Two months ago I discovered a phyiscal affair that went on for about a month between my wife and another married man which is over. We had drifted completely appart prior to the affair I decided that if she came completely clean and hid nothing I would commit to our marriage as well. She is making an effort to make our marriage work, going to Christian counseling, going to church, a marriage convention, and just trying to be supportive. We also have a 7, 5, and 3 year old to consider. However, I can't help but feel like she's just going through the motions sometimes and even on my good days it's difficult to put a smile on my face and try to become friends again and rebuild our relationship. I feel like such a fool putting in effort when I feel like she isn't. I've tried following the advice on marriage builders, but man is it hard when I feel so broken. I would love all the prayers and advice from anyone with a similar experience that I can get. Thank you!
I'm so sorry!! This is the worst feeling. What is hard is nothing but time will show the answer. I have never been able to restore faith completely in a person cheating on me. I take full responsibility that maybe I did not give enough, or maybe i could not please the ones i have been with, but cheating is a sign to me of something that is already over, the people cheating just don't have the guts to say if to our faces. This is so hard and it brings up so many emotions, it makes us so confused. Only time will give us answers.
What is hard is in the process we feel that what the other is giving is not enough, we feel so hurt that we don't believe anything. Often the other part stay out of obligation, but i feel the work is not about getting back together, the work is about finding out what is truly in our hearts, to be completely honest with each other.
If people just stay because of obligation I don't think it will work. People have to stay because they feel love for their partner. Maybe the love went mising for a while in all the trivial daily things, but if there is no love and respect i don't think things can be worked on.
Sometimes it's better to call it of if there is no love left, also for the kids. People always think staying together is best for the kids but kids sense more than we know, it affects them more than we know when they feel mom and dad are not happy together.
I'm sorry for you, i know what you go through, and it is not easy. To be able to forgive i think it is important to think of the fact that we have a responsibility too. To cheat is never okay, it is weak, but having a relationship is about two peoples happiness, if we don't make sure we are both happy then things will escalate.The people cheating should learn to communicate that they are unhappy, instead they do the cowardly thing of doing something that will give them momentarily pleasure, instead of being open to how they feel. It hurts and it is not okay, but since people can't be open and say what is on their minds it's hard to guess.
I think infidelity is hard to get over because you can forgive, it is possible, but you will always be afraid it will happen again. There will always be this voice in the back of your head doubting and that can lead a relationship to disaster.
I'm sorry you have to go through this, I wish you healing and clarity to face what you have to. Let yourself feel all the things you do, don't control your feelings, let it all out. One day when the worst hurt is over you will know what to do because you will see clearly but right now you are in a grief and hurt process and you should let yourself grief.
