Who's wrong in this situation? And what should I do next?

[LightandDark]

Hello all,

I feel the need to come here and post this thread because I can't find what I need anywhere else. I've prayed about this for weeks but nothing is changing.

Without going on for too long, let's get straight to the point...

For those of you who read my previous thread (I feel left out and lost) This is somewhat related to that.

A little over a month ago, I had a verbal altercation with a family member because he was constantly doing something that was bothering everyone at home, and so I decided to be the first person to speak up. I kindly and respectfully asked him to stop doing it because it was irritating everyone, and instead of apologising for it, I was cursed at, called insane, and was told that I was overreacting.

He hasn't spoken to me ever since because he feels he did nothing wrong and that I should be the one apologising for disrespecting him, which I absolutely never did nor was that my intention. Please keep in mind what I asked him to stop doing was extremely simple, it's as ridiculously simple as telling someone to close the door behind them when they leave a room. Is anything of that sort too much to ask for? Yet he apparently felt disrespected and verbally attacked me for bringing it up.

Now, all I could feel for him is bitterness and rage. I constantly have this urge to snap and rip him to shreds for how I was treated, and continue to be treated even though I did nothing wrong. But I am reminded to not repay evil with evil. I've earnestly prayed and sought forgiveness and guidance, but I get no help. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I don't want this to go on forever, but I can't help it because he still haven't stopped doing it despite the big fight we had about it. Whether he's intentionally doing it to irritate me at this point, I do not know. He avoids me when he can and sees no issue with his behaviour at all, despite being told that it was annoying everyone else around him.

Others have spoken to him about it as well but he refuses to give in and accept that his actions are annoying.

I've prayed about it, and had others involved in the issue, but none of those are working and I'm about ready to burst into a full psycho and make his life a living hell, just as he's doing it to me, but that little voice inside my head keeps telling me to not repay evil with evil every single time I think about it.

I get uncomfortable just seeing him around sometimes and that surprises me because I've never thought I'd get to this level of anger and frustration with anyone before. I can't help it. It's on my mind constantly.

I am always open to forgive and forget whenever the opportunity strikes and I want to focus on my relationship with God and follow his will, but I can't focus on the important things due to my family member's inconsiderate behaviour. He leaves no room for us to reconcile...

What should I do?

 

[~Anastasia~]

Hello and welcome to CF.

Prayers for you being in a difficult situation in your family.

The right question isn't "who is wrong/whose fault is it?" though. It rarely is. Honestly, and I mean this gently, usually both/all parties have some fault.

We can't control someone else's behavior. And some people are at a point in their development/tendencies that they will act contrary to whatever is asked of them, so asking in any form can be counterproductive. Pride is usually the worst enemy - in the case of every one taking offense in a matter.

The best course to take isn't an easy one, and it might be one that needs some steps and practice before one is able to do it. The best course is to look to our own sins and weaknesses, ask God's help for patience, treat the other person with love. I'm not suggesting be a doormat - there is a certain level of dignity all persons have by virtue of being created in God's image. Without knowing what the other person is doing that causes so much agitation, it's difficult to know if I'm suggesting the right thing. If someone were being hurt, the answer would be different. But for annoyances, it's better to use them to cultivate love and humility. That can be difficult if the disciplines that teach us how haven't been practiced though.

It goes back to that simple and popular question though "what would Jesus do?" I haven't quoted that in years, lol, but it's still applicable to all we try to do as we hope to grow, by the grace of God, to be more like Him.

Prayers, and God be with you.

 

[Serving Zion]

Hello all,

I feel the need to come here and post this thread because I can't find what I need anywhere else. I've prayed about this for weeks but nothing is changing.

Without going on for too long, let's get straight to the point...

For those of you who read my previous thread (I feel left out and lost) This is somewhat related to that.

A little over a month ago, I had a verbal altercation with a family member because he was constantly doing something that was bothering everyone at home, and so I decided to be the first person to speak up. I kindly and respectfully asked him to stop doing it because it was irritating everyone, and instead of apologising for it, I was cursed at, called insane, and was told that I was overreacting.

