This might be a little long but it was unavoidable to convey the high stakes.
I've been in a long distance relationship for a very long time. I know, it's unheard of. But that is how God has kept us up until recently. He allowed 4 visits that went very well.
To make a very very long story as short as possible. When we first met we were pretty much on the same page about God. We didn't really care. I believed and supposedly so does she but we didn't care about being close to him.
Around 2-3 years into it God pulled me to him. Rapidly. He filled me with an intense curiosity about him and in time after a lot of studying he gave me an amazing testimony. A mind blowing experience with him and a solid ground to stand faith on.
I was a real A-hole before that to say the least. But she stuck with me through it all. God gradually has made me into a better man since bringing me to him. She has stuck with me through a LOT. She had every right to leave many times but she stayed, and forgave me of a many things.
For the last 5-6 years I've been waiting, praying, hoping that God would do the same for her. But he hasn't so far. There are no words to express how badly I want to share in him with her together. She and I are so different and yet he has kept us together.
She says she believes in him, what he did for us and why. But if we actually talk about him I swear it's like talking to an agnostic, praying and church are out of the question.
When I first came back to him, I tried very hard to get her to also but I was too aggressive and assertive. It was all out of love and concern but I ended up making it worse.
There is a constant maddening duality between God and I, and she and I. I cannot be closer to God without getting away from her, and I can't get closer to her without getting away from God. Being with her makes me "double minded".
3 months ago things got really bad between us. All the differences and incompatibilities just kind of exploded. And I've reached the point where I just can't take it anymore. And through those 3 months. God has made his sovereignty thick and easy to notice in my life.
He's doing things to catch my attention and speaking to me in church, answering silent prayers through the sermons, etc. Things that would make me very excited and happy to hear from him. Yet she wouldn't be curious even in the slightest, wouldn't even ask what happened.
During those 3 months I've hit total rock bottom about this. I just realized I could not stand this anymore, and that there is no way I could possibly marry her unless God wrote with the stars in the sky telling me to.
So I broke down and prayed hard on all of this.
and he said this to me.
Isaiah 41:10
Do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
And I also have a strong impression from him that he's inviting me to run to him and leave her to how she feels about him.
I have been running to him and through a series of connected events he brought me to this video.
It's extremely moving. It represents us all at one point or another. Or several. Nobody that has ever known him or knows him can watch it without being very moved.
I'm going to give it to her and watch her reaction. I'm praying he'll use it to change her heart about him.
If she rejects him, I think I'm going to have to say goodbye. I don't even know how I'm going to do that if it comes to it. I'm a real mess.
So I'm here asking for prayers that he'll use it to bring her to him. So we can have a Christ centered relationship and an eventual Christ centered marriage.
It's the final last ditch effort. I can't take it anymore.
Thanks to all of you who read this far and prayed. I, she, we, really need them.
I've been in a long distance relationship for a very long time. I know, it's unheard of. But that is how God has kept us up until recently. He allowed 4 visits that went very well.
To make a very very long story as short as possible. When we first met we were pretty much on the same page about God. We didn't really care. I believed and supposedly so does she but we didn't care about being close to him.
Around 2-3 years into it God pulled me to him. Rapidly. He filled me with an intense curiosity about him and in time after a lot of studying he gave me an amazing testimony. A mind blowing experience with him and a solid ground to stand faith on.
I was a real A-hole before that to say the least. But she stuck with me through it all. God gradually has made me into a better man since bringing me to him. She has stuck with me through a LOT. She had every right to leave many times but she stayed, and forgave me of a many things.
For the last 5-6 years I've been waiting, praying, hoping that God would do the same for her. But he hasn't so far. There are no words to express how badly I want to share in him with her together. She and I are so different and yet he has kept us together.
She says she believes in him, what he did for us and why. But if we actually talk about him I swear it's like talking to an agnostic, praying and church are out of the question.
When I first came back to him, I tried very hard to get her to also but I was too aggressive and assertive. It was all out of love and concern but I ended up making it worse.
There is a constant maddening duality between God and I, and she and I. I cannot be closer to God without getting away from her, and I can't get closer to her without getting away from God. Being with her makes me "double minded".
3 months ago things got really bad between us. All the differences and incompatibilities just kind of exploded. And I've reached the point where I just can't take it anymore. And through those 3 months. God has made his sovereignty thick and easy to notice in my life.
He's doing things to catch my attention and speaking to me in church, answering silent prayers through the sermons, etc. Things that would make me very excited and happy to hear from him. Yet she wouldn't be curious even in the slightest, wouldn't even ask what happened.
During those 3 months I've hit total rock bottom about this. I just realized I could not stand this anymore, and that there is no way I could possibly marry her unless God wrote with the stars in the sky telling me to.
So I broke down and prayed hard on all of this.
and he said this to me.
Isaiah 41:10
Do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
And I also have a strong impression from him that he's inviting me to run to him and leave her to how she feels about him.
I have been running to him and through a series of connected events he brought me to this video.
It's extremely moving. It represents us all at one point or another. Or several. Nobody that has ever known him or knows him can watch it without being very moved.
I'm going to give it to her and watch her reaction. I'm praying he'll use it to change her heart about him.
If she rejects him, I think I'm going to have to say goodbye. I don't even know how I'm going to do that if it comes to it. I'm a real mess.
So I'm here asking for prayers that he'll use it to bring her to him. So we can have a Christ centered relationship and an eventual Christ centered marriage.
It's the final last ditch effort. I can't take it anymore.
Thanks to all of you who read this far and prayed. I, she, we, really need them.
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