Daughter wants to wear crop top to family Thanksgiving

[ChristineAdler]

Our family is frantically packing for Thanksgiving travel to my in-laws. Last-minute, as always. I'm trying to coordinate outfits for the family photo and, lo and behold, DD15 has paired a crochet skirt with a crop top. The skirt does not reach the sweater and leaves a couple inches of her tummy exposed.

We allowed DD to get her belly button pierced back in April as a reward for her induction into the National Honor Society. Her school has a uniform policy so DH and I have been rather lenient about letting her "show off" the belly ring on her own time.

Family gatherings, I'm not so sure about. Relatives have made known to me their opinions regarding our girls' belly piercings. DD18 has already agreed to remove her nose hoop and conceal her tattoos until she goes back to school next week.

DH and I are socially progressive within our family and community which has rubbed off on our kids. And I am all about picking my battles as a parent.

When I talked to DD15 about her visible belly ring, she rolled her eyes with a coy grin and said with snark, "That's the style, Mom!" She is a fantastic kid; straight-A student, involved with a bunch of extracurriculars, volunteers, and is the sweetest, most loving and considerate daughter I ever could ask for from God. She never gives us an ounce of any real trouble.

Is this issue worth putting my foot down? Belly rings have become a standard form of self-expression for teenage girls. DD knows better than to wear one of her gaudy, obnoxiously long, dangly rings like she does to the beach. She's currently wearing the same simple, jeweled barbell as when she goes to the mall with her friends.

Is that tasteful enough to be memorialized forever in our family photo albums?

Thanks for your perspectives!

 

[ToBeLoved]

Our family is frantically packing for Thanksgiving travel to my in-laws. Last-minute, as always. I'm trying to coordinate outfits for the family photo and, lo and behold, DD15 has paired a crochet skirt with a crop top. The skirt does not reach the sweater and leaves a couple inches of her tummy exposed.

We allowed DD to get her belly button pierced back in April as a reward for her induction into the National Honor Society. Her school has a uniform policy so DH and I have been rather lenient about letting her "show off" the belly ring on her own time.

Family gatherings, I'm not so sure about. Relatives have made known to me their opinions regarding our girls' belly piercings. DD18 has already agreed to remove her nose hoop and conceal her tattoos until she goes back to school next week.

DH and I are socially progressive within our family and community which has rubbed off on our kids. And I am all about picking my battles as a parent.

When I talked to DD15 about her visible belly ring, she rolled her eyes with a coy grin and said with snark, "That's the style, Mom!" She is a fantastic kid; straight-A student, involved with a bunch of extracurriculars, volunteers, and is the sweetest, most loving and considerate daughter I ever could ask for from God. She never gives us an ounce of any real trouble.

Is this issue worth putting my foot down? Belly rings have become a standard form of self-expression for teenage girls. DD knows better than to wear one of her gaudy, obnoxiously long, dangly rings like she does to the beach. She's currently wearing the same simple, jeweled barbell as when she goes to the mall with her friends.

Is that tasteful enough to be memorialized forever in our family photo albums?

Thanks for your perspectives!

Personally, I think it is much easier and better in family photos to be classicly dressed. Some people might want to save them or get them blown up. It's just nice and there are so many ages in family get togethers that it's just easier.

A couple days a year she can tone down self expression. No biggie, I'm sure she has another great outfit.

 

[Dave-W]

Is this issue worth putting my foot down?

Probably not. If a naval ring is all you have to worry about with her, count yourself blessed.

 

[High Fidelity]

It may be distasteful to some, but I don't think it's wrong.

It's a day to be thankful; I think that encompasses being thankful for who people are, not who we'd like them to be.

If it were church then yes, I could see the point, but for a family gathering I don't think it's too far at all.

 

[“Paisios”]

Our family is frantically packing for Thanksgiving travel to my in-laws. Last-minute, as always. I'm trying to coordinate outfits for the family photo and, lo and behold, DD15 has paired a crochet skirt with a crop top. The skirt does not reach the sweater and leaves a couple inches of her tummy exposed.

We allowed DD to get her belly button pierced back in April as a reward for her induction into the National Honor Society. Her school has a uniform policy so DH and I have been rather lenient about letting her "show off" the belly ring on her own time.