He hasn't spoken to me ever since because he feels he did nothing wrong and that I should be the one apologising for disrespecting him, which I absolutely never did nor was that my intention. Please keep in mind what I asked him to stop doing was extremely simple, it's as ridiculously simple as telling someone to close the door behind them when they leave a room. Is anything of that sort too much to ask for? Yet he apparently felt disrespected and verbally attacked me for bringing it up.

Now, all I could feel for him is bitterness and rage. I constantly have this urge to snap and rip him to shreds for how I was treated, and continue to be treated even though I did nothing wrong. But I am reminded to not repay evil with evil. I've earnestly prayed and sought forgiveness and guidance, but I get no help. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I don't want this to go on forever, but I can't help it because he still haven't stopped doing it despite the big fight we had about it. Whether he's intentionally doing it to irritate me at this point, I do not know. He avoids me when he can and sees no issue with his behaviour at all, despite being told that it was annoying everyone else around him.

Others have spoken to him about it as well but he refuses to give in and accept that his actions are annoying.

I've prayed about it, and had others involved in the issue, but none of those are working and I'm about ready to burst into a full psycho and make his life a living hell, just as he's doing it to me, but that little voice inside my head keeps telling me to not repay evil with evil every single time I think about it.

I get uncomfortable just seeing him around sometimes and that surprises me because I've never thought I'd get to this level of anger and frustration with anyone before. I can't help it. It's on my mind constantly.

I am always open to forgive and forget whenever the opportunity strikes and I want to focus on my relationship with God and follow his will, but I can't focus on the important things due to my family member's inconsiderate behaviour. He leaves no room for us to reconcile...

What should I do?

It is evil, as you say. Love does unto others as you would have them do to you, so for some reason he is not inspired to love you (and I read today in Ecclesiastes 9:1 that it isn't necessarily your fault) These are simply wicked days where there is no respect for righteousness, no fear of consequence of sin, and lies and defiance are a natural response because it doesn't really come as a shock to most people (TV has conditioned social expectations of behaviour like never before).

So pray for him if you have it in your heart to do so, because such who live that way are coming under the wrath of God.

Romans 12:21 is another good memory verse to apply, and if you feel that you are being tempted beyond your limit, remember the second part of 1 Corinthians 10:13: that God will provide a means of escape so that you can guard your heart "for from it flows the springs of life" (Matthew 15:18).

Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever .. seeing they are slaves of sin and blind to what they do, you can be sure that you will suffer more than they will.

 

[Edyos]

A real manhood and Christianity is always speaking the truth. But sometimes the truth will hurt and there is nothing you can do about that. Better be honest than hiding the truth or say it in a nice way.

If this family member won't listen to you or anyone else and got offended by what you said, then he is not grown spiritually and mentally yet.

You don't need to go and apologize for the truth especially if you said it nicely and with good intentions without mocking or so.

Jesus said the truth all the time and most of the time many people did not like what they heard especially the pheresis.

You need to be as normal as possible when seeing him, love him and show him that you did what is right. Be patient and pray for him/her.

 

[joinfree]

Hello all,

I feel the need to come here and post this thread because I can't find what I need anywhere else. I've prayed about this for weeks but nothing is changing.

Without going on for too long, let's get straight to the point...

For those of you who read my previous thread (I feel left out and lost) This is somewhat related to that.

A little over a month ago, I had a verbal altercation with a family member because he was constantly doing something that was bothering everyone at home, and so I decided to be the first person to speak up. I kindly and respectfully asked him to stop doing it because it was irritating everyone, and instead of apologising for it, I was cursed at, called insane, and was told that I was overreacting.

He hasn't spoken to me ever since because he feels he did nothing wrong and that I should be the one apologising for disrespecting him, which I absolutely never did nor was that my intention. Please keep in mind what I asked him to stop doing was extremely simple, it's as ridiculously simple as telling someone to close the door behind them when they leave a room. Is anything of that sort too much to ask for? Yet he apparently felt disrespected and verbally attacked me for bringing it up.

