Divorce can cause major changes in holiday emotions, activities and traditions. It has impacted the lives of my family greatly. Today, on New Year's Eve, my sons and I will just now be having Christmas together.
This is my 8th Christmas being divorced, 9th since the last separation. When we lived close together it wasn't as bad. We would share our sons, and each of us and our families would have time with the boys on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day.
Since then I've moved farther away from my ex to get away from my harmful family. We now live about 7-8 hours drive apart from one another. The boys go to visit their dad for Christmas when school lets out for winter break, and then just before they return to school, I get them back for a day or two.
It means that I spend Christmas alone, and my boys spend it with the dad and step-mom and her family. They are not Christians, and only celebrate a very secular version of the holiday. Not only are they not practicing Christians, but they are also very much against Christianity. So my boys experience a Christmas break filled with anti-Christian sentiment. It was not this way when I was married to their father. At that time he was a practicing Christian.
By the time I get the boys back, they have already had a celebration with their dad and his family, and gotten gifts. The joy and excitement of the holiday has passed. They are tired, and the stress of not being in one household with both parents is difficult for them.
So, I'm faced with cramming a small, limited Christmas celebration in with tired, grumpy, boys, who aren't interested in hearing or talking about the birth of Jesus, all on my own with no one to share it with. Limited financial resources also make it hard. This particular year, we are all sick with a cold and heavy coughing as well.
Over all, I am much happier in my life than I was while I was married and when my sons and I were still experiencing the negative effects of my dysfunctional family. And I am happy to be able to share what holiday I can with my boys.
However, Christmas used to be so much more fun and special before. This is an inevitable part of divorce and running from dysfunction that many people face. It is not just a phase or heartache to get over. It is a reoccurring event every single year that has to be navigated each time. The struggle is real.
This is my 8th Christmas being divorced, 9th since the last separation. When we lived close together it wasn't as bad. We would share our sons, and each of us and our families would have time with the boys on Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day.
Since then I've moved farther away from my ex to get away from my harmful family. We now live about 7-8 hours drive apart from one another. The boys go to visit their dad for Christmas when school lets out for winter break, and then just before they return to school, I get them back for a day or two.
It means that I spend Christmas alone, and my boys spend it with the dad and step-mom and her family. They are not Christians, and only celebrate a very secular version of the holiday. Not only are they not practicing Christians, but they are also very much against Christianity. So my boys experience a Christmas break filled with anti-Christian sentiment. It was not this way when I was married to their father. At that time he was a practicing Christian.
By the time I get the boys back, they have already had a celebration with their dad and his family, and gotten gifts. The joy and excitement of the holiday has passed. They are tired, and the stress of not being in one household with both parents is difficult for them.
So, I'm faced with cramming a small, limited Christmas celebration in with tired, grumpy, boys, who aren't interested in hearing or talking about the birth of Jesus, all on my own with no one to share it with. Limited financial resources also make it hard. This particular year, we are all sick with a cold and heavy coughing as well.
Over all, I am much happier in my life than I was while I was married and when my sons and I were still experiencing the negative effects of my dysfunctional family. And I am happy to be able to share what holiday I can with my boys.
However, Christmas used to be so much more fun and special before. This is an inevitable part of divorce and running from dysfunction that many people face. It is not just a phase or heartache to get over. It is a reoccurring event every single year that has to be navigated each time. The struggle is real.
