A Dark World

[Thatgirloncfforums]

I've experienced depression and melancholy since I was a teen. It seems to be a part of my personality. What I struggle with the most is not having others like me. I am surrounded by exuberant family and friends. Honestly, they're probably just normal. I wouldn't describe myself as goth or anything particularly aesthetic, but there is a darkness in me that feels comfortable and familiar. I'm not evil, just....Idk. I wish I could glorify God in the shadows. I use to write poetry but have no one to write with anymore. It's hard to explain. I've often thought about giving into my dark world, to investigate it, and trust Christ to be there. I am scared of well, scaring people and need a strong Christian friend who sees the world like me and can keep me on the narrow path.
I've been rejected before for being blackpilled and crazy. I remember one time, I created fan art for Ophelia in my multimedia class in HS and my teachers had a meeting about me--- They thought I was suicidal. It hurts to be rejected like this. Again, I really don't know what I mean. I am an introvert, and my heart beats on my sleeve. I guess I go through a lot exposing myself and then when I am not accepted, it crushes my world.

I'm sorry. Is there anyone else who feels or thinks this way? Do you like art and poetry? Do you want to express yourself and can't?

 

[St_Worm2]

I wish I could glorify God in the shadows.

Hello Thatgirloncfforums, why do you think that you cannot glorify God in the midst of the shadows? I'm not saying that it would be easy to do so, but you could begin to do so right now by going to our Prayer Wall (here at CF) and praying for those who have requested it (and reach out to them as well if you think that you can be helpful in some other way, and/or to be an encouragement to them.

Just letting them know that you are praying for them would be an encouragement in itself, of course, and would be glorifying to God ).

You could also begin to look for things in your life, even the smallest of things, to thank God for (for the beautiful snow, for your warm house, or even for the fact that the shadows don't seem quite as dark as they did 10 minutes ago). He wants to be part of everything that we do, and finding things to rejoice over and be thankful for certainly helps us do that. Beginning to practice God's presence in more and more parts of our lives is always as good thing

I admit that it's tough to do when you are deeply depressed, but I've found that when I make myself do so anyway (especially when it seems impossible to do so), life begins to change for the better

1 Thessalonians 5​

16 Rejoice always;​

17 pray without ceasing;​

18 in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.​

I use to write poetry but have no one to write with anymore. It's hard to explain.

You could write it for us here

I've often thought about giving into my dark world, to investigate it, and trust Christ to be there.

I would talk to your pastor about that before proceeding, explaining to him what "giving into your dark world" and "investigating it" would entail. I would certainly think it best to only visit there briefly, and to do so, only under your pastor's loving and discerning eyes.

It hurts to be rejected like this. Again, I really don't know what I mean. I am an introvert, and my heart beats on my sleeve. I guess I go through a lot exposing myself and then when I am not accepted, it crushes my world.

I'm sorry to hear this

Praying for you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

--David

We know that God causes ~all things~ to work together for
good to those who love God, to those who are the
called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28​

.

 

[St_Worm2]

I use to write poetry but have no one to write with anymore. It's hard to explain.

I just saw this new thread on the Christian Poems and Poetry Board, and thought of you (though granted, I'm not sure whether this is the kind of thing that you are looking for or not).

Descent to Darkness

Deep dive into the abyss Descent to the darkest places Dusty figures in sunken wax cabinets Gruesome horror on real human faces The fragile sound of crushing bone When the innocent are attacked Soon passing by another millstone With another body self-attached What's a little genocide among...

christianchat.com

 

[Brad D.]

I've experienced depression and melancholy since I was a teen. It seems to be a part of my personality. What I struggle with the most is not having others like me. I am surrounded by exuberant family and friends. Honestly, they're probably just normal. I wouldn't describe myself as goth or anything particularly aesthetic, but there is a darkness in me that feels comfortable and familiar. I'm not evil, just....Idk. I wish I could glorify God in the shadows. I use to write poetry but have no one to write with anymore. It's hard to explain. I've often thought about giving into my dark world, to investigate it, and trust Christ to be there. I am scared of well, scaring people and need a strong Christian friend who sees the world like me and can keep me on the narrow path.
I've been rejected before for being blackpilled and crazy. I remember one time, I created fan art for Ophelia in my multimedia class in HS and my teachers had a meeting about me--- They thought I was suicidal. It hurts to be rejected like this. Again, I really don't know what I mean. I am an introvert, and my heart beats on my sleeve. I guess I go through a lot exposing myself and then when I am not accepted, it crushes my world.

I'm sorry. Is there anyone else who feels or thinks this way? Do you like art and poetry? Do you want to express yourself and can't?

In some ways in reading your post I could strangely relate, though it sounds like you and I are from a different generation. I know what it is like to feel, crushed, rejected and different. I know what it is like to feel all alone. I too am a writer. Not of poetry, just the written expression of words. There is something in me that the Spirit is able to release in writing, that often is much more difficult in verbal words.

What I would like to encourage you with is this. That thing you feel deep within. That thing you don't even know what it is. Is it knotted sorrow, is it some mysterious deep woven pain? The Lord can use such depths of sorrows to His greatest good. The very pain that you feel causes you to be in the shadows, can be used by God, to bring you into fuller light. He has a way of taking our weaknesses, the things that we think cripples us most, to draw us out and bring us in. We are able to know God, through the depths of these pains, that bring us through a different door. A way unknown, And when we get to the other side, we know the way that He led us, was the surest way of all. We find it is the darkness that brings us to the light. And it is weakness, that He uses to know His strength. I have been walking with Lord almost 30 years now, and I have learned to be far more thankful for who I am and how I fragile I became, and see these things as some of my greatest assets, my greatest liberators, instead of my tormentors. What Satan may have tried to use for evil, God has turned the tables and used to my greatest good. You may PM me anytime, if you need an older brother to talk to or share your poetry with someone, I will not reject you.

I'll leave you with a poem that has always meant much to me, and I think speaks to what I was saying. It was written by Minnie Louise Haskins a little known poet. It was made famous by King George VI. It was given to Him by his young daughter Elizabeth who of course would become queen. He used it ironically around this time of year in his 1939 Christmas broadcast to the nation, as the united kingdom was facing the uncertainty of war. He Used the poetry of these words to stir the kingdom to hope.

THE GATE OF THE YEAR
Minnie Louise Haskins

'God Knows'

And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
"Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown".
And he replied:
"Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way".
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.
And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.