Husband seems to have no interest

[savingmyfamily]

I believe I know how you feel. He sounds alot like my husband. He is a believer in christ but to meet him you would never know it. I don't know of any suggestions for you really but I am here if you would like to talk. My husband is either fishing or getting ready to go fishing. He does work and he works hard but once he clocks out at work it is like he has no other concerns but what he wants to do. If I acted like he does in this marriage he certainly would not stay with me. We have been married for 7 years and it just gets worse because I let it. I work full time and take care of everything else. He works and his time off work is his time. I am to my wits end with it all.

Thank you for your post. I will pray for you and your husband. Maybe our husbands go fishing together? Lol. Mine actually is more into hunting but whatever he can find to do. He has been much better this past week. My husband did this when we were first married and then for several years he was a great husband. Today I am not sure where we stand. He really does not get how what he said to me affected me and will always be on the back of my mind. I have told him but, in his mind he said he was sorry and now I need to get over it. I am trying through prayer but I have to admit. I am keeping my head on straight I keep thinking of all the woman I hear about who have been married for 20 something years and their "perfect" marriage comes to a end with no warning. I refuse to be unprepared but I will do everything I can to save my family. Someone once told me "A woman should always have enough money set aside to be able to leave if she needs to" I never have but I think after this, I just might. Is it being untruthful keeping money hidden away just "in case"? I am not sure how I feel about it but, I do think I would feel somewhat more secure. I hope you find some happiness with your husband. I do think we sometimes loose ourselves when we are married. God Bless you!

 

[savingmyfamily]

Although Worknprogress's ideas are sound ... make sure your heart is in the right place. Make sure that you are not trying to make him feel jealous ... because he will know it in your demeanor. You have been married for 14 years after all. You shouldn't want to hurt him.

I understand your frustration although I have not been through it myself. You and your family are inmy prayers.

~M

Thank you. I am not into the whole making him jealous. I did that stuff in High School. It gets you no where. I feel I can only do what I feel is what God ask of me and if someday he decides he (DH) does not want to be with me. I will be able to hold my head up high because I have done what I promised the day I married him. Sometimes that is easier said but I don't ever want my kids to say "you made Daddy leave" Thank you and God Bless you

 

[savingmyfamily]

It sounds like he is thinking of himself alot while not loving you or the children. You should probably explain to your husband how you will not be his nanny and maid only to be divorced when the children grow up. Remind him how he swore to love and cherish you and tell him if the gig's up its time to talk to the minister to see if you still want to be married to him when you could sit back and collect a fat child support check without putting up with his false pretentious nonsense. Put the ball back into your court.

If he relents let him know you will respect him how he wants to be respected but he has to meet you half way by loving you as he should, which means you go where he goes when you want. I suspect he does naughty things on trips he refuses to take you on.

I have put it in God's hands. "If" my husband is doing things he should't while he is away. I can't prove it but, I know one day he will get caught and he will have to answer to God and his children. I am not going to accuse him of anything because I have no reason to believe he is doing anything but going on business trips. Thank you for the post and God Bless you.

 

[savingmyfamily]

My husband was like this until I started making plans of my own. He is only home on weekends. So I get a babysitter (grandparents usually) for my daughter on the weekends. And I go out with friends. He asked where I was going, and I told him out with friends, which is what I always heard. Its funny how when you no longer sit around waiting on your spouse to want you they suddenly do.

Worknprogress, a therapist many years ago told me to do that. Just to live life and not wait on him to do things with me. It does work but as far as going out on weekend nights. I don't want him to think I am out doing things I should't. I would rather spend my time with my kids. I do get out with friends and go to lunch and movies. I am someone who really likes to be at home with my family. I do have plans to spend a weekend with my sisters coming up and we are going to the spa! So, I do get out but, I can't handle staying out just to prove a point to him. He is gone so much anyways that he has no idea what I do with my time.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Really draw near to God. God will show you what to do from here. Your husband needs a serious change of heart and God can do it! I am wondering if he is not into porn, or some other form of heart adultery that might explain his behavior. There are scriptures that speak of a man not treating his wife right, and his prayers being hindered because of it.
1 Peter 3:7

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered .
KJV

This is serious. For his sake he needs to address this. Pray that God will bring Godly men into his life that will speak truth to him. Let God change you where you need to change, but realize it is not all your fault.

