I posted in the general parenting forum but thought you who have been convicted to have a quiverfull might have some insight or maybe someone has been in this situation. I'm not sure God ever told my heart to have a quiverfull, but I do feel horrible that my husband got a vasectomy 2 years ago. I had toxemia with both of my pregnancies and they ended with a 37 week birth and a 36 weeker. My husband was scared of a preemie birth, so he got the vasectomy. I wasn't completely on board, but went along with it because he seemed to really want it. So many people we know have had it done and it just seemed like the thing to do. Well, a pregnancy "scare" soon after showed me that although my husband is worried about my health, he would be happy with another child. But alas, it was just a scare. Now he is set firm that we can't "afford" another child. I have a lot of school debt which I now regret because before having children I thought I needed a fancy education, but now all I want is to be with my kids. I have a hard time thinking someone I don't know very well will have such a big influence on my child's life if I go back to work! Anyways, I feel like if we did it all God's way, we could totally afford another child. But he had the vasectomy, so essentially we can't. I am obsessed with researching reversals and adoption, but they all cost so much and we are already in debt. I know fostering and adopting is cheap or free, but I have seen that tear apart families in my area due to red tape and a lot of trouble etc. I long to be pregnant again, to nurse, to anticipate all their milestones. Sometimes I feel like it might be a selfish desire, and I should just be content, but I'm not! The worst part is that I don't feel any urge to be sexually intimate with my husband now. Cuddling, kissing, hugging, totally ok. Sex? No way! I enjoyed it before the vasectomy, but ever since I have been totally turned off by it, because I know it is a dead end road. I know God created intimacy not just for getting pregnant, but for bringing couples closer together, but I just feel like, well, lost. It's hard to explain. Anyways, any advice? Please pray for me! I want what is best for my family and I want what God has planned for me but right now I just feel lost in my life because of that "missing" child! Sorry to ramble on here, but I know you all have wonderful large families and are so happy with them. I don't want 20 kids or something, just one more (or maybe two!).
Feeling lost after husband's vasectomy
- Thread starter seekingcontentment
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Seeking Contentment,
We have all been faced with many of those same questions. And, in wrestling with them, God has laid them to rest through His Word and by confronting us with the heart issues of the matter. While most of us here could probably give sound Biblical answers to your questions, none of them will settle the matter in your heart.
James wrote (1:5-8), "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."
When everything is generally okay, Quiverfull is an ideal, not a mandate. Salvation does not rest on that decision. But when we CAN and DO align ourselves with God's ideals, we get ideal results. When we do not, we get less-than-ideal results.*
You mentioned toxemia with your pregnancies, but I am unaware of what possible risks that entails. If life-threatening, a vasectomy may have been the best choice given the circumstances, although vasectomies have their own associated health risks, too.
If the risks from toxemia are more negligible, then, yes, you made a less-than-ideal choice. If it is physically or financially irreversible, you are done. If God settles the matter in your heart and changes it in your husband, He might still release the finances to reverse it or even heal it supernaturally...!
If God has withdrawn peace from you in this matter, contend with Him; seek His will. Then you can move on to the next questions.
*Paul wrote (in 1Cor. 3:12-15),
"If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames."
I would propose that the fire-resistant materials (gold, silver & costly stones) represent choosing to live by/do God's ideals whenever possible, where the flammable materials (wood, hay & straw) represent settling for the wisdom of the flesh and/or the world. (Not just with baby-making, either...)
We have all been faced with many of those same questions. And, in wrestling with them, God has laid them to rest through His Word and by confronting us with the heart issues of the matter. While most of us here could probably give sound Biblical answers to your questions, none of them will settle the matter in your heart.
James wrote (1:5-8), "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."
When everything is generally okay, Quiverfull is an ideal, not a mandate. Salvation does not rest on that decision. But when we CAN and DO align ourselves with God's ideals, we get ideal results. When we do not, we get less-than-ideal results.*
You mentioned toxemia with your pregnancies, but I am unaware of what possible risks that entails. If life-threatening, a vasectomy may have been the best choice given the circumstances, although vasectomies have their own associated health risks, too.
If the risks from toxemia are more negligible, then, yes, you made a less-than-ideal choice. If it is physically or financially irreversible, you are done. If God settles the matter in your heart and changes it in your husband, He might still release the finances to reverse it or even heal it supernaturally...!
If God has withdrawn peace from you in this matter, contend with Him; seek His will. Then you can move on to the next questions.
*Paul wrote (in 1Cor. 3:12-15),
"If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames."
I would propose that the fire-resistant materials (gold, silver & costly stones) represent choosing to live by/do God's ideals whenever possible, where the flammable materials (wood, hay & straw) represent settling for the wisdom of the flesh and/or the world. (Not just with baby-making, either...)
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