Why Does the Bible Say So Much About Widows?

[mourningdove~]

Why Does the Bible Say So Much about Widows?​

All Over Scripture​

Much earlier in my ministry, I began to include widows in the public prayers of the church where I was the pastor. I spoke at a gathering of ministers on public praying and mentioned widows among those who were often neglected in the prayers and ministry of the church. Called to care for widows in my own congregation, I began to study the Scriptures.

I soon discovered that there were very few books written about caring for widows but was taken aback by how much the Bible said about them. Whether you read Moses and the prophets, the Psalms and the Proverbs of Solomon, the four Gospels, or the book of Acts and the letters to the churches in the New Testament, you will not be able to read far without the subject of widows coming up. There are about eighty direct references to widows in the Scriptures. Why?

The Defender of Widows​

Fundamentally, God is the kind of God who keeps a careful eye on the widow. He is profoundly concerned for her, together with the stranger and the fatherless. He is righteous and protects them for he is “a father of the fatherless, a defender of widows . . . in his holy habitation,” (Psalm 68:5).

The incarnate Son of God is like him. He cared for his widowed mother (John 19:25-17), he raised from the dead the son of the widow of Nain and returned him to his mother (Luke 7:11-17), and, in the spirit of the prophets, condemned those who took advantage of widows (Matthew 23:24).

Called to Imitate God​

In line with this, God commanded that the nation of Israel care for widows, being diligent to not isolate them or take advantage of their vulnerability. Deuteronomy 16:11-14 shows how God provided for widows so that they were not excluded; instead, they enjoyed full participation in the Feast of Weeks and the Feast of Tabernacles.

However, when the nation of Israel turned away from serving God, they also turned away from his commandments. Who suffered when that happened? Widows were among the first casualties. The Old Testament prophets reproached those who wronged widows and called the nation back to its God-given responsibilities (e.g. Isaiah 10:1-3, Jeremiah 22:1-5, Ezekiel 22:6-7).

The church is called to be God-like, imitating his example and obeying his commandments. The early church cared for widows (Acts 6). In fact, the task was so important that seven men of good reputation, full of wisdom and the Holy Spirit, were selected to be responsible for the matter.

What's more, Paul laid out clear instructions in 1 Timothy 5 about how widows were to be regarded and treated. James did not mince his words in James 1:27. He said, in effect, “Let’s be clear about the nature of real religion. It must be visible and practical. It visits widows and orphans in their trouble as well as maintains moral purity in an evil world.”

Why Does the Bible Say So Much about Widows?

There are about eighty direct references to widows in the Scriptures. Why?

www.crossway.org

 

[mourningdove~]

I think one way churches could be more supportive to widows would be to create opportunities for widows within the church to connect with one another.

I live in a city with many churches, many denominations. Many of these churches offer all kinds of small group and study opportunities for the married, single, divorced, college age, teens, etc. But one thing that amazes, and disappoints, me, is that none of these local churches offer any kind of fellowship groups specifically for widows.

While widows are women, and can usually join a small group designated for 'women', women who are widowed are on a different journey than are married women, single women, divorced women. And especially if the widow is older and facing the challenges of aging.

While I think there are churches that may be helpful to the widow in need ... and that is great ... I wonder about the need for the widow to experience a sense of belonging within the church ... to feel connected within the church with other women walking a similar journey with the Lord? I wonder why it is that many churches do not appear to offer fellowship opportunities for widows?

I do think there are many widows of all ages, in many of our churches, if one can find them.
Might be nice if the local churches were more helpful in this effort.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

In a typical Patriarchal society like the ones we find in the TNK/OT and New Covenant/NT writings widows had very few rights and were completely dependent on men for their well-being and possibly even survival, so in that sense it's understandable widows get proper attention in the Bible when it comes to social justice and protecting and providing for the weaker ones.

In modern Western society the position and options for widows are nearly equal to that of men or widowers I'd say, so the need to protection as a special class may be much less than e.g. in Africa, the Middle-East or Asia where Patriarchy still is relatively prevalent.

E.g. if in a Western society a believing widow has the same options or vulnerabilities as a believing widowers, it would not make sense to give widows pastoral priority over the equally disadvantaged or vulnerable men.

Still I fully understand the social / emotional / practical needs of widows may be somewhat unique still relative to what is catered for in general women's home / cell / Bible-study groups. If those women's group don't cater to your needs fully, and there seem to be sufficient widows to have a dedicated widows support group, why not start one yourself?

Or maybe have a combined widows / widowers support group? Killing two birds with one stone?

 

[mourningdove~]

In a typical Patriarchal society like the ones we find in the TNK/OT and New Covenant/NT writings widows had very few rights and were completely dependent on men for their well-being and possibly even survival, so in that sense it's understandable widows get proper attention in the Bible when it comes to social justice and protecting and providing for the weaker ones.

