giving up on church

[FireDragon76]

I'm not into liberal churches as they justify sin sometimes for their own comfort rather than take the hard road.

This is the very thing I was talking about, pride. John says if we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. Sin is sin and there isn't a hierarchy before God in that way, with some being less sinners than others. By admitting we are a sinner saved by grace, God softens our hearts and makes us inclined to forgive and bear each others burdens, not to judge other people. Including judging single people.

That's why I suggested, perhaps you need to experience a different church if you are unhappy with your current one. Different perspectives can be a god thing. It's not a coincidence that moralistic and legalistic churches don't make you feel welcome. They expect everybody to conform and to be exactly like them or you threaten them existentially. That's not a bug, it's a feature.

I am not unhappy with my single life or life in general. I am just tired of going to church and being surrounded by marrieds with kids who apologize to me when talking about marriage in pitying tones.
they do not understand single life, why should they. so why go somewhere that is in it's own bubble.
easier just not to go.

I would recommend seeking out a counselor at the very least to talk to. This could be a sign of depression. You say you are happy but clearly you are irritated by others... that's not happiness. Happiness is a gentle spirit that tolerates the failings of others and forgives. So, for your own good, please seek out some therapy to work through your issues. Then you will be able to appreciate what is, and is not a healthy religious community for you.

 

[tampasteve]

I'm not into liberal churches as they justify sin sometimes for their own comfort rather than take the hard road.

Not all Lutheran Churches are "liberal", there are both liberal and very conservative synods (groups) of Lutherans. But even the "liberal" synods vary by church as they usually have the end decision on how liberal they are to be left to the individual congregation.

 

[grasping the after wind]

you are still in a relationship so you are not walking a single life journey. Long term celibacy (so that I do not sin) is not understood in the church in my experience.

I have spent time in many denominations over the years. of course there are singles in your church, because of God we do try and go to church. It is nice to hear singles are welcomed in your church by those in relationships, I wonder if their perspective is of being welcomed or tolerated though. Marrieds often think their church is welcoming to singles but it's just that singles put up with the condescension from them so they can try and worship God.

I cannot speak for anyone other than myself but in my congregation we have a large number of older singles. We even have a fellowship group that is specifically for mature singles. Perhaps you might consider starting such a group?

 

[StillGods]

This is the very thing I was talking about, pride. John says if we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. Sin is sin and there isn't a hierarchy before God in that way, with some being less sinners than others. By admitting we are a sinner saved by grace, God softens our hearts and makes us inclined to forgive and bear each others burdens, not to judge other people. Including judging single people.

That's why I suggested, perhaps you need to experience a different church if you are unhappy with your current one. Different perspectives can be a god thing. It's not a coincidence that moralistic and legalistic churches don't make you feel welcome. They expect everybody to conform and to be exactly like them or you threaten them existentially. That's not a bug, it's a feature.



I would recommend seeking out a counselor at the very least to talk to. This could be a sign of depression. You say you are happy but clearly you are irritated by others... that's not happiness. Happiness is a gentle spirit that tolerates the failings of others and forgives. So, for your own good, please seek out some therapy to work through your issues. Then you will be able to appreciate what is, and is not a healthy religious community for you.

you have no idea of my life.

 

[StillGods]

Not all Lutheran Churches are "liberal", there are both liberal and very conservative synods (groups) of Lutherans. But even the "liberal" synods vary by church as they usually have the end decision on how liberal they are to be left to the individual congregation.

I did go to a Lutheran one for a while.

 

[StillGods]

I cannot speak for anyone other than myself but in my congregation we have a large number of older singles. We even have a fellowship group that is specifically for mature singles. Perhaps you might consider starting such a group?

maybe

 

[tampasteve]

you have no idea of my life.

You are right, we do not. I apologize if it came off busk, I believe we are just trying to show that sometimes it is OK to look at a church we might have not thought of, or had certain ideas about. Really, attending them in person is the best way to actually understand how that congregation is in real life.

 

[tampasteve]

I did go to a Lutheran one for a while.

Ok, that is great. If that one did not work out you might try a different one. The different synods and congregations really do have different worship styles and people

 

[FireDragon76]

you have no idea of my life.

I used to go to a church that emphasized living a holy life, and that we had no assurance of God's grace if we even did the littlest unconfessed sin. I lived with a real fear of God. I used to be single, to fancy it a holier state to be that way, and I was proud I had the right approach to God (or so I thought). But I was not really happy and I was far more intolerant of people than I was willing to admit. But by God's grace I came to realize there was a deep pain in my life, and I ended up in a mental hospital because I refused to confront it. So, with sadness, I left the church I was at and went into therapy to recover from the kind of spiritual abuse I later realized I was experiencing.

