Waiting on a proposal

[azure_acadia]

Yes, I'm that girl who's been waiting and waiting on a proposal to happen for some time now. My boyfriend and I have been friends for a very long time and we've been through many ups and downs together. Emotionally I feel attached to him and think he is the right one for me as my future husband and father to our kids we might have someday.

In the past, my boyfriend showed absolutely no interest in getting married so we broke off our relationship then. He said he wasn't ready and certainly not financially secure at the time. We healed from the breakup and moved on to other relationships. Last year, my boyfriend came back into my life and ever since then we've had a chance to grow and learn more about each other.

In the last few months my boyfriend has been giving me subtle hints about marriage. He is willing to bring up the idea of marriage when I ask him where he thinks our relationship is going. One time he even sent me a few photos of houses to my e-mail asking me whether I could see myself living with him in one of those houses someday. I was pretty thrilled back then.

Recently, we haven't been talking about our future at all because whenever I subtly try to bring up the subject of marriage or a wedding, my boyfriend appears disinterested. He either changes the subject or appears distracted. He even told me that he wishes to continue that conversation in the summer of this year. I have quietly relented to his request, but in the back of my mind I've been asking myself "Why should we wait until summer to discuss this? Why can't we have that conversation now?"

My boyfriend already knows I'd love to marry him. Several months ago, he even told me about a dream he had where his mother appeared in his dream at a church on his future wedding day and he took that as a sign of our future wedding.

My boyfriend is actually doing a lot better financially now. He doesn't have any debt. He's a got a good job. He is even in the process of applying for a new credit card. The thing is, I still don't have a proposal after several months of waiting and I have no idea as to where this relationship is going right now. I'm so confused.

I have been praying over this issue for quite some time now but I honestly don't know what to do. Every part of me thinks that my boyfriend is the right one for me as my husband. I would love to move forward to the next step, be engaged to my boyfriend sooner than later, and marry him.

A part of me is also wondering if it would be worth waiting for several more months, or possibly even longer than that, before he proposes to me? Or is there even going to be a proposal in the first place? Am I just waiting and waiting around for something that will not happen?

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

did you two mutually agree to stop dating in the past or did you break it off because he wouldn't propose? if the latter, then he may feel that you will try to manipulate him in a marriage rather than work with him. have you clearly ended the 'other relationships' you two pursued after your initial breakup, or do one or both of you still have 'friendships' with them?

do you two talk about God's word, pray and worship together? this is very very important - God should be at the center of your relationship. are you in a sexual relationship with him? (you shouldn't answer that in a public forum such as this; but if you are then you need to realize that if you aren't honoring God now, then you likely won't honor Him when you're married in the eyes of the government either)

one of the main reasons men hesitate to marry is money - how's your ability to manage money; do you have debt? are you demonstrating the spending restraint now that will be required when you two have a house and car payments and expenses related to children? do you plan to work once married or do you expect to be 'supported'? have you discussed how you two would manage money - what the budget would be initially, who pays the bills, what spending amounts would require mutual agreement, saving goals, etc.?

i heard it said once that there should be a $100,000.00 deposit required to get a marriage license to pay the legal fees if it ends in divorce...are you looking at marriage from a practical standpoint as well as an emotional one?

now the most important question - have you heard from God about this, or are you making your own decision and asking God to bless what you come up with?

 

[azure_acadia]

DiscipleHeLovesToo, thank you for your response and feedback. I appreciate the time you took to read my post and reply.

When we broke off initially, I had to be very direct with him in order to find out where the relationship was going. At that time it was clear he and I were on completely different paths. He wanted to continue on with the relationship without the prospect of getting married (as in ever) but I didn't want to continue investing my time and energy on a relationship that was clearly going nowhere. I had to break off the relationship because when a man intends to string along a woman without the intention of marrying her I think that's dishonourable on his part.

My boyfriend reassures me now again and again that I am the only woman for him. Since our reunion, he has cleaned up his act. He doesn't seem to have other close female friendships that could lead to romantic entanglement. He does mention an ex or two occasionally but I am not too bothered because I know he is sharing the details of his previous relationships with me in order to help me learn more about him.

