(I am responding to RebekkaH's post in particular, but I welcome and encourage everyone to respond to what I write--I think it applies to everyone else's posts as well while some things may be personal to her--she just did the best job of explaining )
Thank you RebekkaH for your response. I can tell it comes from the heart:
To me, it seems that you are truly struggling to understand an issue--you have not simply decided to stick with your own opinion or you have not simply declared the Church to be wrong. It does not seem you are going out of your way to read material that attacks Catholic teaching or that presents ideas and perspectives that are not compatible with it. You do not seem to happily set out to read well-known dissidents. And I appreciate the fact that you don't actively promote dissent from whatever point you are struggling with--in fact, all posts I have ever read from you have been edifying in all ways rather than undermining in any way. That shows true humility and charity.
As for agreeing with EVERY point, that's not what it's about. It's not about agreeing. Even if you agree with everything, all that amounts to is a nice coincidence. We believe because God is Love, and He can neither deceive nor be deceived, because He would only reveal and command things for our ultimate good because he is perfect love, not a fallen human being--he loves us perfectly with perfect knowledge of all things. And it is the most fundamental and important truth of the Catholic faith, that the Church, who's Head is Jesus Christ and whose Soul is the Holy Spirit, faithfully hands down what Our Father has left for us, so that we may all be enflamed by the fullness of His love--so that we may bring that love to all people in every nation for all of time. Even if I did not understand why a specific point that is handed down is good for me or for others, I would trust in God's love for us, that He knows better than me.
When Our Father spoke to Abraham and told Him to go sacrifice his only son, Abraham did not understand. He could have easily responded to God that His request was clearly unreasonable and that he couldn't see how that would help him--in fact, it seems only like harm. He could have accused God of not being compassionate. Abraham could have told Him that losing his only son would alter his life too much before he is ready. Our heavenly Mother, an unwed teenager, could have made the same protestation--I don't understand, I am not ready, this will change my life too much. But, like Abraham, she trusted in God's love. So did the Apostles and other saints and martyrs who were called to leave everything behind to follow Him. They did not say, I am not ready Lord. Our Lord Jesus Christ, the incarnation of Love, rebuked a young man for that very sentiment. Our Lord Himself suffered terribly in the prime of life. This is what faith is. We all have weakness and we fall and we struggle to follow Jesus' call. But to say, "I am not ready" or "I have good reason to say no" instead of taking up our Cross, just seems so contrary to the spirit of Christ to me, to that responsibility we undertake by Our Baptism and Confirmation. I know it may be just one point, but its roots reach down to the very foundation of what it means to be a Catholic--that complete and unconditional surrender to God's love for us no matter how difficult it seems.
Yes, we are bound to conscience--but we must understand true conscience (CCC 1776-1802). One aspect of true conscience is that an erring conscience can be culpable for certain reasons--one of which, for a Catholic, is rejection of Church teaching (1792). The CCC also says something very beautiful (1785): "We must also examine our conscience before the Lord's Cross." If our conscience conflicts with what has been taught by the Church, is it because our conscience is blameless, or is it because we are afraid of the Cross? Are we afraid of crucifying ourselves, of nailing our hearts to its foot? Are we afraid of such radical, selfless love?
I don't want anyone to leave the Church--physically, but most importantly, spiritually. I could never encourage anyone to remain spiritually separate. Again, you seem to be sincerely struggling to receive it all. But there are those who have chosen to reject certain articles of faith, to jettison them completely, or to desire to change them to be more "compassionate" or "reasonable." Even if rejection of such a point only directly results in the sin of error, it implicitly rejects that most fundamental dogma, rejection of which does separate oneself from the Church, even if that person still sits in a Catholic pew and does charity for Catholic organizations--because it is a sin against faith. And that is heartbreaking. Even St. Paul and St. John, the Apostle of Love, advise that some people need to leave for a little while--not to be mean to them or to do them harm, but for their own good and for the good of the rest of the Body so that they can return for the better. It is not for me, however, to determine who this applies to. But my trouble still remains:
If one in good conscience could not hold to that fundamental principle, conscience would demand not claiming to profess a faith that does accept it as unrenounceable. By remaining Catholic and in a state of incredulity, one remains in a lose-lose situation. Either his conscience is culpable for the incredulity or he is betraying his conscience by participating in something his conscience tells him is not right.
As I said, I do not want anyone to do anything but to be completely abandoned to God's love in the fullness of the Catholic faith. I want people to stay and struggle with points they do not understand--I want to provide whatever help I can. But as I said before, when there are religions with all the externals of Catholicism, where one is free to profess the entire Catholic faith, but where conscience is given the liberty to be incredulous on any point, I do not see how it can be anything but a betrayal of conscience to remain Catholic if one's good conscience says the Catholic faith is not what it claims to be. Again, I do not want anyone to go elsewhere, I just want to understand how anything good can come to one's soul in this contradictory position.
Thank you for your answer
QuantaCura. I think that you may never understand and therefore agree with my position, but that's OK - at least with me; I can handle disagreements really well if there is respect on both sides (which is the case here).
Funny that you mention Abraham, because I have difficulty understanding why he did what he did. However, there's a difference between Abraham and me: God spoke directly to Abraham and not to me. If God told me directly to do something, I think I would do it too.
You said: "But to say, "I am not ready" or "I have good reason to say no" instead of taking up our Cross, just seems so contrary to the spirit of Christ to me, to that responsibility we undertake by Our Baptism and Confirmation. I know it may be just one point, but its roots reach down to the very foundation of what it means to be a Catholic--that complete and unconditional surrender to God's love for us no matter how difficult it seems."
I can only speak from my own experiences - well, it concerns my own faith so why not? - but let me tell you this: I came back to the church (that I had left in my late teens) through reasoning. I'm wired that way. I must believe through understanding. If I didn't understood - not felt, but
understood - that God exists and that He died for me and that He loves me - then I would still be agnostic. I don't understand why I should take up a cross that I don't see. Until it makes sense, I can't take up that cross. I will suffer for a good cause, but not for something that seems silly to me.
Also, the church has changed its views in the past. People have been burned for things that are no longer herecies: the earth is round, the earth revolves around the sun. Were the people who had "heretical" ideas that are OK now, sinning because they followed their conscience but erred? Did they err, or did the church err?
I am not ready to accept a certain teaching, I'm just not. Perhaps I'm a bad catholic for that. I think a lot of people are imperfect in their faith and I am certainly not perfect in mine. But I am catholic. As I already said, there is no alternative for me. Theologically, morally, dogmatically I have the most in common with the catholic church. I seek perfection there, not outside the church. Jesus didn't hang out with perfect people, and I hope that He would have hung out with me.
My struggle in that one, non-dogmatic, IMO non-infallible teaching has EVERYTHING to do with abuse in my childhood. I am deeply traumatized. I am so broken, you can't imagine. I don't think that the church takes personal circumstances into account with this teaching, that's all. I can't imagine that God wants to see me deeply unhappy - call me weak, I am weak, I don't care. I am more capable to take my own personal circumstances into account than the catechism, which was written by people who don't know me. Bad things would come from it if I did what the church asked from me here - at least at this point, as long as I am not healed in this department. Frankly, I don't know if I can ever be healed. Believe me, I pray for understanding of the doctrine every day, I pray that I may accept it every day. It has given me a lot of grief because I want to obey the church that I love. But so far I do not understand at all. I don't know that the church is wrong on this - I only know that I don't understand it. If God told me directly what to do, that would help.