Porn stuggle

[Thomas2021]

Hi, please give me some advice on this. If you have overcome a porn addiction, please share bits of your experience. I am 26, not married.

Last year I had my porn addiction shattered. I went months without watching porn. However, I started relapsing this year I think (or late last year). It started small, by peeking on social media, and then later full blown porn site relapse.

Now in the recent months I have tried multiple times to quit. Lasting for a few days, then relapse. I have stored away my smartphone for a while, and have restrictions on my iPad.

I have been questioning if I am experiencing some withdrawal symptoms that cause mental discomfort, because I do experience that and often can feel tempted to watch porn to feel better. I feel like a hypocrite and dirty.
It feels like a drug. I have quit nicotine before, and for comparison, porn is way harder to quit for me! A LOT harder.


Some questions for those whom are struggling, or have been struggling with porn in the past:

1. Do/ did you experience withdrawal symptoms after abstaining from porn? What kind?

2. At what point does it start to get easier for you, after quitting porn?

3. What are som helpful techniques?

 

[Lost4words]

Think of Jesus crucified every time you are drawn to your addiction my friend. He suffered and died for your sin. Place a crucifix infront of your ipad / computer.

God bless you...

 

[Daniel Marsh]

Hi, please give me some advice on this. If you have overcome a porn addiction, please share bits of your experience. I am 26, not married.

Last year I had my porn addiction shattered. I went months without watching porn. However, I started relapsing this year I think (or late last year). It started small, by peeking on social media, and then later full blown porn site relapse.

Now in the recent months I have tried multiple times to quit. Lasting for a few days, then relapse. I have stored away my smartphone for a while, and have restrictions on my iPad.

I have been questioning if I am experiencing some withdrawal symptoms that cause mental discomfort, because I do experience that and often can feel tempted to watch porn to feel better. I feel like a hypocrite and dirty.
It feels like a drug. I have quit nicotine before, and for comparison, porn is way harder to quit for me! A LOT harder.


Some questions for those whom are struggling, or have been struggling with porn in the past:

1. Do/ did you experience withdrawal symptoms after abstaining from porn? What kind?

2. At what point does it start to get easier for you, after quitting porn?

3. What are som helpful techniques?

Locate accountability software where email listing the websites you visit sent to a shepherd. By Shepard, I mean like a sponsor for AA.

 

[Rene Loup]

Sexual immorality is a common and hard to overcome sin. Hard, but not impossible, because with God, all things are possible (Luke 18:26-27, Mark 10:26-27, Matthew 19:25-26). I also strongly recommend doing research on how it affects people, both the actors/actresses and the viewers.

Here is to start you off:

Home - Fight the New Drug

YouTube.com - The Fuel Project - The "M" Word Series.

Here is a three-step process I use with my own sexual sins. I use them in combination whenever the temptation arrives. Basically, Rebuke, Pray, and Quote Scripture. Do it whenever needed and NEVER GIVE UP!!!

REBUKE
(Acts 16:16-18, Luke 10:17-20, Matthew 28:18)​

Every time you are tempted to look at porn, say out loud:

"This is someone's daughter." or "She has a name. Her name is [name]."
(Matthew 5:27-30, Proverbs 17:6, Psalms 127:3-5)

"The Lord rebuke you."
(Jude 1:8-10, Zechariah 3:1-2)

The context of truth is more important than the actual wording. There are Bibles with reading levels ranging from Grades 3 to 12.[1]

1. What are the reading levels of the Bibles on Bible Gateway?

Pray & Fast
(Acts 19:11-16, Mark 9:26-29, Matthew 17:19-21)

Bible Book Abbreviations​

Pray to God for help. The Lord's Prayer is a good start:

Jesus Teaches About Prayer
5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites. They love to stand in the synagogues and on the street corners and pray loudly. They want people to see them pray. I tell you the truth. They already have their full reward. 6 When you pray, you should go into your room and close the door. Then pray to your Father who cannot be seen. Your Father can see what is done in secret, and he will reward you.