As for our walk with God, we compliment each other in the ways of growth. We discuss God's Word together, sometimes for hours in fact. We pray, we worship, we do all the essential things. We have already discussed how we'd continue in our faith if and when we marry.

We haven't done anything to dishonour God in any way. Not that I can think of.

As I've mentioned previously, my boyfriend is doing a lot better financially in the recent years. I'm also doing better financially. I've learned to refrain from making spontaneous purchases and have been learning to save up for the rainy day. He and I are very open when we discuss our finance. When he needs to spend less, he'll tell me about it right away. When he gets a bonus from work, he'll tell me about that also.

In the past, my boyfriend and I had conversations about how we could purchase a house together after marriage. He said he'd be willing to put on the down payment for the house since he's got a bigger pocket in his account. He also said he would like to change his career after marriage because he would like to pursue his life-long dream. He asked me if I would be willing to support his decision and I said I would. I told him I will continue working after I marry him.

As much as I appreciate your $100,000 deposit legal fee advice, I actually do not anticipate the thought of divorce. Despite what the Stats say about marriage and divorce, as soon as one walks into the relationship with the prospect of failure, I believe that relationship is doomed from the start. Instead, I try to focus on the positive and the things that will work.

I've had many occasions to pray about this relationship and think about it through many sleepless nights. I genuinely believe that God blesses this relationship and wants my boyfriend and I to get married. After all, there were few times when I almost wanted to "give up" or break it off for a while but there were clear signs from God where I strongly believed that he wanted me to stay strong, have faith in His goodness and remain in the relationship. In fact, I think it's the Holy Spirit that is prompting me to think more seriously about marriage now, more than ever. I'm just not absolutely sure if my boyfriend is meeting me half way. He does tell me how much he loves me, that I am the only woman for him, and that he could see himself being with me for a long time. As sweet and wonderful are his words, I would love to see them being carried out in action. After all, what more is there to wait? What more is there to find out about the other? (Other than experiencing all the things that married couples enjoy?) If he is ready as I am, I would love to have a long discussion about marriage and our future together but he seems somewhat reluctant at this point (which is quite different from how he was months ago when he was the one initiating the discussion about marriage and a wedding). Maybe I don't understand men's psychology or maybe I'm just being impatient. I don't intend to corner him or manipulate him by giving him an ultimatum but some people tell me that is the only way to go about it. I don't know. It's frustrating.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Yes, I'm that girl who's been waiting and waiting on a proposal to happen for some time now. My boyfriend and I have been friends for a very long time and we've been through many ups and downs together. Emotionally I feel attached to him and think he is the right one for me as my future husband and father to our kids we might have someday.

In the past, my boyfriend showed absolutely no interest in getting married so we broke off our relationship then. He said he wasn't ready and certainly not financially secure at the time. We healed from the breakup and moved on to other relationships. Last year, my boyfriend came back into my life and ever since then we've had a chance to grow and learn more about each other.

In the last few months my boyfriend has been giving me subtle hints about marriage. He is willing to bring up the idea of marriage when I ask him where he thinks our relationship is going. One time he even sent me a few photos of houses to my e-mail asking me whether I could see myself living with him in one of those houses someday. I was pretty thrilled back then.

Recently, we haven't been talking about our future at all because whenever I subtly try to bring up the subject of marriage or a wedding, my boyfriend appears disinterested. He either changes the subject or appears distracted. He even told me that he wishes to continue that conversation in the summer of this year. I have quietly relented to his request, but in the back of my mind I've been asking myself "Why should we wait until summer to discuss this? Why can't we have that conversation now?"

My boyfriend already knows I'd love to marry him. Several months ago, he even told me about a dream he had where his mother appeared in his dream at a church on his future wedding day and he took that as a sign of our future wedding.

My boyfriend is actually doing a lot better financially now. He doesn't have any debt. He's a got a good job. He is even in the process of applying for a new credit card. The thing is, I still don't have a proposal after several months of waiting and I have no idea as to where this relationship is going right now. I'm so confused.

I have been praying over this issue for quite some time now but I honestly don't know what to do. Every part of me thinks that my boyfriend is the right one for me as my husband. I would love to move forward to the next step, be engaged to my boyfriend sooner than later, and marry him.

