Where are Chsitian singles meeting one another?

[Spencer_3433]

I'm in my late 20's, and for a long time I have had a heart for a God-honouring marriage or relationship.

Over the last several years I have found it incredibly difficult to meet Christian women who are devoted to the Lord. I know that local churches can be a great place to meet and develop friendships with other single Christians, sadly my home church has had to deal with an ongoing issue of cliques and exclusion with people in my age range. I've found myself on the outside of this exclusion, and struggle to connect with people my age.

Having been at this church for nearly six years, I've developed significant relationships with other mature Christians, and a great friendship with my pastor. I don't want to leave my home church for the sole purpose of finding a mate while I have such important connections of a platonic and friendly nature.

I have created profiles on a couple of different reputable Christian dating websites. Over the last several years I have had the opportunity to get to know a few people, as well as learn more about myself and relationships. While those relationships did not develop into something long term, I was able to develop my understanding of what a God-honouring relationship looks like.

I continue to trust the Lord's timing and hand in my life; I'm also trying to be proactive in a way that I am socially visible in places where the Lord can bring me together with someone else (I'm an introvert, and used to spend a lot of my time on my own before being more actively involved in church activities).

So I'm left wondering...where are single Christians meeting these days? I find that the church isn't playing much of a role in bringing people together, or providing those opportunities.

Edit: I have spoken to my pastor and several other leaders about creating a singles ministry or group to put people in social gatherings/teaching sessions. I feel like that would help develop a deeper understanding of biblical dating principles, biblical view of marriage, and create opportunities for people to meet in a relaxed setting.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

A lot are meeting right here on CF!

 

[Gnarwhal]

We singles mostly meet in brothels and back alley street fights. The especially pious Christians tend to find each other in illegal gambling operations.

 

[CodyFaith]

Volunteer work related to the faith. Broadening their circle to include going to other churches in the area when they host events, thus meeting other single Christians their age from another church. Christian groups like university groups or other groups with evangelism in mind. Youth rallies or other rallies. Christian concerts.

Lots of ways, just have to be motivated and brave in taking those steps.

 

[leothelioness]

It's not the church's role to act as a matchmaking service, so the belief that the church should act in such a way rather than being a place where flocks are pastored and people grow in Christ seems slightly blasphemous to me.

That said, God can use any means to bring His plan together. That could include church, yes, but there are many other ways He can, and does, choose to work. You just have to pray and seek His guidance and see where He is leading you. He will let you know your calling in this life. What God has planned, He will provide a way for it.

My best suggestion is to keep doing what you are doing already. Stay active socially and look for every opportunity to meet other people. Develop frienships and they may become more than that, or it may lead to the one you are supposed to meet.

 

[Paulie079]

It's not the church's role to act as a matchmaking service, so the belief that the church should act in such a way rather than being a place where flocks are pastored and people grow in Christ seems slightly blasphemous to me.

I think I see what you're saying, but in my mind the most ideal place to meet someone would be at church. Developing a relationship in the context of pursuing Christ and serving him and other people in a covenant community seems like the most ideal circumstance to meet someone to me. Not all churches provide that opportunity, but I would always encourage people to look there first. If that's a person's only reason for going to church, then obviously that's a problem, and maybe that's what you were getting at. I just think a good church can be an immense blessing for a couple.

And to add on to the good advice that has been shared with the OP so far, if you have been in failed relationships before, make sure you have examined why that was the case and that you have dealt with your own issues before dragging yet another person into/through them.

 

[Paulie079]

We singles mostly meet in brothels and back alley street fights. The especially pious Christians tend to find each other in illegal gambling operations.

It appears you have forgotten the first rule of Operation Illegal Gambling....

 

[leothelioness]

I think I see what you're saying, but in my mind the most ideal place to meet someone would be at church. Developing a relationship in the context of pursuing Christ and serving him and other people in a covenant community seems like the most ideal circumstance to meet someone to me. Not all churches provide that opportunity, but I would always encourage people to look there first. If that's a person's only reason for going to church, then obviously that's a problem, and maybe that's what you were getting at. I just think a good church can be an immense blessing for a couple.

And to add on to the good advice that has been shared with the OP so far, if you have been in failed relationships before, make sure you have examined why that was the case and that you have dealt with your own issues before dragging yet another person into/through them.

Yeah, but it's not the church's role to organize meet and greets. I'm not saying people shouldn't look in church for someone, but I don't think, as per the OP's post, that it's the function of the church to help someone find a spouse.

I'm not too big on the whole singles ministry thing unless it's to teach people how to serve God in their singleness. It shouldn't be a dating service.

 

[Gnarwhal]

It appears you have forgotten the first rule of Operation Illegal Gambling....

Rule 1. Don't bet with money from the offering plate, that's just rude.

Am I doing this right?

 

[Paulie079]

Yeah, but it's not the church's role to organize meet and greets. I'm not saying people shouldn't look in church for someone, but I don't think, as per the OP's post, that it's the function of the church to help someone find a spouse.

I'm not too big on the whole singles ministry thing unless it's to teach people how to serve God in their singleness. It shouldn't be a dating service.

I guess I like a healthy balance with stuff like this. As in not making marriage out to be the destination for single people, but also offering opportunities to be well-prepared for marriage. And as you said, providing discipleship and building them up to be laborers for Christ no matter their circumstance. But as a single person, I do appreciate opportunities for fellowship, especially since loneliness is one of the biggest struggles with singleness. That doesn't mean that singles groups are necessary exactly, but providing opportunities for fellowship for singles isn't a bad idea I don't think.

 

[Paulie079]

Rule 1. Don't bet with money from the offering plate, that's just rude.

