I know y'alls were just waiting for this from me - here's some of my favorite horse jokes 
Preacher's horse
A city dweller came to a farm and saw a beautiful horse. He decided he had to have the animal. He bargained with the farmer and the farmer finially sold him the horse. The city man jumped on the horse and said, "Giddyup!" The horse didn't budge. The farmer explained, "This horse was trained by a preacher. He'll only move if you say, 'Praise the Lord.' To stop him, you have to say, 'Amen.'" Keeping this in mind, the new owner yelled, "Praise the Lord!" whereupon the horse took off with great speed. Soon horse and rider were headed for a cliff. Just in time the rider remembered to say "Amen!" The horse came to a screeching halt right at the edge of the cliff. Relieved, the rider raised his eyes to heaven and exclaimed, "Praise the Lord!"
Who can open the gate?
This story take you to a large pature filled with horses of all different types. Let's hear what they have to say.
Lipizzan: No need for opening it! When are you all going to learn how to fly?!!
Thoroughbred: I don't want to mess with that gate and I am too scared of flying! I will just jump over it and leave you all behind.
Paint: Yeah, what he said! Na Na Na Na Na Na!
Palomino: Forget it. Count me out. I am not taking any chances of messing up my chrome!
Arabian: You'll have to get somebody else to do it. I'm not messin' up my nails for no one!
Quarter Horse: Maybe if I push on it with my big buns, I could open it!
Standardbred: Pity on all of you. I'll figure it out, just give me some time.
Polo Pony: Wait just a minute, let me get my stick and give it a few whacks
Shetland: Let me at it. I'll break the stupid thing! Then you all can get out of my face
Mule: Oh, let's just pack it in and call it a day.
Saddlebred: Now, now. I'll open it, if someone could help me with my shoes?
Friesian: I'll do it! Do you think it will mess up my hair? I always have such good hair days.
Mustang: Heck with opening it, how about I just run the whole darn fence over?
Belgian: Step back! You-all aren't strong enough to do it. I'll do it. Oh, but what if I break it?
Morgan: There, there. I'll do it for you. No need to have such a big fit. Peace be with all of you. Is there anything else I could do for you after I get done with the gate?
Appaloosa: Oh, hush all of you! Ya big bunch of sissies. No one is leaving till I say so!
Percheron: I have already opened the gate while you-all have been arguing! I even went down the next row and opened all the other gates. So it will be awhile before I have to listen to all of you argue again!
How to know Marther Stewart has invaded your barn
10. There is a potpourri pomander hanging from each halter.
9. The horse's hooves have been cut with pinking shears.
8.The horse treats are all stored in McCoy crocks.
7. The manure fork has been decorated with raffia.
6. That telltale lemon slice in each new silver water bucket.
5. You find carrot & apple treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.
4. Mane & tail hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.
3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of each stall.
2. Your horse goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand knitted blanket with matching leg wraps.
1. The manure pile has been sculpted into swans.
I've got billions and billions more ...
Preacher's horse
A city dweller came to a farm and saw a beautiful horse. He decided he had to have the animal. He bargained with the farmer and the farmer finially sold him the horse. The city man jumped on the horse and said, "Giddyup!" The horse didn't budge. The farmer explained, "This horse was trained by a preacher. He'll only move if you say, 'Praise the Lord.' To stop him, you have to say, 'Amen.'" Keeping this in mind, the new owner yelled, "Praise the Lord!" whereupon the horse took off with great speed. Soon horse and rider were headed for a cliff. Just in time the rider remembered to say "Amen!" The horse came to a screeching halt right at the edge of the cliff. Relieved, the rider raised his eyes to heaven and exclaimed, "Praise the Lord!"
Who can open the gate?
This story take you to a large pature filled with horses of all different types. Let's hear what they have to say.
Lipizzan: No need for opening it! When are you all going to learn how to fly?!!
Thoroughbred: I don't want to mess with that gate and I am too scared of flying! I will just jump over it and leave you all behind.
Paint: Yeah, what he said! Na Na Na Na Na Na!
Palomino: Forget it. Count me out. I am not taking any chances of messing up my chrome!
Arabian: You'll have to get somebody else to do it. I'm not messin' up my nails for no one!
Quarter Horse: Maybe if I push on it with my big buns, I could open it!
Standardbred: Pity on all of you. I'll figure it out, just give me some time.
Polo Pony: Wait just a minute, let me get my stick and give it a few whacks
Shetland: Let me at it. I'll break the stupid thing! Then you all can get out of my face
Mule: Oh, let's just pack it in and call it a day.
Saddlebred: Now, now. I'll open it, if someone could help me with my shoes?
Friesian: I'll do it! Do you think it will mess up my hair? I always have such good hair days.
Mustang: Heck with opening it, how about I just run the whole darn fence over?
Belgian: Step back! You-all aren't strong enough to do it. I'll do it. Oh, but what if I break it?
Morgan: There, there. I'll do it for you. No need to have such a big fit. Peace be with all of you. Is there anything else I could do for you after I get done with the gate?
Appaloosa: Oh, hush all of you! Ya big bunch of sissies. No one is leaving till I say so!
Percheron: I have already opened the gate while you-all have been arguing! I even went down the next row and opened all the other gates. So it will be awhile before I have to listen to all of you argue again!
How to know Marther Stewart has invaded your barn
10. There is a potpourri pomander hanging from each halter.
9. The horse's hooves have been cut with pinking shears.
8.The horse treats are all stored in McCoy crocks.
7. The manure fork has been decorated with raffia.
6. That telltale lemon slice in each new silver water bucket.
5. You find carrot & apple treats stamped out with copper cookie cutters and decorated with royal icing using a #2 rosette tip.
4. Mane & tail hair has been collected and put into wire baskets for nesting material for the birds.
3. A seasonally appropriate grapevine wreath adorns the front of each stall.
2. Your horse goes outside naked and comes in wearing a thyme colored virgin wool hand knitted blanket with matching leg wraps.
1. The manure pile has been sculpted into swans.
I've got billions and billions more ...
