Traditional Wedding vs Eloping

[Journey.In.Grace]

An acquaintance of mine is getting married, and it got me thinking. I thought to start a thread about it. I am genuinely curious. Would you have a traditional wedding or elope instead, and why?

 

[OcifferPls]

My first and last wedding involved a flash lightning storm in the middle of the ceremony, as if it were cursed, and it was. That said I'm a little frightened of traditional weddings.

 

[Cearbhall]

Traditional wedding. It's just something that I want.

 

[leothelioness]

I would love to have a traditional wedding, but practicality would dictate that I would most likely elope instead.

It's traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding and my folks be po', so...

 

[Saucy]

A traditional wedding, but have nothing against eloping if it fits us at the time. I'm sort of impulsive and action-oriented, so I can't say me and a future spouse wouldn't find ourselves in a fit of passion and decide a quickie wedding lol...but then we'd probably have a formal ceremony for family and friends.

 

[timewerx]

An acquaintance of mine is getting married, and it got me thinking. I thought to start a thread about it. I am genuinely curious. Would you have a traditional wedding or elope instead, and why?

Marriage in the Bible is simply a man and a woman leaving their parents to live together. No wedding rings, no vows, no elaborate arrangements. It practically costs you nothing

"Traditional marriage" is not found in the Bible. Many of the traditional wedding rites came from people who worshiped false gods in ancient times, particularly in the Roman empire. Same people who fed Christians to the lions.

It got me thinking. Maybe it's just harmless fun but why would you do the same things the enemies of God do?

 

[CodyFaith]

I'd have a traditional wedding I figure. Although I really wouldn't want to put off marrying someone if I found the right woman, without a traditional marriage wouldn't feel right - especially because I couldn't do that to my parents.

 

[CodyFaith]

Marriage in the Bible is simply a man and a woman leaving their parents to live together. No wedding rings, no vows, no elaborate arrangements. It practically costs you nothing

"Traditional marriage" is not found in the Bible. Many of the traditional wedding rites came from people who worshiped false gods in ancient times, particularly in the Roman empire. Same people who fed Christians to the lions.

It got me thinking. Maybe it's just harmless fun but why would you do the same things the enemies of God do?

Not true.

Tbh with you I'm tired of hearing this opinion on this site, it's everywhere here.

Marriage is defined by one's society. Marriage in the middle east looks different than marriage here, marriage in India looks different then marriage in the middle east, marriage in OT times looks different then marriage now. It changes with time and culture, has different attributes (for example in India they have arranged marriages), etc.

Culture's define marriage, authorities in place define marriage as authority is instituted by God. The only current marriages I would consider invalid in our times are gay marriages, because they contradict God's idea of marriage. That does not make our marriage institutions invalid however, similar to how the apostles commanded us to obey all authorities except when they clearly contradict God.

If that weren't the case that marriage changes with culture, then Christians are committing adultery and fornication all the time - something we are commanded by Christ and told in many places in scripture not to do. Sexual immorality is condemned and is to be avoided at all cost, so if marriage isn't clearly defined it will always cause problems. We would not be commanded not to do something if we couldn't clearly know what it is we aren't to do.

We aren't our own authority. While wisdom is one of the highest things to be sought after, wisdom that contradicts scripture is not wisdom or knowledge at all. Perhaps the trains of thought that led one there, but there's also foolishness involved. The Bible, Christ, authorities that are in place, etc. have power. We are to submit to the authorities and powers when they don't contradict God.

 

[alsughasoughaiuyfygh]

.

 

[Swan7]

but we are still to submit to the authorities and powers when they don't contradict God.

I do believe this verse fits well with what you said:
Luke 20:20-25

As for me, I don't want an extravagant wedding as money is hard to come by as it is, and really, it's not needed at all (the big wedding). I wouldn't be eloping either since I'd let everyone know. I suppose it's somewhere in between.

 

[Journey.In.Grace]

@CodyFaith Well said! I really enjoyed reading that, and I absolutely agree. I don't have much to add other than the reason why I am conflicted between the two, and I will explain why in another response to someone's answer, but I wanted you to know I thought it was a well thought, Biblical answer.

@leothelioness For me, the issue in deciding between a traditional wedding or eloping is because I don't have any friends, and the expenses of a wedding. Even your most simplest and smallest weddings are expensive. I just can't see myself spending thousands of dollars for a wedding, an event that is one day, when having the attention on me is nerve wrecking as it is. I guess it would all depend what my partner would think and want.

@Swan7 Agreed!

 

[Wolfe]

The kind of wedding I'd want to have, small, just family and close friends, and a pastor of course to do the marrying.

No big churches, or expensive cakes, I'd rather use that money to go somewhere nice, and have like a week of luxury as opposed to one day.
I wouldn't even get an expensive ring, partly cause it doesn't make since to shell out half a years salary on rings.
But also it's symbolic to me, the rings are meaningless, the expense of it's meaningless, the only thing that matter is, we got married, and we're together, through richness and poverty, and through sickness and in health.

To me the rings would just make those vows mean nothing, because it's more about the cost of the ring, and not the actual union.

