- Jul 26, 2022
- 27
- 23
- 32
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
ok so il try to sum this up to keep it short as possible. I am a wife and mother of two boys ages 2 and 4, stay at home mom working on a master's degree online, and homeschooling my older one since last year. ive been married almost 5 years. Im 32 years old. I have always disliked how my husband takes long getting out of work. he wrks in IT from home. the past 3 year especially i have hard an extremely hard time, felt so utterly lonely and neglected emotionally because he stays at work late. well, in january this year my husband was diagnosed with ADHD, he got medication and i felt like all of the conflict with him taking so long to finish his work was over. It was good for about a week and then he started just being too focused and overzealous with work trying to "make up for lost time" and being an extreme over achiever with no promised raise or promotion in sight... so its all just for him to feel better. within the last 2 years i went from being super upset at him leaving late, begging him to prioritize me and our children to try and get out on time, I then worked on my anxiety and i worked really effortfully to respect him and just pray about it and let it go. i was able to chill until around 5:30 I would get really upset again . (his shift ends at 4:30). So, i would complain and be that horrible nagging annoying wife just begging him to in tears to do SOMETHIGN to get out earlier. it never changed one bit. then i stopped complaining. I let it go and i would only get super aggravated when he would (often) just on his own tell me "dont worry baby il be out very soon" and not get out till 3 hours later... around 7. or often he would also make promises over and over constantly letting me down and i told him so many times to JUST STOP PROMISING FALSE THINGS. i told him i can deal a lot better with setting my expectations of him getting out on time very low, rather than be given false hope and being fed lies meant to reassure. I became SO bitter at him for this. eventually, for the past 2 months, even if he made a false promise, I stayed quiet. I set my mind to the fact that he will never be out on time. I completely stopped askign when he will be out and comepletely stopped telling him how much it hurts feeling alone parenting the kids. and since i stopped, he is now at a consistent record late time of about 8:30 every single day..... so from 7:30 to 8:30pm.... im alone with the kids. he used to help during nap time and give me that rest, now he doesnt. he works, but half the time he is on youtube or on random forums in chat groups talking about music, or just playign guitar in his room, or just in the bathroom for hours on his phone. I have stayed quiet and my kids MISS their dad. i MISS him. I feel so neglected. every saturday i hope that he would want to do somethign with me and the kids, but he always says he wants his "autonomy" and prefers to stay home and have his freedom... I respect that and just say OK in the nicest way possible, but its almost like a routine now on saturdays on my way to the car i hold in my tears and then just cry in the car trying the kids not to hear me. i feel so utterly alone. Sundays, after church, i hope for some time together, but he wants to sleep or he just complains endlessly about not having his time. I cant believe how neglected our family is and I know he loves us but this is SO WRONG. he says he is "workign hard to provide" but we want his presense... his eyes... his ears... his smile.. his arms to hug and hold us and love us and just be interested in me and the kids... even when he says "ok fine lets do what YOU want to do" all bitterly, he sits in the couch and complains about me to no end or if hes in an upbeat mood, he says "im going to clean up the kitchen, you just relax and stay with the kids... but again he just does anything to escape being with us. it hurts so freaking bad. i feel so dam alone. today was a breaking point because our son have a bible club to go to and its kinda far so he said he will do his best to make sure he gets out on time so we can all go togeher. i get back from the park, sweating from 100 degree weather, straining my back with the weight of groceries i carried WITH my two kids up 4 flights of stairs all alone jsut to find him singing recording music for fun on his laptop... I guess i might as well just mentally prepare to go it alone tonight as always. I tried telling him that his family needs him and i feel like a single parent SERIOUSLY. i feel so underapprecaited, so unloved and unwanted, and all we get from him is anger and bitterness EVEN THOUGH he has saturdays to himself away from us at home, and Monay-Friday 13 hours in his room doing his own thing. I JUST wish he would WANT to spend time with us. this is killing me. im not going to talk to him about it cuz he doesnt listen to me. he doesnt think it matters. he just tells me to be quiet all the time and to just get out of God's way. i get that. but ive let it all go and its never been THIS bad for THIS long. im so so so angry and SAD at the same time. i just feel so alone.. i feel hopeless that he will ever care to spend with us. *sigh* thank you if you read this whole thing. please pray for me and my children and my husband. i know God will carry us through this but... how do i get through this difficult time?? thank you all in advance. please give me your opinions, any feedback, advice for what i can do to not feel so bad.. thank you.
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