- Jun 17, 2019
- 15
- 27
- 24
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
I will try to keep this as short as possible. Ever since maybe the beginning of December 2018, this boy at school had a slight crush on me, and I as well liked him. I asked God for a sign that maybe I should say hello, or speak to him (not ask out or anything like that). The answer at the time was a clear no, for good reasons. But he kept expressing that he liked me, in soooooooo many ways it's unbelievable, and slowly it seemed like God started to push me to go speak to him. I'm telling you, I felt like God was telling me to do something. Every sign, and every situation, it started to become obvious. So, a little under a month ago, I said hello finally. He seemed stiff and awkward, maybe nervous is the word? Short conversation shortened even more, I got some of his contact information. We talked a little over texting, and every now and then we make little comments. Me and him seemed to have a lot in common, and I was so sure that we would be hanging out soon (as friends).I was excited because I don't have many friends and I thought that maybe I'd have someone to hang out with. But then all of that crumbled down one Thursday morning, for a good reason. He still liked me, and I still liked him, but there is a clear difference between us that I feel is what is stopping him from wanting to talk to me. All he did was stare, smile, his friends would tease him whenever I came around, he would try so hard to be close to me and it really hurt me when I realized we might not be friends after all. We aren't mad, we don't got beef, were exactly the way we were before. But like I said, there is a difference about us which stops us from hanging out (probably, i'm not sure). I was very disappointed, so I told my mom how stupid and foolish I felt thinking God was telling me to do something when the outcome was nothing. I felt stupid for following my heart instead of God's voice, in fact I don't even think he was talking to me at all. He said no clearly in the beginning, and I asked multiple times to take the urge to say something to that boy away but it just wouldn't go. My mom then told me she prayed to God back in January for someone to like me, and I not get rejected. She said because my friends get hit on a lot and I don't, she just wanted me to feel like a normal teenager. But there were many times people liked me and I liked them back, and some like me and I don't like them back. Sometimes it's the other way around. I just don't get the whole point of this whole situation. The outcome was nothing but a new contact... and then what? I'm just really disappointed and confused of all the times I cried one day and then jumping up and down in excitement, for what? I know that I am very confusing when I type but honestly this was more of a rant than anything. I guess the main thing that's bothering me was the fact that I prayed so much to do the right thing and when I thought I was hearing God's voice, I know look back and it seems like He wasn't even talking to me at all, as if he was listening to me but He didn't hear me.