7 “And when you pray, don’t be like those people who don’t know God. They continue saying things that mean nothing. They think that God will hear them because of the many things they say. 8 Don’t be like them. Your Father knows the things you need before you ask him. 9 So when you pray, you should pray like this:

‘Our Father in heaven,
we pray that your name will always be kept holy.
10 We pray that your kingdom will come.
We pray that what you want will be done,
here on earth as it is in heaven.
11 Give us the food we need for each day.
12 Forgive the sins we have done,
just as we have forgiven those who did wrong to us.
13 And do not cause us to be tested;
but save us from the Evil One.’
[The kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours forever. Amen.]

14 Yes, if you forgive others for the things they do wrong, then your Father in heaven will also forgive you for the things you do wrong. 15 But if you don’t forgive the wrongs of others, then your Father in heaven will not forgive the wrong things you do.

~Matthew 6:5-15 (ICB)

Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 6 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 6 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 6 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 6 - International Children’s Bible

Pray to God to help you develop the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:13-26). Here is a daily prayer I use:

Character Development Prayer

Dear, Father God…​

Thank You for putting me in a time and place where someone like me may have a chance at life. Thank You for guiding, protecting, loving, and never leaving nor forsaking me, even during my worst moments (Deut. 31:6, John 3:16, Ps. 91). Though it may not feel like it at times, the truth shall make me free (John 8:31-32, 14:6-7, 14:15-27).

I pray to You for Christ-like character development through the Fruit of the Spirit. Today, this is known as ‘Emotional Intelligence,’ and is recognized as more important than intelligence and talent. I pray to You to allow The Holy Spirit to continue helping me learn and apply the Fruit of the Spirit in my daily life, so I may grow in humility, maturity, positive character, self-discipline, and Christ-like love, empathy, and compassion towards others and myself (1 Cor. 9:24-27, 13:1-13, Eph. 4:25-32, Gal. 5:13-26, Luke 16:1-15, Phil. 2:1-11).

I pray to You to continue allowing The Holy Spirit to renew my mind, heal my wounds, and help me learn and apply Love, Kindness, Gentleness, Goodness, Self-Control, Patience, Faithfulness, Peace, and Joy (Gal. 5:22-26, Ps. 147:1-6, Rom. 12:1-3). I pray for the Fruit of the Spirit in thought, word, and deed (Col. 3:15-17, Matt. 5:1-7:29, Rom. 2:5-11). Please transform me into the person You want me to be, so I may serve You better each and every day, for the rest of my life (Ex. 20:2-7, Josh. 24:15).

I also pray to You to help me overcome all of the Acts of the Flesh, especially [name the ones you struggle with most] (1 Cor. 10:13, Gal. 5:19-21). I pray to You to continue helping me learn and apply forgiveness, to learn from my past experiences, and never dwell on them (Col. 3:13, Eph. 4:32, Matt. 18:21-35). I am a new creation in the Lord Jesus Christ, and I will not suffer forever (2 Cor. 5:16-21, John 3:16, Rev. 21:1-8).

Basically, I pray to You to help me learn and apply loving You with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength, and loving others as myself, even when used, abused, and rejected (Ex. 20:1-17, Luke 10:25-37, Mark 12:28-34, Matt. 22:34-40, 1 Pet. 3:8-22, Rom. 13:8-10). I also pray this over [names of people and communities], so we may all continue an economy of empathy and compassion (1 Cor. 13, Eph. 6:10-20, Matt. 5:43-48).

Give us this day our daily bread, nourishment to our hearts, minds, and souls (Luke 11:3, Matt. 6:11).

In the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. Amen and amen.​

Another prayer I use whenever temptation comes:

God, I pray to You that when it comes to women, let my future wife be my only desire. Amen.

There is also fasting, as mentioned in the Bible passages provided under this section's title. I personally see that as things like detoxing, medicine, and therapy. NEVER DISCOUNT THESE!!!

