She answers texts selectively. Playing games?

[ThisIsMe123]

I met this woman at a Meetup event. She was new to it, in fact, I kind of introduced her to it. We sat together and got to know each other some. It was group event. I did mingle around, but when I got back to her and she was leaving. I had asked for her # and she gave it to me.

A couple days later, I text her talking about a few things...small talk...then I asked her out.

Dead silence...

I didn't text further...but apparently there was another Meetup scheduled on a Friday. That very day she texted me and asked me if I was going to that event. I said I was unable...she said, "Well..maybe next time."

Well..."next time" rolled around and another weekend event was coming up. I called her and left a voicemail to see if she had planned on going to that one. She did not respond until that Meetup had ended. She said that she just felt like vegging out.

I later asked her if she had a Facebook page and would she me adding her on. She responded, "Yes, I have a Facebook page." Bu no... "Sure go ahead and add me!"

I wanted to text her..."Okay, so...is it okay if I add you?" But I did not. I ignored it, but now that another weekend is coming up...and..another event. I texted her asking her if she planned on going to the next event. (This is a routine event...pretty much weekly). I'll have to see what the response is...if any.

Another pet peeve of mine is when you ask someone about a dated event...but...they choose to answer WHILE the event is happening...or very shortly after...it's like they deliberately did it on purpose...as if they are just NOW seeing the text. lol

I think she was wanting to get to know me in a group setting instead of one on one I suppose? Since she's new to the group. Maybe shy even or is she playing games?

 

[Paulie079]

I seriously wouldn't read so much into someone's texting habits. I don't think she's playing games, she's just flaky in her communication habits. Some people are just like that--they want time to themselves sometimes so they will be slow to reply to texts. I am that way sometimes. I could see that being the case even moreso for a random guy she just met.
Ultimately texting is no different than if you sent her an e-mail. You might have expectations for how quickly she responds, but she's not obligated to respond in any certain period of time.
As you are discovering, communicating via text isn't ideal anyway. I would just stop texting her (at least as your primary form of communication) and utilize your time at the group meetings to ask her what you want to ask her. That way she can't slink out of answering you or ignore you as that would be rude.

Also, it was kind of implied but I don't want to assume anything. If you asked her out via text, I would suggest doing that in person in the future. Even though it's still person-to-person communication, texting is pretty impersonal.

 

[Radagast]

...or is she playing games?

She may be wondering exactly the same thing about you.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Also, it was kind of implied but I don't want to assume anything. If you asked her out via text, I would suggest doing that in person in the future. Even though it's still person-to-person communication, texting is pretty impersonal.

To be honest...that is something that could be said in the past, but to me, texting...in person. It's all the same to me.

I mean, I asked for her phone # in person. I recall a time before the existence of the internet..asking a woman for her #...in person..and never getting a call back.

I must've had a stack of little pieces of papers back in the 90s with phone #'s where I had been ignored. lol

Some women tend to do that...they give you their number...even though they aren't interested only because you put them on the spot.

I seriously wouldn't read so much into someone's texting habits. I don't think she's playing games, she's just flaky in her communication habits.

Thing is, flaky behavior is unacceptable...no matter what the medium.'

But if you cannot give me a straight up answer nor return my call (after all I did call and leave a voicemail...) and not call me back...that speaks a lot about what she thinks about you I suppose. The "alone time"you speak of is just an excuse and could mean a lack of interest on her part.

I just don't get the one week delays.

 

[Paulie079]

To be honest...that is something that could be said in the past, but to me, texting...in person. It's all the same to me.

I mean, I asked for her phone # in person. I recall a time before the existence of the internet..asking a woman for her #...in person..and never getting a call back.

I must've had a stack of little pieces of papers back in the 90s with phone #'s where I had been ignored. lol

Some women tend to do that...they give you their number...even though they aren't interested only because you put them on the spot.

But if you cannot give me a straight up answer nor return my call (after all I did call and leave a voicemail...) and not call me back...that speaks a lot about what she thinks about you I suppose. The "alone time"you speak of is just an excuse and could mean a lack of interest on her part.



Thing is, flaky behavior is unacceptable...no matter what the medium.

Well you know how people are with using the phone nowadays lol. They are even more finicky with that than texting. It definitely is rude of her not to return your call. I might suggest turning your attention elsewhere as this is the type of behavior that is characteristic of someone who will eventually ghost you.

But if you are interested in being persistent, I really would make as much of your interaction face-to-face as possible.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Well you know how people are with using the phone nowadays lol. They are even more finicky with that than texting. It definitely is rude of her not to return your call. I might suggest turning your attention elsewhere as this is the type of behavior that is characteristic of someone who will eventually ghost you.

But if you are interested in being persistent, I really would make as much of your interaction face-to-face as possible.

Yeah, I texted her to see if she's coming to the next event so I can see her...in person. lol. And then put her on the spot, asking her out cold turkey...in person.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

she just not that into you.

 

[Paulie079]

Yeah, I texted her to see if she's coming to the next event so I can see her...in person. lol. And then put her on the spot, asking her out cold turkey...in person.

So, I guess I should have said it before, but I'll just say it now. Texting her to see if she is going to be there is rather clingy/overbearing. Because right now she has no idea if she's interested in you or not because she doesn't really know you that well. She also could fear that if she goes to this group again, you are going to be on her heels the whole time. I admire your persistence, but I would just go about it a different way. Wait until you've established at least a good friendship (or even dating relationship) with her before texting like that, especially to have a conversation/make small talk. The moment you come across as clingy to her, you've already seriously hurt your chances of getting a date. And at this point, you have been texting her to see if she's going to be at group every week and then contacting her when she doesn't show up. Doing that is only hurting your chances.

Also, I am curious--if a woman that you were unsure about kept texting you to see if you were going to be at group, would you feel put off by that at all?

