Remarriage after divorce.

[DD2008]

What's your view?

 

[itisdeliciouscake]

My view is Christ's view

Matthew 5:32

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

 

[LiturgyInDMinor]

I was divorced by my 1st wife.....I didn't want it but ultimately accepted it. I am remarried to a woman who was divorced by her ex-husband. Neither involved infidelity/adultery....so what's that make us? According to scripture we are both adulterers.

After we both became very active in the church(after we got married she was baptized and I quit my backsliding ways), repentance for our divorces was a natural result for us, so I honestly believe that our adultery has been forgiven us.

thanks for listening.

 

[shinbits]

technically, the Bible never says it's a sin for men to remarry after divorce, only for women. I'm not advocating a double standard, just pointing something out.

 

[DD2008]

From the Westminster Confession of Faith Chapter 24:


V. Adultery or fornication committed after a contract, being detected before marriage, gives just occasion to the innocent party to dissolve that contract. In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce and, after the divorce, to marry another, as if the offending party were dead.

VI. Although the corruption of man be such as is apt to study arguments unduly to put asunder those whom God has joined together in marriage: yet, nothing but adultery, or such wilful desertion as can no way be remedied by the Church, or civil magistrate, is cause sufficient of dissolving the bond of marriage: wherein, a public and orderly course of proceeding is to be observed; and the persons concerned in it not left to their own wills, and discretion, in their own case.

 

[DD2008]

I was divorced by my 1st wife.....I didn't want it but ultimately accepted it. I am remarried to a woman who was divorced by her ex-husband. Neither involved infidelity/adultery....so what's that make us? According to scripture we are both adulterers.

After we both became very active in the church(after we got married she was baptized and I quit my backsliding ways), repentance for our divorces was a natural result for us, so I honestly believe that our adultery has been forgiven us.

thanks for listening.

I was divorced once against my will as well brother. I am also now remarried.

Here is R.C. Sproul's position:

"So I take the position that an innocent party in divorce is free to remarry. Now, when we say innocent or guilty, we recognize that everybody contributes to the breakdown of a marriage. By “guilty party” I mean the one who committed the sin serious enough to dissolve the marriage. But I would also say that even the guilty party can get remarried if there is authentic repentance."

Link: Ligonier Ministries | Questions Answered

Here is John Macarthur's position:

"So God's utter hatred of divorce is very clear in Scripture.
Nonetheless, there are two extraordinary cases in which Scripture teaches that God does permit divorced people to remarry.
First, note that Jesus Himself included this exception clause: "Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery" (Matt. 19:9, King James Version, emphasis added). He allows an exception in this one case, only "because of the hardness of your hearts" (Matt. 19:8). Clearly, Jesus is treating divorce as a last resort, only to be sought in the case of hard-hearted adultery.
The apostle Paul allows one more reason for divorce: if an unbelieving spouse abandons a believer, the believer is under no obligation in such a case (1 Cor. 7:14). This would free the abandoned spouse to remarry.
But we must emphasize that apart from those two specific, exceptional cases, divorce is not sanctioned in Scripture."

Link: Whats your view of divorce and remarriage?

Here is John Piper's position:

"Conclusions and Applications


In the New Testament the question about remarriage after divorce is not determined by:

1. The guilt or innocence of either spouse,
2. Nor by whether either spouse is a believer or not,
3. Nor by whether the divorce happened before or after either spouse's conversion,
4. Nor by the ease or difficulty of living as a single parent for the rest of life on earth,
5. Nor by whether there is adultery or desertion involved,
6. Nor by the on-going reality of the hardness of the human heart,
7. Nor by the cultural permissiveness of the surrounding society.

Rather it is determined by the fact that:

1. Marriage is a "one-flesh" relationship of divine establishment and extraordinary significance in the eyes of God (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:8),
2. Only God, not man, can end this one-flesh relationship (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:9—this is why remarriage is called adultery by Jesus: he assumes that the first marriage is still binding, Matthew 5:32; Luke 16:18; Mark 10:11),
3. God ends the one-flesh relationship of marriage only through the death of one of the spouses (Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinthians 7:39),
4. The grace and power of God are promised and sufficient to enable a trusting, divorced Christian to be single all this earthly life if necessary (Matthew 19:10-12,26; 1 Corinthians 10:13),
5. Temporal frustrations and disadvantages are much to be preferred over the disobedience of remarriage, and will yield deep and lasting joy both in this life and the life to come (Matthew 5:29-30).

