Hello! I found these forums as I was stumbling around the internet looking for a place to ask a question I have, that I can't really ask around here (since my friends all know one another and I don't want to stir up drama in my real-life friend circle).
Basically, I am in seminary, and there is a new student who just started here a couple months ago. He is pretty incredibly fantastic, as far as I've gotten to know him. He's not just handsome, but truly has a wonderful heart and earnestly seeks to reflect Christ, which, even in seminary, has proven to be a difficult quality to find as far as my own experience goes (I'm 28, and have been single for over 12 years with no hint of possibility of relationship). He is just so full of love towards people, always eager to show God's love to people, and actively lives out his faith.
We are getting to be better friends at an acceptable pace, but I have to admit I'm struggling to keep the "crush feelings" in check. I really like him, an awful lot.
I am prone to assume, because of my history, that a man is very unlikely to reciprocate those kinds of feelings towards me. Nobody ever has. So, though we are new friends and are enjoying our friendship, something he does really bothers me.
He refers to me as "sister." Now, I get it, that we are sisters and brothers in Christ, and I do notice that he very obviously refers to all of our female friends as "sisters" and male friends as "brothers." But when, for example, he signs an email "Grace and peace, sister!" I feel like he definitely would never, ever feel anything more towards me than friendly, sibling affection, and that makes me sad and makes me want to just distance myself and limit how much we see one another. I'm sure he would be baffled (and possibly hurt) if I did that.
I think my confusion arises out of the fact that I do not come from a church tradition wherein we refer to one another as "brother" and "sister." So I feel like he only sees me as a sister when he says that; i.e., no hope for romance in the future. However, though I have been disappointed a few times throughout my 28 years, I am trying to have the courage to believe that God might one day choose to do something different in my life, and I don't want my struggles with learned romantic pessimism to ruin things, if anything could possibly be there now or in the future.
Does anyone come from a background where people refer to one another as "brother" and "sister"? For the men reading this, would you ever refer to a woman you could potentially be interested in as "sister"? Or is that more for women you would never consider pursuing romantically?
I know nobody can tell if this guy "likes" me, because you don't know me or know him. And I know that the only way I can know if he could be interested is if I ask him. But I don't want to ask him (or even ask him what he means by calling me "sister") because then I have made the first move, and I refuse to do that ever again. I've made the first move before, when I was younger, and it has always been disastrous. I am firmly planted in the man-initiates, man-pursues camp; I feel that is the way it is supposed to be, at least for me.
Thanks for your thoughts about the "sister" question!
-Mariev
Basically, I am in seminary, and there is a new student who just started here a couple months ago. He is pretty incredibly fantastic, as far as I've gotten to know him. He's not just handsome, but truly has a wonderful heart and earnestly seeks to reflect Christ, which, even in seminary, has proven to be a difficult quality to find as far as my own experience goes (I'm 28, and have been single for over 12 years with no hint of possibility of relationship). He is just so full of love towards people, always eager to show God's love to people, and actively lives out his faith.
We are getting to be better friends at an acceptable pace, but I have to admit I'm struggling to keep the "crush feelings" in check. I really like him, an awful lot.
I am prone to assume, because of my history, that a man is very unlikely to reciprocate those kinds of feelings towards me. Nobody ever has. So, though we are new friends and are enjoying our friendship, something he does really bothers me.
He refers to me as "sister." Now, I get it, that we are sisters and brothers in Christ, and I do notice that he very obviously refers to all of our female friends as "sisters" and male friends as "brothers." But when, for example, he signs an email "Grace and peace, sister!" I feel like he definitely would never, ever feel anything more towards me than friendly, sibling affection, and that makes me sad and makes me want to just distance myself and limit how much we see one another. I'm sure he would be baffled (and possibly hurt) if I did that.
I think my confusion arises out of the fact that I do not come from a church tradition wherein we refer to one another as "brother" and "sister." So I feel like he only sees me as a sister when he says that; i.e., no hope for romance in the future. However, though I have been disappointed a few times throughout my 28 years, I am trying to have the courage to believe that God might one day choose to do something different in my life, and I don't want my struggles with learned romantic pessimism to ruin things, if anything could possibly be there now or in the future.
Does anyone come from a background where people refer to one another as "brother" and "sister"? For the men reading this, would you ever refer to a woman you could potentially be interested in as "sister"? Or is that more for women you would never consider pursuing romantically?
I know nobody can tell if this guy "likes" me, because you don't know me or know him. And I know that the only way I can know if he could be interested is if I ask him. But I don't want to ask him (or even ask him what he means by calling me "sister") because then I have made the first move, and I refuse to do that ever again. I've made the first move before, when I was younger, and it has always been disastrous. I am firmly planted in the man-initiates, man-pursues camp; I feel that is the way it is supposed to be, at least for me.
Thanks for your thoughts about the "sister" question!
-Mariev
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