QUOTING SCRIPTURE
(John 8:44, 14:6, 14:14-31, Luke 4:1-13, Matthew 4:1-11, 2 Timothy 3:15-17)​

I also recommend quoting the following Scripture out loud:

Use Your Bodies for God’s Glory
12 “I am allowed to do all things.” But not all things are good for me to do. “I am allowed to do all things.” But I must not do those things that will make me their slave. 13 “Food is for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” Yes. But God will destroy them both. The body is not for sexual immorality. The body is for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body. 14 By God’s power God raised the Lord Jesus from death. And God will also raise us from death. 15 Surely you know that your bodies are parts of Christ himself. So I must never take parts of Christ and join them to a prostitute! 16 It is written in the Scriptures, “The two people will become one body. So you should know that a man who joins himself with a prostitute becomes one with her in body. 17 But the one who joins himself with the Lord is one with the Lord in spirit.

18 So run away from sexual immorality. Every other sin that a person does is outside the body. But those who are sexually immoral sin against their own bodies. 19 You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. You do not own yourselves. 20 You were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies.

~1 Corinthians 6:12-20 (ICB)

Bible Gateway passage: 1 Corinthians 6 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: 1 Corinthians 6 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: 1 Corinthians 6 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: 1 Corinthians 6 - International Children’s Bible

9 But if they cannot control their bodies, then they should marry. It is better to marry than to burn with lust.

~1 Corinthians 7:9 (ICB)

Bible Gateway passage: 1 Corinthians 7 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: 1 Corinthians 7 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: 1 Corinthians 7 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: 1 Corinthians 7 - International Children’s Bible

Jesus Teaches About Adultery
27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You must not be guilty of adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman with lust, he has already committed adultery with her in his mind. 29 If your right eye causes you to sin, then take it out and throw it away. It is better to lose one part of your body than to have your whole body thrown into hell. 30 If your right hand causes you to sin, then cut it off and throw it away. It is better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

~Matthew 5:27-30 (ICB)

Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 5 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 5 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 5 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: Matthew 5 - International Children’s Bible

15 And he said: “Listen to me, King Jehoshaphat! Listen, all you people living in Judah and Jerusalem! The Lord says this to you: ‘Don’t be afraid or discouraged because of this large army. The battle is not your battle. It is God’s battle.

~2 Chronicles 20:15 (ICB)

Bible Gateway passage: 2 Chronicles 20 - King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: 2 Chronicles 20 - New King James Version
Bible Gateway passage: 2 Chronicles 20 - New International Version
Bible Gateway passage: 2 Chronicles 20 - International Children’s Bible

There are definitely more, but these are the ones I am currently the most familiar with. I strongly encourage you to read, study, and KNOW Scripture on a daily basis.

Take care, stay safe, and God bless!

On March 24, 2021, at roughly 10:30 PM Eastern Time, I have updated this post with an added rebuke: "She has a name..." I hope this greatly helps out, God willing! God bless!

 

[Willing-heart]

Lord Jesus, let every chain be broken from me, as I’m bound in Your grace, for Your yoke is easy Your burden is light. O Lord, may my heart always be set on your Kingdom. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Amen & Amen.

Have a read through this blog:

Defeating Addiction

Deal with Sin!

 

[Sketcher]

1. Do/ did you experience withdrawal symptoms after abstaining from porn? What kind?

Sure.

2. At what point does it start to get easier for you, after quitting porn?

I couldn't tell you, but there have been guys who have relapsed after 2 years. I don't count days anymore.

3. What are som helpful techniques?

None that work reliably and that I can't get around. Talking myself out of the lies that make it look like the thing to do helps . . . for a while.

 

[Paulomycin]

If you're married (I noticed you're not, but please hear me out anyway), I voluntarily handed the keys over to my wife some time ago. She didn't even know until I told her. No shame in admitting that. You do what you gotta do. My ISP has some pretty strict parental controls, I must admit. But I don't miss anything, because I'm no longer in a position to look for it. Period.

