I edited to provide a shorter version. I've been married three years and I'm ready for a child. My wife is now not for having a child. She came to the marriage with children that I have loved, cared for, provided for, and accepted as basically my own. I did make it clear before we married that I wanted to have another child. She is no longer on board. Our marriage has been through some struggles, but we have stuck together. Every day isn't great, but we love each other and have worked through a lot.
She got pregnant last year but miscarried. We weren't actually trying, but we weren't really trying to avoid it either. I was elated when i found out she was pregnant, and devastated after the miscarriage. After the miscarriage she went on birth control. This was her decision and I wasn't consulted. I honestly wanted to try again but I didn't want to seem insensitive. I figured we could approach it later.
Well, now it's later and I've heard every excuse to not have a child. From "I'll never lose the baby fat" to "I don't want to start over again with an infant." I have felt betrayed. I don't know what to feel. Even when I lay out my feelings and reasons for wanting a child (including the fact that I wouldn't have married her if I knew this up front), I'm simply told that I need counseling. She avoided the issue for a long time (the past two months) and wouldn't discuss it. I have let resentment build. She thinks my desire to have another child is based off of grief over the miscarriage. While that may be partly true, that's not the only issue. I want a child of my own and I feel like this is the ultimate betrayal. It's not a passing fad that will go away. I have prayed about it and discussed it with a pastor (not my home church has pastor but one I trust and respect). I'm having a very difficult time with this. I am heartbroken beyond belief. Even when she does discuss it (she spends way more time avoiding it), the ultimate conclusion is that we need to go to marriage counseling and improve our relationship. Then she may consider another child. I'm not opposed to this at all, but considering some of her comments have been "I don't feel like being saddled with another infant," I honestly feel like she is just hoping the issue will fade without us addressing it. And, if it doesn't fade and I bring it up again a year from now it'll be the same except we'll be a year older. We aren't getting any younger (she turns 40 next year). I'm heartbroken about this and I know that I will hold serious resentment if she decides not to have a child. I know it's her body and she will suffer most of the pain. I understand her side of this. It's not that she doesn't understand my side. I provide for kids that aren't mine, but I love them. I would be devastated if I was denied having one of my own. What's worse is that she really holds all the cards. She is the ultimate decider short of divine intervention (which I have prayed for lol). This is a life changing decision but she has all the power. I have no problem acknowledging God has all power over me. I trust him. It's hard to trust that with another human being, even one you love. I am scared to death. I don't know what to do. I have received some peace but I can't help but feel that it's temporary. Please pray for me
She got pregnant last year but miscarried. We weren't actually trying, but we weren't really trying to avoid it either. I was elated when i found out she was pregnant, and devastated after the miscarriage. After the miscarriage she went on birth control. This was her decision and I wasn't consulted. I honestly wanted to try again but I didn't want to seem insensitive. I figured we could approach it later.
Well, now it's later and I've heard every excuse to not have a child. From "I'll never lose the baby fat" to "I don't want to start over again with an infant." I have felt betrayed. I don't know what to feel. Even when I lay out my feelings and reasons for wanting a child (including the fact that I wouldn't have married her if I knew this up front), I'm simply told that I need counseling. She avoided the issue for a long time (the past two months) and wouldn't discuss it. I have let resentment build. She thinks my desire to have another child is based off of grief over the miscarriage. While that may be partly true, that's not the only issue. I want a child of my own and I feel like this is the ultimate betrayal. It's not a passing fad that will go away. I have prayed about it and discussed it with a pastor (not my home church has pastor but one I trust and respect). I'm having a very difficult time with this. I am heartbroken beyond belief. Even when she does discuss it (she spends way more time avoiding it), the ultimate conclusion is that we need to go to marriage counseling and improve our relationship. Then she may consider another child. I'm not opposed to this at all, but considering some of her comments have been "I don't feel like being saddled with another infant," I honestly feel like she is just hoping the issue will fade without us addressing it. And, if it doesn't fade and I bring it up again a year from now it'll be the same except we'll be a year older. We aren't getting any younger (she turns 40 next year). I'm heartbroken about this and I know that I will hold serious resentment if she decides not to have a child. I know it's her body and she will suffer most of the pain. I understand her side of this. It's not that she doesn't understand my side. I provide for kids that aren't mine, but I love them. I would be devastated if I was denied having one of my own. What's worse is that she really holds all the cards. She is the ultimate decider short of divine intervention (which I have prayed for lol). This is a life changing decision but she has all the power. I have no problem acknowledging God has all power over me. I trust him. It's hard to trust that with another human being, even one you love. I am scared to death. I don't know what to do. I have received some peace but I can't help but feel that it's temporary. Please pray for me
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