In modern Western society the position and options for widows are nearly equal to that of men or widowers I'd say, so the need to protection as a special class may be much less than e.g. in Africa, the Middle-East or Asia where Patriarchy still is relatively prevalent.

E.g. if in a Western society a believing widow has the same options or vulnerabilities as a believing widowers, it would not make sense to give widows pastoral priority over the equally disadvantaged or vulnerable men.

Still I fully understand the social / emotional / practical needs of widows may be somewhat unique still relative to what is catered for in general women's home / cell / Bible-study groups. If those women's group don't cater to your needs fully, and there seem to be sufficient widows to have a dedicated widows support group, why not start one yourself?

Or maybe have a combined widows / widowers support group? Killing two birds with one stone?

You offer some good suggestions.

As to the men ... the widowers ... I do not know so much about them, to know what their need for fellowship/support might be. But it would be interesting to hear from widowers on this subject, to better understand their journey. I very much agree, that widowers should also not be overlooked or forgotten.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

You offer some good suggestions.

As to the men ... the widowers ... I do not know so much about them, to know what their need for fellowship/support might be. But it would be interesting to hear from widowers on this subject, to better understand their journey. I very much agree, that widowers should also not be overlooked or forgotten.

Men interact quite different with one another than women (communication style), but in a mixed group there may be some interesting overlap; emotions on grief/adjustment may be similar; usually men like to help out and be useful so that is a bonus for practical stuff. Women on average are more creative with ambience and food, so a mixed group may all have kinds of advantages.

Elderly men and widowers on average are lonelier than similar age women and widows; they also have a smaller social support or care network than women; so especially the need for fellowship/social support among widowers would be expected to be greater than for widows.

Maybe float the idea to start something like that with someone in church first? Or put up an announcement on your church's noticeboard (real or online) ?

 

[mourningdove~]

Men interact quite different with one another than women (communication style), but in a mixed group there may be some interesting overlap; emotions on grief/adjustment may be similar; usually men like to help out and be useful so that is a bonus for practical stuff. Women on average are more creative with ambience and food, so a mixed group may all have kinds of advantages.

Elderly men and widowers on average are lonelier than similar age women and widows; they also have a smaller social support or care network than women; so especially the need for fellowship/social support among widowers would be expected to be greater than for widows.

I can see both the pros, and cons, of a mixed group ... a group consisting of both widows and widowers.

I can see lots of pros.

The only potentially troublesome area I see would be if persons (widow or widower) are getting involved in the group with the express intent of finding their future mate there. I see nothing wrong with wanting to remarry, but not all widows or widowers are looking for a mate when they decide to join such a group. It can make things uncomfortable between group members, if some there are wanting to make a 'romantic' connection, and others are not.

When I attended Griefshare support sessions last year, one of the group rules is that members do not date each other while participating in the group. Since the group consisted of both widows and widowers, I think this was a good rule. Many persons working thru their grief issues probably don't need the added pressure of being asked out on a date while still grieving ... though I do imagine it happens sometimes.

When I participated in hospice grief support, I was told of a support group they had for both widows and widowers. This group was informal; not really any rules. But the counselor did tell me that occasionally they would have a widower in the group that was clearly there to find a mate. His behaviors would make some of the widows in the group feel very uncomfortable, some to the point of leaving the group. So the counselor would need to talk to the widower, set some ground rules, and even ask him to leave if he was going to continue in his ways.

In a church setting, I don't know how easily those kind of 'dating' behaviors between widows and widowers could be controlled. If there is a widow or widower there actively looking for a partner, his/her behaviors might chase away the non-interested members ... so for that reason, I'd be less inclined to propose a mixed group.

Several local churches do have senior 'fellowship' type groups ... card playing, road trips, concert going, etc. While widows/widowers may be found in them, these fun social groups are designed for all seniors regardless of marital status. So ... if an older widow or widower is hoping to find a mate, I suppose this kind of group might be a place!

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

I can see both the pros, and cons, of a mixed group ... a group consisting of both widows and widowers.

I can see lots of pros.

The only potentially troublesome area I see would be if persons (widow or widower) are getting involved in the group with the express intent of finding their future mate there. I see nothing wrong with wanting to remarry, but not all widows or widowers are looking for a mate when they decide to join such a group. It can make things uncomfortable between group members, if some there are wanting to make a 'romantic' connection, and others are not.

When I attended Griefshare support sessions last year, one of the group rules is that members do not date each other while participating in the group. Since the group consisted of both widows and widowers, I think this was a good rule. Many persons working thru their grief issues probably don't need the added pressure of being asked out on a date while still grieving ... though I do imagine it happens sometimes.

When I participated in hospice grief support, I was told of a support group they had for both widows and widowers. This group was informal; not really any rules. But the counselor did tell me that occasionally they would have a widower in the group that was clearly there to find a mate. His behaviors would make some of the widows in the group feel very uncomfortable, some to the point of leaving the group. So the counselor would need to talk to the widower, set some ground rules, and even ask him to leave if he was going to continue in his ways.