 

[StillGods]

I used to go to a church that emphasized living a holy life, and that we had no assurance of God's grace if we even did the littlest unconfessed sin. I lived with a real fear of God. I used to be single, to fancy it a holier state to be that way, and I was proud I had the right approach to God (or so I thought). But I was not really happy and I was far more intolerant of people than I was willing to admit. But by God's grace I came to realize there was a deep pain in my life, and I ended up in a mental hospital because I refused to confront it, so I left the church I was at and went into therapy to recover from the kind of spiritual abuse I later realized I was experiencing.

I am sorry you have had to go through that.

I'm not you though.
spiritual abuse has a lot to answer for in your life and mine.

 

[StillGods]

Ok, that is great. If that one did not work out you might try a different one. The different synods and congregations really do have different worship styles and people

maybe.
takes energy to try a new church yet again though.

 

[FireDragon76]

What kind of churches do you typically go to?

 

[StillGods]

What kind of churches do you typically go to?

I kinda dont want to say because you'll judge them harshly based on your previous replies judging me, but rest assured I've covered them all pretty much.
I am simply tired of it all.
maybe I need a break from church for a time.

 

[FireDragon76]

I kinda dont want to say because you'll judge them harshly based on your previous replies judging me, but rest assured I've covered them all pretty much.
I am simply tired of it all.
maybe I need a break from church for a time.

I was not judging you in my mind, until perhaps you threw out this notion that "liberal" churches are unacceptable places just because we have a more nuanced approach to Christian living than "sinners need not apply".

I'll be frank... a more "liberal" approach may be what you need. They will probably be more willing to accept you as you are, too, which is really what you need. They wil also be more likely to have a variety of people, and if it's anything like mine, there are plenty of single elderly people in my church who don't think your path in life is unusual.

If you want to understand this approach and what it might look like, look up Mr. Roger's Neighborhood on Youtube. It is a kids show I grew up with, but many adults have been inspired by it over the years also . Fred Rogers was a Presbyterian minister whose ministry was his TV show. That is how most of our churches are like in our approach when it comes to discipleship. We accept and accompany people where they are, we try to model good behavior without forcing it on people, and we find that more consistent with Jesus way. We encourage people without manipulating or demeaning them.

Here's a forum to look into if you are interested, you can inquire about a more liberal Christian approach here. It doesn't get alot of traffic but members like Hedrick monitor it from time to time, as do I.

Whosoever Will, May Come - Liberal

 

[Apologetic_Warrior]

I am not unhappy with my single life or life in general. I am just tired of going to church and being surrounded by marrieds with kids who apologize to me when talking about marriage in pitying tones. they do not understand single life, why should they. so why go somewhere that is in it's own bubble. easier just not to go.

I lived as a single up until the age of thirty three, most people have married (at least once) and have a child or children long before I did. I understand the single life, especially the single life as a Christian striving to do what is right and pleasing in the eyes of God in relationships. I cannot deny your observations, in my past experiences, very few singles in their 20's-30's were to be found in Churches (in my local area that is), most of the few were married, and most of the number of Churches I spent time with, were geared more for families and married people. However, I found I could not put all the blame on those Churches, I was as much of a problem as the problems I experienced. I could have done more, said more, tried to be more involved, but I allowed discouragement (after discouragement) to take me down a very depressing road which nearly did me in but for the grace of God.

 

[StillGods]

just so you're aware I was involved.
videoed services for years, welcomed on the door volunteered in the op shop raising money for an orphanage for years, morning tea duties, filled in for a term with children's programme, set up for the prayer meeting, and numerous other things... but I guess that's not enough.
I try to get involved in churches, I'm just tired of it all.

 

[FireDragon76]

just so you're aware I was involved.
videoed services for years, welcomed on the door volunteered in the op shop raising money for an orphanage for years, morning tea duties, filled in for a term with children's programme, set up for the prayer meeting, and numerous other things... but I guess that's not enough.
I try to get involved in churches, I'm just tired of it all.

Maybe you are burned out by feeling over-obligated? It's OK to know your limits and say "no". But I think walking away from church altogether isn't such a healthy thing. Do churches you typically go to pressure you to be more involved?

At my church that is strictly voluntary and there's really no pressure to be involved. Lutheranism is really about freely receiving and freely giving in that way. Occasionally people will raise reminders about budget problems, but that's about it.

 

[StillGods]

sigh...walking away anyway for now

it's either
1. you didnt get involved enough so it's your fault or
2. you're too involved and must be burnt out again my fault..

cant win

 

[1watchman]

There seems to be a lot of talk here about being married or not, but in the worldwide fellowship I am with, we have many young people married and some not married, and we who are older seek to always encourage all among us and include them in all things. You can read about this kind of Christian fellowship at the Biblecounsel.net website to see how things should be in a Bible-only fellowship. Keep looking up always!

 

[StillGods]

There seems to be a lot of talk here about being married or not, but in the worldwide fellowship I am with, we have many young people married and some not married, and we who are older seek to always encourage all among us and include them in all things. You can read about this kind of Christian fellowship at the Biblecounsel.net website to see how things should be in a Bible-only fellowship. Keep looking up always!

do you have older singles as well?