Putting college/career before dating/relationships, but can't you do both?

[ThisIsMe123]

I over heard a male coworker, 20-something Christian gent about a woman breaking up with him. They dated 3 months, a very good relationship. Even both families of either side approved of each other. There wasn't anything wrong with the relationship, she just felt she couldn't date right now.

But the reason for the break up was mostly due in part of her being more heavily involved in her church activities and college classes to the point where she thought that a relationship would be a distraction. She prayed that he would find another gal soon, or that maybe later in life, their paths may cross again.

Something that stood out to me though, he said SHE was focused on career, and him...both career AND marriage. Apparently she can't do both?

I think you'd rarely see a man breaking up with a woman for the same reason she's breaking up with him though. As I'm the same way when a woman says, "I can't date right now, I am focused <insert life goals here>. I'm like "Can you not do both?"

 

[AlexB23]

I over heard a male coworker, 20-something Christian gent about a woman breaking up with him. They dated 3 months, a very good relationship. Even both families of either side approved of each other. There wasn't anything wrong with the relationship, she just felt she couldn't date right now.

But the reason for the break up was mostly due in part of her being more heavily involved in her church activities and college classes to the point where she thought that a relationship would be a distraction. She prayed that he would find another gal soon, or that maybe later in life, their paths may cross again.

Something that stood out to me though, he said SHE was focused on career, and him...both career AND marriage. Apparently she can't do both?

I think you'd rarely see a man breaking up with a woman for the same reason she's breaking up with him though. As I'm the same way when a woman says, "I can't date right now, I am focused <insert life goals here>. I'm like "Can you not do both?"

You can ask a pastor or priest about this, and then relay this information to your co-worker.

 

[timewerx]

Most people I know who graduated with honors in college focused on their studies and put aside relationships.

I also know many who did both college studies and have a relationship. They graduated but not with honors but still did well in life.

Graduating with honors will dramatically improve your career opportunities and give you less problems later on. That's investing for the future. Not critically important though. Spiritual growth matters infinitely more.

If I had tried to be a top student back then, there's a huge chance I'd miss knowing the truth. Worldly success usually blinds people from the truth. The apostate church run rampant, they cater to Christians needing a Godly justification for worldly success over spiritual growth.

 

[DragonFox91]

Many who get married do get married in college. There’s a fear it’s harder to meet someone after college & you need to rush. But it's a fear, it's not grounded in reality.

She is making the right choice for her, especially if she's not desiring marriage at this time. You feel pity for the man, but if he is the Lord's he has nothing to fear.

 

[timewerx]

Many who get married do get married in college. There’s a fear it’s harder to meet someone after college & you need to rush. But it's a fear, it's not grounded in reality.

True. Many college marriage ends up in divorce. They graduate, find a job, they fall in love with a co-worker, end of story.

 

[DragonFox91]

True. Many college marriage ends up in divorce. They graduate, find a job, they fall in love with a co-worker, end of story.

Yes, but I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt: most won’t end up in divorces, but many end up unhappy as time goes on. Their marriages were based on beating a deadline that was never there.

I saw it in school a lot, this fear. No doubt it fed into me.

 

[bèlla]

For some it's a distraction or they don't want the demands and expectations that relationships bring. The majority are more focused when they're not attached and able to accomplish a lot. You have more time on your hands to get things done.

I wasn't focused on marriage in my twenties and advised my daughter along those lines. I view it as a season of self-discovery. You're figuring out who you are and what you want. There's a lot change during this period because you're growing.

Marriage requires certainty and maturity. You have to know that's where you belong and you're going to stay put. Most people aren't there in their twenties or ready for the responsibilities. I'm not bothered by delays if you have a plan. Once another person is in the picture you have to consider their wants and needs. Which may require sacrifices you wouldn't have to consider otherwise.

My daughter took dating off the table until we're settled in europe. She feels there's no point and doesn't want the hardship of a break up or him asking her to stay. And I think it's wise. Delayed gratification isn't hard for us. We know how to wait but some people can't. You have to do what suits you best.

When I consider my daughter in light of the OP I get it. She's grown a lot and changed. The man she would have chosen in her twenties isn't the one she wants today. It's evolved. That's the risk you take by marrying early. There's a lot of discussion on the subject from both sides. Many who did the same are speaking out and advising women not to follow suit. Especially stay at home wives.

In a perfect world people stay together but we know things break. It happens. The majority have to work and if they don't have the skills to support themselves it's hard. I'm practical and prefer to hedge. I had her start a business before she marries so she'll have something of her own no matter what. And the same applies to her studies. I told her to pursue everything she wants to now. While she doesn't have the demands or responsibilities of a husband and family. Then she'll have to juggle it and that's stressful.

I believe in using your seasons wisely and preparing for the next. It makes everything easier. I see it in my life and hers and wouldn't do otherwise.

~bella

 

[High Fidelity]

While you’re studying that’s your primary focus.

Your job is to do as well as you can so that you’re both getting the most out of it for your money, and positioning yourself to do well afterwards in the job market.

I also think that dating during that could very easily be a distraction. Also, depending on her chosen career pursuit, the hours she may be expected or wanting to work in order to get established could again be very easily contrary to what a healthy relationship requires in terms of time.

Clearly they’re both young and she’s choosing to focus on establishing a solid professional foundation for herself, which is a great thing to do. Good on her.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I over heard a male coworker, 20-something Christian gent about a woman breaking up with him. They dated 3 months, a very good relationship. Even both families of either side approved of each other. There wasn't anything wrong with the relationship, she just felt she couldn't date right now.

But the reason for the break up was mostly due in part of her being more heavily involved in her church activities and college classes to the point where she thought that a relationship would be a distraction. She prayed that he would find another gal soon, or that maybe later in life, their paths may cross again.

Something that stood out to me though, he said SHE was focused on career, and him...both career AND marriage. Apparently she can't do both?

I think you'd rarely see a man breaking up with a woman for the same reason she's breaking up with him though. As I'm the same way when a woman says, "I can't date right now, I am focused <insert life goals here>. I'm like "Can you not do both?"

Perhaps it's because women typically can't compartmentalize as easily as men can. I think many women go "all in" with whatever they're focused on in life at the time, whether that is education, marriage, raising children, etc.

 

[Citanul]

Something that stood out to me though, he said SHE was focused on career, and him...both career AND marriage. Apparently she can't do both?

I think you'd rarely see a man breaking up with a woman for the same reason she's breaking up with him though. As I'm the same way when a woman says, "I can't date right now, I am focused <insert life goals here>. I'm like "Can you not do both?"

Sometimes they just can't. Dating takes up time, as do many other things, and there's only so much time someone can dedicate to multiple activities without becoming burnt out. It means that they need to pick their priorities, and dating is often not one of them.