Protestant-Catholic Dating

[Augustus McCrae]

Hello again. I am seeking advice regarding Protestant-Catholic dating. I am a non-denominational Christian and am interested in a Catholic girl I know. Obviously, we are both Christians, but there is enough difference to give me slight pause and start me to thinking before I pursue any relationship beyond friends (realize I tend to way over think things "big picture" long term wise; I was an avid chess player and I think this may be a side effect). This is not as much about her and I in specific, but protestant-catholic dating in general.

In the event a Protestant and Catholic get married, how do you reconcile where you get married? The Catholic would want a Catholic wedding, whereas a Protestant would want to be married by their pastor. How do you raise the kids (catholic or protestant)? Where do you go to church? How do you reconcile any doctrinal beliefs? I realize these are all valid questions in any setting where you are dating someone from any other church than your own, but it is also even more applicable in such a large difference as Catholic and Protestant.

Any advice on these topics I brought up or any other that you may think of for this situation?

(I don't know all the policies regarding denominations and sects and such for this website. I tried to frame this question as tactfully and respectfully as I could so as not to offend anyone)

ADDENDUM: READ THIS PLEASE- I am in no way considering marriage. I hardly know this girl and I shouldn't have even brought her up. I was only contemplating the ramifications of Protestant/Catholic dating due to my vague interest in her.

 

[Midst]

Hello again. I am seeking advice regarding Protestant-Catholic dating. I am a non-denominational Christian and am interested in a Catholic girl I know. Obviously, we are both Christians, but there is enough difference to give me slight pause and start me to thinking before I pursue any relationship beyond friends (realize I tend to way over think things "big picture" long term wise; I was an avid chess player and I think this may be a side effect). This is not as much about her and I in specific, but protestant-catholic dating in general.

In the event a Protestant and Catholic get married, how do you reconcile where you get married? The Catholic would want a Catholic wedding, whereas a Protestant would want to be married by their pastor. How do you raise the kids (catholic or protestant)? Where do you go to church? How do you reconcile any doctrinal beliefs? I realize these are all valid questions in any setting where you are dating someone from any other church than your own, but it is also even more applicable in such a large difference as Catholic and Protestant.

Any advice on these topics I brought up or any other that you may think of for this situation?

(I don't know all the policies regarding denominations and sects and such for this website. I tried to frame this question as tactfully and respectfully as I could so as not to offend anyone)

I think it depends on what you all mean by "Catholic" & "Protestant". That can mean almost anything. But, from my own experience it was a match made in Heaven.

A 'you were meant for me, and I was meant for you' sort of deal.


Beyond that, it depends on the couple, doesn't it?


There are all sorts of different types of Protestants and all sorts of different types of Catholics.


Myself, as the Protestant, I am willing to show a Catholic walk in public, but not anything more then that. At home, and as they well know, I am a Protestant very much at heart.


And they do the same for me.

Anyway, what is organized religion, but like a veil over the religion of the heart?

 

[Sketcher]

My dad was technically Catholic when he was dating my mom, but he was heavily leaning Protestant at the time - he had left seminary disgusted by some of the things he learned, and had rejected a number of doctrines and practices that separate Catholics from Protestants. I believe they had a watered-down Catholic wedding (which he negotiated by saying he was going to go with a fully Protestant wedding if the priest wouldn't agree to it). By the time I came around, he had been solidly Protestant for years. The point of all this being, it depends on where she is at with her faith. If she's in a similar place to my dad, it could work very well. If she's anchored in Catholicism and you're anchored in your Protestant faith, it might not work so well.

 

[Radagast]

In the event a Protestant and Catholic get married, how do you reconcile where you get married? The Catholic would want a Catholic wedding, whereas a Protestant would want to be married by their pastor. How do you raise the kids (catholic or protestant)? Where do you go to church?

