Would you date someone your parents didn't approve of?

[Mrs. Luther073082]

In the past, I probably ruled out a lot of good people simply because I knew one or both of my parents would be bothered by something about them. For example, if I know a guy has a tattoo, I won't date him because my father does NOT like tattoos.

Sometimes people think I am a butt because of all that

But to be honest, I really don't have any desire to date someone who would bother my parents. I have a great relationship with them and I don't want some guy to mess it up. And then there is that whole "honor thy parents" deal....

When I was in high school, I did go through a rebellious stage. I secretly dated a guy who had muscular dystrophy; my parents did not want me to date him because he was expected to die in a few years and they were worried about the emotional pain that would cause me. They were right, it did cause emotional pain, but I haven't ever felt regret for dating that guy.

So what about you all

 

[intricatic]

My mom: Will reject anyone I date because they [according to her] can't cook and [odds are] they aren't from South Carolina.

My dad: Doesn't care so long as they can read, and talk coherently.

So really, I wouldn't date someone my dad disapproved of, but for obvious reasons, and I don't have any choice but to date people my mom disapproves of.

 

[HoosierCanuck]

Dad would disapprove of anyone of a different race than me. Mom...well, I think she would find something wrong with anyone I brought home unless they were physically fit and wealthy. Of course, that's what she wants me to be too.

I'll date whoever God wants. I figure if they are 'right' then my parents will somehow learn to like them.

Of course, my brother has been married two years and mom still doesn't like his wife. Hopefully she'll lighten up once my niece is born in September.

 

[Echoespeak006]

Have I dated people mom didn't approve of? Yeah, and that relationship didn't end well. She was on the mark about him.

Of course, my sister dated someone my mom didn't approve of. Of course, she ended up marrying the man, and mom did come around when she realized what a good guy he is.

As for tattoos, depending the guy I tend to find them quite attractive. Well, more so than not. Except for the ones that are on the side of the neck.....that's just too much. But then again, I tend to like those rebellious ones...

 

[Deliberatetourist]

In the past, I probably ruled out a lot of good people simply because I knew one or both of my parents would be bothered by something about them. For example, if I know a guy has a tattoo, I won't date him because my father does NOT like tattoos.

Sometimes people think I am a butt because of all that

But to be honest, I really don't have any desire to date someone who would bother my parents. I have a great relationship with them and I don't want some guy to mess it up. And then there is that whole "honor thy parents" deal....

When I was in high school, I did go through a rebellious stage. I secretly dated a guy who had muscular dystrophy; my parents did not want me to date him because he was expected to die in a few years and they were worried about the emotional pain that would cause me. They were right, it did cause emotional pain, but I haven't ever felt regret for dating that guy.

So what about you all

My parents' opinion on that matter is irrelevent because I'm the one who's going to eventually be sleeping with them should things run their course. Besides my parents would always pick out someone who is dimetrically opposed to anything I would find attractive. Both my parents have always been perplexed by my fascination with rail thin women. If I let my mom pick out my dates I would probably more inclined to let them out the back door to graze. My parents and I are on different planets on attractiveness. They might be more right on the mark in terms of a character judgement but they know nothing nor understand how I am physiclly attracted to a woman. It always has been that way and always will be. Most of the females in my family are packing pounds so they tend to resent the little fairy princess nymhs I tend to bring home. They're always making derogatory comments about them being bulemic or anorexic or if they are in a nice mood "too thin". To which I will usually respond "......no it's not that they're too thin it's just that you all are too heavy. Now give me that bag of Cheetos!"

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

Wow, it sounds like a lot of people's Mom's are the picky ones. Its the other way around with my parents; my Dad is the one who is picky. My Mom just loooved two of my boyfriends and the last one she apparently did not like, but never told me (heh, I wish she had of).

One time I actually got kind of jealous of one of my boyfriends because Mom would go and buy all his favorite foods for when he came over. She and my grandma just loved him to death, lol.

 

[Sketcher]

Probably not, because my parents

1) Are still married, so I will hear them out on relationship advice

2) Are not racist.

 

[Kgreg]

My parents loved every girl I dated.

They weren't too crazy about the guys I dated except the last boyfriend. They still love him. He's a great guy. If only I could get him to come to church!

 

[Blank123]

I doubt it.

But they're pretty much hoping for me for the same kind of guy I want to end up with, so I don't think there's going to be a whole lot of fighting over the kind of guy I date, heh.

the only problems might be if they see something superficial about the guy they don't like, but if its not affecting who the guy is, who cares? I highly doubt they'd tell me to end a relationship with a guy who's very Godly just because he likes to dress somwehat gothic

 

[BeautyForAshes]

It depends. My mom is an EXCELLENT judge of character and she wouldn't dislike someone for a flipant reason (ie. because of their race, has a tattoo, etc.).

So unless her reservations were due to something serious like she recognized his face from America's Most Wanted, my mom doesn't interfer with who I date. Just as long as he treats me with respect she's cool.

