Dumbest Jokes of All Time

[Presbyterian Continuist]

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Finding Johnny making faces at the other students during recess, the teacher stopped to reprove little Johnny.
"Johnny, when i was a little girl, i was told that if i made ugly faces, it would freeze and i would stay like that." said the teacher.
Little Johnny looked up and said, "Well, you can't say you weren't warned."

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

I was going to post a joke about a boomerang but I forgot the punchline. Give me a minute, it’ll come back to me.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Second hand hearse for sale. Goes well, but body needs attention.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

It was the kindergarten teachers birthday and the students decided that they would each buy their teacher a gift.
The first student, whose parents own a florist shop, gave her a present. She held it and said "I guess that it is flowers".
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She laughed and thanked him.
The second student, whose parents own a candy store, gave her a present. She held it and said, "I guess that is some candy."
"How did you guess?" asked the little boy. She again laughed and thanked him also.
The third student, whose parents own a bottle shop, gave her a box which was leaking. The teacher touched the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Mmmmm is it wine?" she asked.
"No," said the little girl.
So she tasted it again. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," replied the little girl, "It is a puppy.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down in a subway next to a priest .
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, ‘Say Father, what causes arthritis?’
The priest replies,
‘My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath!’
The drunk muttered in response, ‘Well, I’ll be damned.’ Then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologised.
‘I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?’
The drunk answered, ‘I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does’!

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

https://www.facebook.com/groups/738...W29gTh2M3aS77TV8jzGkfk3sDFnZjbR8&__tn__=<,P-R

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https://www.facebook.com/#
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?"
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant.
2 - Don't waste ammunition.
3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.
4 - Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 - Don't mess with old women; they didn't get old by being stupid.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

During a funeral, the pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and heard a faint moan. They open the casket and found out that the woman is actually alive. She lived for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

A woman went to the funeral home several hours before her husband's viewing and saw that he was in a brown suit.
She said to the funeral director that she wanted a blue suit, so she asked him if he could change it.
The funeral director doubted he would have enough time but would try.
When she returned a few hours later she was pleased to see her husband in a blue suit.
She thanked the director and said I'm glad you had the time to make the change.
The funeral director said he didn't have the time, but a man in the next room was wearing a blue suit and his wife wanted him in brown, so I just switched the heads.

 

[Michie]

A woman went to the funeral home several hours before her husband's viewing and saw that he was in a brown suit.
She said to the funeral director that she wanted a blue suit, so she asked him if he could change it.
The funeral director doubted he would have enough time but would try.
When she returned a few hours later she was pleased to see her husband in a blue suit.
She thanked the director and said I'm glad you had the time to make the change.
The funeral director said he didn't have the time, but a man in the next room was wearing a blue suit and his wife wanted him in brown, so I just switched the heads.

Eeew!

 

[FreeinChrist]

ADVISOR HAT

A small clean up was done. Keep it friendly. ​

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Here’s a joke. The republicans think the American people are smart enough to know they are being scammed.
I’m not knocking republicans, I’m simply knocking their estimation of the American people.

If a democrat and a republican fell from an 18 story building, which one would hit the ground first?
Answer: Does it really matter?

 

[One God and Father of All]

If a democrat and a republican fell from an 18 story building, which one would hit the ground first?
Answer: Does it really matter?

Reminds me of when Adam blamed God and Eve blamed the serpent. Neither could accept responsibility for themselves.
God didn’t buy it, and sentenced both to death because both were of the same flesh.

 

[One God and Father of All]

If a democrat and a republican fell from an 18 story building, which one would hit the ground first?
Answer: Does it really matter?

The separation is of democrats and republicans and of the children of God.
On the one side there is the children of pride(democrats and republicans)and on the other side is the children of God.
The battle is to the death.
The sons of God win in the end.

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

Reminds me of when Adam blamed God and Eve blamed the serpent. Neither could accept responsibility for themselves.
God didn’t buy it, and sentenced both to death because both were of the same flesh.

And the snake didn't have a leg to stand on.