what does the bible say bout finding a wife to merry cuz I want to get merry to a women God's way . how r we suppose to find her gods way . I have a girlfriend but I want to merry her gods way
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what does the bible say bout finding a wife
- Thread starter spider28x
- Start date
Great topic. Proverbs is written to a young man and it has a lot in it about what kind of women to avoid (e.g. the adulterous woman who seduces a young foolish man, or the quarrelsome woman) and what kind of woman to marry (the 'beautiful' or 'noble' woman in the last chapter.) A good wife is a wife who fears the Lord, who is diligent and responsible, and seeks her husbands good and not his harm, and helps him become all that he can be.
I'd say avoid marrying a divorced or separated woman because it is written, "he that marries her that is divorced commits adultery." Don't marry a close relative, like your sister, your father's sister, etc. Marrying cousins is not sinful if it's legal, but it's stigmatized and discouraged for genetic reasons. You probably didn't meet your girlfriend at a family reunion,
but I've got some relatives who found out they were second cousins after they got married. They met in another state far from home, too.
Marry a woman who loves God, not someone who just claims to be a Christian. Proverbs have good things to say about a woman who fears the Lord. You want a woman who really wants to do what is right in the eyes of the Lord. If you want to same thing, that sure can settle a lot of disputes. You also want to marry a woman with certain good character traits if you can, and good godly values. Does she forgive? If she holds grudges, that can really hurt a marriage? Is she proud and critical? That can be difficult? Is she angry? What about yourself? These are things to consider if you want to love a woman like Christ loves the church.
As far as getting married God's way goes, avoid sexual immorality. Don't put yourself in situations that could lead to it (e.g. making out on the couch, especially with the light off.)
In the Old Testament, we see that it was the father of the bride's duty, if he were alive, to give (or not give) his daughter away in marriage. The New Testament even mentions giving in marriage. For me, it was important that my wife's father agree to the marriage, and I had to jump through for his family to agree to it. In their culture, weddings can be more complicated.
For me, deciding to get married very much involved discerning if this was the woman the Lord had for me to marry and discerning the Lord's voice. I had some doubts, but made my decision in propose in prayer, than had complete certainty. I think it is important to do this, but perhaps more important to know what the Bible says about marriage and also to approach the issue rationally. Don't just 'follow your heart' based on your feelings. Feeling good about each other and chemistry is not enough to get married.
Having things in common is good, I guess, but it can be overrated, too. You can go play golf with some buddies. She doesn't have to like everything you like. If you don't like shopping for pink shoes, she can do that with other people. Values are more important. Ask her what she thinks about divorce. Read a story on one of these forums about a couple who divorced and ask her opinion. Does she think divorce is okay if people just can't get along? If she thinks that way and won't change her mind after you present her with the word of God, maybe you should reconsider. What about her ideas about sex? Does she think a wife has a duty to meet her husband's sexual needs, or does she think she should only do it if she is in the mood once a year? If she's a virgin, hopefully, she may not have specific ideas about this beyond a philosophy of marriage. If she has a generous idea about this, that's a good thing. You should also have a similar attitude yourself and realize this is an area of marriage where people argue. What about her ideas regarding the husband being the head in the marriage? Does she agree with scripture on this? Is it a problem for her?
What are your goals in life? Is there some goal in life that is really important to you that you just can't pursue? If she wants to be a medical missionary to the Eskimos in the North Pole, and feels like she is called to do that and just must do it, and you are dead set on working a cushy job in the tropics for the rest of your life, that may not be a good match. If she insists on having a high powered career that she can only do in NYC, and you just have to be a cowboy in Montana, that's something else to think about. Is she willing to put down a career for family? Are you? Those are issues you need to think about, too.
Does she not want children, but you do? You may not think much about that now, but it is a big deal. You don't have to have all the details worked out. If you both think you want to have children, but don't know the exact number, you can probably decide that as you go along, but if one person is set on no kids, or even just one kid, that can be an issue. What is her belief about abortion? You don't want to end up married to someone who would kill your child, especially since you have no legal right to protect the child from the state-approved murder. That also has to do with marrying someone with similar values and good ethics.
Do you have similar values over all? What are your views on faith? If your beliefs about religion are too different, that can be a problem, too. Even minor differences can be a problem if you don't learn to work them out.
Anyway, those are some thoughts on getting married and choosing a spouse.
