Cheating wife. multiple times. male and female

[Foolish3]

I'm a good husband. I work hard and provide for my family. I work 7am to 7pm 6 days a week, come home, wash clothes, change babies, clean kitchen and cook dinner. I try to spend any extra money on my wife to make her happy. We go out almost every week to have lunch and we spend every evening together watching tv or doing something else together.

She has cheated, several times. One of the times she said it was possible my child was not mine. I have forgiven her, for all the times she did.

But this last time it cut me real deep. She met a new friend. Her friend was awesome, but I found out that they were "in love" and would sleep together when I was at work. They had planned on fooling me until one day leaving me when they no longer needed my financial support.

I told her, I will try until the day I die to make us happy and work, but I was done feeling like it was all my fault. I wasn't going to beg her to stay. And that if she wants to leave then she should leave, but if she wants to stay that she needs to change her number and block all communication with this woman, which she did do.

She said she wants to make it work, she apologized, and started being more affectionate, and loving.

Only to find her looking for another woman 2 days later.

I keep telling myself that I promised to God I would never give up on her. That whats a promise without being tested. I love her more than anything on this planet. I put her before everything and everyone aside from God.

I want some Christian advice. Am I doing the right thing. Is God trying to tell me something. I can't hear him right now. I pray and pray and I feel I am perfect silence with no signs, no direction.

Please help?
Thank you... so very much.

 

[Foolish3]

I know this is for the unwell. She's obviously not physically ill but I do consider her unwell. Should this be posted somewhere else?

 

[McMatt]

She is just using you. I wouldn't take her back if I were you. Why would you consider it? So she can keep taking advantage of you? Trust me, staying in that situation creates unneeded tension between the two of you and that will go down to your kids. Then various things can occur, ie your kids not respecting you, or your kids thinking it is ok to take advantage of people because it is normal. Do yourself and your kids a favour and kick her to the curb. Tell her she can bring her boyfriends and girlfriends with her

 

[Foolish3]

I know... that's the typical response. But, there is hardly any tension. We are really nice to each other. I want her to be a better person. And if she's not using me she will be using someone else, which will give my kids the same message. I want my kids to grow up wanting to make their relationship work, not just have a good time then leave when time gets tough. That's selfish.

 

[McMatt]

But someone else isn't the father figure. You are. You're who they are going to look up to and learn from. And of course there is tension, you are obviously feeling hurt by this, otherwise you wouldn't be posting here. Your join date is today, so with safe assumption I will say this is the sole purpose that you have created this account. It may not show at first and you may be able to hide it, but as time goes along your demeanor towards her will change. I'm not saying you will be aggressive or violent towards her, but subtle things that your kids will pick up on will happen.

 

[Foolish3]

I know. I'm lookibg for a Christian answer. Divorce is not optional to me as long as she wants to stay together. She may be using me, but I don't mind, she's my wife. I know people think I will grow to resent her, I won't. I don't fully blame her. I know she has free will, but I know she gets spiritually attacked often. And for that, I take partial blame. We really should be focusing on God more.

I guess that I kind of answered my own question. We need to focus on God more.

I guess I was hoping for someone to relate to. Someone who conquered such a travesty to their marriage.

My kids are happy. We work great as a team. She just has a horrible problem with sex and homosexual tendencies.

 

[McMatt]

I know. I'm lookibg for a Christian answer. Divorce is not optional to me as long as she wants to stay together. She may be using me, but I don't mind, she's my wife. I know people think I will grow to resent her, I won't. I don't fully blame her. I know she has free will, but I know she gets spiritually attacked often. And for that, I take partial blame. We really should be focusing on God more.

I guess that I kind of answered my own question. We need to focus on God more.

I guess I was hoping for someone to relate to. Someone who conquered such a travesty to their marriage.

My kids are happy. We work great as a team. She just has a horrible problem with sex and homosexual tendencies.

Then you will continue to be a doormat.

Trust is essential to the marital home and that is clearly not there. And you can blame it on spiritual attack all you want, but when it comes down to it she made a choice to cheat on you not once, not twice, but multiple times with different partners. You can blame the devil all you want, but when it comes down to it she made a clear choice to cheat on you and the actions are on her hands alone. God doesn't put the blame of the sin on the devil does he? No. The blame is on the person who willingly acted on certain temptations.

There is a big difference between being tempted into sin and willingly going to it. Be a man and put your foot down otherwise there is no hope for your marriage. People willingly do things they can get away with and sometimes the hardest thing to do is exhibit tough love. I've been there with a long term relationship myself, but the reason it happened was because I refused to be a man about it. If you wilt for her, she won't respect you. Am I saying that putting your foot down will fix the marriage? No. However, the one sure thing is that if you don't be a man about it, she will never stop doing it.

 

[RuthD]

Hi. It sounds as if she needs to focus on God more and maybe you could see a pastoral counselor for your marriages sake. I admire you for following your marriage vows and forgiving her. God bless you.

 

[Chaplain David]

I'm a good husband. I work hard and provide for my family. I work 7am to 7pm 6 days a week, come home, wash clothes, change babies, clean kitchen and cook dinner. I try to spend any extra money on my wife to make her happy. We go out almost every week to have lunch and we spend every evening together watching tv or doing something else together.

She has cheated, several times. One of the times she said it was possible my child was not mine. I have forgiven her, for all the times she did.

But this last time it cut me real deep. She met a new friend. Her friend was awesome, but I found out that they were "in love" and would sleep together when I was at work. They had planned on fooling me until one day leaving me when they no longer needed my financial support.