Well, there are three options: either somebody converts to the other's faith; or both convert to an "intermediate" church (Lutheran or Anglican, for example); or you have a "mixed marriage." The Catholic Church puts some constraints on mixed marriages:

"According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority. This permission or dispensation presupposes that ... the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church." (CCC 1635)

 

[Inkachu]

Bad idea. If this is only a girl you're "interested in" and not someone you're already in a relationship with, I would steer away from it.

 

[seashale76]

In the event a Protestant and Catholic get married, how do you reconcile where you get married? The Catholic would want a Catholic wedding, whereas a Protestant would want to be married by their pastor. How do you raise the kids (catholic or protestant)? Where do you go to church? How do you reconcile any doctrinal beliefs? I realize these are all valid questions in any setting where you are dating someone from any other church than your own, but it is also even more applicable in such a large difference as Catholic and Protestant.

Any advice on these topics I brought up or any other that you may think of for this situation?

(I don't know all the policies regarding denominations and sects and such for this website. I tried to frame this question as tactfully and respectfully as I could so as not to offend anyone)

These are definitely questions you and anyone you date need to discuss before things get serious. I have friends in these types of marriages- and decisions do need to be made. From what I've seen, one person usually winds up compromising by deciding to go their spouses' church. Just as an example, I'm Orthodox and having a non-Orthodox wedding isn't on for us. It would also be expected that any children be raised Orthodox. This is a very big deal. It's related to communion and communion is everything to us.

 

[LilLamb219]

Have you visited her church yet? Do you know what she believes? That's a good start.

It's kind of early for those questions, but do you know what you would personally be willing to compromise if you were to marry her? You can't just expect her to throw away the beliefs she grew up on or attend your non-liturgical church that doesn't have Sacraments. It's a big deal. And the kids...she would have to agree to raise them Catholic if she wanted to be married in the Catholic church. Are you okay with that?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Hello again. I am seeking advice regarding Protestant-Catholic dating. I am a non-denominational Christian and am interested in a Catholic girl I know. Obviously, we are both Christians, but there is enough difference to give me slight pause and start me to thinking before I pursue any relationship beyond friends (realize I tend to way over think things "big picture" long term wise; I was an avid chess player and I think this may be a side effect). This is not as much about her and I in specific, but protestant-catholic dating in general.

In the event a Protestant and Catholic get married, how do you reconcile where you get married? The Catholic would want a Catholic wedding, whereas a Protestant would want to be married by their pastor. How do you raise the kids (catholic or protestant)? Where do you go to church? How do you reconcile any doctrinal beliefs? I realize these are all valid questions in any setting where you are dating someone from any other church than your own, but it is also even more applicable in such a large difference as Catholic and Protestant.

Any advice on these topics I brought up or any other that you may think of for this situation?

(I don't know all the policies regarding denominations and sects and such for this website. I tried to frame this question as tactfully and respectfully as I could so as not to offend anyone)

You meet half way and go to an Episcopalian Church. (That's a little joke.)

 

[BFine]

Hello again. I am seeking advice regarding Protestant-Catholic dating. I am a non-denominational Christian and am interested in a Catholic girl I know. Obviously, we are both Christians, but there is enough difference to give me slight pause and start me to thinking before I pursue any relationship beyond friends (realize I tend to way over think things "big picture" long term wise; I was an avid chess player and I think this may be a side effect). This is not as much about her and I in specific, but protestant-catholic dating in general.

*Has this girl shown an interest in you beyond friendship?


In the event a Protestant and Catholic get married, how do you reconcile where you get married? The Catholic would want a Catholic wedding, whereas a Protestant would want to be married by their pastor. How do you raise the kids (catholic or protestant)? Where do you go to church? How do you reconcile any doctrinal beliefs? I realize these are all valid questions in any setting where you are dating someone from any other church than your own, but it is also even more applicable in such a large difference as Catholic and Protestant.

*It would be wise to make major decisions BEFORE one marries.
I went through this with a friend of mine who married a man who
was of the Mormon faith (she's claims Baptist.) I tried my best to get her
to talk about such decisions BEFORE they got married and she blew
off my advice.