Matt 18:15-16

15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
KJV
You may need to take this to your pastor and use church discipline here.

 

[awesome liver]

stopy praying about it and i don't know ... talk to him? if you keep talking long enough, a few words do trickle through.

/guy

 

[trustgod]

I have been married over 10 years. I have two children. My husband is a great person and a believer in Christ. I have a feeling that he has no interest in being my husband or father unless it fits into his schedule. He works all the time and always has. He had picked up all these extra activities which would be fine if...when he was here he was invovled in what the children and I were doing. he seems to have almost no interest in doing things as a family. I feel like he is only here because it is the "right thing to do" He is not a talkitive man so talking to him gets me almost no where. I have prayed about this for years. Any ideas on what I can do?

God Bless

As a husband who is in a marriage similar to yours, I'll give some of my perspective in hopes that it may shed some light on your situation. First, I was always pretty introverted, so dating was something that was very difficult for me. When someone (now my wife) showed interest in me, I was relieved -- I didn't have to move very far outside my shell to date, and eventually marry this person. It's now been 15 years since I met my wife, and I've changed and grown personally, and now in many ways regret marrying to the first person I dated, only in the sense that I was immature (relationship-wise) and didn't know what I really wanted in a mate. Fifteen years later, I find that we are totally different people and have nothing really in common anymore except for the kids.

My marriage has not been good for quite some time. Because we are so different now, there is almost no closeness, or communication. Recently, however, my wife has made some very acerbic comments towards me that show an utter lack of respect. If you read the book Love and Respect, it talks about how men just totally shut down and distance themselves when they are disrepected by their wife. My wife has read this book (we read it together AND went to one of the Love and Respect conferences), but she still probably doesn't understand how damaging her comments are towards our marriage. It makes it VERY difficult to show her love when she's cutting me down at the knees, in front of the kids no less. The point here is that, like it or not, men are wired for and need respect, just as women need love. I'm not saying you are being disrepectful, but it is something to think about

I don't know if this is any help, but I hope it has been at least a little. I'd be happy to discuss or answer questions further.

God bless

 

[savingmyfamily]

As a husband who is in a marriage similar to yours, I'll give some of my perspective in hopes that it may shed some light on your situation. First, I was always pretty introverted, so dating was something that was very difficult for me. When someone (now my wife) showed interest in me, I was relieved -- I didn't have to move very far outside my shell to date, and eventually marry this person. It's now been 15 years since I met my wife, and I've changed and grown personally, and now in many ways regret marrying to the first person I dated, only in the sense that I was immature (relationship-wise) and didn't know what I really wanted in a mate. Fifteen years later, I find that we are totally different people and have nothing really in common anymore except for the kids.

My marriage has not been good for quite some time. Because we are so different now, there is almost no closeness, or communication. Recently, however, my wife has made some very acerbic comments towards me that show an utter lack of respect. If you read the book Love and Respect, it talks about how men just totally shut down and distance themselves when they are disrepected by their wife. My wife has read this book (we read it together AND went to one of the Love and Respect conferences), but she still probably doesn't understand how damaging her comments are towards our marriage. It makes it VERY difficult to show her love when she's cutting me down at the knees, in front of the kids no less. The point here is that, like it or not, men are wired for and need respect, just as women need love. I'm not saying you are being disrepectful, but it is something to think about

I don't know if this is any help, but I hope it has been at least a little. I'd be happy to discuss or answer questions further.

God bless

Thank you so much for the insight of a mans thoughts. Can I ask you what kinds of things does she say to you? Are you resentful to her?Are you thinking of leaving? I am very careful about what I say to my husband. I think my problem is more the tone in my voice when I say things to him. I have never called him a name nor has he ever called me a name. We did also get married very fast. Actually 6 months after we started dating. We were friends for several years before we dated. If I were to do it over again I would have did things much different. I really am trying to watch the tone in my voice. With all that said, I would not want my husband to stay with me and be unhappy for the kids. I would hope he would just tell me he needs to move on. I would hate it with everything in my body but I also don't want him to live a life that he is unhappy. I will have to check the book out that you metioned. My husband won't read it, he thinks relationship books are pointless. Again thank you for your input.

God Bless you and your family.