Now, all I could feel for him is bitterness and rage. I constantly have this urge to snap and rip him to shreds for how I was treated, and continue to be treated even though I did nothing wrong. But I am reminded to not repay evil with evil. I've earnestly prayed and sought forgiveness and guidance, but I get no help. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I don't want this to go on forever, but I can't help it because he still haven't stopped doing it despite the big fight we had about it. Whether he's intentionally doing it to irritate me at this point, I do not know. He avoids me when he can and sees no issue with his behaviour at all, despite being told that it was annoying everyone else around him.

Others have spoken to him about it as well but he refuses to give in and accept that his actions are annoying.

I've prayed about it, and had others involved in the issue, but none of those are working and I'm about ready to burst into a full psycho and make his life a living hell, just as he's doing it to me, but that little voice inside my head keeps telling me to not repay evil with evil every single time I think about it.

I get uncomfortable just seeing him around sometimes and that surprises me because I've never thought I'd get to this level of anger and frustration with anyone before. I can't help it. It's on my mind constantly.

I am always open to forgive and forget whenever the opportunity strikes and I want to focus on my relationship with God and follow his will, but I can't focus on the important things due to my family member's inconsiderate behaviour. He leaves no room for us to reconcile...

What should I do?

Perhaps your opponent is a "troll". Nothing we can do: total eclipse of the heart.

 

[Tolworth John]

You have three courses of action.
To do nothing and just continue to be irritated by his action.

To speak to those members of the family willing to speak out and to address the issue again as a group.

Lastly to raise the issue the next time it occurs, your self.

So long as you were polite etc, you have no need to apologise.
All you need to do is keep cool/calm etc and carry on as normal.
Don't get drawn into name calling or exchanges of insults, past wrongs, chacter faults etc.

A plane, 'Please do not do........ as it is disrespectfull of everyone else in the family. Please stop.'

 

[Mountainmanbob]

We are called to love everyone but, we do not have to like everybody.

Avoid this person whenever possible. When this is impossible do not play into their drama.

M-Bob

 

[aiki]

Proverbs 13:10
10 By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised is wisdom.

Hebrews 12:14-15
14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Proverbs 10:12
12 Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins.

Matthew 16:24-25
24 Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.
25 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

1 Peter 5:5-6
5 ...be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,

Romans 12:1
1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.

 

[LightandDark]

Thank you all for responding.

You see, I'm in a dilemma at the moment. Grouping up to try and resolve this will cause more issues and unnecessary drama because I know he won't accept being told that his behaviour is irritating. If I don't speak up, then I will continue living in this bitterness and hate because of his continuous disregard for everyone else around him.

I will most likely commit a sinful act no matter how you look at it. Sinning through bitterness and anger if I stay quiet, or sinning through cursing and frustration because I've reached a boiling point with him and I don't think I can tolerate it any longer.

Aiki, How do those verses apply to my situation? I don't mean to sound rude or anything, I'm just curious because I'm not the one causing the issue here.

 

[Greg J.]

Hello all,

I feel the need to come here and post this thread because I can't find what I need anywhere else. I've prayed about this for weeks but nothing is changing.

Without going on for too long, let's get straight to the point...

For those of you who read my previous thread (I feel left out and lost) This is somewhat related to that.

A little over a month ago, I had a verbal altercation with a family member because he was constantly doing something that was bothering everyone at home, and so I decided to be the first person to speak up. I kindly and respectfully asked him to stop doing it because it was irritating everyone, and instead of apologising for it, I was cursed at, called insane, and was told that I was overreacting.

He hasn't spoken to me ever since because he feels he did nothing wrong and that I should be the one apologising for disrespecting him, which I absolutely never did nor was that my intention. Please keep in mind what I asked him to stop doing was extremely simple, it's as ridiculously simple as telling someone to close the door behind them when they leave a room. Is anything of that sort too much to ask for? Yet he apparently felt disrespected and verbally attacked me for bringing it up.

Now, all I could feel for him is bitterness and rage. I constantly have this urge to snap and rip him to shreds for how I was treated, and continue to be treated even though I did nothing wrong. But I am reminded to not repay evil with evil. I've earnestly prayed and sought forgiveness and guidance, but I get no help. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I don't want this to go on forever, but I can't help it because he still haven't stopped doing it despite the big fight we had about it. Whether he's intentionally doing it to irritate me at this point, I do not know. He avoids me when he can and sees no issue with his behaviour at all, despite being told that it was annoying everyone else around him.