(I'm also cheap)

 

[LoveDivine]

As much as I love being invited to big weddings and think they are lots of fun, I kind of like the idea of having a very simple wedding with just immediate family and a select few friends. I'd keep mine very small. (okay, I'd probably get a nice dress, haha). It would almost be like eloping with a few family members to witness the union. I'd rather save the money we'd spend on the big wedding and use some of it for a honeymoon to Europe.

 

[MrMoe]

I'd prefer to elope since I don't like the idea of people staring at me as I walk down an aisle... Also I have no friends.

 

[TheRealAriel]

Not a big wedding or traditional, but not eloping either. I have a fantasy of us renting a little lodge in the woods and having the ceremony under fairy lights outside, then going inside for an enchanted, woodsy dinner. Just close friends and family.

 

[Rhamiel]

Marriage in the Bible is simply a man and a woman leaving their parents to live together. No wedding rings, no vows, no elaborate arrangements. It practically costs you nothing

"Traditional marriage" is not found in the Bible. Many of the traditional wedding rites came from people who worshiped false gods in ancient times, particularly in the Roman empire. Same people who fed Christians to the lions.

It got me thinking. Maybe it's just harmless fun but why would you do the same things the enemies of God do?

in the Bible Jesus goes to a wedding feast where they had gallons of gallons of wine

so yeah
not really a "simple thing" they hired a steward to get servers to serve everyone

my cousin did not even have a wine steward at his wedding, and he had a nice wedding

so yeah, that is not true, people like big parties, that is not really a new thing or pagan thing
just a human thing

 

[Citanul]

I'm not particularly interesting in a traditional wedding with the ceremony and reception and all that goes with it. Granted, my opinion is partially shaped by not reallyl being into parties/large gatherings in the first place, but it also feels to me that the ceremony and reception and all that goes along with a wedding is something that to some extent is done to put on a show for other people, so comes across as being somewhat unnecessary. I'd rather take the money that might have been spent on the wedding and spend it on something like the honeymoon or our home i.e. on us, not other people.

But I don't think I would elope either. I'm definitely not spontaneous enough to suddenly decide to get married on very short notice, and I can't think of any other reason why I'd need to run off and get married without telling anyone.

So my ideal situation would probably be to get married in front of a judge/marriage officer (I'm not actually sure what the procedure is here) and then maybe have a small gathering of family and close friends to celebrate, but perhaps not even that. However, I do know that as the groom, I might have very little say in the matter...

 

[LoveDivine]

Not true.

Tbh with you I'm tired of hearing this opinion on this site, it's everywhere here.

Marriage is defined by one's society. Marriage in the middle east looks different than marriage here, marriage in India looks different then marriage in the middle east, marriage in OT times looks different then marriage now. It changes with time and culture, has different attributes (for example in India they have arranged marriages), etc.

Culture's define marriage, authorities in place define marriage as authority is instituted by God. The only current marriages I would consider invalid in our times are gay marriages, because they contradict God's idea of marriage. That does not make our marriage institutions invalid however, similar to how the apostles commanded us to obey all authorities except when they clearly contradict God.

If that weren't the case that marriage changes with culture, then Christians are committing adultery and fornication all the time - something we are commanded by Christ and told in many places in scripture not to do. Sexual immorality is condemned and is to be avoided at all cost, so if marriage isn't clearly defined it will always cause problems. We would not be commanded not to do something if we couldn't clearly know what it is we aren't to do.

We aren't our own authority. While wisdom is one of the highest things to be sought after, wisdom that contradicts scripture is not wisdom or knowledge at all. Perhaps the trains of thought that led one there, but there's also foolishness involved. The Bible, Christ, authorities that are in place, etc. have power. We are to submit to the authorities and powers when they don't contradict God.

Very good post! I'd also add that we are to avoid the appearance of evil at any cost. We should follow the civil laws for marriage and help to uphold the sanctity of marriage. How do we decide what is a real marriage and what is simply living together unless we have some official custom and legal requirements? It would appear very hypocritical to most in secular society if we, as Christians, advocated for purity and abstinence from fornication and then just moved in with our significant other with no official or recognizable commitment.

 

[Greg J.]

My relationship with my parents is not bad, so I would find eloping to violate God's command:

“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you. (Deuteronomy 5:16, 1984 NIV)

But that's dependent on their expectations and what they want (which could be different for other parents). Not wanting to deal with one's parents because of the discomfort or pain is something that everyone should persist in trying to overcome when possible (presuming it isn't some extreme relationship that I can't imagine). Otherwise, it can be a source of fear and anxiety that can gnaw on one's relationship until it is dealt with (which sometimes takes a long time, and sometimes eventually becomes painfully impossible).

Making effort to not deal with difficulties harms one psychologically and can lead to making life more painful, because you fail to be strengthened through overcoming conflict. (Sometimes it also causes spiritual harm to oneself which has even more impact.)

Btw, in between "traditional" and "eloping" is just a simple marriage, which a lot of people do.

 

[blackribbon]

I would love to have a traditional wedding, but practicality would dictate that I would most likely elope instead.

It's traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding and my folks be po', so...

I don't think that has been the tradition for a very long time. Most people I know paid for their own wedding with maybe a gift of some money from their parent (and the parents of either the bride or groom or both).