Am I doing this right?

Hmm...it's a start. We'll work on it.

 

[LoveDivine]

Yeah, but it's not the church's role to organize meet and greets. I'm not saying people shouldn't look in church for someone, but I don't think, as per the OP's post, that it's the function of the church to help someone find a spouse.

I'm not too big on the whole singles ministry thing unless it's to teach people how to serve God in their singleness. It shouldn't be a dating service.

I agree. That really shouldn’t be the focus of church leadership.

I think it makes more sense for the young single members to organize their own get togethers and times for fellowship. Make friends more naturally. I think a lot of people complain that they cannot meet others and never actually put out effort to befriend others or take initiative to organize get togethers.

 

[Servant68]

Yeah, but it's not the church's role to organize meet and greets. I'm not saying people shouldn't look in church for someone, but I don't think, as per the OP's post, that it's the function of the church to help someone find a spouse.

I'm not too big on the whole singles ministry thing unless it's to teach people how to serve God in their singleness. It shouldn't be a dating service.

I understand your concerns, and can appreciate where you're coming from; I still haven't asked any women out at church as it felt like it would be "cheapening" the time I just spent worshiping.

However, to your point that bringing Christian singles together through ministry and social functions is not the church's role; why isn't it?

Is it the church's role to bring moms and dads together through ministry and social functions? If so, then why not single Christians? Churches organize family events all the time, and women's Bible studies and men's Bible studies and Senior Bible studies, etc.

If it is the church's role to bring together those groups of Christians for worship and fellowship due to their unique characteristics, then why is it not the church's role to do the same for singles?

It's the same for divorced Christians. Churches have special groups and functions and Bible studies for just about everyone else except divorced members. We are the ones who are in great need of fellowship and compassion, yet we are ignored and not acknowledged.

Most churches do have singles groups because they want to encourage Christian singles dating and getting married. It is healthy for the body of the church. Even this website has decided to form a singles forum (though allowing believers and non-believers to interact on a romantic level is a bit blasphemous, IMHO).

So, I think it is the church's role to minister to ALL members of the body and to serve their needs by providing an atmosphere in which they can fellowship with each other and hopefully eventually form a family.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

We singles mostly meet in brothels and back alley street fights. The especially pious Christians tend to find each other in illegal gambling operations.

Haha haha lol

 

[gennypearl]

the church is just one of the many places to meet christian singles. charismatic organizations, from your group of friends or friend of friends, or in the workplace. but God sure has a way of surprising you at times as to where.

 

[leothelioness]

I agree. That really shouldn’t be the focus of church leadership.

I think it makes more sense for the young single members to organize their own get togethers and times for fellowship. Make friends more naturally. I think a lot of people complain that they cannot meet others and never actually put out effort to befriend others or take initiative to organize get togethers.

Completely agree.

 

[leothelioness]

I understand your concerns, and can appreciate where you're coming from; I still haven't asked any women out at church as it felt like it would be "cheapening" the time I just spent worshiping.

However, to your point that bringing Christian singles together through ministry and social functions is not the church's role; why isn't it?

Is it the church's role to bring moms and dads together through ministry and social functions? If so, then why not single Christians? Churches organize family events all the time, and women's Bible studies and men's Bible studies and Senior Bible studies, etc.

If it is the church's role to bring together those groups of Christians for worship and fellowship due to their unique characteristics, then why is it not the church's role to do the same for singles?

It's the same for divorced Christians. Churches have special groups and functions and Bible studies for just about everyone else except divorced members. We are the ones who are in great need of fellowship and compassion, yet we are ignored and not acknowledged.

Most churches do have singles groups because they want to encourage Christian singles dating and getting married. It is healthy for the body of the church. Even this website has decided to form a singles forum (though allowing believers and non-believers to interact on a romantic level is a bit blasphemous, IMHO).

So, I think it is the church's role to minister to ALL members of the body and to serve their needs by providing an atmosphere in which they can fellowship with each other and hopefully eventually form a family.

The church's role is to pastor God's flock and grow them in Christ. Do you think the primary function of the church in the first century was to help lonely singles find husbands/wives? Something tells me Paul would balk at the very idea.

Ministry is one thing. Using church as a dating service without primary concern being to worship the Most High God is completely another.

 

[LoveDivine]

The church's role is to pastor God's flock and grow them in Christ. Do you think the primary function of the church in the first century was to help lonely singles find husbands/wives? Something tells me Paul would balk at the very idea.

Ministry is one thing. Using church as a dating service without primary concern being to worship the Most High God is completely another.

I agree wholeheartedly with this.

Also, fellowship and friendship with other Christians shouldn"t need to be organized or scheduled by the church leadership. It should be the natural development of camaraderie that forms when Christians meet and worship/ pray together. I know a lot of churches aren"t very warm or welcoming or conducive to forming connections. Something is very wrong and missing in these situations. In reality, what should be easier than feeling at ease with others who share the most important thing in life with you: faith in Christ?

I am not saying that it is wrong to have outings or bible studies for singles that are church sponsored, but it does seem odd to me that people feel they need these outings to reach out to others that attend their own church. I really think the problem is that too many Christians wait for others to serve them instead of being the ones who welcome others and put them at ease. If it is your home church, be the one who shows the warmth and befriends others.

 

[Servant68]

Do you think the primary function of the church in the first century was to help lonely singles find husbands/wives? Something tells me Paul would balk at the very idea.

Ministry is one thing. Using church as a dating service without primary concern being to worship the Most High God is completely another.

Where did I or anyone else say the primary role of the church should be to help singles find mates?

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

While the goal of church isn't to find a mate, I don't see any issue with finding someone there if you do.