Others have spoken to him about it as well but he refuses to give in and accept that his actions are annoying.

I've prayed about it, and had others involved in the issue, but none of those are working and I'm about ready to burst into a full psycho and make his life a living hell, just as he's doing it to me, but that little voice inside my head keeps telling me to not repay evil with evil every single time I think about it.

I get uncomfortable just seeing him around sometimes and that surprises me because I've never thought I'd get to this level of anger and frustration with anyone before. I can't help it. It's on my mind constantly.

I am always open to forgive and forget whenever the opportunity strikes and I want to focus on my relationship with God and follow his will, but I can't focus on the important things due to my family member's inconsiderate behaviour. He leaves no room for us to reconcile...

What should I do?

You did nothing wrong. You triggered something in him that was already there. It is undoubtedly due to past hurts, but also perhaps because of present affliction in his life. The way things are now, you can't help him with whatever problems he has, because he doesn't see that he has a problem. For your own well being recognize that his reaction was due to issues you neither know the details of nor would be able to change—even in the most ideal of circumstances. Be generous, gentle, kind, and above all accepting of who he is. If that's too painful, you may have to spend less time with him. Apologize for whatever you might have said or done that hurt him (as a social action, not necessarily as a moral action). You may need to adjust how you see him and interact with him for your own peace of mind. Try not to treat him like a child, even if he behaves like one.

 

[tdidymas]

Hello all,

I feel the need to come here and post this thread because I can't find what I need anywhere else. I've prayed about this for weeks but nothing is changing.

Without going on for too long, let's get straight to the point...

For those of you who read my previous thread (I feel left out and lost) This is somewhat related to that.

A little over a month ago, I had a verbal altercation with a family member because he was constantly doing something that was bothering everyone at home, and so I decided to be the first person to speak up. I kindly and respectfully asked him to stop doing it because it was irritating everyone, and instead of apologising for it, I was cursed at, called insane, and was told that I was overreacting.

He hasn't spoken to me ever since because he feels he did nothing wrong and that I should be the one apologising for disrespecting him, which I absolutely never did nor was that my intention. Please keep in mind what I asked him to stop doing was extremely simple, it's as ridiculously simple as telling someone to close the door behind them when they leave a room. Is anything of that sort too much to ask for? Yet he apparently felt disrespected and verbally attacked me for bringing it up.

Now, all I could feel for him is bitterness and rage. I constantly have this urge to snap and rip him to shreds for how I was treated, and continue to be treated even though I did nothing wrong. But I am reminded to not repay evil with evil. I've earnestly prayed and sought forgiveness and guidance, but I get no help. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I don't want this to go on forever, but I can't help it because he still haven't stopped doing it despite the big fight we had about it. Whether he's intentionally doing it to irritate me at this point, I do not know. He avoids me when he can and sees no issue with his behaviour at all, despite being told that it was annoying everyone else around him.

Others have spoken to him about it as well but he refuses to give in and accept that his actions are annoying.

I've prayed about it, and had others involved in the issue, but none of those are working and I'm about ready to burst into a full psycho and make his life a living hell, just as he's doing it to me, but that little voice inside my head keeps telling me to not repay evil with evil every single time I think about it.

I get uncomfortable just seeing him around sometimes and that surprises me because I've never thought I'd get to this level of anger and frustration with anyone before. I can't help it. It's on my mind constantly.

I am always open to forgive and forget whenever the opportunity strikes and I want to focus on my relationship with God and follow his will, but I can't focus on the important things due to my family member's inconsiderate behaviour. He leaves no room for us to reconcile...

What should I do?