Family gatherings, I'm not so sure about. Relatives have made known to me their opinions regarding our girls' belly piercings. DD18 has already agreed to remove her nose hoop and conceal her tattoos until she goes back to school next week.

DH and I are socially progressive within our family and community which has rubbed off on our kids. And I am all about picking my battles as a parent.

When I talked to DD15 about her visible belly ring, she rolled her eyes with a coy grin and said with snark, "That's the style, Mom!" She is a fantastic kid; straight-A student, involved with a bunch of extracurriculars, volunteers, and is the sweetest, most loving and considerate daughter I ever could ask for from God. She never gives us an ounce of any real trouble.

Is this issue worth putting my foot down? Belly rings have become a standard form of self-expression for teenage girls. DD knows better than to wear one of her gaudy, obnoxiously long, dangly rings like she does to the beach. She's currently wearing the same simple, jeweled barbell as when she goes to the mall with her friends.

Is that tasteful enough to be memorialized forever in our family photo albums?

Thanks for your perspectives!

You have said, “She is a fantastic kid; straight-A student, involved with a bunch of extracurriculars, volunteers, and is the sweetest, most loving and considerate daughter I ever could ask for from God. She never gives us an ounce of any real trouble.” The belly button ring showing is not a hill I would die on, even at a family gathering (in fact, was not a battle I chose with my own daughter). From my perspective, I would give thanks to God for the blessings He has given in her, and see the navel piercing as just an expression of her unique individuality.

Is it tasteful enough for family photos? If you are having a posed full family portrait and some would be offended, it might make sense to ask her if she would cover it up in love and respect for the others, but in standard, “as the activity occurs photos”, I wouldn’t change anything - it shows the reality of where she is at this moment.

(But what do I know? My friend, with whom we are celebrating Thanksgiving, had her son pass away a few years ago at this time of year...it is always a reminder to me that if my family was home, no matter if in rags, or indeed naked, then I would be thankful.)

 

[David Kent]

There was an old joke by Gerard Hoffnung which went something like:

A man was asked if he could only keep one organ which would would he choose?
He replied "My navel."

When asked "Why?"

He replied "I eat celery in bed and it is a convenient place to keep the salt."

So every time we see a woman shows her navel my wife says "Do you think she eats celery in bed?"

 

[Saucy]

I don't think it's wrong, but I would be the parent who asks my kid to change. I'd want the family looking good when gathering with others. It also depends on how many people are there and how close we all are. Crop tops and showing that much skin just doesn't seem appropriate to me.

 

[Hammster]

Since you asked...

You’ve already lowered the bar. So you get what you get. You let her show her midriff to a bunch of horny teenage boys. So why not family?

 

[~Anastasia~]

Hello, and welcome to CF!

You've gotten some good advice and she sounds like a good kid, by your accounts, so you're blessed.

But can't this be an opportunity for a frank talk about respecting the sensibilities of others in a gracious way? Just as you say it's maybe not a hill fir you to die on, can she be lifted to that level on consideration herself, and allow her concern for others to prevail, and not allow her naval ring to be a hill she dies on?

 

[*Jesus Freak*]

I am 21 years old so I am not to far off from liking the crop tops and even though I think I was a good kid I still did things any typical teen would want to do. I think in this situation and this is what my parents would have told me is that this is one day with family being present and we all have to be respectful to everyone else and not only think of ourselves. My Grandparents wouldn't want to see my belly all day even though I'd think it was cool. So I would have been told I need to think of the others first before myself and not be yelled at or anything like that.

 

[~Anastasia~]

I am 21 years old so I am not to far off from liking the crop tops and even though I think I was a good kid I still did things any typical teen would want to do. I think in this situation and this is what my parents would have told me is that this is one day with family being present and we all have to be respectful to everyone else and not only think of ourselves. My Grandparents wouldn't want to see my belly all day even though I'd think it was cool. So I would have been told I need to think of the others first before myself and not be yelled at or anything like that.

I like your parents.

 

[Dave G.]

Stick her in the back row if you don't like how she looks. Or dare I say, change her top for the photo.

 

[PloverWing]

You must live in a warmer climate than I do. If she wore a crop top here in November, she'd freeze!

I'm guessing that she'll look back at the family photos in 20 years and say "Good grief, what on earth were we wearing back then?" -- much in the way that I do when I look back on the 1970s fashions that I wore in my teens. But it can be a fun and amusing snapshot of who she was at that point in her life.