A part of me is also wondering if it would be worth waiting for several more months, or possibly even longer than that, before he proposes to me? Or is there even going to be a proposal in the first place? Am I just waiting and waiting around for something that will not happen?

Heres a general rule of thumb to go by : If you are interested in getting married and he is delaying it...and more than a year has elapsed...then its time for a sit-down talk about where your relationship is heading. You owe that to yourself . Many men today have commitment-phobia / or they will string the woman along to get sex out of her / of they know they still have some wild immoral oats to sow and aren't wanting marriage yet / or they are not in a good financial or emotional position to get married now. You need to be sure that your situation hasn't become one of these described.

Also, you need to look hard and deep at OBJECTIVE standards where this other person is concerned as a potential marriage partner . Its great you love him, but trust me, that is only ONE criteria of many that a marriage requires. Get the best selling book called Finding the Love of Your Life which will walk you thru the 7 deadly mistakes people make when considering marriage . It will get you to look at things like : Can you both handle the stress of marriage, the adversities that get multiplied from marriage, does either of you have emotional issues , are you compatible spiritually even though you might both be Christians, responsibility, kindness, surrendering spirit, ability to negotiate, etc.... Don't just stop at 'I love him' ..but go DEEPER .

I can tell you based on what you've said, that, this person isn't feeling the same way that you are regarding marriage commitment. You have to decide how long you are willing to go ...and most Psychologists seem to think that a year or a bit longer should be plenty of time to know where the relationship is heading . Don't got much longer cause you are only going to get deeply involved more and more and possibly to someone who it just isn't going to happen with leading to greater emotional pain when the breakup occurs. There are a lot of men out there whom youd be very compatible with for marriage , so, Id try to get to the bottom of your relationship asap then make some tough decisions if need be.

Also, I would strongly encourage you NOT to get married in your 20's . When youre in your 30's , you both are far far more mature, financially settled, and willing to commit deeply whereas in your 20's you both just haven't had a good amount of life experiences or people experiences as a rule.

 

[azure_acadia]

Thank you for your response and feedback, TheyCallMeDavid. If you get a chance to read my recent reply to DiscipleHeLovesToo, you will probably have a better understanding of my relationship to my boyfriend.

At this point, I am hoping and praying that I am not the woman he is stringing along for years and years but in fact someone he wishes to honour through marriage. I am convinced his days of "sowing immoral oats" as you've described is over because he and I are older (we're not in our 20's actually) and have experienced many ups and downs of life.

As much as I love my boyfriend (and he loves me as well), I believe there is a lot more to our relationship than just love. There is definitely mutual respect and a lot of trust that has been established over the long years of our friendship. We have also grown so much during the time when we were apart. We've re-discovered ourselves, we became closer to God, we realized that we would be so much better together than not. Our relationship actually helped us in our walk with Jesus, especially during the difficult times.

My boyfriend has been my great confidant, adviser and best-friend. And I have supported and encouraged him in his difficult times. I feel like we are emotionally mature enough to overcome the hardships as well as challenges that come with marriage. As much as we love each other, we have been realistic in our understanding of love.

Also, our 1 year anniversary of getting back together is coming up. Given our history over the years, I do think one year is plenty of time for him to know whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me or not. I agree with your point about asking him where the relationship is heading. Maybe I will need to set a deadline for myself this year and determine what the next step will be.

 

[Albion]

There are a lot of variables in this story that we, the readers, don't know and so can only guess at. However, what we do know suggests that you need to put it respectfully to him without hinting around.

Summer begins in only a month, so I'd give it until after the 4th, but then I'd nicely say, "we need to decide where we're going." There may be something he's concerned about that would make waiting longer a good idea, but you can't just assume that, and there is no reason why your confidant can't talk about it with you.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Thank you for your response and feedback, TheyCallMeDavid. If you get a chance to read my recent reply to DiscipleHeLovesToo, you will probably have a better understanding of my relationship to my boyfriend.