Read Matt. ch. 18 where Jesus talks about when someone has sinned. I realize your bro. is not likely a Christian, as he seems to be hostile and unrepentant about his inconsideration of others. However, this process could work well, if done properly.
1. Speak to him privately, and try to persuade him of considerate behavior. Be humble, ask questions, present your view as a suggestion for improvement of the household harmony.
2. If he doesn't listen, then get someone else in the family to go with you to him (again privately) to persuade him to consideration.
3. If he doesn't listen, then confront him with the whole family, so that he should see how inconsiderate his behavior is.
4. If he still doesn't listen, it's time for serious discipline. If he is old enough to be on his own, then he should be asked to leave. That is, if the issue is big enough to warrant it. If not, then you might have to tolerate it until he leaves, and that might mean avoidance. In a sense, that would be a kind of psychological excommunication. I've heard that some families have done that. I don't know how effective it would be. Anyway, this is my opinion.
TD

 

[Serving Zion]

Please keep in mind what I asked him to stop doing was extremely simple, it's as ridiculously simple as telling someone to close the door behind them when they leave a room. Is anything of that sort too much to ask for?

Maybe it is. If it is a thing like putting the cheese grater in this place rather than that place, then you would be wrong. If he has his idea of where to put the cheese grater and he always puts it there, then it might well be his right to think it is better in that place as much as you think it is better in the other place.

If it is about closing a door, then there are other things to consider, like draughts and noise, etc, where there is clearly a better behaviour, making it his responsibility to change.

It isn't unusual for a majority to be wrong in what they expect though, so it really does depend on the specific examples as far as making a judgement of who is ultimately right and wrong. Majority opinion, though being a sort of standard of fairness, just doesn't necessarily guarantee the quality of opinion, and this is why societies appoint judges to adjudicate like that.

I could tell you what my considerations would be if you could be more specific about the behaviours.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

Hello all,

I feel the need to come here and post this thread because I can't find what I need anywhere else. I've prayed about this for weeks but nothing is changing.

Without going on for too long, let's get straight to the point...

For those of you who read my previous thread (I feel left out and lost) This is somewhat related to that.

A little over a month ago, I had a verbal altercation with a family member because he was constantly doing something that was bothering everyone at home, and so I decided to be the first person to speak up. I kindly and respectfully asked him to stop doing it because it was irritating everyone, and instead of apologising for it, I was cursed at, called insane, and was told that I was overreacting.

He hasn't spoken to me ever since because he feels he did nothing wrong and that I should be the one apologising for disrespecting him, which I absolutely never did nor was that my intention. Please keep in mind what I asked him to stop doing was extremely simple, it's as ridiculously simple as telling someone to close the door behind them when they leave a room. Is anything of that sort too much to ask for? Yet he apparently felt disrespected and verbally attacked me for bringing it up.

Now, all I could feel for him is bitterness and rage. I constantly have this urge to snap and rip him to shreds for how I was treated, and continue to be treated even though I did nothing wrong. But I am reminded to not repay evil with evil. I've earnestly prayed and sought forgiveness and guidance, but I get no help. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I don't want this to go on forever, but I can't help it because he still haven't stopped doing it despite the big fight we had about it. Whether he's intentionally doing it to irritate me at this point, I do not know. He avoids me when he can and sees no issue with his behaviour at all, despite being told that it was annoying everyone else around him.

Others have spoken to him about it as well but he refuses to give in and accept that his actions are annoying.

I've prayed about it, and had others involved in the issue, but none of those are working and I'm about ready to burst into a full psycho and make his life a living hell, just as he's doing it to me, but that little voice inside my head keeps telling me to not repay evil with evil every single time I think about it.

I get uncomfortable just seeing him around sometimes and that surprises me because I've never thought I'd get to this level of anger and frustration with anyone before. I can't help it. It's on my mind constantly.

I am always open to forgive and forget whenever the opportunity strikes and I want to focus on my relationship with God and follow his will, but I can't focus on the important things due to my family member's inconsiderate behaviour. He leaves no room for us to reconcile...

What should I do?

Listen to your conviction not to repay evil for evil. That is definitely how God would have you to react. We are called to live at peace with one another. If you react it may just escalate the problem even more, just stay calm.

 

[LightandDark]

Thank you all again for replying. Your comments certainly help to assess my situation. It's giving me ideas on what to do next.

