I want to go to Heaven soon

DavidTheGnome said:

A while back, I got tired of the religious strictures I've been bound by these past months, and listened to some music I like (classic rock, symphonic metal, and synthwave), and did some artwork after some encouragement from my therapist, and now my life is even worse. I guess I am being punished for moments of happiness and for buildups of hope.

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As I see it, THAT is what the problem is - your belief that the bad things that happen in your life are punishment for the good things/times.

The Bible says that Jesus died for our sins - even Isaiah said that he was bruised for our iniquities. You seem to be saying "my sins are SO great that, as well as Jesus' death, I am punished by getting stinky tyres - or whatever else is going on in your life."
If you are saying that God needs to punish you for your sins, then you are effectively saying that Jesus' death wasn't enough

Hi @DavidTheGnome

God bless you. There are two main suicides that I think about in the Bible: King Saul and Judas Iscariot. Both betrayed Jesus Christ in a way. Iscariot directly, and Saul by trying to kill David who is the Branch of Christ Revelation 22:16. I hope these stories can give you some kind of relief, and I pray that God removes this pain from you and replaces it with something great. Amen.

DavidTheGnome said:

There are things I'd love to be wrong about, and this divine retribution stuff is one of them.

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You are wrong about it.

DavidTheGnome said:

I believe Jesus's body and blood is capable of covering all sins. I believe it can cover mine, but I haven't been sure whether or not it will.

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It will.
Why would Jesus die for everyone else except you? He loves you.

DavidTheGnome said:

As per my therapist's suggestion, I'm displaying some of my artwork as backgrounds to lyrics at the church today.
I'm scared about it though. I pray God allows me to do this and that it doesn't produce bad consequences.

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Have you ever thought that any "bad consequences" may be because the devil is mad that you are worshipping and serving God - and that he might want to get you to stop?

Hope it goes well and blesses people.

Wow!
Lovely.

David, I want to tell you something. God is about to set you free, man! He knows exactly what He's doing. It's going to be awesome. For once, I don't have a Bible verse to share to back me up, He just put this on my heart to tell you. All I know is that I recognize God's hand in what you're sharing, and HE STILL HEALS! Keep seeking, brother! Strong In Him is exactly right, the enemy is quaking in his boots. God bless!

Hi David. If you are dealing with depression, the book of Job is a great book to read. It shows how the life of a good man starts falling apart, but there are circumstances that he is unaware of going on in the background. Spoiler alert: Satan was messing with him. Job had free will and held out under some really extreme circumstances. Job gave God the glory and tried his best to stay faithful, even when his "friends" showed up and accused him of being responsible. God was constantly recommending his example when Satan would show up. Satan in turn would seek to further attack Job. God would let Satan test Job, but always put limits on him. Highly recommend you read through that book. In the end, God blesses Job greater than he had before. Now, we're not guaranteed that kind of ending in this life, but if we hold out and stay faithful to him, we are told that anything we suffer in this life is not worthy to be compared with the reward in eternity (Romans 8:18). If you are not currently, I would recommend daily bible reading (2 Tim 2:15). That can be an encouragement as well!

DavidTheGnome said:

Now I live in constant fear, stress, anxiety, and depression.

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You need a more positive attitude. Depression is a part of being negative with negative energy. I take comfort in the promises of God.

DavidTheGnome said:

My struggles and obsessions are getting worse. God seems to punish me for every imperfection in everything I do.

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He's not punishing you; it's only you who thinks he is.

DavidTheGnome said:

I'm thinking of giving up the artwork again.

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You have a God-given talent, it would be a shame to give it up.

DavidTheGnome said:

I recently returned a book I borrowed from the church, and I felt like God was saying to me about the book, "What you owe, you owe with interest."

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DavidTheGnome said:

I've told God that whatever debtors I have I forgive, and he seemed to say to me, "You have no debtors."

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So he's saying that you have no one to forgive. You have no debtors; you're not in debt to anyone - so you don't owe anything.

Strong in Him said:

You have a God-given talent, it would be a shame to give it up.

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God gives us gifts, talents and abilities and we need to use them to bring HIM praise, honor and glory.

Still praying for you, David, especially for God to give you greater discernment between His voice (which convicts to set us free, and encourages), from the legalistic, condemning voice of the Accuser of the Brethren. Something I have to ask God for every day.

God bless!

DavidTheGnome said:

Could it be I'm being stalked and terrorized by evil spirits?

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No.
You just have a strange obsession with the smell of your tyres.
I don't drive, but I have never, in my life, smelt a tyre; neither has anyone else that I know. The vast majority of people don't give it a second thought.