At this point, I am hoping and praying that I am not the woman he is stringing along for years and years but in fact someone he wishes to honour through marriage. I am convinced his days of "sowing immoral oats" as you've described is over because he and I are older (we're not in our 20's actually) and have experienced many ups and downs of life.

As much as I love my boyfriend (and he loves me as well), I believe there is a lot more to our relationship than just love. There is definitely mutual respect and a lot of trust that has been established over the long years of our friendship. We have also grown so much during the time when we were apart. We've re-discovered ourselves, we became closer to God, we realized that we would be so much better together than not. Our relationship actually helped us in our walk with Jesus, especially during the difficult times.

My boyfriend has been my great confidant, adviser and best-friend. And I have supported and encouraged him in his difficult times. I feel like we are emotionally mature enough to overcome the hardships as well as challenges that come with marriage. As much as we love each other, we have been realistic in our understanding of love.

Also, our 1 year anniversary of getting back together is coming up. Given our history over the years, I do think one year is plenty of time for him to know whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me or not. I agree with your point about asking him where the relationship is heading. Maybe I will need to set a deadline for myself this year and determine what the next step will be.

I think you two can sit down and have a very friendly talk about your future together to find out his plans . I was once in your position except I was on the other end like your b/f ; I had dated this wonderful gal for 3 years and it was very much her right to know where its heading after that period of being together. Sadly, I had to tell her that I didn't feel I could marry her because her then 8 year old daughter simply didn't like me and thruout the entire Dating she was actually pretty mean and vindictive toward me. I knew that our marriage couldn't stand the strain of that . So, I assured her that I loved her but had to set her free so she could fulfill that deep desire she had to be married again. It was painful for both of us...and looking back...I wish I had set her free sooner given the situation . I truly wanted to marry her as well . It was difficult but I think we both learned a lot from the whole thing. Low and behold, she eventually started dating again and got pregnant by her b/f and they eventually got married . SHe gave birth to a baby girl. That was the last I heard of her and I hope she is happy today.

 

[seeingeyes]

Please correct me if I am misunderstanding, but it sounds as though you broke up with him for no other reason than that he had no interest in marriage, but then you got back together without first determining that he would be interested in marriage.

Why get back together with a guy when the only major issue that you had is still unresolved, and then wait nine months or so to start hinting at what you want?

 

[Goodbook]

Is there anything in the Bible stopping a woman from asking a man to marry her?
Didn't Ruth ask Boaz by lying down at his feet?
Or am I just reading this wrong?! She wasn't cornering or manipulating Boaz, at least as far as I can tell. She was well within her rights. And she didn't have to say anything either.

If you like him, what's stopping you? If he says no, what have you got to lose? You'll at least know he's not interested and you can move on. If he says yes, then hooray, Praise the Lord, he's ready. It's not as if you get married on the spot, that's what an engagement period is for.

You act like you're engaged when you're not even officially engaged. You call him your boyfriend but he's not your fiance. Doesn't make sense to me. I don't know.

Here's something you can do. Offer to wash his feet, like Jesus did his disciples. If he accepts, you'll know that he's serious. If he doesn't, well, there's something going on that means he's still fearful. If he's a true believer, he'll understand what this means.

 

[azure_acadia]

Albion, thank you so much for your sound advice. I suppose the best thing to do at this point is wait it out until summer and then start the conversation in a respectful manner. I can see why "confronting" him in a gentle and respectful way is necessary now.

TheyCallMeDavid, I am very sorry to hear that things did not work out between you and the girl you've mentioned.

Seeingeyes, there is so much more to the relationship than what I can describe in a few paragraphs . When my boyfriend and I got back together, several years had passed by since our initial break up. By the time my boyfriend came back into my life he was a changed man in a sense that he became more receptive to the idea of marriage whereas before he used to say "Never!" Also, if you re-read my former posts, I indicated that my boyfriend was the one who brought up the subject of marriage earlier on last year when we got back together. But that marriage conversation appears to be progressively decreasing by the month. This is why I am trying to bring up the conversation again.

Goodbook, I guess it wouldn't be wrong for a woman to propose to a guy. The fact of the matter is, I would like him to propose to me. I know with 100% certainty that I want to marry him but I'm wondering it he actually feels the same way about me and decides for himself that he wants to marry me as well? If I were to propose to him then there is a possibility he may feel coerced into marrying me which is NOT what I want. Offering to wash his feet sounds like a neat idea. I might have to try it when I get a chance though.