You did nothing wrong. You triggered something in him that was already there. It is undoubtedly due to past hurts, but also perhaps because of present affliction in his life. The way things are now, you can't help him with whatever problems he has, because he doesn't see that he has a problem. For your own well being recognize that his reaction was due to issues you neither know the details of nor would be able to change—even in the most ideal of circumstances. Be generous, gentle, kind, and above all accepting of who he is. If that's too painful, you may have to spend less time with him. Apologize for whatever you might have said or done that hurt him (as a social action, not necessarily as a moral action). You may need to adjust how you see him and interact with him for your own peace of mind. Try not to treat him like a child, even if he behaves like one.

You know, what you said in the beginning of your comment is somewhat similar to what my mum said a couple of days ago. He went through several issues that caused him to become so defensive and insecure, and now he feels the need to demand respect and validation because he believes he missed out on those during his tough periods. But that still does not make his behaviour acceptable or reasonable. His personality should NEVER reflect what he went through and torment us in the process, especially when we had nothing to do with his past.

What bothers me the most is his arrogance and it applies to almost everything. He will never admit fault or say he was wrong.

I could tell you what my considerations would be if you could be more specific about the behaviours.

Noise, and lots of it. Whether it's slamming doors, using utensils or other objects, obnoxiously loud phone calls when others are still sleeping etc... It feels like a parade is going on as soon as he wakes up. It's ridiculous. I wish it was as simple as the cheese grater or whatever.

 

[Serving Zion]

Thank you all again for replying. Your comments certainly help to assess my situation. It's giving me ideas on what to do next.



You know, what you said in the beginning of your comment is somewhat similar to what my mum said a couple of days ago. He went through several issues that caused him to become so defensive and insecure, and now he feels the need to demand respect and validation because he believes he missed out on those during his tough periods. But that still does not make his behaviour acceptable or reasonable. His personality should NEVER reflect what he went through and torment us in the process, especially when we had nothing to do with his past.

What bothers me the most is his arrogance and it applies to almost everything. He will never admit fault or say he was wrong.



Noise, and lots of it. Whether it's slamming doors, using utensils or other objects, obnoxiously loud phone calls when others are still sleeping etc... It feels like a parade is going on as soon as he wakes up. It's ridiculous. I wish it was as simple as the cheese grater or whatever.

Oh yeah, ok. I see he has no respect for you all. He's got no fear either. I think there's also some hatred, a resentment, a root of bitterness that he thinks it is a way of giving some grief to you lot who he envies, and who are not giving him the compassion that he feels that you should be giving him, so he enjoys it. It's a way of making you miserable to pale his own misery. Your anger about it would secretly fuel him.

When you say that he has been deprived of respect and validation through tough times.. what is this background? Is he a foster brother, or a half brother or something? What is the respect and validation all about? With that background it might be easy to see how a few words can put a new perspective on things.

 

[Greg J.]

... But that still does not make his behaviour acceptable or reasonable. ...

This is true.

His personality should NEVER reflect what he went through and torment us in the process, especially when we had nothing to do with his past.

This is a fantasy and is not something Jesus taught. He taught to act out of love even if it causes you horrible suffering. If you find this impossible, then perhaps you will gain insight into how impossible it is for him to deny the influence of the sinful nature.

 

[tdidymas]

Thank you all again for replying. Your comments certainly help to assess my situation. It's giving me ideas on what to do next.



You know, what you said in the beginning of your comment is somewhat similar to what my mum said a couple of days ago. He went through several issues that caused him to become so defensive and insecure, and now he feels the need to demand respect and validation because he believes he missed out on those during his tough periods. But that still does not make his behaviour acceptable or reasonable. His personality should NEVER reflect what he went through and torment us in the process, especially when we had nothing to do with his past.

What bothers me the most is his arrogance and it applies to almost everything. He will never admit fault or say he was wrong.



Noise, and lots of it. Whether it's slamming doors, using utensils or other objects, obnoxiously loud phone calls when others are still sleeping etc... It feels like a parade is going on as soon as he wakes up. It's ridiculous. I wish it was as simple as the cheese grater or whatever.

Sounds like he has an extreme desire for importance in the family, and that he is fighting for attention (that is, respect). Pride is a psychological stronghold. If you confront the stronghold, it just gets stronger. It takes the wisdom that comes only from God to break it down. Your brother needs the gospel administered to him. Does he claim to be a Christian? If so, then confront him on that basis. If not, then he needs to know that his identity is worthless until it is grounded in Christ, then it becomes worthy in a great way. He needs to know the love of Christ is sufficient for him, despite how the love of his family was inadequate for him.

