What is Considered Losing Your Virginity in Christianity?

[TheChristianSurvivalGuide]

I was having this conversation with my BIL who is very much an Evangelical Christian who aspires to work in churches (and has to some extent) - He stated that he was a virgin when he was married, though he had "done some things" before. When I asked what the nature of these things were I specifically asked about oral sex, he responded in the affirmative.

I then asked, "Well, how can you consider yourself a virgin if you have engaged in some kind of sexual activity?"

He stated that "Oral sex isn't actual or real sex." I assume, therefore it doesn't count.

So what's are your opinions on the matter?

Can someone give or receive oral sex and still claim they are a virgin?

 

[WinBySurrender]

I was having this conversation with my BIL who is very much an Evangelical Christian who aspires to work in churches (and has to some extent) - He stated that he was a virgin when he was married, though he had "done some things" before. When I asked what the nature of these things were I specifically asked about oral sex, he responded in the affirmative.

I then asked, "Well, how can you consider yourself a virgin if you have engaged in some kind of sexual activity?"

He stated that "Oral sex isn't actual or real sex." I assume, therefore it doesn't count.

So what's are your opinions on the matter?

Can someone give or receive oral sex and still claim they are a virgin?

I certainly don't think so. Paul Byerly, Director of The Marriage Bed Ministry, said:

Sex has some very unique and powerful effects on our bodies and minds, and things like oral and manual sex produce the majority of the effects that intercourse does. Sexual contact with someone releases a number of chemicals into our bodies, and these chemicals effect our minds. Having any kind of sex with someone causes our bodies to be flooded with hormones that result in an emotional bond with our partner. This effect, which is beyond our control, clouds our ability to see the other person clearly, and can result in us making bad decisions about our relationship. Couples who engage in sex before marriage are less likely to see what should be obvious problems in the relationship, resulting in a far greater risk of a bad marriage choice.
​

Seems to me any kind of sex creates that "one flesh" bond that is supposed to be reserved only for marriage.

 

[Jonny Doe]

lol it has the word sex in it. It is sex. Not to sound too judgmental but it sounds like this guy is trying to sound like he's not a sinner and justifying his sexual past by improperly labeling an activity where the designed purpose of said action is to achieve a sexual [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]. We are all sinners, and by the grace of God, we are forgiven and can be redeemed. Downplaying something you've done in the past may be a symptom of repressed guilt or an unrepentant spirit.

What winbysurrender is saying is true. Even an "innocent" act of cuddling is in some way like sex because of the effect it produces on the mind.

 

[hwyangel]

If you wouldn't do it with your mother then I believe it is safe to say that it is sex.

 

[god's_pawn]

Perhaps this analogy would help:

The Bible says "Do not murder." If we were to give equal weight to "Do not have sexual relations before marriage" then your friend's statement is like saying it's okay to injure someone for whatever reason, so long as it's not murder. Committing half a sin is no different from the "real thing".

 

[Armistead14]

Well, that's a fine line, most do seem a virgin status related to actual intercourse. The basic virgin status biblically was a legal status regarding women, because a woman was property and her virginity had value, so many laws were given based on her virginity, these laws didn't apply to men.



However, these were hebrew laws for that culture. There have been many news stories out on teens today having oral and anal sex as not to get a girl pregnant and somehow girls thinks it protects there virginity...lol.

I think most people today deem oral sex...just that...sex, we don't say oral, we say oral sex, because body parts are used to bring sexual climax. One may not lose their virginity, such as a girl doing oral doesn't break her hymen. Seriously you could go on, the same with a hand job, etc...

Anyway, I could agree you can have certain types of sex and still remain a virgin. I can remember when I was about 19, I dated a girl seriously and we both wanted to remain virgins until we got married at that time. However, after about a year, our make out sessions we started serious body humping, enough to [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] for me and later used our hands. I never entered, ect...my reasoning was I didn't want to take her virginity. We later broke up, so I was glad for her I didn't.....but were we virgins...I would say so, did we have sex, prolly so in a way, it's really cutting fine lines."

One thing that people debate is premarital sex, biblically sex was money, the only difference in a virgin and non virgin seems to be value, other than that nothing much else is said regarding the premarital aspect of it.

"The basic ketubbah of a virgin (two hundred maneh [one maneh=fifty shekels]) was double that of a non-virgin (one hundred maneh) (Mishnah Ketubbot 1:2). Those who were divorced or widowed while betrothed but before marriage retain their status of virgin. This difference was doubled in the case of the daughter of a priest who was a virgin, whose basic ketubbah was four hundred maneh (Mishnah Ketubbot 1:5). This distinction emphasizes the value of virginity and the significance of sexual exclusivity on the part of the woman to her husband and, in the case of the priest, the value of caste status. A number of situations were described biblically which deal with the seduction or the rape of a virgin who is either unattached or betrothed. Consensual sexual intercourse of the betrothed or married woman with someone other than her husband would put both the woman and her paramour in the category of adulterers. Seduction is considered to be consensual but the cases discussed in the Bible according to rabbinic interpretation were dealing with minor girls who did not have the legal right of consent. Rambam covers this material in Hilkhot Na’arah Betulah. "

 

[Kristos]

It is rather odd the way things have developed. The definition of virgin would seem to be more black and white for a female, where for a male where to you draw the line. I think most people would agree that sexual activity would cover any type of genital stimulation by another person, but does that equate to virginity?

