Wife Has Abandoned The Marriage

[3choes]

Hi Everyone,

I don’t know where to begin this post…but I guess I will start with the most recent. My wife and I have dated for 6 years, were married last October, and she now wants a divorce.

We both moved from Florida to South Carolina and lived separately for 2 years - this was the first time we lived on our own! Then she had managed to buy a home in which we lived together a year prior to marriage. I know this was wrong, and we both knew - unfortunately, there was no financially suitable way we could have lived apart. Because of this, the church we were attending refused to marry us.
Fast forward to now, the only reason I am getting for this divorce is because I “do not do ENOUGH around the house” and she does not feel “validated in her emotions with me.” I have been a complete wreck for the past month since this started as she has completely separated from me, sleeps in the other room, and has sneaked around with friends. Her behavior has been very unusual the past few months as well.
I need to add that the past 4 months have been very stressful as I have crippling anxiety. I was going through medication changes and this caused me to go through withdrawals, crying, panic attacks - it was horrific. The entire time, my wife was very unsupportive and even would blame my medical issue on why she’s not happy.
I don’t want to go into all of the details. But, I did make one mistake in all of this. I reached out to her friends/coworkers to see if there was anything “going on” or “cheating” that they knew of. This immediately spread like wildfire as she’s in EMS…
I went to her parents for advice the first weekend after she said she would like a divorce and they completely cut me down personally, physically, spiritually, and even ragged on my job and family. I then reached out to a friend we had met when first moving up here - he is in the church body and is always “looked up to.” I called him for advice and he told me that when he first met me he thought I was a “narcissist, controlling, and prideful.” He wouldn’t even let me talk and even said “stop blowing smoke up my (expletive)” and, “stop defending yourself, you (expletive) up”. I was in shock. I’m still in shock. Everyone who knows me personally can not believe what is happening…

I’ve been praying and praying for comfort and guidance as this may force me to go back to Florida. I have people who tell me it sounds like she’s cheating. I have others who say it sounds like she’s “snapped” (which some in her family are bipolar and controlling). I’m so hurt, lost, confused, angry…I have a Christian counselor I have been working with who is amazing. But has anyone gone through this? And what does God say about the WIFE ending a marriage? I have tried everything in my power to get her back, but she is already gone. She has started buying workout stuff, new clothes…it’s scaring me so much because it is all so sudden and not the woman I married before God.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Hi Everyone,

I don’t know where to begin this post…but I guess I will start with the most recent. My wife and I have dated for 6 years, were married last October, and she now wants a divorce.

We both moved from Florida to South Carolina and lived separately for 2 years - this was the first time we lived on our own! Then she had managed to buy a home in which we lived together a year prior to marriage. I know this was wrong, and we both knew - unfortunately, there was no financially suitable way we could have lived apart. Because of this, the church we were attending refused to marry us.
Fast forward to now, the only reason I am getting for this divorce is because I “do not do ENOUGH around the house” and she does not feel “validated in her emotions with me.” I have been a complete wreck for the past month since this started as she has completely separated from me, sleeps in the other room, and has sneaked around with friends. Her behavior has been very unusual the past few months as well.
I need to add that the past 4 months have been very stressful as I have crippling anxiety. I was going through medication changes and this caused me to go through withdrawals, crying, panic attacks - it was horrific. The entire time, my wife was very unsupportive and even would blame my medical issue on why she’s not happy.
I don’t want to go into all of the details. But, I did make one mistake in all of this. I reached out to her friends/coworkers to see if there was anything “going on” or “cheating” that they knew of. This immediately spread like wildfire as she’s in EMS…
I went to her parents for advice the first weekend after she said she would like a divorce and they completely cut me down personally, physically, spiritually, and even ragged on my job and family. I then reached out to a friend we had met when first moving up here - he is in the church body and is always “looked up to.” I called him for advice and he told me that when he first met me he thought I was a “narcissist, controlling, and prideful.” He wouldn’t even let me talk and even said “stop blowing smoke up my (expletive)” and, “stop defending yourself, you (expletive) up”. I was in shock. I’m still in shock. Everyone who knows me personally can not believe what is happening…

I’ve been praying and praying for comfort and guidance as this may force me to go back to Florida. I have people who tell me it sounds like she’s cheating. I have others who say it sounds like she’s “snapped” (which some in her family are bipolar and controlling). I’m so hurt, lost, confused, angry…I have a Christian counselor I have been working with who is amazing. But has anyone gone through this? And what does God say about the WIFE ending a marriage? I have tried everything in my power to get her back, but she is already gone. She has started buying workout stuff, new clothes…it’s scaring me so much because it is all so sudden and not the woman I married before God.