Those who are already remarried:

1. Should acknowledge that the choice to remarry and the act of entering a second marriage was sin, and confess it as such and seek forgiveness
2. Should not attempt to return to the first partner after entering a second union (see 8.2 above)
3. Should not separate and live as single people thinking that this would result in less sin because all their sexual relations are acts of adultery. The Bible does not give prescriptions for this particular case, but it does treat second marriages as having significant standing in God's eyes. That is, there were promises made and there has been a union formed. It should not have been formed, but it was. It is not to be taken lightly. Promises are to be kept, and the union is to be sanctified to God. While not the ideal state, staying in a second marriage is God's will for a couple and their ongoing relations should not be looked on as adulterous."

Link: Divorce & Remarriage: A Position Paper :: Desiring God Christian Resource Library


Macarthur and Sproul agree with the Westminster confession. Piper's position is a little different.

I agree with the Westminster Confession on this because scripture testifys to the same. I also agree with Piper that there should be repentance for all failed marriages.

I know that there was sin involved in causing the first marriage to fail, but once one is divorced and free of the contract is it then sin to remarry? Sproul and Macarthur say it is not sin to remarry and one is free to do so because the scriptures allow divorce (a total freeing of the bond) in those cases so one who is free is indeed as free as if they were never married.

Piper thinks that there is nothing that actually can separate the bond, so he sees scriptural divorce as simply allowed separation and not real divorce as the Sproul, Macarthur and the writers of the Westminster Confession interpreted. Piper's view is very close to the Roman Catholic view. The real question he brings up is does one need to feel guilty for the "sin" of remarrying and thus repent and ask forgiveness of it even though they were scripturally divorced before it?

I agree with the WCF and think the bible is clear that we are free after divorce, but I also agree with Piper that we should repent of the sins that caused our marriage to fail and then the sin of giving up on reconcilliation with our separated spouse.

I have repented of whatever I did to have my first wife leave and refuse reconcilliation and all of the wickedness I did in between the divorce and remarriage. I believe God has forgiven me and separated those sins from me as far as east is from west. But sometimes I remind myself of them and start to feel bad about it and cause myself to review all of the teachings on it and it disturbs me for a while. So I pray about it. Divorce is a traumatic and unnatural thing.

 

[green wolverine]

I was divorced by my 1st wife.....I didn't want it but ultimately accepted it. I am remarried to a woman who was divorced by her ex-husband. Neither involved infidelity/adultery....so what's that make us? According to scripture we are both adulterers.

After we both became very active in the church(after we got married she was baptized and I quit my backsliding ways), repentance for our divorces was a natural result for us, so I honestly believe that our adultery has been forgiven us.

thanks for listening.

I'm assuming you did the best you could to make things work, and if your former spouse didn't want to be married to you, there wasn't much you do. You don't owe anyone here an explanation so don't feel bad.

 

[mlqurgw]

I have been married to the same woman for 36 years now and divorce has never entered my mind. Murder has many times but never divorce.

 

[heymikey80]

I'm a child of divorced parents.

John Murray's work on this is a good, theologically-rich book on the subject. If you're far enough past the psychological and emotional damage and want to read how it operates theologically in the Reformed view, I found it was a great book.

It'll help you see the points many different views make. But don't expect it to make some determination of one particular case of divorce. Many people I know have read it with differing views of divorce. It's level-headed and educates on a number of positions.

That said, my view is that people who are divorced "for cause" of sexual sin have engaged in a covenant and then taken actions open to them to break it, sinfully. The covenant's broken and can't be restored. They'll be impacted by that no matter what. In God's grace the offending party is no longer killed by the government; but the broken relationship frees the offended party to remarry. The one sinning is responsible for the sin.

Divorce over a cold meal is not valid, and to me someone sins to engage in such a divorce, as it is actually abandonment.

To me the Christian is told to accept and be at peace with non-Christians abandoning them as spouses. This frees them from the relationship as surely as any divorce, and breaks the covenant. It's a sin to abandon your spouse and so divorce them. But if one occurs to them, if they are victimized by an offender, they are free and to my thoughts that means they're free to remarry.

 

[Cajun Huguenot]

I was divorced by my 1st wife.....I didn't want it but ultimately accepted it. I am remarried to a woman who was divorced by her ex-husband. Neither involved infidelity/adultery....so what's that make us? According to scripture we are both adulterers.