I get the idea that his issue won't be resolved until he submits to Christ. In the meantime, a psychologist might know how to deal with it. You might experiment with suggestions in this site:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...03/20-expert-tactics-dealing-difficult-people
TD

 

[One God]

You must maintain your belief in a forgiving God and that He wants you to forgive the selfishness of you relation.
You must, for your own salvation, forgive him and pray for him; rebuke the spirit of self that he displays and release the spirit of God in his life.
Remember that he is not worried about the act as you are worried; he sleeps like a baby and you toss and turn trying to solve the situation; he is free and enjoys life as you place yourself in a prison of anxiety about a situation you cannot change. The more confrontation, the deeper the wound.

Please, pray to Jesus and leave it there; do not pick it up again. God will protect you and you must be prepared to watch the process that the LORD will take him through until he will humble himself.

 

[LightandDark]

Oh yeah, ok. I see he has no respect for you all. He's got no fear either. I think there's also some hatred, a resentment, a root of bitterness that he thinks it is a way of giving some grief to you lot who he envies, and who are not giving him the compassion that he feels that you should be giving him, so he enjoys it. It's a way of making you miserable to pale his own misery. Your anger about it would secretly fuel him.

When you say that he has been deprived of respect and validation through tough times.. what is this background? Is he a foster brother, or a half brother or something? What is the respect and validation all about? With that background it might be easy to see how a few words can put a new perspective on things.

He's my step-dad.

I don't personally think the hatred and resentment comes from envy. It's something he's grown accustomed to because of what he went through with his previous family. He has countless problems with his siblings, relatives, children, and friends and I'm beginning to think he was the main cause of every single one of those issues because of who he is as a person. When it's 40 verses 1 person, I think we can all guess who the bad one is. If his previous family got rid of him like yesterday's garbage, then it explains a lot about him. He's constantly bad mouthing them, yet never tells us what he did to deserve it...

I will speak to everyone today and get everyone up to speed with these conversations and what to do next. Thank you for the response.

Sounds like he has an extreme desire for importance in the family, and that he is fighting for attention (that is, respect). Pride is a psychological stronghold. If you confront the stronghold, it just gets stronger. It takes the wisdom that comes only from God to break it down. Your brother needs the gospel administered to him. Does he claim to be a Christian? If so, then confront him on that basis. If not, then he needs to know that his identity is worthless until it is grounded in Christ, then it becomes worthy in a great way. He needs to know the love of Christ is sufficient for him, despite how the love of his family was inadequate for him.

I get the idea that his issue won't be resolved until he submits to Christ. In the meantime, a psychologist might know how to deal with it. You might experiment with suggestions in this site:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...03/20-expert-tactics-dealing-difficult-people
TD

He's my step-dad.

He claims to be a Christian, yet does not display that sort of christian love and attitude that you'd expect from a genuine believer. If I were to bring his faith, he most likely get aggressive and assume I'm attacking him, just like he did when I politely asked him to stop bothering everyone.

As mentioned in my reply to someone else, he behaves this way because of the issues he went through with his previous family. I won't hesitate to have him thrown out if he continues this way though.

 

[LightandDark]

You must maintain your belief in a forgiving God and that He wants you to forgive the selfishness of you relation.
You must, for your own salvation, forgive him and pray for him; rebuke the spirit of self that he displays and release the spirit of God in his life.
Remember that he is not worried about the act as you are worried; he sleeps like a baby and you toss and turn trying to solve the situation; he is free and enjoys life as you place yourself in a prison of anxiety about a situation you cannot change. The more confrontation, the deeper the wound.

Please, pray to Jesus and leave it there; do not pick it up again. God will protect you and you must be prepared to watch the process that the LORD will take him through until he will humble himself.

I've prayed for a while now, and yet he remains the same. But please, pray for me to have the patience and love needed to deal with this issue.

You can only go so far before someone snaps, and I'm at that stage of blowing up.

Please pray for me.