And I flat refuse to get a smartphone. BTW, smartphones will make it easier to get caught. Happened to Ravi. Happened to my uncle-in-law. The big lie people tell themselves is, "I'm strong enough to tease myself with this." <-- That is, until you break. . .which is pretty much what you're after, right? Giving in to the temptation? One thing leads to another, as they say, and so in no time, you'll want to act-out on stuff you see online. So if you don't want your wife to leave you and your kids to hate you, or worse, I'd suggest ditching the phone and getting someone you really trust to lock you out, but that's just me. -Philippians 2:12 Take care, and I'll be praying for you.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Never give up is the best advice I can give. Put the thought out of your mind as soon as it hits you. Stay busy, and pray for help.

I assure you, it can be defeated, even if it takes some time.

 

[Gregorikos]

Hi, please give me some advice on this. If you have overcome a porn addiction, please share bits of your experience. I am 26, not married.

Last year I had my porn addiction shattered. I went months without watching porn. However, I started relapsing this year I think (or late last year). It started small, by peeking on social media, and then later full blown porn site relapse.

Now in the recent months I have tried multiple times to quit. Lasting for a few days, then relapse. I have stored away my smartphone for a while, and have restrictions on my iPad.

I have been questioning if I am experiencing some withdrawal symptoms that cause mental discomfort, because I do experience that and often can feel tempted to watch porn to feel better. I feel like a hypocrite and dirty.
It feels like a drug. I have quit nicotine before, and for comparison, porn is way harder to quit for me! A LOT harder.


Some questions for those whom are struggling, or have been struggling with porn in the past:

1. Do/ did you experience withdrawal symptoms after abstaining from porn? What kind?

2. At what point does it start to get easier for you, after quitting porn?

3. What are som helpful techniques?

Your big mistake was how you handled your relapse. Most people do relapse, especially about 6 months after recovery. It usually starts just like it did with you- "small.... peeking on social media." It is very common for addicts to do exactly that.

Then you rationalized it. You minimized it. "Well when I saw it was porn I looked away." You told yourself it wasn't bad enough to have to tell somebody. And that's where you messed up. You tried to fight it without help, and we cannot do that.

If you had made a phone call that first day, there probably wouldn't have been a second day. And it wouldn't have been so bad. "I looked at some accounts on Twitter I shouldn't have, and there were some explicit photos on some of them."

Instead the issue grew exponentially, because you kept it a secret. Remember we are only as sick as our darkest secrets. Tell on the devil. Don't hide it.

Another thing point that is important is the addiction cycle:

Remember that if you are ANYWHERE on this chart, you're on the addiction cycle. So preoccupation with sexual thoughts and images has you on the cycle. You can put all the blockers on your devices that you want to. You can throw them all away if you want to. But if you continue to allow yourself to meditate on sexual imagery and fantasy, you will eventually move forward on the cycle and act out. That's the way it works. You have to take those thoughts captive. And having friends you can talk to helps a bunch. Then you will slowly find that your mind is being renewed.

and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalms 19:14 (NIV)

Hit me up if I can help.

 

[Thomas2021]

Thank you, people, for taking your time to reply! Very kind of you
I will break this perverse addiction!

 

[Thomas2021]

Anyone have a recommendation for something I could replace the (sinful) “pleasure” of porn with? I have been thinking about starting with energy drinks, I don’t drink them now.

Is it a good idea to use candy or energy drinks to soothe my mind when withdrawals become strong? Tell me what you think.

 

[dms1972]

In addition to the good counsel already given in this thread. One way is to examine core beliefs about oneself, about men and women, about sex and about God. Indeed to pray for God to search one's heart as in Psalm 139, and allow Him to show us where these need correcting.

I'm going through a withdrawal (a few weeks into it) myself at the moment after a relapse. I think there are symptoms when breaking away from porn, but these may be less physical than substance addiction and more of an emotional nature. See this article.