This is tough.

I want you to know a couple things brother.

#1 I take medication and know just how difficult a med change can be, withdrawals are horrendous. I take it for anxiety among other things. So please know i understand how hard that is what you had to go through. You needed a wife who is supportive and she does not sound as such.

#2 Im February i had my wife of 2 1/2 years want to divorce. Her parents were not supportive of me. It was a shock. I know i'm not perfect but it was horrible. She left me for another man and i'm still recovering.

My advice is this: Cling to Jesus. If she is leaving you there is nothing you can do to force her to stay. If she divorces you let her do all the paperwork and all the fees etc. All you have to do is agree she is leaving you. Pray about it.


I don't want you to worry about all the technicalities about divorce. Right now you need to go to your supports. Where are your family where are your friends. Where can you get a job that is part time or that will allow part time. If you have work now where you are at fine but see if you can go back to your supports. Medication changes are a real thing.

THIS IS THE MAIN IMPORTANT THING: You are about to go through some difficult times so make sure your seatbelt is on and you CLING TO JESUS. I remember i lost my appetite i had to force myself to eat. I could barely work. All these things are normal and multiple people told me they went through the same stuff when they lost their relationship. Doesn't matter. What matters is you pull all the stops and you just coast in the sky. Your engines might be out but just glide man. Wait for them to come back on. You will get through this. You will level out on your meds you will level out in your emotions. Your an individual with Jesus now. He is your closest friend. If your mad get mad if your sad get sad if your hungry eat if you're tired sleep. Take care of you it's not selfish.

That guy from church sounds lame. Your wifes parents sound lame. Your wife, well, she sounds lame. You needed someone that would stay with you in the good and bad, that what a husband AND wife should do. She did not.

I'm sorry man i'm here for you. Also on a side not just know a LOT of people have been going through divorces this year idk why keep an eye out and be aware of the times Jesus could come back at any moment. Put the armor of Jesus on in Ephesians every day

 

[BobRyan]

You need time with God to repair yourself, your health, your mind, your soul. You wife cannot "fix you" only God can. You need to pray for your wife but stopping checking up on her because frankly you have no control over her thoughts, mind, heart, activity when she is away from you. Each one of you has free will and the other person can't make you think or do as they wish. That works both ways. You need miracles. Focus on your spiritual relationship with God. Take the lead in seeking God and following His will, claiming promises, focus on Christ.

 

[3choes]

Thank you for the replies!!!
I am trying to cling to Jesus in this. He has helped me before through difficult times - this definitely is the most stress I have ever endured. Sadly all of my “friends” up here she was friends with as well - as they are her coworkers. She has been spreading lies and misinformation about me which has caused me to have no one to reach out to. I started attending a new church (a Calvary church actually) and was immediately brought in as “family.” My first visit a random family invited me over for a BBQ party!
I am struggling and praying that God has a plan for me as I wanted a family so badly, we had just moved into a beautiful home, I landed a great career…but now I’m being forced out and I feel like I’m losing everything.
My Christian counselor has been helping me through things as there has been a lot of emotional manipulation, narcissism, and cruelty I have been oblivious to over the years.

