I need help

[unicorn1]

I need help from a christian perspective. I've only been christian for about 5 months. My husband is going to school to be a minister. I have been in psych treatment since I was 17, now i'm 25. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder by my psychiatrist and bipolar disorder II by my psychologist. i no longer go to see any doctors and am only taking zoloft now because i can't get off of it without side effects. A couple of weeks ago i overdosed on my left over depakote. I was not hospitalized and just recovered by myself. I also ended up hitting my husband and actually hurting myself not him. I also started smoking again.
Anyways the dilema i have is...my husband thinks it's unnecessary for me to take my bipolar meds because they make me numb...therefore not allowing me to learn about life. He thinks it's a big let down if i start them again.
My moods are swinging, I'm extremely sensitive currently. I have big breakthroughs in letting the holy spirit help me. I can be content and unproblematic for a couple weeks at a time.
but i'm wondering if i'm going to get sidetracked again and end up trying to kill myself for the 4th time or so.....please advise me. i need another christian perspective. is this just life? thanks......

 

[Artemisia]

Hello Unicorn1,

I am a Christian iconographer with a manic-depressive illness. I am not taking any meds right now. I tried Serzone and Valproate but couldn't bear the side-effects. I have been taking homoeopathic meds for a while... they helped.

I stopped taking meds after I had Confession and Communion in my native Russian Orthodox church (first time for a few years; I am an active Christian but live in a non-Orthodox country). I felt instant cure of my symptoms. I was sure I am cured, however right now I am feeling the symptoms have returned... irritability and racing thouights.

I think you have to concider taking meds... manic depression has nothing to do with "life experience". Prayers help, Confession and Communion are invaluable help, but I don't think it is possible to manage just by this.

May God help you,

Artemisia

 

[Nazarite]

Unicorn,

I am curious as to whether you are being treated by a secular psychologist. The psychiatrist who is providing you with medication is pretty inconsequential. I would encourage you to continue your work with the psychiatrist and take your medications as prescribed. However, if you are being treated with therapy by a secular psychologist for Borderline Personality D/O I'm afraid you might not get the results you're looking for. I wonder a couple of things: 1) It seems like you may have come from an abusive background (emotional, physical, or sexual), 2) I'm wondering if you were able to sufficiently bond with your biological parents. I would encourage you to speak with your therapist about whether exploring attachment issues would be helpful and whether using a "solution focused" direction might work as well. Hopefully you are also being seen along with your husband by your psychologist.

Eric