After we both became very active in the church(after we got married she was baptized and I quit my backsliding ways), repentance for our divorces was a natural result for us, so I honestly believe that our adultery has been forgiven us.

thanks for listening.

Repentance = forgiveness
If this were not so, we would all be without hope.

Kenith

 

[shinbits]

Repentance = forgiveness
If this were not so, we would all be without hope.

Kenith

Romans 6:1

"Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?"

No one's going to hell for divorcing and remarrying, but let's keep it real. It's not ok, according to the Bible.

And what if the OP's wife commits adultery? Should he divorce yet again, and remarry?

"Till death do we part". No one cares about that anymore. If God treated Israel, whom He called His "Bride", like many Christians treat marriage, God would've destroyed Israel a LONG time ago, for their many acts of adultery (idol worship) and disobedience. No one takes after God's example anymore. No one takes after Christ's example, when he forgave the woman caught in adultery. People care more about how they feel, rather than keeping a vow made out of love.

 

[DD2008]

Romans 6:1

"Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?"

No one's going to hell for divorcing and remarrying, but let's keep it real. It's not ok, according to the Bible.

And what if the OP's wife commits adultery? Should he divorce yet again, and remarry?

.

Good question. My first wife committed adultery and then moved out and then divorced me. She wouldn't reconcile. I tried. She now lives unmarrried with the man she cheated on me with. So, not only was there adultery involved but there was abandonment and legal actions as well against me. She got a lawyer and I didn't. I just signed whatever they wanted me to sign. So, I got raked over the coals for all she could legally get from me in the State of Texas.

If the second wife did the same thing would I then be free again? I guess I would, biblically. I probably wouldn't marry again after going through that twice, however.

 

[JustAsIam77]

Good question. My first wife committed adultery and then moved out and then divorced me. She wouldn't reconcile. I tried. She now lives unmarrried with the man she cheated on me with.

There must have been many dark days and anguish for you. It takes time to heal. Hopefully, you've let it all go and moved on.

Blessings

 

[DD2008]

There must have been many dark days and anguish for you. It takes time to heal. Hopefully, you've let it all go and moved on.

Blessings

Oh yeah. I've let it all go and moved on. I'm just one of those people who every now and then whips themselves over past sins.

But, things are great. The Lord has blessed me richly and I am very thankful for his mercy and grace.

 

[JustAsIam77]

Oh yeah. I've let it all go and moved on. I'm just one of those people who every now and then whips themselves over past sins.

But, things are great. The Lord has blessed me richly and I am very thankful for his mercy and grace.

 

[DD2008]

Here's me and my wife:

We have a three year old son, things are great.

 

[JustAsIam77]

Here's me and my wife:

We have a three year old son, things are great.

Thanks for the pic brother. May God richly bless your family.

 

[Cajun Huguenot]

Romans 6:1

"Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?"

No one's going to hell for divorcing and remarrying, but let's keep it real. It's not ok, according to the Bible.

And what if the OP's wife commits adultery? Should he divorce yet again, and remarry?

"Till death do we part". No one cares about that anymore. If God treated Israel, whom He called His "Bride", like many Christians treat marriage, God would've destroyed Israel a LONG time ago, for their many acts of adultery (idol worship) and disobedience. No one takes after God's example anymore. No one takes after Christ's example, when he forgave the woman caught in adultery. People care more about how they feel, rather than keeping a vow made out of love.

I'm not sure where you are going. No one said divorce is "OK." Though divorce is clearly allowed in cases of adultery, and the person sinned against is free to remarry because the Covenant relationship is broken.

Israel was God's wife. God says that He Divorced Israel for her adultery. It is a biblical teaching.

If we sin and repent, then we are forgiven. Jesus Christ admitted that the women at the well had had 5 husbands. They were "real" husbands and "real" marriages even though they were great sin. She was, at that time, living with a man who was not a husband. Jesus was please to forgive her of her sin.

Marriage is marriage, even if one has been married before.

David hooked up with another man's wife, had the husband killed, plus he was already married to countless women (which was against the law of God for the king to do). Still, god recognized the marriage, forgave Davis's sin and allowed the marriage to stand. Our Saviour is humanly descended from that relationship.

God forgives us, if and when we repent of our sins.

Kenith

 

[Glorthac]

I also reject remarriage. Of course, I would never force those who get remarried to seperate.

 

[the particular baptist]

Here's me and my wife:

We have a three year old son, things are great.

The LORD bless you and keep you, the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace all the days of your life brother.