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Carol Walker

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As I'm sure we're all aware, there are a ton of crap parents out there. A lot of people who treat their kids like trash or abandon them. As Christians, especially as Christians who have parents like that, how do we follow the Lord's commandment to honor our father and mother? What does it mean to honor them and how many chances should we give them before it becomes clear that by honoring them, we are dishonoring God?

What are the standards we should use? How important are parents really, and what defines that importance? What does our Father say about the meaning of honor? About parents and their roles in our lives?
 

dqhall

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They might need financial support, if they become handicapped or elderly. Did they feed and clothe you when you were young?

In Mark 7 Jesus rebuked people who put money into the offering, but did not support their parents.

Mark 7:9 And he continued, “You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions! 10 For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death.’ 11 But you say that if anyone declares that what might have been used to help their father or mother is Corban (that is, devoted to God)— 12 then you no longer let them do anything for their father or mother. 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that.”
 
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Martinius

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First, I disagree with the premise that there are a "ton" of bad parents. Yes, there are some, but I think it is a minority. Most fathers and mothers love and nurture their children, support and care for them.

As children of such parents, we may in turn be taking care of them in their old age and/or infirmities. We should do that with the same love and care that we hopefully received.

For those who had "bad" parents, one can honor them through forgiveness, by not hating or despising them. I do not think that by "honoring" them in this way, which means to not dishonor them, we are dishonoring God or the commandment.

Regarding importance of parents, they are essential. The example of "bad" parents shows the importance of "good" parents. Keep in mind that the parental role can be filled by others, including grandparents, older siblings, other relatives, other care givers. This occurs in our own society and in many places in the world.

I get the feeling that the OP did not have a good experience as a child. I am sorry for that, but please don't extrapolate that experience to all or most parents.
 
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SkyWriting

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Honor them just as you would the lowest of all humans.
Honor them as if they were despised Tax Collectors.
Honor them as if you mother was the cheapest of whors.
Jesus did.
 
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Carol Walker

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Okay, let me expand.

So, first of all, what do I mean by "bad parents"? Obviously, as Martinius' post showed me, we have Very different interpretations of the idea of bad parenting. Let me give an example of what I'm talking about.

Suppose there was a couple. A Christian father and a mother who professed Christ, but who had actually been lost the whole time. Now suppose this couple had children. The father raised his kids to believe that there is a God, to understand some of the Christian faith, but these kids hadn't become Christians themselves. The mother, in the meantime, gradually loses herself in her sinfulness and perversion until one day she reveals to the family that she has been an unfaithful wife and that she is leaving them for another man. One of many men she has been unfaithful with.

She still wants to be involved in the kids' lives, but now they don't know how to treat her because, despite the commandment that she is their mother, they cannot accept what she has done to them and their father. The commandment, "honor thy father and mother" becomes a huge problem in this scenario because what does it mean to honor a mother who has so blatantly rejected not only Christ but the sacred covenant that is marriage. She has renounced her family.

This is a common story. Not just for mothers, but for fathers as well. Parents of both genders abandon their families and their commitments to serve a desire they clearly love more than they claimed to love those around them. Bad parenting, in my book, means neglecting your children. Not merely in the extreme situation of not feeding them or beating them or even forgetting they exist. Rather in the more common way of putting certain agendas and desires above the needs of your family.

It is a tricky question, and I wish someone would take it more seriously than you guys have been taking it so far. But maybe that's my fault. Maybe I should have been clearer. So here's more of what I was talking about. Does that help?
 
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Cute Peonies

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What are the standards we should use? How important are parents really, and what defines that importance? What does our Father say about the meaning of honor? About parents and their roles in our lives?

Parents deal with their own personal traumas too. Not trying to be the devil's advocate but seeing how my dad changed throughout the years made me realise that he just had bad experiences before and didn't know how to cope with it.

What I mean is they have their own past and sadly they didn't work on it before having kids. Then they project it on their SO and/or children. I'm not saying that you should accept all their flaws but ..... All we can do is forgive and pray for them. You can't change anyone, only God can change them.

To reply to your questions, I don't know about the standards but ask an orphan and you'll get a very clear concise answer.

To me honoring them means understanding that they're not perfect (and they're not supposed to) and dealing with them accordingly. You can love from a distance.

Hope it helps x
 
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