 

[*Jesus Freak*]

I like your parents.

They raised me right even though I did give them some fits along the way.

 

[~Anastasia~]

They raised me right even though I did give them some fits along the way.

Most children do from time to time.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Our family is frantically packing for Thanksgiving travel to my in-laws. Last-minute, as always. I'm trying to coordinate outfits for the family photo and, lo and behold, DD15 has paired a crochet skirt with a crop top. The skirt does not reach the sweater and leaves a couple inches of her tummy exposed.

We allowed DD to get her belly button pierced back in April as a reward for her induction into the National Honor Society. Her school has a uniform policy so DH and I have been rather lenient about letting her "show off" the belly ring on her own time.

Family gatherings, I'm not so sure about. Relatives have made known to me their opinions regarding our girls' belly piercings. DD18 has already agreed to remove her nose hoop and conceal her tattoos until she goes back to school next week.

DH and I are socially progressive within our family and community which has rubbed off on our kids. And I am all about picking my battles as a parent.

When I talked to DD15 about her visible belly ring, she rolled her eyes with a coy grin and said with snark, "That's the style, Mom!" She is a fantastic kid; straight-A student, involved with a bunch of extracurriculars, volunteers, and is the sweetest, most loving and considerate daughter I ever could ask for from God. She never gives us an ounce of any real trouble.

Is this issue worth putting my foot down? Belly rings have become a standard form of self-expression for teenage girls. DD knows better than to wear one of her gaudy, obnoxiously long, dangly rings like she does to the beach. She's currently wearing the same simple, jeweled barbell as when she goes to the mall with her friends.

Is that tasteful enough to be memorialized forever in our family photo albums?

Thanks for your perspectives!

Hi there; in the broader scheme of things the most precious thing they can learn to do is make their own decisions and schedules to read daily about and appreciate the Person and Work of the Lord Jesus in the Scriptures prayerfully for themselves and walk in faith with Him. This is what would be wonderful for DD15, irrespective of the ring. (About which I have little expertise.)

Fact is, you already allowed it last April. You and dh made this decision for her and this is all that really need matter as far as anyone else would be concerned. It doesn't really surprise me that your DD18 has ink; it's what is done nowadays from 18 onwards, so often, as a coming of age thing, to acquire one's first ink; if she's past her 18th b-day, she didn't even strictly need your permission to receive it. The fact that you gave your DD15 permission for her to have simple double studs put in at that placement - that if the truth is known are similar to those that some of her friends that she goes to the mall with probably wear also - should be enough. It's not unusual that you gave her permission; and not unusual if some of her friends that she goes to the mall have the same also.

To the question, is too much skin being shown? again, I would not want to be categorical, one way or the other, or imply that I am some kind of expert about such a matter. You mentioned the beach; I guess that it's not unlike a question whether a bikini shows 'too much skin'; well, it's hard to be categorical; the fact is that some stringy one piece beach outfits actually show more than some of the more expansive two pieces. In the end, how much midriff? is a bit like asking, how long is a piece of string? Whatever the answer - which I don't have - it's not a world changing event, whatever you guys come up with...

 

[faroukfarouk]

I am 21 years old so I am not to far off from liking the crop tops and even though I think I was a good kid I still did things any typical teen would want to do. I think in this situation and this is what my parents would have told me is that this is one day with family being present and we all have to be respectful to everyone else and not only think of ourselves. My Grandparents wouldn't want to see my belly all day even though I'd think it was cool. So I would have been told I need to think of the others first before myself and not be yelled at or anything like that.

Hi; so you - maybe not surprisingly - were okay with your barbell being visible as well, then?

 

[*Jesus Freak*]

Hi; so you - maybe not surprisingly - were okay with your barbell being visible as well, then?

Back then yes, because I was putting myself first and not thinking of others. Because of what my parents taught me though it got me thinking though. Can't say it changed me immediately, but it did over time.

 

[faroukfarouk]

Back then yes, because I was putting myself first and not thinking of others. Because of what my parents taught me though it got me thinking though. Can't say it changed me immediately, but it did over time.

Maybe you want ppl to concentrate now on your smile more than on your barbell there which I suppose now is jewelry more for special occasions?

 

[faroukfarouk]

Back then yes..

PS: You just mentioned your bf; even now he probably finds both your smile and your barbell perfectly nice! right?