 

[BFine]

"He does mention an ex or two occasionally but I am not too bothered because I know he is sharing the details of his previous relationships with me in order to help me learn more about him."

*Actually this speaks loudly... he's still not the marrying type.
You desire marriage and have been longing for it.
From what you have shared about your boyfriend, he on the
other hand has shunned it.
I take it that you both are in your 30's (you said you both aren't in your 20's).
A man who's never been married and has had other relationships and isn't
longing to be married raises my suspicions that something could be amiss.

You two reunited, he's aware that you are wanting to get married and he's
all nice, he mentions marriage stuff here and there-- now, he's shifted
back to NOT being interested in marriage?
You two aren't on the same page.
He's dating you and you're throwing hints about about marriage, you
are LONGING for marriage and he's still stalling? He's on good financial
footing, good job, he's a good friend, good adviser and an encourager...
he sounds like a wonderful brother in Christ but husband material for you?
I'm not too sure of that.

A man in a dating relationship would have some "sexual" desires being stirred
and he would "long" for a wife sooner or later....he's in his 30's and he's not
"longing" for a wife Hmmm???
Either he's satisfying his needs "elsewhere" or the guy has some type of
sexual dysfunction.

The other thing that got my attention was--
"Given our history over the years, I do think one year is plenty of time for him to know whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me or not."

*You do not need to keep throwing him a thousand hints about
marriage-- he already knows you desire to get married this was the reason
the relationship ended the first time.

The fact that he's no lingering bringing up the subject of marriage would
give me pause and here's why....
A healthy male has a sex drive, one can have it under control and all but
inwardly the man would long for sexual fulfillment, desire a wife and marriage.

I would advise caution when the man is still skirting around marriage especially
since you two have dated previously and have known each other for several years
and have a good friendship, you love the Lord etc.

In all honesty, I would stop dating him, he sounds like good friend material,
nothing in your posts alludes to him being husband material.
You may desire him as a husband but does he have the characteristics/qualities
that would make him a good husband for you and one day a father to children?

Missing info...
Has he ever presented himself as someone who is ready to be a husband to you?
How is he in relating to and getting along with babies/children?
Is he looking forward to being a potential husband and father?

You speak of him as being a decent Christian man who is serious with his faith walk,
he encourages and advises you, you are like-minded Christians.
All that is good but where's the mutual desire to "unite" in marriage?
Does he confess that he's having a struggle to keep himself focused when he's
with you? is there mutual attraction?
Are these components missing from the relationship?...if they are, this could be
another reason he's not feeling any pull towards proposing.

 

[seeingeyes]

Seeingeyes, there is so much more to the relationship than what I can describe in a few paragraphs . When my boyfriend and I got back together, several years had passed by since our initial break up. By the time my boyfriend came back into my life he was a changed man in a sense that he became more receptive to the idea of marriage whereas before he used to say "Never!" Also, if you re-read my former posts, I indicated that my boyfriend was the one who brought up the subject of marriage earlier on last year when we got back together. But that marriage conversation appears to be progressively decreasing by the month. This is why I am trying to bring up the conversation again.

No, I hadn't seen your back story. Thanks for pointing it out.

Yeah, you'll have to be straightforward and tell him what you want.

 

[jsimms615]

Guys don't get hints. You need to be direct and say it is time to either get engaged or end it and let him tell you which he wants to do. He's had plenty of time to make up his mind.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Please correct me if I am misunderstanding, but it sounds as though you broke up with him for no other reason than that he had no interest in marriage, but then you got back together without first determining that he would be interested in marriage.

Why get back together with a guy when the only major issue that you had is still unresolved, and then wait nine months or so to start hinting at what you want?