Do Compulsive/Addicted Porn Users Experience Withdrawal When They Quit? - Seeking Integrity

Patrick Carnes book Out of the Shadows has some good info on the addictive system and addicts belief system - his book is non-religious but does suggest a 12 step approach and seeking the help of a "Power greater than ourselves..." - I think we need not merely a power greater than ourselves but a Person greater - even three Persons - the Triune God!!

Christian books that you might want to look up :

Addictions : A Banquet in the Grave (Edward Welch)
Illusions of Intimacy : Signa and Conlee Bodishbaugh

Secular books that might nonetheless have some useful info :

Routledge International Handbook of Sexual Addiction : (Editors) Thaddeus Birchard / Joanna Benfield
Overcoming Sex Addiction : Thaddeus Birchard

The latter I have only glanced at online - it seems to be based around a Values Clarification / CBT approach as far as I can tell. While you might be able to glean (prayerfully) some helpful info from these secular books - it remains the case that some of them are based on an "I want to change and I can do it..." approach - ie. more on ego-strength and on a 'bio-psycho-social' framework , rather than faith-based.

As regards replacing porn with something - if you can try and socialise a bit (this is where I struggle I must admit) and take up hobbies that are creative - such as gardening or wood-working or a musical instrument to give a few examples - things that take you away from the Internet and require you to expend a bit of effort and physical energy - but that you'll see some results from.

The issue is the addictive system not merely the porn (it just happens to be centred around porn for some people). Energy drinks can afterwards result in energy crash and depressed mood so be careful of the context if you use them, one can end up just exchanging one addiction for another.

I've engaged in at least two 'addictions' running concurrently at times in the past.

Hope something there is of use.

 

[bèlla]

What is it feeding? What do you lack that porn is replacing? That’s your starting point. If you’re craving intimacy, companionship, stress relief, etc. you have to remind yourself it isn’t the solution or a healthy coping mechanism. It’s a snare that adds more to your plate.

Acknowledge the problem. I’m lonely, I want someone to share my life with, and so on. But this isn’t enough. This isn’t the solution I’m seeking. Say it aloud when the urge comes.

You have to reprogram your thoughts. Your body is calling the shots. Not your head or spirit. That’s the lower man. Read Watchman Nee’s Spiritual Man. It will give you a lot to chew on.

~bella

 

[dms1972]

For the OP - I read one time that the following song was about overcoming sexual temptation perhaps in relation to porn.

 

[JamesSmith112]

I would recommend staying off screen based entertainment as much as possible, the whole lot is built on pornography in my opinion.

 

[Verv]

I am married so my situation is different. Sadly, it was not until I was married that I was able to really kick this bad habit.

My biggest advice is this:

- Use the Rewire app (or something similar) to track yourself and give you motivation; I use an app to track my sobriety, and it honestly helps me feel confident & and like I'm accomplishing something.

- Selective social media - I do almost everything through telegram, and the only people I have on Facebook are mostly in a private group or messages, so I am not exposed to crazy stuff there. I've also literally "unfollowed" people who are real life friends & family that I cannot "unfriend" but whose content can be triggering.

- Scheduling - Have a full agenda for the day. Many people have an issue where there's a certain time where they feel lonely or they just navigate themselves into smut on the internet... But, instead, you need to say,

"8 PM I go on the computer -- I will check some forums & websites I like for 20 minutes, but then I am going to play a computer game until 10 PM."

And do exactly that.

It seems weird but scheduling your video game can feel good, and keep you on track.

This is also a great time to start scheduling in exercise you may have always wanted to do.

- Know the cost - smut literally destroys the sexual drives of men in relationships. ENdless stories of relationships & marriages destroyed.

Smut gives a whole bunch of men sexual disorders.

Think that every time you look at it, you are physically damaging yourself, because it's true.

It's not just about your Christian faith -- which is the most important thing -- it's also about physically disrupting yuor sexual health and setting up your future relationships for failure.