In a church setting, I don't know how easily those kind of 'dating' behaviors between widows and widowers could be controlled. If there is a widow or widower there actively looking for a partner, his/her behaviors might chase away the non-interested members ... so for that reason, I'd be less inclined to propose a mixed group.

Several local churches do have senior 'fellowship' type groups ... card playing, road trips, concert going, etc. While widows/widowers may be found in them, these fun social groups are designed for all seniors regardless of marital status. So ... if an older widow or widower is hoping to find a mate, I suppose this kind of group might be a place!

I understand your concern, so indeed, you can opt for a single-sex group, or just a mixed one with the same rules as 'Griefshare', or just another idea: let everyone wear badges or clearly state what they're open to ... If you shy way from any social (mixed) event just because of the possible risk of colliding intentions at some point you may unnecessarily also miss out on the benefits. Just be clear and intentional about what you want or don't want. People cannot read minds, apart from helpful clear communication, 'minor' intention collisions should be manageable for adults with lots of life experience

 

[mourningdove~]

I understand your concern, so indeed, you can opt for a single-sex group, or just a mixed one with the same rules as 'Griefshare', or just another idea: let everyone wear badges or clearly state what they're open to ... If you shy way from any social (mixed) event just because of the possible risk of colliding intentions at some point you may unnecessarily also miss out on the benefits. Just be clear and intentional about what you want or don't want. People cannot read minds, apart from helpful clear communication, 'minor' intention collisions should be manageable for adults with lots of life experience

In many ways, widows and widowers have much in common.
To lose a spouse is a very big life-changing event for most of us.
So I can definitely see why widows and widowers might connect.
They can have alot in common; understand each other abit easier; feel a connection.
It can be a good 'match' for them, when the time is right.

Widows/widowers with some 'healing time' behind them can probably handle potential dating issues pretty easily.

I think the newly widowed are in a more vulnerable emotional place ... so for them, some protective guidelines might be wise.

... Lol. Having said all that, I am also old enough to know how life sometimes 'just happens'. People just 'find' each other!
And so that is good too, as long as they find happiness together in God.

Thanks for the helpful feedback.

 

[godisagardener]

This is an interesting article. Thanks for posting.

I belong to a small church with a shrinking membership. I can count them on my fingers and toes -- on a good Sunday about 20 regular attendees, more often than not about 16. Of those, 10 are widows. So half of those who show on a good day.

There are no programs for them except Sunday School (not that there are for anyone else!), to which the majority show up. And they probably do so for the social interaction, not the lesson. They used to go to lunch together after church as a group, but now most if not all can't afford a restaurant.

Programs for widows would be commendable, and I would hazard a guess they do exist in some churches. A quick google brought up info on starting a widows ministry, caring for widows and widowers, an interesting piece on something called Stand in the Gap for Widows, and others. So there are churches filling the need. It would be nice if it was available in all churches.

What I've found interesting, of the 10 widows in our church, most have adult children and adult grandchildren who attend church somewhere else in town. The widows could obviously attend those churches with them, and as far as I know their families would like them to, but they don't. And it is the family first who are expected to care for their widows. Not to diminish the need for programs designed especially for widows, but attending church with their family members would be a step forward in being socially connected to a church and women in the same position in those churches.

 

[mourningdove~]

This is an interesting article. Thanks for posting.

I belong to a small church with a shrinking membership. I can count them on my fingers and toes -- on a good Sunday about 20 regular attendees, more often than not about 16. Of those, 10 are widows. So half of those who show on a good day.

There are no programs for them except Sunday School (not that there are for anyone else!), to which the majority show up. And they probably do so for the social interaction, not the lesson. They used to go to lunch together after church as a group, but now most if not all can't afford a restaurant.

Programs for widows would be commendable, and I would hazard a guess they do exist in some churches. A quick google brought up info on starting a widows ministry, caring for widows and widowers, an interesting piece on something called Stand in the Gap for Widows, and others. So there are churches filling the need. It would be nice if it was available in all churches.

What I've found interesting, of the 10 widows in our church, most have adult children and adult grandchildren who attend church somewhere else in town. The widows could obviously attend those churches with them, and as far as I know their families would like them to, but they don't. And it is the family first who are expected to care for their widows. Not to diminish the need for programs designed especially for widows, but attending church with their family members would be a step forward in being socially connected to a church and women in the same position in those churches.

With your church being small, those 10 widows are probably finding the fellowship they need there. That would be my guess. Even if they don't socialize much, they know each other is a widow, and there is an unspoken connection in that.

As to families caring for the widow, I think family dynamics can sometimes be very complicated and hard to understand. (Would be nice if we all lived in "Walton" families ... lol ... but just isn't always the case. )