I told her, I will try until the day I die to make us happy and work, but I was done feeling like it was all my fault. I wasn't going to beg her to stay. And that if she wants to leave then she should leave, but if she wants to stay that she needs to change her number and block all communication with this woman, which she did do.

She said she wants to make it work, she apologized, and started being more affectionate, and loving.

Only to find her looking for another woman 2 days later.

I keep telling myself that I promised to God I would never give up on her. That whats a promise without being tested. I love her more than anything on this planet. I put her before everything and everyone aside from God.

I want some Christian advice. Am I doing the right thing. Is God trying to tell me something. I can't hear him right now. I pray and pray and I feel I am perfect silence with no signs, no direction.

Please help?
Thank you... so very much.

Hello,

I am very sorry that you are going through this and can only imagine the pain you feel. What you're doing is not working and it could be for a variety of reasons. You two have yet to resolve this matter in a way God would approve of.

Therefore, my suggestion is that you make an appointment with your pastor. If she won't go, you should go anyway. He can help you navigate these rough waters and hopefully help you both bring your marriage back on the tracks. There are also a variety of secular counselors that could help you both. One speciality, licensed marriage and family counselors (LMFT's) specialize in relationships and marriages. Before making an appointment I'd inquire about whether the therapist is Christian. That's what you want.

I am praying for you and your wife. God bless you both.

Faithfully,

 

[Foolish3]

Hello,

I am very sorry that you are going through this and can only imagine the pain you feel. What you're doing is not working and it could be for a variety of reasons. You two have yet to resolve this matter in a way God would approve of.

Therefore, my suggestion is that you make an appointment with your pastor. If she won't go, you should go anyway. He can help you navigate these rough waters and hopefully help you both bring your marriage back on the tracks. There are also a variety of secular counselors that could help you both. One speciality, licensed marriage and family counselors (LMFT's) specialize in relationships and marriages. Before making an appointment I'd inquire about whether the therapist is Christian. That's what you want.

I am praying for you and your wife. God bless you both.

Faithfully,

Thank you.

 

[ciaomamma]

I don't have a lot of wisdom to give you but after reading the way you write about her even after she's tried so many times its really admirable.
You abviously want to do the right thing and you seem like you havea good grasp on how you feel however there's two things I want to put to you for consideration.
It is my belief that a spouse cheats because there's something missing in the relationship, it could be a lack of intimacy which she's craving and looking for outside the marriage, or she might be resentful that you are spending so much time at work... what ever it is you need to identify it and work on resolving it.
Another is that it sounds like you're enabling her, by being ever forgiving and even being nice to her after all the hurt she's putting you through you're giving her the message that its ok, if she were a child making a mistake would you just ignore it forgive it and go on? Or would you try to curb said child's behavior? I'm not saying she's a child just that you shouldn't accept her behaviour so lightly, she could be putting you and your kids and herself in all kinds of dangers from stds to jealous lovers who might turn violent.
I hope things improve for you, you sound like a really nice guy.

 

[bhsmte]

I know. I'm lookibg for a Christian answer. Divorce is not optional to me as long as she wants to stay together. She may be using me, but I don't mind, she's my wife. I know people think I will grow to resent her, I won't. I don't fully blame her. I know she has free will, but I know she gets spiritually attacked often. And for that, I take partial blame. We really should be focusing on God more.

I guess that I kind of answered my own question. We need to focus on God more.

I guess I was hoping for someone to relate to. Someone who conquered such a travesty to their marriage.

My kids are happy. We work great as a team. She just has a horrible problem with sex and homosexual tendencies.

How long can you keep going if the same continues? That is a question you have to ask yourself, because everyone has their limits. It is highly unlikely anything will change without significant intervention to get at the root of the issue.

It's sounds as though you have enabled her behavior a bit and are co-dependent on her and that is not healthy.

 

[McMatt]

The bottom line is (and I say this with no barred truth based on what you are saying), I will be blunt but you are not being the man in the relationship. You are letting her wear the pants and get away with it with absolutely no consequences. Be a man and put your foot down, otherwise how can you possibly expect her to respect you. Laying down and accepting her mere lack of respect for you as a person, partner, father, husband, etc hasn't worked so far, yet you expect it to by doing nothing different than what you have been doing all along??? Not going to happen. Put your foot down. It may not reconcile your marriage, however she will see that you are showing manhood and a respect will come from it. That is the only way to get that respect, and therefore it is the only way to save your relationship. Will it happen right away? No. Will it happen eventually? Maybe, maybe not. But it is your only chance.

 

[sweetnblessed]

Wow my dh is just like you but HE is the one who struggles with sin. Hes struggling with addiction. Its getting better as time goes by it seems. I agree that you should seek counseling through faith based counselors for her adultery and sexual immortality. Also try the course at settingcaptivesfree.com. They have a course for her to work through. Sounds like she has a lot of idle time to allow satan to work on her. I hope she comes to accept Jesus soon and I pray for you and your family! God bless!

 

[eloquentspeaker14]

I think you should leave her. You sound like an awesome husband and father. I'm sure you'll make someone happy. Do not settle you are free to leave if you choose to.

 

[Messy]

She Needs to repent and get deliverance, T.B. Joshua Kicks a demon out of such hard cases. I saw the most horrible marriages getting healed there.
If she doesn't want deliverance divorce. It's a Biblical reason, even God did it.