Right now I don’t know if I should fight and find a place here in South Carolina to continue my promising job, and rebuild my life? Or do I run home to mom and dad and pray that I can find something in Florida? I’m on a double edged sword, and the pain is near unbearable. :’(

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Thank you for the replies!!!
I am trying to cling to Jesus in this. He has helped me before through difficult times - this definitely is the most stress I have ever endured. Sadly all of my “friends” up here she was friends with as well - as they are her coworkers. She has been spreading lies and misinformation about me which has caused me to have no one to reach out to. I started attending a new church (a Calvary church actually) and was immediately brought in as “family.” My first visit a random family invited me over for a BBQ party!
I am struggling and praying that God has a plan for me as I wanted a family so badly, we had just moved into a beautiful home, I landed a great career…but now I’m being forced out and I feel like I’m losing everything.
My Christian counselor has been helping me through things as there has been a lot of emotional manipulation, narcissism, and cruelty I have been oblivious to over the years.

Right now I don’t know if I should fight and find a place here in South Carolina to continue my promising job, and rebuild my life? Or do I run home to mom and dad and pray that I can find something in Florida? I’m on a double edged sword, and the pain is near unbearable. :’(

Please Jesus help 3choes get through this whatever he decides to do and be with him as Jesus You were with me during my divorce. Comfort him and remind him that Jesus You're always with him. In Jesus Name i pray amen!


I know that life is not easy right now but you have us to talk to and honestly Calvary Chapels are good i used to attend one. Find friends to talk to oh and one thing that helped me was listening to a podcast specifically the unashamed Podcast with Phil and Jase Robertson they are very Godly men and helped me feel like i had Godly men in my life. Also pray and know that Jesus can heal you. As far as what to do job wise if you have a good career there maybe find a place to live and rent and see how things go if you can rebuild there and if not you have plan B you can go with your parents. Think of it like you have nothing to lose if you keep your job then you have a great career and if you don't just go move in with mom and dad. Talk on the phone a lot to people that care about you and maybe fly out to see family and friends on the weekend once a month or more often depending on what you can afford. i know it's not the best advice but when i was divorcing i found a lot of comfort in praying with Jesus and asking for spiritual things as well as going and buying things for myself. I also got a lot of comfort in my co-workers and just anyone that would listen to me. You have me to message i check CF daily, so send me a message you're not alone brother remember you have a great cloud of witnesses in Heaven that want you to overcome and succeed. When relationships don't go well we still have Jesus, who is always faithful. I know it might be hard as a guy to reason with but we are married to Christ, think of it more like a really good best friend Jesus is our friend John 15:15. Jesus will NEVER leave you, He knows what it's like to be left by the Israelites. He knew you would go through this someday. You are valued brother and did not deserve this. Don't ever give up make it to the finish line run the race even if you need to take a breather.

i am here for you brother and so is Jesus. If you want to talk on Skype or something too i can try to do that a little. I want you to know you are cared for and as your brother in Christ you have me and your friend. Jesus is ALWAYS with you, just ask Him for anything and it's yours trust me He will and can do anything.
Jesus will carry you through this, and i can try to help too.

 

[Hannah66]

Please Jesus help 3choes get through this whatever he decides to do and be with him as Jesus You were with me during my divorce. Comfort him and remind him that Jesus You're always with him. In Jesus Name i pray amen!


I know that life is not easy right now but you have us to talk to and honestly Calvary Chapels are good i used to attend one. Find friends to talk to oh and one thing that helped me was listening to a podcast specifically the unashamed Podcast with Phil and Jase Robertson they are very Godly men and helped me feel like i had Godly men in my life. Also pray and know that Jesus can heal you. As far as what to do job wise if you have a good career there maybe find a place to live and rent and see how things go if you can rebuild there and if not you have plan B you can go with your parents. Think of it like you have nothing to lose if you keep your job then you have a great career and if you don't just go move in with mom and dad. Talk on the phone a lot to people that care about you and maybe fly out to see family and friends on the weekend once a month or more often depending on what you can afford. i know it's not the best advice but when i was divorcing i found a lot of comfort in praying with Jesus and asking for spiritual things as well as going and buying things for myself. I also got a lot of comfort in my co-workers and just anyone that would listen to me. You have me to message i check CF daily, so send me a message you're not alone brother remember you have a great cloud of witnesses in Heaven that want you to overcome and succeed. When relationships don't go well we still have Jesus, who is always faithful. I know it might be hard as a guy to reason with but we are married to Christ, think of it more like a really good best friend Jesus is our friend John 15:15. Jesus will NEVER leave you, He knows what it's like to be left by the Israelites. He knew you would go through this someday. You are valued brother and did not deserve this. Don't ever give up make it to the finish line run the race even if you need to take a breather.

