Advice please

[Acceptance]

I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. I am a PT who works with children in a school setting. One of my kids is in junior high and has been receiving services her whole school career. I want to continue services but on a consult basis (meaning I wouldn't directly be putting my hands on her). Her mom however feels this is inappropriate and "crazy" and requested an independent consult by an outside PT be done. The district agreed to pay for this and the independent eval was completed with recommendations that no further services are needed for her to function within the school setting (mom doesn't know the results of this eval yet). Well, mom hired a lawyer/advocate to attend the next meeting where she will find out the recommendations of the outside PT were more restrictive than mine. I know mom will not be happy about this, and am hoping for some words of advice on how I could make this easier for mom to accept. I understand that it is her 'baby', but there's just honestly nothing else for us to work on that is educationally relevant.

I've tried contacting her by phone and sending home notes every time I see the child to keep mom in the loop, but I never receive phone calls back or any other attempts of contact.
Help please!

 

[Cranberry]

You have my sympathy Acceptance.

I'm a fool so I will try to give "advice" about the situation you find yourself in. I have no doubt you're smart enough to have already figured on your own everything I'm about to say however.

Some parents of kids with disabilities can be very militant in obtaining services for their child. That's only natural. They'll work as hard as they can to get what they believe is best for their child, which is common among parents after all. There's also a good number of parents of kids with disabilities who unjustly blame themselves for it. Their guilt can lead them to do everything they can to correct what they consider their wrong doing. Even to the point of no longer being realist in their expectations about the improvement of their child's condition. I can't know if this is what's going on with the mother you told us about, but the little you've said reminds me of similar situations I've dealt with in the past.

She called your evaluation "crazy" and asked for an independant evaluation by a PT. You've attempted to contact the mother on many occasions already. She didn't reply. It's possible she decided you were in the "bad people" camp. Your concerns and many attempts at contacting her show me that you're doing your part in maintaining a positive work relationship with that mother, but it takes two to make these things work. If she's judged you severely and negatively, there's a good chance you'll be able to change her attitude. You can keep trying to contact her, but my advice to you would be to respect her decision to avoid you, even if it sucks, but to remain available to her if she ever decides on her own to contact you back.

I would understand you if you feared she will blame you for the more severe evaluation by the independant PT. It's possible she'll imagine scenarios involving conspiracies among PTs trying to get revenge on her for contesting your initial evaluation. I don't think there's anything you can do about it if she's the kind of person to react like that. It's not your fault.

Your job is to her kids develop to their full potential. I trust your judgement and your first evaluation. You're already doing what you are supposed to do, what you can do. Helping parents cope with their kid's disabilities and "reality" is beyond your duties. It's very generous of you to care enough to try to help with that too. You risk burning yourself prematurely if you keep trying to "soften the blows" for people with a negative attitude toward you however. There's an awful lot of kids who need your help. Be kind to yourself and save your energy for them.

I wrote a lot again but I wish all I had done was listen, listen to you, because I had nothing much of value to say. It's not your fault. You did what you could. You have my sympathy.

Good luck

 

[Acceptance]

Cranberry,
Don't be so hard on yourself, I'm glad you wrote what you did You make some good points. I do fear that she'll have visions of PT's 'getting revenge' on her, because the OT (occupational therapy) recommendations were also "crazy" and the independent OT consult also recommended discontinuation of services. So I figure there's two ways this could go. 1) mom will hear the results of the independent consults and react as you have discribed or 2) mom hears the results and then all of a sudden consult services sound good because the independent consults recommended no services. I'm hoping for the later, but expecting the first.

Thank you for your support with this. It has been mentally exhausting already and I hear what you're saying about burn-out. But I am glad that I have attempted as much contact as I have because mom did report that OT and speech didn't keep open communications "like PT did" -- so I guess I did something right...somehow

I do genuinely understand parents wanting the best for their children, and involved parents are always better than neglectful ones. I still just wish there was a magic wand that I could wave to make her see that I truely care about her child. I see this girl every week and if someone could tell me how not to get emotionally attached to these kids I would like to hear it.

Thanks again, may the peace of Christ be with you

 

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do not worry about your friend that is crazy.