Am i right to feel guilty?

[Ewan211]

To begin my question I should probably give you some history on the relationship between myself and the the other person involved in this incident. Basically she and I were a silly romance a few years ago, we were both fifteen, and as these things tend to go it all ended with a lot of ill feeling an bitterness which I struggled to overcome, but thanks to God I was able to close the door to any resentment to this person.

However every few months I would receive messages from this person wanting to see me, which the first few times I accepted hoping that I had been given a second (and third, and fourth and so on...) chance to make a fresh start with this girl, who was also a very close friend at the time of our relationship. But sadly each time she called out to me it was for her own benefit and I found myself wrapped around her finger and putting her before a lot more important things (my faith included, i am sorry to say)
But once again I managed to shake loose of her grasp and was fully able to regather myself.

But earlier this evening when celebrating the closing of a festival that takes place in my home town, she and I crossed one an other for the first time in almost a year. I thought I should just walk past her and avoid any awkwardness and hope she wouldn't notice me as I passed her, but she did and tried to get my attention by saying my name which she repeated when I didn't turn around.

I am now heavily stricken with guilt for what I did. Its torturing me to think that I literally turned my back on someone I once held so dear to me, someone who despite treating me badly I had been able to forgive, but I'm not sure if this feeling of guilt is just. Am I right to be feeling guilty or was I right in what I did. Your answers would mean a lot to me as I try my best to be a good Christian but at times like this I just need some steering in the right direction.

 

[Wedjat]

Feeling guilty is probably right. I mean, and I don't mean to be harsh, it was a little cold.
But don't dwell on it, what's done is done, you cant change it, and in all likelihood she probably thought you didn't hear her, or that she had mistaken someone else for you.
If it's really bothering you, call her and confess, otherwise let it go. It's not healthy to harbor negative emotions.

 

[explodingboy]

In my opinion, talk to her, people change.

I did the whole boy meets girl, girl uses boy, boy runs off to avoid her, and several years down the line girl now one of boys best friends and realizes what she did back then was wrong.

 

[Lauren1990]

You did nothing wrong, you did right, I believe. You just need to shake free of that girl, she has no business with you anymore. (People do change.. but most don't, not in your situation anyway).

 

[explodingboy]

You did nothing wrong, you did right, I believe. You just need to shake free of that girl, she has no business with you anymore. (People do change.. but most don't, not in your situation anyway).

You see, I'd disagree quite happily.

she may have led him on, but it's also his fault for letting someone lead them around the block a few times. If he's not willing to be led it won't happen a second time round.

 

[Wedjat]

You see, I'd disagree quite happily.

she may have led him on, but it's also his fault for letting someone lead them around the block a few times. If he's not willing to be led it won't happen a second time round.

I agree
I mean this in the gentlest possible way, but it takes two to tango.
She's a human being and has feelings just like you. Treading over hers is no less worse than her treading over yours.

 

[TanteBelle]

A good predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. Not always obviously. But if you feel within yourself that you don't have the strength to stand up to it and she hasn't changed, you definately need to explain yourself to her.

 

[CrystalBrooke]

People rarely change. I see nothing wrong with what you did, but if you feel guilty about it, then maybe you should apologize or try to talk to her...but again, I see no wrong here.

 

[Snake Plissken]

I think you did the right thing.

She seems very parasitic emotionally.

Close the book on her and leave her alone forever.

 

[SeekTruth4Glory]

Sometimes you have to be firm if you are to really get anything of importance done. In this case, you are attempting to remove an unfavorable factor in your life, one that causes you a hefty amount of displeasure. When leaving behind anything like that, the only way to fully do so, is to, unfortunately, play the badguy in some instances. And you're right for feeling guilty about it because you shouldn't have to behave this way. However, if she's ever going to get the point that you want nothing to do with her--that your spiritual and emotional wellbeing comes first--you have to cut off communications entirely.

What good is leaving the past in the past if the past keeps knocking on your door and you keep answering? Sooner or later you'll have to either pretend you're not home (as you have done), or worse, tell your unwelcome visitor to go away.

That said. . .perhaps you might try explaining your dillemma to her, one on one, no games. Just be honest. Tell her she's making you miserable and while you wish it could work out, it obviously cannot, and that you both should move on with your respective lives.

 

[claddagh4jesus]

It probably was a good idea to have avoided speaking to her, if what you're saying about your previous experiences with her are true. Not to say she's evil or anything, but it seems she's using you to feed her own emotional needs, and that's not a good thing for you. I'm sure it'll hurt, but my advice is to close that door completely. If you guys cross paths again, and she does manage to get you in a spot where you can't actually blatantly ignore her, be polite, but don't encourage a friendship again with her. If she keeps doing to you what she has been, whether intentionally or not, it will make things harder for you in future relationships, if a girl sees you keep going back to your old friend. It'll also mess with your own head, always wondering, always hoping. Things will work out in the end though. Good luck and God bless you, man.