i am here for you brother and so is Jesus. If you want to talk on Skype or something too i can try to do that a little. I want you to know you are cared for and as your brother in Christ you have me and your friend. Jesus is ALWAYS with you, just ask Him for anything and it's yours trust me He will and can do anything.
Jesus will carry you through this, and i can try to help too.
View attachment 332718

What a beautiful, encouraging post and I agree, with you, Calvary Chapels are the best! Never visited one in my life, but listen to KWAVE radio nearly everyday from across the miles.(I am not an American). Thanks for encouraging your brother in the Lord, like this!

 

[3choes]

Please Jesus help 3choes get through this whatever he decides to do and be with him as Jesus You were with me during my divorce. Comfort him and remind him that Jesus You're always with him. In Jesus Name i pray amen!


I know that life is not easy right now but you have us to talk to and honestly Calvary Chapels are good i used to attend one. Find friends to talk to oh and one thing that helped me was listening to a podcast specifically the unashamed Podcast with Phil and Jase Robertson they are very Godly men and helped me feel like i had Godly men in my life. Also pray and know that Jesus can heal you. As far as what to do job wise if you have a good career there maybe find a place to live and rent and see how things go if you can rebuild there and if not you have plan B you can go with your parents. Think of it like you have nothing to lose if you keep your job then you have a great career and if you don't just go move in with mom and dad. Talk on the phone a lot to people that care about you and maybe fly out to see family and friends on the weekend once a month or more often depending on what you can afford. i know it's not the best advice but when i was divorcing i found a lot of comfort in praying with Jesus and asking for spiritual things as well as going and buying things for myself. I also got a lot of comfort in my co-workers and just anyone that would listen to me. You have me to message i check CF daily, so send me a message you're not alone brother remember you have a great cloud of witnesses in Heaven that want you to overcome and succeed. When relationships don't go well we still have Jesus, who is always faithful. I know it might be hard as a guy to reason with but we are married to Christ, think of it more like a really good best friend Jesus is our friend John 15:15. Jesus will NEVER leave you, He knows what it's like to be left by the Israelites. He knew you would go through this someday. You are valued brother and did not deserve this. Don't ever give up make it to the finish line run the race even if you need to take a breather.

i am here for you brother and so is Jesus. If you want to talk on Skype or something too i can try to do that a little. I want you to know you are cared for and as your brother in Christ you have me and your friend. Jesus is ALWAYS with you, just ask Him for anything and it's yours trust me He will and can do anything.
Jesus will carry you through this, and i can try to help too.

Thank you so much for your encouragement SeventhFisherofMen! And everyone on here! I have been...struggling, but taking one day at a time. There is A LOT damage done that I have been finding out and working through. Even now, her friends and family are still blinded by a one-side story and lies that she is spreading about me. I STILL Love her, and all I can do is pray.
It is hard, because at the same time, people will say "You deserve better," or "that's not how a wife is supposed to treat you." I will be honest it does take two, and I admit there are times when I was lazy and could have done more to help around the house - even in my health issues. But to go as far as divorce just blows my mind.

I will be travelling to Florida all this next week to see my family. Hopefully I can get some clarity (and relaxation) to start healing and figure out which way the Lord needs me to go - I really do enjoy living out here in the country. In a way I feel that "running home to mom and dad" would not only hurt me mentally, but staying would make me stronger to fight through this continually up here in South Carolina. It is AMAZING the people I have met since this has unfolded. I never realized that there still are Good Hearted people out there who want nothing more than to be your friend. I just continue to pray for both myself, and my wife as she has left the house and officially "separated" now with her parents.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Thank you so much for your encouragement SeventhFisherofMen! And everyone on here! I have been...struggling, but taking one day at a time. There is A LOT damage done that I have been finding out and working through. Even now, her friends and family are still blinded by a one-side story and lies that she is spreading about me. I STILL Love her, and all I can do is pray.
It is hard, because at the same time, people will say "You deserve better," or "that's not how a wife is supposed to treat you." I will be honest it does take two, and I admit there are times when I was lazy and could have done more to help around the house - even in my health issues. But to go as far as divorce just blows my mind.

