I just posted this message in another thread in this section, but I'm adding it here in case it gets more traffic this way.
I feel really pulled to write something. I want to start off very, very clearly saying that this post is in the spirit of INQUIRY, NOT attack.
I am bemused by some things I have witnessed and I need some advice- precisely because I believe cannot be universally characterisitic of the denomination I discuss. A pastor and some denomination members have told me that some of the issues I've witnessed have roots in theology- hence posting here. I am NOT out to stereotype or be hateful- I'm out to find advice precisely so I can be open-minded and more loving. Maybe some of you can give me some new, positive approaches to think about with regards to Calvinism/Reformed orientation.
My husband was raised Christan Reformed Church, as in Dutch Reformed. To be brief, my experience with the church has been that ethnicity and Calvinism are a huge focus- in comparison to other churches that might be more focused on broad tenets of Christianity. My husband has turned away from the Church (CRC and the whole body of Christ) and believes it is only a sociological institution which people use to re-affirm the legalisms that they are burdened with and judge others by.
This pains me, and I believe that perhaps some posters here with knowledge or belonging in the CRC might be able to give me some direction in how to address this?
My in-laws and CRC friends of my husband have often reminded me implicitly and at times explicitly that I am not CRC by background and I don't have understanding of the "true Christianity" that they worship. That is their choice of words, which I include so posters can understand my quandry. For one example (of various)- I made the mistake one day of saying in a joyful positive manner that I believe we have a loving God, as evidenced by the fact that he sent his son to die for us. His mother immediately countered me that "that's fine for evangelism [said with distaste], but our God is foremost one who punishes sin".
How can I help or respond to this defensiveness in a way that would appeal to CRC orientations?
It's not just his family... all around him, I see young people who have been raised CRC and who are struggling with identity issues that they will even describe as rooted in the legalisms and inaccessibility of the perceived God they were raised around. Surely this is not the whole picture?
My husband cites the doctrine of election as being something that must be true to any real Christian, since "the CRC is the purest form of Christianity", but that he feels (in an interesting double-bind of belief and un-belief) possibly explains why he doesn't believe. He "believes he isn't chosen to believe". Can you believe it? I can't!
This has left me struggling with Calvinism and the Christian Reformed Church. In fairness, the pastor who married us was excellent, but told me what I am witnessing is widespread in the church and that much time is needed for it to evolve. We went to the church for months before we were married- I was searching for Christ at the time and quite excited by the possibility. I signed up to help out with several things, and tried to start to integrate myself a bit into the church. People would interact with me, but only very functionally.
Please, I really beg someone to help me out here in trying to come to terms with understanding where this all comes from. I know that there must be another side to all of this. Can someone throw some light on this?????? I want to understand and try to grow to meet it the right way- not saying I'll agree, but maybe to give me more hope.
ROFL I'm so sorry, I accidently gave Rolf the 1000 blessings! and now i only have 500, but I'll give them to you, and hopefully someone else can give you some! 