Im not saying this is the OP's scenario...but.... I know of a 50 year old Christian Single Woman whos taken the same Guy back at least 4 times after breakups lasting about a year or more for each , knowing unmistakably that he doesn't want to marry her . I had this discussion with a friend of hers and she said that a good many women will take a guy back just so they don't have to be alone or that having 'a guy' in their life is better than nothing hoping that he might change his mind at some point. about marriage. As for the guy (whom I know better than the Woman), I believe his motive in going back all the time is because he doesn't like being on his own and when his sexual desire builds to a difficult level , he needs it satisfied by someone who he knows will be there to accommodate .

Pretty sad situation when you think about it .

 

[Goodbook]

Good for you.
Don't let him get cold feet.

 

[quietpraiyze]

Im not saying this is the OP's scenario...but.... I know of a 50 year old Christian Single Woman whos taken the same Guy back at least 4 times after breakups lasting about a year or more for each , knowing unmistakably that he doesn't want to marry her . I had this discussion with a friend of hers and she said that a good many women will take a guy back just so they don't have to be alone or that having 'a guy' in their life is better than nothing hoping that he might change his mind at some point. about marriage. As for the guy (whom I know better than the Woman), I believe his motive in going back all the time is because he doesn't like being on his own and when his sexual desire builds to a difficult level , he needs it satisfied by someone who he knows will be there to accommodate .

Pretty sad situation when you think about it .

I'm not saying this is the OP's situation either but what you're describing is all to common and it is sad. Some people open the door back up not because the person was good for them but because they're familiar. Some know they're being used but they choose that over being alone not fully understanding if you're a Born Again Christian who is single you're never alone. God has so much better for those in that kind of situation...

 

[turkle]

DiscipleHeLovesToo, thank you for your response and feedback. I appreciate the time you took to read my post and reply.

When we broke off initially, I had to be very direct with him in order to find out where the relationship was going. At that time it was clear he and I were on completely different paths. He wanted to continue on with the relationship without the prospect of getting married (as in ever) but I didn't want to continue investing my time and energy on a relationship that was clearly going nowhere. I had to break off the relationship because when a man intends to string along a woman without the intention of marrying her I think that's dishonourable on his part.

My boyfriend reassures me now again and again that I am the only woman for him. Since our reunion, he has cleaned up his act. He doesn't seem to have other close female friendships that could lead to romantic entanglement. He does mention an ex or two occasionally but I am not too bothered because I know he is sharing the details of his previous relationships with me in order to help me learn more about him.

As for our walk with God, we compliment each other in the ways of growth. We discuss God's Word together, sometimes for hours in fact. We pray, we worship, we do all the essential things. We have already discussed how we'd continue in our faith if and when we marry.

We haven't done anything to dishonour God in any way. Not that I can think of.

As I've mentioned previously, my boyfriend is doing a lot better financially in the recent years. I'm also doing better financially. I've learned to refrain from making spontaneous purchases and have been learning to save up for the rainy day. He and I are very open when we discuss our finance. When he needs to spend less, he'll tell me about it right away. When he gets a bonus from work, he'll tell me about that also.

In the past, my boyfriend and I had conversations about how we could purchase a house together after marriage. He said he'd be willing to put on the down payment for the house since he's got a bigger pocket in his account. He also said he would like to change his career after marriage because he would like to pursue his life-long dream. He asked me if I would be willing to support his decision and I said I would. I told him I will continue working after I marry him.

As much as I appreciate your $100,000 deposit legal fee advice, I actually do not anticipate the thought of divorce. Despite what the Stats say about marriage and divorce, as soon as one walks into the relationship with the prospect of failure, I believe that relationship is doomed from the start. Instead, I try to focus on the positive and the things that will work.

I've had many occasions to pray about this relationship and think about it through many sleepless nights. I genuinely believe that God blesses this relationship and wants my boyfriend and I to get married. After all, there were few times when I almost wanted to "give up" or break it off for a while but there were clear signs from God where I strongly believed that he wanted me to stay strong, have faith in His goodness and remain in the relationship. In fact, I think it's the Holy Spirit that is prompting me to think more seriously about marriage now, more than ever. I'm just not absolutely sure if my boyfriend is meeting me half way. He does tell me how much he loves me, that I am the only woman for him, and that he could see himself being with me for a long time. As sweet and wonderful are his words, I would love to see them being carried out in action. After all, what more is there to wait? What more is there to find out about the other? (Other than experiencing all the things that married couples enjoy?) If he is ready as I am, I would love to have a long discussion about marriage and our future together but he seems somewhat reluctant at this point (which is quite different from how he was months ago when he was the one initiating the discussion about marriage and a wedding). Maybe I don't understand men's psychology or maybe I'm just being impatient. I don't intend to corner him or manipulate him by giving him an ultimatum but some people tell me that is the only way to go about it. I don't know. It's frustrating.