Any advice on these topics I brought up or any other that you may think of for this situation?

(I don't know all the policies regarding denominations and sects and such for this website. I tried to frame this question as tactfully and respectfully as I could so as not to offend anyone)

*Personally speaking...
I married a man who is Pentecostal and I claim Christ as Lord and Savior...I do
not identify myself by the denomination, I say: I'm a Christian/and or Christ follower.
[Many of you know, I was raised in the "bible-belt" of NC and
have been in pentecostal, methodist, non-denominational, Baptist, Community
Fellowship and Fellowship Baptist churches...this happened because I moved
many times in my life lol!]

BEFORE we got married, me and my intended set down and discussed what country we would have the wedding in and where we'd get married, the type of church we would attend after we got married, what country we would live in and how any progeny would be raised(if we had any) etc.
This has been something both of us are committed to doing... we are in
our 12th year of marriage as of Sept. 28th.

 

[Goodbook]

oh. I had a friend who was catholic and it's a big deal for her. Catholics see those outside their church as somehow 'separated brethren' or 'foreigners' and they have to convert and join or it won't really work, because they are very staunch about their churches beliefs.

If you can handle going to mass and believing in their doctrines just for the sake of being married then it's up to you. I personally wouldn't. It just totally conflicts with the Bible on all counts. I know many friends who are born again christians who used to belong to the catholic church or grew up in one. They would never go back.

 

[seashale76]

It just totally conflicts with the Bible on all counts. I know many friends who are born again christians who used to belong to the catholic church or grew up in one. They would never go back.

Those sentiments also work in the opposite direction.

 

[Goodbook]

I suppose. It seems you have to pick one or the other. If you ever visited or lived in Northern Ireland, you'll see evidence of how that ...theological conflict is played out. It depends on how you view faith as well. If your faith is in religion and denominations it won't be easy or whether it is in Jesus Christ himself, and her faith as well, then you'll have that His spirit in common, regardless of what type of church you attend or grew up attending.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

The "ramifications" are life altering and will only cause pain. Many, MANY christians I've met married someone who was a different denomination. Some did with hopes of converting the person to their denomination. Others did it with intent of just getting past their differences.

Their marriages of these people have either lead to divorce or lead to them being so unhappy that they feel like they are stuck in a prison.The bible says don't married someone unequally yolked for a reason. Its not in there just as a simple verse to skip or think it may not apply to you. Its a warning.

I am glad to see you aren't panning on marrying her though and that was just asked out of curiosity.

 

[parsley]

Good that you are thinking ahead.
In this particular situation, you would need to look to the rules of the marriage officiator; and in this case the Catholic church has rules they expect to be followed.
I think it is not so much the personal faith of the woman (both Christian), but the conditions you both would be expected to concede to.

The Catholic Church puts some constraints on mixed marriages:

"According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority..."(CCC 1635)

I knew couples in that circumstance, and sometimes the Protestant went through Catholic training and membership.

 

[Goodbook]

You might want to borrow the CCC..catholic catechism or whatever it's called from the library and just look at the doctrines they expect you to adhere to and compare with what the Bible says. before you go ahead and talk to anyone, as they may just pressure or convince you to join. Remember, if you join the RCC they have a lot of religious obligations for you to follow, plus you will be under their pope, who they regard as the vicar of christ, and also expect you to venerate Mary and all the other stuff.

I just don't think it's a good idea, personally. Even though it sounds kind of fascinating and 'respectable' and 'traditional', and kinda christian. It's a man-made organized religion, know what you may getting yourself in for.

your gf may have to consider that you don't want to follow her to Rome, and respect that. You can also tell her the gospel if she isn't too clear on what salvation is.

 

[ChesterKhan]

OP: Thank you for asking these questions. They are very important.