I will be travelling to Florida all this next week to see my family. Hopefully I can get some clarity (and relaxation) to start healing and figure out which way the Lord needs me to go - I really do enjoy living out here in the country. In a way I feel that "running home to mom and dad" would not only hurt me mentally, but staying would make me stronger to fight through this continually up here in South Carolina. It is AMAZING the people I have met since this has unfolded. I never realized that there still are Good Hearted people out there who want nothing more than to be your friend. I just continue to pray for both myself, and my wife as she has left the house and officially "separated" now with her parents.

Just know that you will probably always still love her, but as time goes on you will realize that the way she treated you was not loving.

For me even though i still love my ex she has lost all appeal as a wife. No man should be treated the way she treated me, and i know a lot of good women out there, sadly she was not one of them.

You know yourself best do what works for you, just know Jesus is walking there by your side every step of the way. Remember John 15:15, He is your friend and always will be. He knows every temptation and trial you know and have gone through, and remember the verse Hebrews 4:15 "15 For we do not have a high priest who is unableto sympathize with our weaknesses, but one whoin every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin."

Jesus knows you and everything, nothing will surprise Him. He's the best friend you could ever have

 

[Diamond72]

what does God say about the WIFE ending a marriage?

The Bible talks more about remarriage.

 

[3choes]

The Bible talks more about remarriage.

That is one thing that has been bothering me...

Matthew 5:31 states:
“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

If the wife divorces her husband, and I remarry...does that mean I committ adultery, and the person I marry also commits adultery? The thing is...she is the one choosing to leave the marriage as I am still willing to fight for it. But I can only do half unfortunately. Does this mean that I am sinning or wrong if she still continues this? There has been no cheating on either side (that I know of yet).

 

[anetazo]

No one is judging you or criticizing you. My dad had nasty divorce and it caused him much pain. I'm sorry your going through this. God knows your situation. Just repent and be honest about it. Divorce her, and find another place. Live with your parents, until your grounded again. The pain will heal over time. Proverbs, 12:15. The way of fool in his own eyes: But he that hearken unto counsel is wise. Lean on God and seek God's advice. Don't make the the mistake king saul made. He sought mediums. Ask Jesus for help. 12:5. The thoughts of the righteous are right: But the counsel of the wicked are deceit. Christian people need to be careful who they talk too. Many people have unclean spirit and will turn on you or cause you problems. Be careful who you confide in. We're in perilous times, it's going to get more evil. My honest advice, stay single. Second Timothy chapter 3 tells us this. Ungodly people. Proverbs 15:20. He that handles a matter wisely shall find good: and who so trusts in the Lord, happy is he. You should be confiding in God. Lean on God. Jesus can fix your situation. Pray to God and repent. Ask Jesus to deliver you from evil. Ask Jesus to increase your Faith. Move in with your parents if neccessary. God can change Hearts and Minds.

 

[Diamond72]

If the wife divorces her husband, and I remarry...does that mean I committ adultery, and the person I marry also commits adultery?

My son did not smoke, drink or do drugs until after I remarried.

 

[Diamond72]

The pain will heal over time.

Could be a long time. Some people recover in two or three years, but I met a person in a bar that had been 20 years and he still was not recovered. You do reach a point where you do not ever think about them. But I had a girlfriend 50 years ago and she still thinks about me.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

That is one thing that has been bothering me...

Matthew 5:31 states:
“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

If the wife divorces her husband, and I remarry...does that mean I committ adultery, and the person I marry also commits adultery? The thing is...she is the one choosing to leave the marriage as I am still willing to fight for it. But I can only do half unfortunately. Does this mean that I am sinning or wrong if she still continues this? There has been no cheating on either side (that I know of yet).

