Should I give up trying to find a wife?

[Tskjesusfreak]

This is the minimum requirement that I'm looking for in a wife:

- Daily Bible Reading, Daily Prayer.
- Actual Member of her local church.
- Do a church related activity outside of regular church service, like a small group.
- Support her church financially.
- Is not divorced.
- Must strive to mortify sins.

So, I messaged this list to a married couple at my local church they gave me the green light but some of my relatives (that are Christians) told I'm asking too much. I have a high desire to get married but I'm very risk intolerant. Which is why I have this list. I don't really care what she looks like and preferably she would be in my age range aka 3 years in either direction.

Also, I noticed that when a Christian single woman is into me, they can't have me for whatever reason, so they are in a dating relationship, or they make the excuse they recently broke up with their boyfriend but it was at least 3 plus months ago, or other reasons.

 

[DragonFox91]

Don't settle for anything less. Those seem like reasonable requirements a Christian man would want in a Christian woman. That being said, your odds are not good as us Christian singles looking for a wife on this board would attest to.

 

[Tskjesusfreak]

Don't settle for anything less. Those seem like reasonable requirements a Christian man would want in a Christian woman. That being said, your odds are not good as us Christian singles looking for a wife on this board would attest to.

Yeah that is what the married couple told me as well. Plus I'm not really into the whole romance stuff of dating. I rather grab a bite to eat at Chick-fil-A as a first date and do walks and whatnot for most of the dates and talk about theology and our hobbies and practical Christian topics like parenting and how many kids and how we should train our kids in the Lord.

I get why I need to pursue her but in terms of going "head over heels" to marry her, ah yeah no. No woman is worth "head over heels" because I have to put Jesus first, then wife 2nd, kids 3rd and everyone else 4th.

 

[Sketcher]

some of my relatives (that are Christians) told I'm asking too much

What were their reasons?

 

[timothyu]

Don't you think God already has this planned out for you?

 

[Tskjesusfreak]

Well, they are saying that most Christian women aren't into church life and taking one's Christian faith as high as I do. Especially the part of being a church member of a local church that they can be part of. Because they feel that they don't want to be tied down until they get married but the way I see it, is that if one won't sign a piece a paper that isn't really that binding but is making a commitment to her local church it seems that they aren't really ready for life long commitment to a Christian man.

What were their reasons?

 

[Tskjesusfreak]

Don't you think God already has this planned out for you?

I'm fine with being single but the lack of Christian dedication (including membership) to one's local church is lacking on both men and women is a turn off for this Christian guy that wants to get married.

 

[timothyu]

I'm fine with being single but the lack of Christian dedication (including membership) to one's local church is lacking on both men and women is a turn off for this Christian guy that wants to get married.

If their dedication is to other things, like say politics, or money or themselves, then no they shouldn't be able to be dedicated to Christianity. In todays world they are the majority and those on the narrow path are few and far between. Patience.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, they are saying that most Christian women aren't into church life and taking one's Christian faith as high as I do. Especially the part of being a church member of a local church that they can be part of. Because they feel that they don't want to be tied down until they get married but the way I see it, is that if one won't sign a piece a paper that isn't really that binding but is making a commitment to her local church it seems that they aren't really ready for life long commitment to a Christian man.

Why should they need to sign membership papers to a church? I take my faith fairly seriously but I have never formally joined my church as a member.

 

[Jonaitis]

This is the minimum requirement that I'm looking for in a wife:

- Daily Bible Reading, Daily Prayer.
- Actual Member of her local church.
- Do a church related activity outside of regular church service, like a small group.
- Support her church financially.
- Is not divorced.
- Must strive to mortify sins.

So, I messaged this list to a married couple at my local church they gave me the green light but some of my relatives (that are Christians) told I'm asking too much. I have a high desire to get married but I'm very risk intolerant. Which is why I have this list. I don't really care what she looks like and preferably she would be in my age range aka 3 years in either direction.

Also, I noticed that when a Christian single woman is into me, they can't have me for whatever reason, so they are in a dating relationship, or they make the excuse they recently broke up with their boyfriend but it was at least 3 plus months ago, or other reasons.

Would you be willing to meet someone online?

Reformed Christian Singles was a place that I found was a great way to meet like-minded people. I once met this young woman, a year younger than me at the time, on this site and we hit it off pretty well. She fit every point on your list and more. She was a teacher at a Christian academy, but sought to be a traditional stay at home mother. She had that godly determined outlook on life that intimidated me in a positive way (like Paul Washer haha). Sadly, I am not the type of person to marry less than a year of meeting people, but I have noticed that this is becoming a trend among young Christian couples. I had to break it off with her because I was not willing to marry her within 6 months of knowing her. She is now married to a friend of mine's ex-boyfriend, even though she lived, at the time, across the country.

 

[lismore]

In todays world they are the majority and those on the narrow path are few and far between. Patience.

That is perhaps why it is called the narrow path. God Bless

 

[bèlla]

Women outnumber men in church and that's statistically proven through several sources. They provide the bulk of service and involvement in the local church and that’s been validated too. The exodus of men is well documented.

I believe our relationship with God is personal and I don’t tell anyone how it should look. What works for me may not appeal to the next and that’s okay. If you’ve surrendered your life to Christ it bears witness and there will be fruit.

I don’t have a checklist. I look at how a person thinks, what they say, what they do and their associations and compare them. I ask myself is he the person he claims to be or believes he is and have evidence to support my conclusions.

