My questions

[puregrl]

Well i never said i hated myself and never said anything about positions so not sure where you getting those ideas from, certainly i never indicated anything of the sort.

No, but you did mention your looks in a less than satisfactory way. I just know men want a women who is satisfied with who she is, sure of herself, confident...not overly so...just someone who seems to love life.
Good to get that clear. From your previous comments it just appeared as if you thought the christian way of sex consisted of a more quiet, typical methods than a deep super passionate "hanging form the chandeliers" kind of sex. My mistake. I apologize.

 

[Goodbook]

Chandeliers?

Are you well off to be able to afford chandeliers?

Anyway, not sure what to do with that mental image.

Im just saying Man judges on outer appearance, God judges on the heart. For many couples, well if they not christian or even if they are, they seemed to have judged their other half on outward appearances, eg they were attractive, sexy, whatever.

Which is a shame because later they found out through living in close proximity with them that its the heart that truly matters not what they happened to look like or what 'assets' they had when they first dated.

 

[Goodbook]

New question what is most attractive to you about your spouse?

 

[Dave-W]

Are you well off to be able to afford chandeliers?

There are chandeliers and then there are chandeliers:

 

[Goodbook]

Well i wouldnt know as dont have any, look like murder to dust!

 

[Darkhorse]

Well i wouldnt know as dont have any, look like murder to dust!

The ornate ones are; the only real way to clean them is to take all the crystals off and wash them with water and detergent. While they're off, I scrub the frame with a toothbrush.

New question what is most attractive to you about your spouse?

Now, I think it's the fact that she really loves me. She shows it all the time, even in little ways when she's asleep.

Initially, it was her intelligence, combined with her warm personality. Intelligence by itself can be very cold.

 

[puregrl]

Chandeliers?

Are you well off to be able to afford chandeliers?

Anyway, not sure what to do with that mental image.

Im just saying Man judges on outer appearance, God judges on the heart. For many couples, well if they not christian or even if they are, they seemed to have judged their other half on outward appearances, eg they were attractive, sexy, whatever.

Which is a shame because later they found out through living in close proximity with them that its the heart that truly matters not what they happened to look like or what 'assets' they had when they first dated.

must be an american expression.
There does need to be a physical attraction in a relationship. Though looks do change over time, initally many seek someone out due to physical attraction. Over time, the emotional attraction grows...and we learn things about them that we love, and cannot see. Many times, the person will become increasingly physically attractive as we spend more time with them. So everything should not depend on physical attraction, but it should not be completely dismissed as well.

New question what is most attractive to you about your spouse?

physically- i love his eyes! and his height with the long arms...very comforting
emotionally- too much to name...but I love his ambition, kind heartedness, sweet spirit, how he treats others....and on and on and on.

 

[Goodbook]

Is it a physical attraction or a spiritual attraction do you think.
Why do you think physical attraction is important, initially? It seems to me that people prioritize that and emotions over spiritual attractiveness. Why?

 

[Goodbook]

Why the heights and long arms...is it because they are longer than yours and can reach more things, they are taller than you so can see more..
What is it about the eyes?

Just wondering. I think people are all so different its interesting to see what people find attractive and why.

Intelligence, why...like can you give an example of their intellect thats attractive to you, and warm personality. What is it about that? Be specific.

Is it true opposites attract or...is it like minds are better?

 

[Poppyseed78]

..

 

[Darkhorse]

The phrase "hanging from the chandeliers" or "swinging from the chandeliers" is an American idiom for "having wild, uninhibited sex". Christian sex doesn't have to be subdued and quiet.

People probably notice physical attraction sooner than spiritual or personality attraction, but not always. When I met my wife she had some physical characteristics I really like, but overall, most guys would not consider her attractive. After talking to her for a few minutes, I noticed her intelligence, her lack of ego and pretense, her common sense, her command of language, and her appreciation of values that I share. She admired Gandhi and T. S. Eliot and loved beaches. I sensed more compatibility on more things (including spiritual things), and we found that to be true.

Warm personality? The examples that come to mind are probably TMI for our conversation here, but...the first time I kissed her, I found a ready, willing, passionate lady wearing a restrained, polite exterior, waiting for me to make the first move. I tend to be cynical and suspicious; she's more innocent and social.

In a sense, we are opposites in minor things, but alike in the deeper things that matter most.

 

[puregrl]

Is it a physical attraction or a spiritual attraction do you think.
Why do you think physical attraction is important, initially? It seems to me that people prioritize that and emotions over spiritual attractiveness. Why?