There is no restriction on you entering into a second marriage. The kind of thing Jesus was talking about here is when a man divorces his wife, usually on some lame pretext, just so he can pursue another relationship. Your situation and actions are nowhere near the kind of thing Jesus would characterize as adultery.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

That guy from church sounds lame. Your wifes parents sound lame. Your wife, well, she sounds lame. You needed someone that would stay with you in the good and bad, that what a husband AND wife should do. She did not.

I read the original post and thought to myself "why would he want anything to do with these losers?". While I don't know the details of your support network, if the marriage proves unsalvageable, you might want to consider a whole new set of friends. Or possibly moving to another city as well.

I don't know what the deal is with that guy from church, and what kind of person would consider him worthy of any such respect. If your quotes of his words are anywhere near accurate, then consider him unfit for any role that calls for rendering marital advice.

 

[Sketcher]

I have a Christian counselor I have been working with who is amazing.

Is this person working with both of you?

That is one thing that has been bothering me...

Matthew 5:31 states:
“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

If the wife divorces her husband, and I remarry...does that mean I committ adultery, and the person I marry also commits adultery? The thing is...she is the one choosing to leave the marriage as I am still willing to fight for it. But I can only do half unfortunately. Does this mean that I am sinning or wrong if she still continues this? There has been no cheating on either side (that I know of yet).

Everybody's committing adultery in that scenario.

 

[Aldebaran]

MOD HAT ON

THE FORUM "CHRISTIAN ADVICE" IS FOR ASKING FOR AND RECEIVING CHRISTIAN ADVICE.
PLEASE REFRAIN FROM DEBATING.

MOD HAD OFF​

 

[3choes]

Thank you everyone for the replies!!! I just wanted to update here a little bit about what has been going on...

I was supposed to go down to Florida this past 4th of July week to visit my family - but for some very strange reason (along with panic anxiety), I just was not ready to leave. At that same moment I was on the phone with my family, a beautiful property and tiny home popped up on Zillow that I absolutely fell in love with. I am currently in the process of "due diligence" for this home and may end up getting it as living in my current place (which is my wife's) is toxic for me mentally....I do love it up here, and my job/career is finally taking off. My boss even said they will do whatever it takes to work with me through this (even working remotely part time if needed).

Needless to say, I never even made it to Florida. I drove 3 hours into Georgia and one of my wheel bearings in the rear of my truck decided to seize up. On top of having constant panic attacks, I had to drive 40mph the entire way back to South Carolina. I am almost wondering if all these things are God's hand/plan for me? It seems so coincidental the way things have been working out.

My parents came up to South Carolina to visit me and will be staying here through this week. It has been bittersweet as I love my family and I know they care deeply about me - but it doesn't "cure" the hurt or scarring done. They are almost just as hurt as I am about what my wife is choosing to do. Last night, my wife's parents invited them over for drinks and to talk. They went, and said they had a really good time! Nothing was said out of the ordinary or even mentioned about Amelia and I. However, this morning I received an email from my mother in law:

Good Morning.
I just wanted to let you know that I am still praying for you and Amelia.
I had a great conversation with your Mom last night and we plan on having some more "girl" time before they leave. We all had a good evening.
Your Mom and I talked inside the house (away from the guys), and she told me how you are feeling.
It is so hard for me when I am looking at your relationship from the outside, seeing things that could so easily be changed for the better.
I don't think this is just about washing dishes and doing laundry.
I believe that this is about your relationship (I mean both you and Amelia) to Our Heavenly Father and what God calls for in a marriage relationship.
I have only heard Amelia's feelings about the situation, but I know that you are both hurting right now. I can see that it will take a LOT of healing in order for this relationship to move forward.
Only God can heal this.
In my daily devotional this morning, the scripture reference is Romans 8:28:
And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
It went on to talk about Paul's second missionary journey and how the things Paul wanted to do did not work out. It was because it was what Paul (not God) wanted to do.
Once Paul finally realized that God called him to go to Macedonia, a place it had never occurred to him to visit. Paul's great travel disaster turned into one of his great missionary conquests. Sometimes God's leadership can be most clearly seen in the things that don't work out. The devotional encouraged readers to press on when it seems that circumstances are conspiring against you.God's creative genius is at work amidst disappointments, obstructions and delay. Now you call it disaster, but one day you may call it grace.
Jonathan, PLEASE, talk to me. I love you and I don't want you to shut me out. I promise you (in writing) that anything you say to me will not go any further. Not to Amelia. Not to Matt. Not to your Mom or Dad. Only to God in prayer. I pray the He will give me the words to encourage both of you. I am praying for change in both of you.
It is only because I was on the same path that Amelia was on (I had suitcases in the car), that I can see the outcome. It is only because Dad (not Matt) and I worked hard TOGETHER, got over our stubbornness and PRAYED TOGETHER, through God's creative genius at work, that we are still together after almost 43 years.
Amelia has her opinions about what was said and done. Right or wrong, these are her perceptions of what happened, and she is taking the only path that she feels like she can take.
I believe that God has a plan. I believe that He wants a relationship with both of you and He wants your relationship with each other to reflect His plan.
I am going to encourage Amelia to find a Bible study on marriage and I encourage you to do the same thing.
It wasn't until I read (and comprehended) what God called me to be as a wife that the changes in me were able to take place.
By the same token, it wasn't until Matt read (and comprehended) what God called him to be as a husband, that changes took place in the way he treated me. His actions showed me that I was the most important person in his life. It was through putting God first and learning what it meant to love me as Christ loved His church and gave Himself for it, that I began to trust him again and give him the respect he needed. I didn't happen overnight. He made a decision that he wanted me to be his lifelong partner. It was not about just doing things for me, it was about how he talked to me and honored me. Our marriage will never be perfect until we get to heaven. We still fight and argue and get on each others nerves. But we always go back to what God has called us to do and we ALWAYS PRAY FOR EACH OTHER.
I am encouraging Amelia to go to God and lift you up in prayer. I encourage you to lift her up in prayer as well.
I am constantly thinking about both of you and praying for both of you.
love
MOM (not Susan)

This is a MUCH different attitude than when I first approached her parents. I believe my mother actually gave them some insight into what REALLY has been going on with me personally. Between a new job, medication changes, health issues, anxiety...It has been an absolute nightmare. My wife only made these things WORSE. I am praying that maybe this is the start of something new for Amelia (my wife) to open up her heart to...I just pray I have the strength to get through this.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Thank you everyone for the replies!!! I just wanted to update here a little bit about what has been going on...

I was supposed to go down to Florida this past 4th of July week to visit my family - but for some very strange reason (along with panic anxiety), I just was not ready to leave. At that same moment I was on the phone with my family, a beautiful property and tiny home popped up on Zillow that I absolutely fell in love with. I am currently in the process of "due diligence" for this home and may end up getting it as living in my current place (which is my wife's) is toxic for me mentally....I do love it up here, and my job/career is finally taking off. My boss even said they will do whatever it takes to work with me through this (even working remotely part time if needed).

Needless to say, I never even made it to Florida. I drove 3 hours into Georgia and one of my wheel bearings in the rear of my truck decided to seize up. On top of having constant panic attacks, I had to drive 40mph the entire way back to South Carolina. I am almost wondering if all these things are God's hand/plan for me? It seems so coincidental the way things have been working out.

My parents came up to South Carolina to visit me and will be staying here through this week. It has been bittersweet as I love my family and I know they care deeply about me - but it doesn't "cure" the hurt or scarring done. They are almost just as hurt as I am about what my wife is choosing to do. Last night, my wife's parents invited them over for drinks and to talk. They went, and said they had a really good time! Nothing was said out of the ordinary or even mentioned about Amelia and I. However, this morning I received an email from my mother in law:



This is a MUCH different attitude than when I first approached her parents. I believe my mother actually gave them some insight into what REALLY has been going on with me personally. Between a new job, medication changes, health issues, anxiety...It has been an absolute nightmare. My wife only made these things WORSE. I am praying that maybe this is the start of something new for Amelia (my wife) to open up her heart to...I just pray I have the strength to get through this.