I’m not looking perfect. It’s a journey. If he loves the Lord he’ll find his way. And I trust that because I’ve lived it. Some things take time and maturity to work their way in and out of us.

My belief in Him enables me to overcome the places he falls short. I’ll be an example instead. By praying for him, keeping my mouth shut, and leaving the rest to God. That’s how change happens in a marriage.

I’ve known many who met your requirements who didn’t respect their husbands or challenged their authority. They put the church over him and he came second. I’ve known others who weren’t solid in one or two. But they loved that man and honored him. Which is best? You decide.

~bella

 

[Tskjesusfreak]

Women outnumber men in church and that's statistically proven through several sources. They provide the bulk of service and involvement in the local church and that’s been validated too. The exodus of men is well documented.

I believe our relationship with God is personal and I don’t tell anyone how it should look. What works for me may not appeal to the next and that’s okay. If you’ve surrendered your life to Christ it bears witness and there will be fruit.

I don’t have a checklist. I look at how a person thinks, what they say, what they do and their associations and compare them. I ask myself is he the person he claims to be or believes he is and have evidence to support my conclusions.

I’m not looking perfect. It’s a journey. If he loves the Lord he’ll find his way. And I trust that because I’ve lived it. Some things take time and maturity to work their way in and out of us.

My belief in Him enables me to overcome the places he falls short. I’ll be an example instead. By praying for him, keeping my mouth shut, and leaving the rest to God. That’s how change happens in a marriage.

I’ve known many who met your requirements who didn’t respect their husbands or challenged their authority. They put the church over him and he came second. I’ve known others who weren’t solid in one or two. But they loved that man and honored him. Which is best? You decide.

~bella

Part of my problem is I'm too risk intolerant. Not just marriage but most of life. The only thing I'm willing to risk is my life for Jesus, like if the gov in usa decides to ban Christianity outright well, I'll suffer for Jesus.

 

[LoveDivine]

.

 

[bèlla]

Part of my problem is I'm too risk intolerant. Not just marriage but most of life. The only thing I'm willing to risk is my life for Jesus, like if the gov in usa decides to ban Christianity outright well, I'll suffer for Jesus.

That’s all you need. He fills the void.

You can’t allow yourself to be ruled by fear or view the union wrongly. It isn’t a risk its a service. Everything you do is unto Him and that’s your benchmark.

As someone desiring to marry I’d be more inclined to gauge how her faith informs her perspective on love, marriage and family. Is it biblical, secular or a bit of both? In most cases its the latter two.

I’d address the elephant early on and query her about submission and see where she stands. Are your views in sync or opposed? Everything that follows hinges on that.

If I can’t follow him he’s not an option. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he ticks. Resolving that one usually handles the rest.

Trust the Lord and remain in prayer. He’s got you.

~bella

 

[Quiet Soul]

Yes.

 

[linux.poet]

I don't meet those requirements, but I have been battling mental illness for years and am broke. I think most women aren't, and you will find a woman who meets that list and then some.

 

[Sketcher]

I’d address the elephant early on and query her about submission and see where she stands. Are your views in sync or opposed? Everything that follows hinges on that.

What would be the right way to ask her about that?

 

[angelsaroundme]

Depending on how old you are, finding a woman of similar age who is not divorced may be unlikely. It would certainly narrow your pool of choices. Your other criteria are going to limit you as well. But if you care more about a highly specific scenario than getting married there is nothing wrong with that. It's your choice to make.

 

[bèlla]

What would be the right way to ask her about that?

That begins with you. I’ll share an experience and answer.

A young man in the building I’ve known since childhood bumped into me one day and excitedly shared the news about his girlfriend. He pulled out his phone and showed me a picture. We sat down and he told me about her. I listened and smiled as he noted her interests, character and career and waited until he finished.

I said she sounds like a lovely girl and followed with a question. Do you want to marry? He said yes. And have a family? He said yes again. I continued and said, what does that look like? Is your wife at home during that period? Will the children be there or in daycare? He looked at me and quietly said, I’ve never thought about it.

I told him you should. Tomorrow influences the one you choose today. And if you want your wife home with your children (he did) don’t set your sights on someone married to her career. The likelihood of her walking away is slim. Choose the one who desires the same naturally. You won’t have a battle. He told me he needed to think. A week later he broke it off. He understood the lesson.

I shared that for the others. I’m sure you know it already. But the answer’s in the example. When I say how do you envision your life? What do you want? Paint me a picture. That’s how you get it out of them. We’ve all imagined that. It’s a subtle way of gauging their life outlook and priorities.

Use the same approach with marriage. How does she envision married life? What would she like to do as a couple? How do you spend your downtime? Mention family and friends. What does she want from her husband? How are decisions made?

The order is intentional. Ask the easier things upfront. It relaxes them and helps them open up. By the time you reach the last you’ll have a feel for her. The purpose is two-fold. Vetting a prospect and hearing her desires and expectations. That’s her measuring stick.

When we think about our future spouse it evokes a tenderness. Pay attention to her voice and body language. Does she soften? Do you sense her vulnerability? Are her responses empowered or loving? You can be strong and surrendered. It’s a different spirit from empowerment. Our strength isn’t masculine. When you adopt a man’s approach its hard to yield. That’s what you want.

To you I say…You’re strong. You don’t need another rock. A gentle woman is best. She’s a balm and that’s what’s needed.

~bella