If we define a virgin as someone who is maintains complete chastity, then it would seem that any sexual activity would violate that chastity. But if we define a virgin as someone who has not engaged in sexual intercourse regardless of their sexual chastity then other sexual activity would not violate virginity.

I think if you really wanted to shoot for God's plan, then you would have to define virginity in terms of complete chastity as well as purity in body and mind. It's not really about keep a status - it's about loving God and neighbor. Sexual activity outside of marriage is sinful in this respect not because you might be "a virgin" anymore, but because you have missed the mark of chastity and purity. To lesser degree you also miss the mark when you engage in auto-erotic behavior or sexual fantasies.

Hey we sin, let's be clear about that - but we must not delude ourselves into thinking that our sin is not sin or even worse that our sin is virtue because then we cannot repent and be forgiven.

 

[William II]

Sex is defined as a (vaginally) penetrative act. Oral sex, whatever you may believe about sinning, etc., is NOT sex. One is still a virgin if they've only engaged in oral sex.

 

[Kristos]

Sex is defined as a (vaginally) penetrative act. Oral sex, whatever you may believe about sinning, etc., is NOT sex. One is still a virgin if they've only engaged in oral sex.

True, if you want the legal definition. I believe the UCMJ defines it as penetration, however slight.

However when sin comes into the picture, the question ceases to be legal and becomes spiritual. There are no laws against sinning.

 

[WinBySurrender]

Sex is defined as a (vaginally) penetrative act. Oral sex, whatever you may believe about sinning, etc., is NOT sex. One is still a virgin if they've only engaged in oral sex.

What a crock

 

[Root of Jesse]

Rather than talk about 'virginity', maybe we should be talking about 'chastity' and 'continence' and 'prudence'.

 

[William II]

What a crock

Really? A woman who has never had a penis enter her vagina could not be a virgin?

Tell me more.

 

[Knee V]

Would your friend consider himself a virgin if he had anal sex with a man? A legal definition of virginity is moot. Sex is just as much an action of the heart as it is a physical act.

 

[Vasallus]

If you wouldn't do it with your mother then I believe it is safe to say that it is sex.

I wouldn't tongue kiss my mother, but that's not sex.

Sex is defined as a (vaginally) penetrative act. Oral sex, whatever you may believe about sinning, etc., is NOT sex. One is still a virgin if they've only engaged in oral sex.

Absolutely false. Any time you put your penis inside her, it's sex.

 

[WinBySurrender]

Really? A woman who has never had a penis enter her vagina could not be a virgin?

Tell me more.

I would, but Vasallus already educated you. But thanks for asking.

 

[William II]

Lol, okay guys.

A virgin is defined as one who has never engaged in sexual intercourse.

Sexual intercourse is defined as a man penetrating a woman's vagina with his erect penis.


But nevermind, you're right. Blow jobs are the same as sex.

 

[ViaCrucis]

I was having this conversation with my BIL who is very much an Evangelical Christian who aspires to work in churches (and has to some extent) - He stated that he was a virgin when he was married, though he had "done some things" before. When I asked what the nature of these things were I specifically asked about oral sex, he responded in the affirmative.

I then asked, "Well, how can you consider yourself a virgin if you have engaged in some kind of sexual activity?"

He stated that "Oral sex isn't actual or real sex." I assume, therefore it doesn't count.

So what's are your opinions on the matter?

Can someone give or receive oral sex and still claim they are a virgin?

I don't think there's an absolute answer for something as nebulous as this. I'd say, yeah, oral sex is "sex" (it's sexual activity), though generally virginity means (and this is more-or-less a cultural conception I'm using here) not having engaged in intercourse.

Again, it seems like a fairly nebulous concept to begin with, and thus answers are going to be highly diverse based on how different people personally define these things. What's going to affect people is going to be highly cultural. A 20 or 30-something bachelor from the Pacific Northwest of the United States is probably going to think different from a 72 year old conservative grandmother born and raised in the rural American Bible-belt.

-CryptoLutheran

 

[Root of Jesse]

I just believe that a woman who's a physical virgin but not morally chaste is like a Pharisee who shows themselves to be above everyone else, but in secret does whatever he wants.
Chastity is in the mind as well as in the actions.

 

[WinBySurrender]

Lol, okay guys.

A virgin is defined as one who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. [/qupte]Yes ... as the fourth preferred definition. Virgin - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary

1
a : an unmarried woman devoted to religion b capitalized : virgo
2
a : an absolutely chaste young woman b : an unmarried girl or woman

3
capitalized : virgin mary

4
a : a person who has not had sexual intercourse b : a person who is inexperienced in a usually specified sphere of activity

5
: a female animal that has never copulated

See virgin defined for English-language learners »

See virgin defined for kids »


Thanks for playing! Johnny, tell him about the consolation prizes ...

 

[William II]

Those definitions are out of context. We're done here. You can go argue with someone else.