I am so, SOOOOO sorry I've been so slack with my story... arrrgh!
I started this story on Clean Monday and it's now almost Pentecost! But I thought this would be a good distraction from things that have been happening to me in real life that have sort of brought me down. When I get depressed, I like to look back on happier times, or tell jokes, or do something crazy like paint each of my finger and toe nails a different color. Well, I don't have any jokes, and I'm out of nail polish, so happier times it is.
Wait... I got one joke...
Q: Where do gardeners send their mail?
A: At the
compost office!
Hahahaha. Yeah, I know... gimme a break...
This part details my first visit to the church which later became my regular parish and is where I was baptized. The priest there is the father of the Nice Boy who I met at OCF. Nice Boy is one of my really good friends and being the one who introduced me to Orthodoxy, he's the reason that the positive events in this story happened. Thank you, God, for making that guy.
Anyway, two weeks after my visit to the other parish, Phil (Nice Boy) offered to take me with him to see his dad's church. I accepted, even though this church's services started earlier and I would have to go to matins in addition to liturgy.
So at 8:00 AM that Sunday morning, he came rattling up in his car
(sorry, Phil) and we rode to the church. Now, this church is tiny. When I mean tiny, I mean, really, REALLY tiny. But the funny thing is, this didn't really register consciously in my mind or bother me--which is strange, because, unfortunately, I tend to be a very follow-the-crowd type of person, and normally being in such a small group of people would have bothered the heck out of me. This is one of the times in my life where I truly believe I was being guided and influenced by the Holy Spirit Himself.
I stood next to Phil's mom for the service. She helped me know when to stand up and sit down, and didn't even admonish me for checking my watch every five minutes. (Hey, it was 8 in the morning, and my fervent wish for sleep was battling quite fiercely with my spiritual hunger...) At the other church, I'd been towards the back so I had mostly ignored the icons, but here, since there was no one in the way, the icons were impossible to ignore.
But one icon in particular captured my attention--the Theotokos on the iconostasis. Her face looked strikingly
REAL... and she seemed to be staring
through me. Also, maybe it was the lack of sleep, but she almost looked like she was pulling her Son away from me. (This is part of the reason I became fascinated with St. Katherine later on, although her experience was a little different.)
Right then, I had a bizarre feeling I would have never expected... that I was in my present state unworthy to even stand before the icon of Christ Pantokrator, and that I was fortunate that I had happened to stand on the Theotokos's side...
And it was at that time I felt like I was going to have to keep coming to Orthodox liturgy, you know, I wasn't going to just drop this like most of the other stuff I get interested in and fall away from.
Since that experience, I feel like my spiritual growth has been like a plant. When it seemed that the Theotokos was telling me to stay at that parish, that was when I was planted, a seed, in the garden, and She covered me with soil. Ever since, I began germinating underground. My first root came later that day, when Phil introduced me to the congregation (however small it may be!), and the warm smiles and introductions.
Another was, a few weeks later, on my third visit to the parish. I really felt like I 'got' the liturgy that day, and when Father introduced me again after the liturgy, it was another root holding me down. Realizing from here on that joining the Orthodox Church HAD TO HAPPEN at some point for me, I started reaching for the sky. Icons and intercession of the saints were no problems for me. I didn't start kissing anything or anyone until after I was a catechumen--but I
wanted to, starting after that third liturgy. I just hadn't plucked up the courage.
But my favorite thing about my period as an inquirer was one wonderful day when I woke up, shrieking, out of the blue, in my room, and scared the hell out of my roommate. I realized I had finally broken the ground's surface and emerged as a little sapling. That was the day I realized that God and Jesus were no longer abstract figures for me, but that through attending the Orthodox services, I had finally acquired a love for God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, three persons of one essence. By learning to understand Him through the Orthodox Church, learning the real meaning of the Holy Trinity, the Incarnation, the Crucifixion, and the Resurrection, all for the very first time in my life, I had finally managed to become a real, honest, genuine believer! For the first time, I realized what it means to genuinely love God! And the best part was, I was DOING IT!
And when you are a teenage girl who has fallen in love with the most perfect guy in existence, who
wouldn't shriek for joy?