Its just the science of sex appeal. People, who are looking for someone to marry, generally wont look at a person that they find unattractive and strike up a conversation with them over someone they find attractive. It is that first look that reels people in. We look for people who have features we like, and often who look similar to us or how we view ourselves. When you say spiritual attractiveness what do you mean?

Why the heights and long arms...is it because they are longer than yours and can reach more things, they are taller than you so can see more..
What is it about the eyes?

Just wondering. I think people are all so different its interesting to see what people find attractive and why.

Intelligence, why...like can you give an example of their intellect thats attractive to you, and warm personality. What is it about that? Be specific.

Is it true opposites attract or...is it like minds are better?

I have always liked taller men...though that is not hard because I am only 5'1. It is nice having someone tall around the house to reach things...but i generally climb when i need to reach something. I think when a tall guy, with long arms, wraps his arms around me it makes me feel safe. Like i am enveloped in his arms, I am loved deeply and I am safe.
You can tell a lot by looking in peoples eyes. You can see pain, you can see joy, sometimes you can see emptiness. With my husbands eyes, I saw a sense of peace, and kindness...like he would never hurt a fly or speak a negative word.
I agree =) I love talking with others about relationships! It is why I am studying marriage therapy.

Well, my husband is very smart! He loves using big words, and I love learning big words so that's fun for me. When he speaks about stuff he does at work (he has a big admin job), he always speaks in a way that is not condescending like "look at me and my important job", he always does it in a way that I understand and in a way I enjoy listening to. He is also very good with numbers and can whip up a spreadsheet and do calculations like nobody's business =)
As far as his warm personality, he always speaks with kindness and love. He is very easy to talk to, and is always genuinely interested in what people have to say.

As far as opposites attracting vs like minds...this is a well debated theory. The thought of opposites attracting is called complementary needs theory. This is just when we select someone who possesses the qualities we lack, but desire. (I am quite, I like people who are outgoing). Obviously there are some traits where opposites are good. If you are very chatty, you dont want someone who interrupts you all the time because they are equally chatty. But you also want to find someone similar to you. If you love to travel, you dont want someone who is a homebody. So generally, it is someone who has the same values and beliefs as you.

 

[Goodbook]

Spiritual attractiveness. Its like when God saw David and he was like the runt of the family but he saw his HEART not his physical appearance. So He chose to anoint David.

I think God can see into the heart of people and when we are christians we learn to see peoples hearts and not just their outward appearance, and I think that must be true for marriage as well, that youd marry someone who had a heart for God. Or maybe for you!

Because its out if the heart we believe. Of course with only born again christians because weve been given a new heart.

I dont know about those who are unregenerated. Maybe they just only look on the outside. Appearances can be deceptive.

 

[puregrl]

Appearances are deceptive and do fade, which is why you dont put everything into looks. Only God can see the hearts of people, know their thoughts and see their true intentions. All we can see is the result of their actions or thoughts. As a christian, you definitely want to marry someone who desires a relationship with Christ. It is part of the like-mindedness I was speaking of. But you want to marry someone who loves every part of you. Not someone who is like "ya, she hit every branch on the ugly tree during that fall down...but man she loves Jesus so shes my lady". No, you want someone who finds you attractive in every way. Someone who looks at you, and when you find yourself to be ugly, they see beauty both inside and out.

 

[Goodbook]

Well yea, thats obvious. I havent met anyone whos christian who would say someone who loves Jesus is ugly though.
I think you overstating it, because married people are not always attractive looking otherwise only attractive looking people would be ever be married. I mean everyone gets dressed up for their wedding day but they dont always look that way and cant. Also its really not true ONLY God can see into peoples hearts. There is a thing as kindred spirits. If the holy spirit is the one that seeks the intents and purposes of the heart. And we are christians with the holy spirit within us..then wouldnt your heart leap when you are close to another of the same kind. You would just know.

It really is no good if your spouse loves Jesus but you dont. If you dont love Jesus it may be you probably be the one saying all about the ugly stuff which is cruel and it shows you STILL judging on outward appearances.

To a non christian, if you say well i like my spouse because she or he LOOKED good, well, it doesnt say anything about that person really i mean worldly people judge on appearances all the time. How is a christian marriage different? There must be a difference otherwise its just an ordinary boring marriage. For looks, convenience, whatever.

 

[Goodbook]

I think Boaz said of Ruth she was virtuous. He didnt even mention, or its not recorded in the bible what she looked like.

Esther of course won the beauty contest.

David commited adultery with bathesheba who he saw naked in the bathtub.
Before that he did see abigails quick thinking and married her after he rhusband died.

Nothing is really said about Mary except she must have been young.