I'd say avoid marrying a divorced or separated woman because it is written, "he that marries her that is divorced commits adultery." Don't marry a close relative, like your sister, your father's sister, etc. Marrying cousins is not sinful if it's legal, but it's stigmatized and discouraged for genetic reasons. You probably didn't meet your girlfriend at a family reunion,
but I've got some relatives who found out they were second cousins after they got married. They met in another state far from home, too. Marry a woman who loves God, not someone who just claims to be a Christian. Proverbs have good things to say about a woman who fears the Lord. You want a woman who really wants to do what is right in the eyes of the Lord. If you want to same thing, that sure can settle a lot of disputes. You also want to marry a woman with certain good character traits if you can, and good godly values. Does she forgive? If she holds grudges, that can really hurt a marriage? Is she proud and critical? That can be difficult? Is she angry? What about yourself? These are things to consider if you want to love a woman like Christ loves the church.
As far as getting married God's way goes, avoid sexual immorality. Don't put yourself in situations that could lead to it (e.g. making out on the couch, especially with the light off.)
In the Old Testament, we see that it was the father of the bride's duty, if he were alive, to give (or not give) his daughter away in marriage. The New Testament even mentions giving in marriage. For me, it was important that my wife's father agree to the marriage, and I had to jump through for his family to agree to it. In their culture, weddings can be more complicated.
For me, deciding to get married very much involved discerning if this was the woman the Lord had for me to marry and discerning the Lord's voice. I had some doubts, but made my decision in propose in prayer, than had complete certainty. I think it is important to do this, but perhaps more important to know what the Bible says about marriage and also to approach the issue rationally. Don't just 'follow your heart' based on your feelings. Feeling good about each other and chemistry is not enough to get married.
Having things in common is good, I guess, but it can be overrated, too. You can go play golf with some buddies. She doesn't have to like everything you like. If you don't like shopping for pink shoes, she can do that with other people. Values are more important. Ask her what she thinks about divorce. Read a story on one of these forums about a couple who divorced and ask her opinion. Does she think divorce is okay if people just can't get along? If she thinks that way and won't change her mind after you present her with the word of God, maybe you should reconsider. What about her ideas about sex? Does she think a wife has a duty to meet her husband's sexual needs, or does she think she should only do it if she is in the mood once a year? If she's a virgin, hopefully, she may not have specific ideas about this beyond a philosophy of marriage. If she has a generous idea about this, that's a good thing. You should also have a similar attitude yourself and realize this is an area of marriage where people argue. What about her ideas regarding the husband being the head in the marriage? Does she agree with scripture on this? Is it a problem for her?
What are your goals in life? Is there some goal in life that is really important to you that you just can't pursue? If she wants to be a medical missionary to the Eskimos in the North Pole, and feels like she is called to do that and just must do it, and you are dead set on working a cushy job in the tropics for the rest of your life, that may not be a good match. If she insists on having a high powered career that she can only do in NYC, and you just have to be a cowboy in Montana, that's something else to think about. Is she willing to put down a career for family? Are you? Those are issues you need to think about, too.
Does she not want children, but you do? You may not think much about that now, but it is a big deal. You don't have to have all the details worked out. If you both think you want to have children, but don't know the exact number, you can probably decide that as you go along, but if one person is set on no kids, or even just one kid, that can be an issue. What is her belief about abortion? You don't want to end up married to someone who would kill your child, especially since you have no legal right to protect the child from the state-approved murder. That also has to do with marrying someone with similar values and good ethics.
Do you have similar values over all? What are your views on faith? If your beliefs about religion are too different, that can be a problem, too. Even minor differences can be a problem if you don't learn to work them out.
Anyway, those are some thoughts on getting married and choosing a spouse.
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CounselorForChrist
Senior Veteran
I'd leave some advice but Link left nothing for me to share. LOL
I know the first 2-3 women I was with (close to marriage with them) were not biblical at all really. However my soon to be wife is very much like what Link described. Shes a woman I didn't really think existed due to people telling me "Theres no such thing as a proverbs 31 women!". She is the crown on my head and I praise God we for her and for her becoming my wife!
I know the first 2-3 women I was with (close to marriage with them) were not biblical at all really. However my soon to be wife is very much like what Link described. Shes a woman I didn't really think existed due to people telling me "Theres no such thing as a proverbs 31 women!". She is the crown on my head and I praise God we for her and for her becoming my wife!
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