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

So, I guess I should have said it before, but I'll just say it now. Texting her to see if she is going to be there is rather clingy/overbearing. Because right now she has no idea if she's interested in you or not because she doesn't really know you that well. She also could fear that if she goes to this group again, you are going to be on her heels the whole time. I admire your persistence, but I would just go about it a different way. Wait until you've established at least a good friendship (or even dating relationship) with her before texting like that, especially to have a conversation/make small talk. The moment you come across as clingy to her, you've already seriously hurt your chances of getting a date. And at this point, you have been texting her to see if she's going to be at group every week and then contacting her when she doesn't show up. Doing that is only hurting your chances.

She is not interested in him, in that way. I would bet my house on it.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

So, I guess I should have said it before, but I'll just say it now. Texting her to see if she is going to be there is rather clingy/overbearing. Because right now she has no idea if she's interested in you or not because she doesn't really know you that well. She also could fear that if she goes to this group again, you are going to be on her heels the whole time. I admire your persistence, but I would just go about it a different way. Wait until you've established at least a good friendship (or even dating relationship) with her before texting like that, especially to have a conversation/make small talk. The moment you come across as clingy to her, you've already seriously hurt your chances of getting a date. And at this point, you have been texting her to see if she's going to be at group every week and then contacting her when she doesn't show up. Doing that is only hurting your chances.

Why would it be overbearing when she herself did it to me? I think she may be dangling the carrot.

 

[Paulie079]

She is not interested in him, in that way. I would bet my house on it.

That is my guess too. But I'm trying to coach here a little bit lol. For future reference at least.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

Why would it be overbearing when she herself did it to me? I think she may be dangling the carrot.

No she is making it clear that she sees you as a friend, and since you will be going to these events she doesn't want to make it uncomfortable for you both. Take the hint.

 

[Paulie079]

Why would it be overbearing when she herself did it to me? I think she may be dangling the carrot.

I really don't think she is. Overbearing is a strong word for what I mean--I couldn't think of a better one. But I think you are dealing with a woman who is finicky and doesn't know what she wants. When someone is unsure like that, texting them isn't going to help matters. I can think of a few reasons why she may have asked you if you would be going initially, but I think when she's flaky on communicating by phone/text, it's just not going to help to keep doing that.

 

[Strider1002]

She may or may not be playing games. But even if she’s not... if you don’t like her style of communication, you may be happier with someone else.

 

[timewerx]

When I reply erratically to a person, this means I'm being very cautious.

It's a fine line trying to be polite and friendly enough but not wanting or avoiding any romantic involvement or feelings

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

The day that telecompanies allow their customers to block unwanted numbers without involving a court's restraining order is the day that peace is restored to a lot of people.

 

[Paulie079]

The day that telecompanies allow their customers to block unwanted numbers without involving a court's restraining order is the day that peace is restored to a lot of people.

You can do this pretty easily if you have a smartphone.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

You can do this pretty easily if you have a smartphone.

Oh, I didn't know that. I keep to a regular voice/text flip phone. So I guess I'm out.

 

[Citanul]

But even if she’s not... if you don’t like her style of communication, you may be happier with someone else.

Agreed. I've been in a situation where we each got frustrated with the other's communication style - she was into short responses straight away, while I prefer to take my time and write longer ones. It wasn't the only reason I didn't pursue things with her, but it was definitely a factor.

But in general, trying to analyse someone else's texting patterns can drive you mad, and the problem is
that it's hard not to do. It's even worse with WhatsApp (which is the norm here rather than SMS texts) as that not only tells you when someone read you message but also when they were last online.

 

[Miss Spaulding]

I met this woman at a Meetup event. She was new to it, in fact, I kind of introduced her to it. We sat together and got to know each other some. It was group event. I did mingle around, but when I got back to her and she was leaving. I had asked for her # and she gave it to me.

A couple days later, I text her talking about a few things...small talk...then I asked her out.

Dead silence...

I didn't text further...but apparently there was another Meetup scheduled on a Friday. That very day she texted me and asked me if I was going to that event. I said I was unable...she said, "Well..maybe next time."

Well..."next time" rolled around and another weekend event was coming up. I called her and left a voicemail to see if she had planned on going to that one. She did not respond until that Meetup had ended. She said that she just felt like vegging out.

I later asked her if she had a Facebook page and would she me adding her on. She responded, "Yes, I have a Facebook page." Bu no... "Sure go ahead and add me!"

I wanted to text her..."Okay, so...is it okay if I add you?" But I did not. I ignored it, but now that another weekend is coming up...and..another event. I texted her asking her if she planned on going to the next event. (This is a routine event...pretty much weekly). I'll have to see what the response is...if any.

Another pet peeve of mine is when you ask someone about a dated event...but...they choose to answer WHILE the event is happening...or very shortly after...it's like they deliberately did it on purpose...as if they are just NOW seeing the text. lol

I think she was wanting to get to know me in a group setting instead of one on one I suppose? Since she's new to the group. Maybe shy even or is she playing games?

Why is it that every woman has to be 'playing games' with you when their behavior ends up being different than you expected?

Anyway. I don't always respond right away (could even be hours later) via text. I'm sure this has been taken in a bad way by those who have texted me and had to wait quite a while to get a response. But here's the deal: A) I have horrible reception in my home and very often texts/calls don't come through, and thus, I don't see them. B ) I may be busy working, and C) I may forget about the text altogether and not respond due to that reason.

In the case of this woman, you just met her and she just met you. Where you may be totally comfortable going out with someone after just meeting them (and remember, you're used to Meetups, she is new), but clearly she isn't, and that's totally okay. Also, and assuming it was done this way, but asking someone out on a date via text looks bad. If not in person, then in the very least a phone call. Don't text.