I dont cant think of anyone who is thought of as so physically unatrractive nobody would marry them in the bible. Only jephathats daughter made a vow. Or michela after disproving of davids dancing but that was a bit different she was married, she just had no relations afterward.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder i think..but a christian must see something DEEPER than beauty and charm...i know plenty that only saw beauty or charm and ended up with unbelievers or divorced.

i dont know why am very puzzled that many divorcees and separations happen with christians marriages. Is it that just one is saved and one is a churchgoer and nominal only. Or is it they just ignored God somehwere along the way, and decided to marry just for the sake of it. I dont know..very puzzling.

 

[Goodbook]

Except for the lepers perhaps. I dont think lepers were allowed to marry. But the lepers could be healed.
The eunuchs Jesus said not everyone could understand why they chose not to marry. It wasnt cos they were themselves unattractive, it was because theyd been abused.

Nothing is impossible for God I think.

Hah sorry for rambling i forgot my question. Thanks for responding just having a weird train of thought thats all.

I read somewhere that marriage is all about compromise. Is that good or bad you think. If you are well matched, i would think you wouldnt need to compromise so much, you would both want the same things. We are to be likeminded and of one accord after all.

 

[Armoured]

There are chandeliers and then there are chandeliers:

The important factor is rated anchor point if one intends to swing from them.

 

[Dave-W]

The important factor is rated anchor point if one intends to swing from them.

Indeed, and the strength of the chains.

 

[puregrl]

Also its really not true ONLY God can see into peoples hearts. There is a thing as kindred spirits. If the holy spirit is the one that seeks the intents and purposes of the heart. And we are christians with the holy spirit within us..then wouldnt your heart leap when you are close to another of the same kind. You would just know.

To a non christian, if you say well i like my spouse because she or he LOOKED good, well, it doesnt say anything about that person really i mean worldly people judge on appearances all the time. How is a christian marriage different? There must be a difference otherwise its just an ordinary boring marriage. For looks, convenience, whatever.

Only God can see into the hearts of people (1 Kings 8:39, John 2:24-25, Matthew 9:4, Luke 9:47, 1 Samuel 16:7...). Only God can see peoples intentions and know their thoughts, no human can do that...we were not made to. Kindred spirits are different in that they have the same interests, values, beliefs and such as you...in essence they are just like you. But can you know their thoughts? Their desires? Their intentions? No. Can you know what changes they will make, what makes them who they are? no. All you can see is what they want you to see. You can only see the outward appearance, you can see them show their personality and may even get a glimpse into what scares them or what they want out of life. But no, you cannot see their heart. You can follow your conscious, feel the holy spirit pulling you in certain directions. But that has nothing to do with seeing the heart of another.

Humans judge on appearance all the time...it is the first thing we see when we look at someone. A Christian relationship is different because we have Christ in the center of our marriage. We understand sacrifice and unconditional love in a way that those who dont know Christ cant get. We have that example set, we have that common ground, and we have Christ backing our relationship.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder i think..but a christian must see something DEEPER than beauty and charm...i know plenty that only saw beauty or charm and ended up with unbelievers or divorced.

i dont know why am very puzzled that many divorcees and separations happen with christians marriages. Is it that just one is saved and one is a churchgoer and nominal only. Or is it they just ignored God somehwere along the way, and decided to marry just for the sake of it. I dont know..very puzzling.

Of course we see something deeper than beauty and charm...you cant only look at that in any relationship because they do change. In both Christian and non Christian relationships you have to find common ground, things you enjoy doing together, similar values and goals.

Christian separations and divorce happen for the same reasons non Christians do. They grow apart, fell in love with someone else, fell out of love, got bored, abuse, cheating, felt neglected, the other person stopped caring, too much changed...and on and on. Christians are not immune to the same marital problems that non christians have. Many times, the issue has nothing to do with God.

I read somewhere that marriage is all about compromise. Is that good or bad you think. If you are well matched, i would think you wouldnt need to compromise so much, you would both want the same things. We are to be likeminded and of one accord after all.

Marriage is full of compromise. It is all about thinking of someone else as more important than yourself, placing their needs ahead of your own, wanting to make them happy...this all of course should be reciprocal. Compromise is good, in that it reminds us that the relationship is not just about one person, but two. Unless you marry yourself, you will have to compromise at some point. You will want to eat somewhere he would rather not, and there is compromise. You would rather vacation at the beach and him at the mountains, compromise. You want to see your parents at Christmas and he wants to see his, compromise. You marry someone with similar values, beliefs, goals, activities you enjoy...all that. But as we talked about with marrying someone who is similar vs different...you will also want differences between you as well as similarities, which require compromise.