Struggles with pornography and alcohol, and mental illness

[JosephT]

I suffer from incredibly debilitating mental illness. I have what are called "intrusive thoughts", that is blasphemous, self harming, or otherwise generally disturbing thoughts that never go away. I feel very alone and trapped in this, it has made me ill and started to affect my life to a point that I cannot work or even function like a normal human being. One thing that does not help in this regard is that in order to cope with my loneliness, and in my weakness to my fleshly desire, I cannot escape from the sin of pornography, in tandem with this I get extremely drunk. These have been coping mechanisms, but have over the years just become bad habits. I am seeing a counselor now and he is going to try and help me, but any prayers or advice that could be given.

I feel so disconnected from God. It is to a point where I have even become scared of going to hell, because I can not obey him or escape, so what cause to I have to delight in him? I want God, but I have to also want to want him. I feel incredibly beaten down by it all and just feel like giving up. I have no control over my life, right now I feel "ok" and not likely to fall, but I know that in maybe a week or two I will be right back into the bottle and to the naked women. I HATE THIS it is tearing me apart and making me beg for God to take me now before I fall too far.

 

[Gregorikos]

One of the keys to overcoming pornography addiction is to stop the sexual preoccupation in your mind. As it is, you are watching porn all the time by viewing images and videos stored in your head. This will lead to going further, by going to the internet or other sources for new and more vivid material. It has to stop in your mind. And it can.

I suggest a practice called centering prayer. With all your invasive thoughts, you may find it difficult at first. But pray for God's help. That is a way to train your mind to let those thoughts go. You can do it with God’s help.

 

[adderbolt]

As a new Christian gambling was the outstanding problem for me. So an oath to God was taken, not to stop gambling, but to give away all of my winnings. And it worked (still working) for me after making less then 10 bets and giving away two winnings.

Now pornography is a much different animal but how about this: Pray and take an oath to the Eternal One that you will give away/donate $20 or $50 (or whatever sacrificial sum) each and every time you turn to pornography ???

 

[Sabertooth]

@JosephT, these churches have helped me in the past with mental illnesses,...
The Church & Mental Illness...

 

[Joyous Song]

I suffer from incredibly debilitating mental illness. I have what are called "intrusive thoughts", that is blasphemous, self harming, or otherwise generally disturbing thoughts that never go away. I feel very alone and trapped in this, it has made me ill and started to affect my life to a point that I cannot work or even function like a normal human being. One thing that does not help in this regard is that in order to cope with my loneliness, and in my weakness to my fleshly desire, I cannot escape from the sin of pornography, in tandem with this I get extremely drunk. These have been coping mechanisms, but have over the years just become bad habits. I am seeing a counselor now and he is going to try and help me, but any prayers or advice that could be given.

I feel so disconnected from God. It is to a point where I have even become scared of going to hell, because I can not obey him or escape, so what cause to I have to delight in him? I want God, but I have to also want to want him. I feel incredibly beaten down by it all and just feel like giving up. I have no control over my life, right now I feel "ok" and not likely to fall, but I know that in maybe a week or two I will be right back into the bottle and to the naked women. I HATE THIS it is tearing me apart and making me beg for God to take me now before I fall too far.

JS: our son had a similar situation. It not exactly the same but if your issue is a metal condition that medicine might help tame your mind and help you overcome these sinful thoughts. It helped him and he had several conditions causing his issues. So his doctor is still working to achieve a perfect balance. Still he said his mind is coming under control and this is the first step. Hope this helps.

 

[Lawrence87]

The first thing I would suggest is to avoid the temptation to think that these things are creating a rift between yourself and God. God absolutely loves you more than you can even imagine. Keep turning to Him and he will be merciful.

I've had struggles with guilt and shame because of my sinful passions, but these are further temptations that lead us from God. That is not to say we should not try to overcome our sins, thinking 'nevermind God will forgive us', of course we should make an effort to change, but we should never think of our sins as greater than God's mercy. Saint Paul used to kill Christians, Lord knows how many died under his persecution, and yet the Lord forgave him and he became the leading contributor to the NT.

Acknowledge your weakness before God in prayer. We are all weak, broken, sinful creatures. We should make the prayer of the Publican and ask God to be merciful to us, knowing how much we need His strength. You are aware of your weakness, and this is a much better state to be in than to think 'I do everything perfectly, I have every right to demand whatever I want from God' like the Pharisee. Acknowledge your weakness and ask God for His strength.

With regard to intrusive thoughts, I get these too, but I do not feel they are disturbing enough to seek medical treatment, I know them for what they are and I combat them with the Jesus Prayer 'Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner'---repeating this and giving my mind something to hold on to so I don't get tangled up in intrusive thoughts. If however you feel that these intrusive thoughts are a big issue, then I'd suggest seeking a professional to help you. Also talk to an experienced Spiritual person. We are at war with various spirits that entice us and tempt us by planting various thoughts before us. I have noticed these much more since becoming Christian, the closer we come to God the more things the wicked one devises to try to pull us away from Him. But again, thoughts of self harm ought to be addressed by a professional.

The issues surrounding pornography are something you are very much not alone in. I assume you are single? If that is the case, it is important to recognise that these temptations are probably the hardest to deal with. God knows this. Society is not so conducive to people seeking Christian marriages these days. Many more men and women are single way into their 30s. The easy access of pornography, and the prominence of sexualised imagery that is impossible to ignore are huge factors also. If you have no wife to help you conquer these urges you are going to be in for a struggle. No man is going to switch off these urges overnight, do not make your struggle worse by burdening yourself with guilt and shame over it. God sees the situation you are in, He created these urges to be fulfilled within the context of marriage, yet He knows they are strong and He understands your situation. That is not to say you should excuse yourself, but if you acknowledge your weakness God will help you.

I'd suggest that you don't try to do everything all at once. Accept that you will touch, you can try to do it less, but focus on cutting out the porn first and foremost.

 

[yuli]

I feel your pain and guilt. As someone who has been reconnecting with God and learning to trust again, I can tell you that it's a day by day process. I can relate that there are days where I even feel guilty about praying because I had filthy thoughts and gave in to some form of temptation. As a prayer is an exercise to conform your desires and purposes to His will and glory, I don't think we should think of it as an attempt to have Him agree with us or expect to deliver us what we selfishly desire. I think it's great that you are self aware that you have those unwanted thoughts and you're taking action to seek guidance from an expert. I don't know you obviously but I know that it's a good idea to be able to talk to someone freely about what's bothering you/what's on you chest and perhaps it will make you see clearer where the root of many of your problems lie. Life is a precious gift and you have to fight for what you want at times. It can feel lonely, especially when you are single, and the habits that we develop over the years aren't broken in a matter of days either.. that's why daily practice and repetition to reconnect with God is vital imo. It's about taking back the power over your life, because Life. Is. A. Gift. Stay strong.
and here's a prayer that I think you'll enjoy.