to go with Holly on this one. I wish I had heeded the "what if" feelings when I was 19, it would have saved me from a miserable marriage and 3 years of struggling to bail out a sinking aircraft carrier with a spoon. (Sorry for that poor analogy, but that's how it felt.) I thought I knew it all at 19, but hindsight being 20/20, I see all too many warning signs that I either missed or ignored.

You're still young, just be careful.

 

[JillLars]

Thanks for the advice Dewjunkie, luckily when I do have the "what if" feelings, I usually realize I have a good thing going. In other relationships I've found the what if feelings have saved me from heart ache later on, just depends on the person you're dating I guess. Hope you have found, or will find someone who treats you great!

 

[Evening Mist]

I think those feelings are very much like the "grass is greener" sentiment. Whenever I start to feel that way, I remind myself that the "novelty" aspect of the relationship would wear off with a different person quite quickly. It ain't worth it.

I also find it helpful to nurture my friendships with women. Friendships with women can be very intimate and close, without ever threatening my marriage or hurting my husband.

 

[OracleX]

Feeling infatuated for someone else who is not your spose should be a big red flag warning for you. It is a good indicator that you are not satisfied in your relationship as you find someone else that is 'better.' I agree with Evening Mist's and Dewjunkie's comments too.

 

[LN]

I'm going to copy and paste something from the singles thread that I wrote - I apologize for the double post but I thought it was applicable. I think what OracleX wrote is true, but there is also another way of looking at it that the grass sometimes looks greener on the other side, even if it is not the truth that it really is. Its easy to meet someone who might have opposite charicteristics of the person you are with and think "what if."

So with that said, I believe that there are many people out there that you can have fun with and be compatible with, and at some point you make the cognizant choice to be with a person no matter what a.k.a. marriage. I think that one of the reasons why the divorce rate is so high is because people say "oh wow - my husband/wife isn't "the one" because of XYZ. This new person is really the one." If you take "the one" out of the factor that argument doesn't make any sense. There are so many times in a marriage that I could see someone easily feeling as though they made a mistake if they only believe there is one person out there for them. So I don't believe that there is one person out there for me. But I did marry someone and took the commitment to make my husband "the one." I could easily see someone feeling infactuated with another if they felt as though there was just one person out there and maybe they made a mistake. But as most people have already pointed out: dating=ok, marriage= not ok.

*Disclaimer* This of course does not apply for physical or emotional abuse.