 

[lunalinda]

Eh, that depends on why they're not approving of him. If it's something stupid like the fact that he's a different race or whatever, then of course I'd still date him and even marry him if it came to that. They'd get over it. But if they didn't approve of something genuine, like his personal beliefs or lifestyle and the like, then I'd at least try to hear them out, assuming they bring it up to my attention in a considerate way. Because God knows that when you're really into someone, you go overboard in defending them, even if it's uncalled for. Not that peope don't deserve being defended, but in some instances, you might be giving them credit they don't deserve simply because you're ga-ga for them. Those parental fueds are NOT fun!

 

[lunalinda]

Ooh cool, I made page 2. *grin*

 

[HoosierCanuck]

To add to my earlier post.

If I were to listen to my parents' about who's right to marry, I'm dumber than I look. My parents have both been divorced twice. Mum has dated a few times in the last 3 years and dad has the same luck as me (NONE). Not to mention that I'm in my mid 30's now and have not lived with either parent in over 15 years. I really doubt they would even try to stop me at this point in my life. (of course, there is the 'America's Most Wanted'...dad would be the one to recognize him if that were the case! lol)

 

[OhhJim]

Yeah, I dated women my Mom didn't approve of. Dad never really said anything one way or other. Mom wanted me to date boring women, so she wouldn't have to worry about me. I really didn't want to date boring women, and didn't.

I think a lot depends on who your parents are, how experienced you are, and what everybody's hidden motivations are.

 

[mwb]

It's tough to know if parents are too picky or if they really know what they are talking about.

My brother is on his third marriage. My mom doesn't really like his wife or her daughter. They get along but my mom doesn't usually have too many nice things to say about her. It's a shame for my brother.

My mom is great but I think she's one of these mother's whose sons will never find someone good enough for them.

I would like to find someone she would like. It's no fun getting married & knowing a family member doesn't approve.

My dad (stepfather) doesn't have a strong opinion about these things.

 

[LOVEthroughINTELLECT]

Would you date someone your parents didn't approve of?

I do not understand.

People actually say to their children what they think about their children's lovers?! People actually want to know what their parents think of their lovers?!

I have never had a close relationship with my parents. They know very little about me and my personal life. Sure, we spend time together. But almost invariably the conversations are about their personal lives, other people's personal lives, and things like politics, sports, intellectual problems, etc. Me? My parents (and my sister) barely know me--and they make very little effort to get to know me or to know anything about my personal life. And it is being asked if I would date someone my parents do not approve of?!

My parents wish that I would just date somebody--anybody. They want more grandkids, if you know what I mean. And they have expressed frustration with the way that I listen to "strangers on the internet" about things like "equally yoked", premarital sex, etc.

The way that my relationship with my immediate and extended family is, if anybody wanted to evaluate any lover of mine and tell me what they think, by the time they would have the opportunity to do so I would be saying to them, "Meet my fiancee".

 

[Keri]

My mom is not that picky.

My stepdad likes everyone.

My dad is non-exisitent in my life.

 

[renaistre]

I'd have to echo Lunalinda's "depends." Personally, I'd like to have my sisters' input too, because they sometimes pick up on things that I'm too dense to see.

 

[Deliberatetourist]

I do not understand.

People actually say to their children what they think about their children's lovers?! People actually want to know what their parents think of their lovers?!

I have never had a close relationship with my parents. They know very little about me and my personal life. Sure, we spend time together. But almost invariably the conversations are about their personal lives, other people's personal lives, and things like politics, sports, intellectual problems, etc. Me? My parents (and my sister) barely know me--and they make very little effort to get to know me or to know anything about my personal life. And it is being asked if I would date someone my parents do not approve of?!

My parents wish that I would just date somebody--anybody. They want more grandkids, if you know what I mean. And they have expressed frustration with the way that I listen to "strangers on the internet" about things like "equally yoked", premarital sex, etc.

The way that my relationship with my immediate and extended family is, if anybody wanted to evaluate any lover of mine and tell me what they think, by the time they would have the opportunity to do so I would be saying to them, "Meet my fiancee".

I think that lots of times as I am interpreting from a lot of these posts, is that some parents have selfish motivations in what they desire for their children in a spouse. For my son (he's only 5 right now) when that time comes I would hope that he is simply happy with his choice. It doesn't matter if she fits the caricature of someone I would date. If HE is truly happy with that person and she will live her life with his best interests in mind as he lives his life the same with hers, then I am content with whoever he marries. My mother always bemoaned the fact that she never had a daughter and she truly wanted to fill that void in her life with a relationship wth a daughter in law. The problem was that both I and my brother both dated women that she felt she could not relate to. My brother dated women too abrasive and independent and I dated women who looked like they stepped of the runway of the Paris fashion show. In both cases our SO's usually werent the problem. In then end no one should date or marry a person based upon such compatability with ones mother or father. Of course you should'nt tie up with someone who has obvious issues with them that results in confrontation, but the least of my worries with a person that I am living with and sharing a bed would be my mother's inability to "bond" with that person because she feels incompatible because of physical or personality differences.

 

[chemica]

Prolly not so much my parents, but my step-sister would be the one to voice her approval/disapproval. She is worried that I will settle for someone who mistreats me to avoid being lonely. I would trust her advice on whether to continue dating her.