Exactly. So what is the answer to the question? What are his reasons? Apparently, you don't know, and he's not talking.

Once my husband knew he wanted to marry me, he asked me immediately. It actually took me off guard. He told me that he had crossed the line, he was sure he wanted me to be his wife, and there was nothing that would stop him from asking me. What is stopping your boyfriend?

If your relationship is such that you are "hinting" in order to get what you want, and you are unable to openly talk about it like adults, then your relationship does not sound very healthy...it sounds manipulative. You are trying to push him to marriage, he is holding you at arms length, while feeding you words that you want to hear just enough to keep you where you are. You can't talk about the deepest desires of your heart until the summer. I cannot imagine entering into a marriage with that kind of communication.

If he loves you and wants to marry you, he would have asked by now, especially since you have made it very clear that that is what you want more than anything. If he loves you, your desires would be of paramount importance to him, and he would never put you off. If there was a valid reason for waiting, he wouldn't keep you guessing, he would tell you straight up. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like love at all.

Honestly, from what you've said, it sounds like you are being used. He holds you off, but doesn't tell you why. After proposing to me, my husband let me know that he didn't want to wait one minute longer than he had to to make me his wife, and we married a few months thereafter. I felt loved and cherished and wanted.... I think every woman wants to feel that way. Frankly, I would not settle for anything less. I hope you don't either.

 

[RedWingInCo]

A part of me is also wondering if it would be worth waiting for several more months, or possibly even longer than that, before he proposes to me? Or is there even going to be a proposal in the first place? Am I just waiting and waiting around for something that will not happen?

There are a couple possibilities as to why he says that he wants to wait until the summer to talk about this subject. First, He could be making plans as to how he wants to ask you, or he may actually be purchasing a ring. Second, he may be questioning whether he wants to get married or not. How old are the two of you? I am going to be honest and say that if he wants to wait until everything is perfect in his life before he gets married, he is never going to get married. Part of the bonding process in marriage is growing together as you face all kinds of issues and hardships together.

I know this is a Christian forum so I want to recommend a great website filled with helpful information for singles who want to get married but want to honor God in the process. The website is called Boundless and it is one of those .org sites. Have you spoken with your Pastor about this yet? Open and honest communication are the keys that open the door to intimacy and understanding in any romantic relationship. This is true before marriage and it is certainly true after. I have prayed that God will guide you as you move forward. Blessings!

 

[Shattered-Reflections]

If he loves you and wants to marry you, he would have asked by now, especially since you have made it very clear that that is what you want more than anything. If he loves you, your desires would be of paramount importance to him, and he would never put you off. If there was a valid reason for waiting, he wouldn't keep you guessing, he would tell you straight up. From what you've said, it doesn't sound like love at all.

It is troubling that he won't talk about WHY till summer. Unless he's going to surprise you with something, there's no reason for the secrecy and lack of communication. That's a red flag. Summer isn't far off, it wouldn't hurt to wait. However if nothing happens and there's still no more talk, then you guys need to have a serious conversation to understand what everyone's intentions are because it's just causing problems and anxieties. That's my 2 cents.

 

[seashale76]

A part of me is also wondering if it would be worth waiting for several more months, or possibly even longer than that, before he proposes to me? Or is there even going to be a proposal in the first place? Am I just waiting and waiting around for something that will not happen?

Have a discussion. Don't waste your life waiting on someone who may never want to get married to you. I also don't get the whole waiting for a man to propose deal anyway. I think it is silly. You can propose to him you know. In fact, when it comes to my own life, my husband didn't propose to me and I didn't propose to him. We had a discussion where we told each other we didn't want to live without the other one. Alakazam! We were engaged.