From what I've heard, in regards to Orthodox and Catholic mixed marriages - which you'd think are only slightly turbulent - it usually works one of three ways:

1) If the Orthodox half is dominant, the weaker Catholic will eventually become Orthodox (or non-practising).
2) If the Catholic half is dominant, the weaker Orthodox will eventually become Catholic (or non-practising).
3) If both the Catholic and the Orthodox are equal - prepare for a rough ride.

And that's just a decent Catholic and a decent Orthodox Christian. I don't think your being a Bible-only, traditionless, practiseless, five-solas Protestant will make such a mixed marriage any easier - if your faith and practise thereof is important to you.

(If you don't care about your religion, and are indifferent about becoming a Catholic, I still don't recommend marrying a Catholic. If you don't want it, being a member of the Catholic Church will do you no good.)

I highly suggest asking one more question before dating someone outside of your doctrines, practises, and your faith in general:

Which is more important to me: my relationship to God, or my relationship to even the closest or most desirable of human beings?

Now, I realise mixed marriages can sometimes work out fairly well - Scott and Kimberley Hahn are kind of an example. But, somehow, I think it's better to find the truth without inflicting unnecessary pain upon someone whom you will claim to love to the death.

If you love them, you will work out your religious differences and encourage them to seek the truth, yes. But I don't think, if you love children, you will get these involved in your disputes.

 

[Ubuntu]

I think we must be honest and admit that there are big differences between Catholicism and Protestantism when it comes to key issues. A husband and wife should be united spiritually, and the difference between Catholicism and Protestantism is so big that we've actually been separated in different Churches since the reformation.
This is why I never would marry a Catholic. I have the deepest respect for Catholics, but as a Protestant I think that there is an unsurmountable gap between our faiths.

So as a general rule of thumb I'd say that it would be best for both parts to avoid Catholic/Protestant dating! The only exception I see is if I God specifically called me to have a close friendship with a Catholic, and if this person eventually became a Protestant then I obviously would be free to date her.

 

[Albion]

I think it depends entirely upon the two people, Augustus. Either one could be a conciliatory person when it comes to religion or they could be uncompromising zealots. That should be settled before marriage.

If it is the case that each one can respect the other's faith and not intend to interfere with it, such "mixed marriages" have worked out quite well. Still, it probably is the case that it's a bit more comfortable if they could agree to attend a single church. There are those who will attend the other one's church at least occasionally without changing their own denominational membership.

Hello again. I am seeking advice regarding Protestant-Catholic dating. I am a non-denominational Christian and am interested in a Catholic girl I know. Obviously, we are both Christians, but there is enough difference to give me slight pause and start me to thinking before I pursue any relationship beyond friends (realize I tend to way over think things "big picture" long term wise; I was an avid chess player and I think this may be a side effect). This is not as much about her and I in specific, but protestant-catholic dating in general.

In the event a Protestant and Catholic get married, how do you reconcile where you get married? The Catholic would want a Catholic wedding, whereas a Protestant would want to be married by their pastor. How do you raise the kids (catholic or protestant)? Where do you go to church? How do you reconcile any doctrinal beliefs? I realize these are all valid questions in any setting where you are dating someone from any other church than your own, but it is also even more applicable in such a large difference as Catholic and Protestant.

Any advice on these topics I brought up or any other that you may think of for this situation?

(I don't know all the policies regarding denominations and sects and such for this website. I tried to frame this question as tactfully and respectfully as I could so as not to offend anyone)

ADDENDUM: READ THIS PLEASE- I am in no way considering marriage. I hardly know this girl and I shouldn't have even brought her up. I was only contemplating the ramifications of Protestant/Catholic dating due to my vague interest in her.

 

[ConfuseddotCom]

I suppose. It seems you have to pick one or the other. If you ever visited or lived in Northern Ireland, you'll see evidence of how that ...theological conflict is played out. It depends on how you view faith as well. If your faith is in religion and denominations it won't be easy or whether it is in Jesus Christ himself, and her faith as well, then you'll have that His spirit in common, regardless of what type of church you attend or grew up attending.

Have you actually ever been to Northern Ireland?