I am really happy to hear about this development. You are right, often times when things don't work out it is because God is leading us in a different direction. It looks like God is working it out for you to stay where you are in SC. May God heal your marriage, may He give you and your wife wisdom on how to be the husband/wife he has called you to be and may God soften Amelia's heart in Jesus name. So often, the grass looks greener on the other side. And then, in getting to the other side the person realizes that the grass was not greener, it's just their vantage point from when they were on the opposite side that made them think it was. May the peace of God be with you. I would suggest that you pray over your medications that the healing power of the stripes of Jesus would enter into them to make them effective before you take them. I've been doing that and by faith, when I have to take some medication, by putting my trust in God, it works way better for me than when I would just take a pill. The power of God is there to help you. By faith and through prayer God will continue to work His healing power in your life. God bless you.

 

[forgodsolovedtheworld.1]

Hi Everyone,

I don’t know where to begin this post…but I guess I will start with the most recent. My wife and I have dated for 6 years, were married last October, and she now wants a divorce.

We both moved from Florida to South Carolina and lived separately for 2 years - this was the first time we lived on our own! Then she had managed to buy a home in which we lived together a year prior to marriage. I know this was wrong, and we both knew - unfortunately, there was no financially suitable way we could have lived apart. Because of this, the church we were attending refused to marry us.
Fast forward to now, the only reason I am getting for this divorce is because I “do not do ENOUGH around the house” and she does not feel “validated in her emotions with me.” I have been a complete wreck for the past month since this started as she has completely separated from me, sleeps in the other room, and has sneaked around with friends. Her behavior has been very unusual the past few months as well.
I need to add that the past 4 months have been very stressful as I have crippling anxiety. I was going through medication changes and this caused me to go through withdrawals, crying, panic attacks - it was horrific. The entire time, my wife was very unsupportive and even would blame my medical issue on why she’s not happy.
I don’t want to go into all of the details. But, I did make one mistake in all of this. I reached out to her friends/coworkers to see if there was anything “going on” or “cheating” that they knew of. This immediately spread like wildfire as she’s in EMS…
I went to her parents for advice the first weekend after she said she would like a divorce and they completely cut me down personally, physically, spiritually, and even ragged on my job and family. I then reached out to a friend we had met when first moving up here - he is in the church body and is always “looked up to.” I called him for advice and he told me that when he first met me he thought I was a “narcissist, controlling, and prideful.” He wouldn’t even let me talk and even said “stop blowing smoke up my (expletive)” and, “stop defending yourself, you (expletive) up”. I was in shock. I’m still in shock. Everyone who knows me personally can not believe what is happening…

I’ve been praying and praying for comfort and guidance as this may force me to go back to Florida. I have people who tell me it sounds like she’s cheating. I have others who say it sounds like she’s “snapped” (which some in her family are bipolar and controlling). I’m so hurt, lost, confused, angry…I have a Christian counselor I have been working with who is amazing. But has anyone gone through this? And what does God say about the WIFE ending a marriage? I have tried everything in my power to get her back, but she is already gone. She has started buying workout stuff, new clothes…it’s scaring me so much because it is all so sudden and not the woman I married before God.

Maybe you should be focusing on fixing yourself. If your wife says you don’t do enough around the house, change that. If people who just meet you for the first time say things like you’re a narcissist or seemed that way, you need to ask yourself why that is.
No two people are perfect, but there’s also 2 sides to every story.
Also if you’re going through medicine changes and don’t want to tell the full details about that, but want to talk about how you have literally went to every person in your wife’s life and talked to them about your personal business, and how the “buys new work out clothes” then you are putting all the blame on her.
I personally would not want my job, family, and everyone I knew knowing my business and you doing that is further proof maybe there’s some issues you need to work on.
Maybe if you showed initiative or actually correcting those things, it would be different, but you’ve made yourself into a victim. That we are supposed to feel sorry for because you have panic attacks. Everyone has stress, some of us have to just deal with it because the people like you want to be the victim and things still have to get done.

Some of this is tough love, but the blame can just as easily be back on you.