phone sex

[lightchild]

my boyfriend and i are struggling with phone sex. we keep promising that we're going to stop and be pure because we both understand the importance of purity in a relationship, because impurity is sin and sin separates us from God, and basically a relationship cant be successful unless God is in and around it. i love him a lot, and its so hard to say no when he wants to. i would LOVE some advice on how to resist the temptation. we're 2 days clean but its still really hard.


thanks,
-meg

 

[Johnnz]

Any sexual behaviour, once begun, can be real hard to stop afterwards.

It will take real comittment and inner strength to change. You both will need to recognise that you will be left with an awakened sex drive now, and work out how you will cope with that, as this is behind your desire not to stop, in spite of another side of you wanting to.

John
NZ

 

[Akathist]

I agree that it is harder to stop once started.

I suggest that at the beginning of all phone calls the two of you say a prayer together about it. Then if you start to slip into it, that right them the two of you stop and together say a prayer together again. You could simply say the Lord' Prayer:

My Father who art in heaven. Hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses (sins) as we forgive those who trespass (sin) against us. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one. Amen.

 

[madison1101]

My experience with this, and yes I have experience, is to stop the call immediately. Just say "I have to go, bye" and hang up, when he starts it. If he calls back, do not take the call. Get caller ID. Talk to him the next day and tell him why you ended the call. If you are starting it, don't do it anymore.

Read Psalm 51 about David's repentance for his sin with Bathsheba. Read 1 Corinthians 6. God does not take sexual sin lightly. He took David's child from his sin with Bathsheba from David. David had Bathsheba's husband killed as a result of his sexual sin.

Sexual purity is probably the hardest challenge facing the Church today.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[Angel0310]

Try not to put yourself in this temptation. I know from chatrooms the written word is very provoking and the spoken woul dbe more provoking and is very hard to break. Try to stay in at least a place in the house where you don't have total privacy and people can come and go in the home so you won't be tempted. If you think someone can over hear or randomly walk in it will be a deterrant. Hope this is of some help. I think of the scripture that says that which I want to do I don't, and what I don't want to do I do, who will deliever me oh wicked man that I am i thank god it is already been done through Christ Jesus.

Can you get a friend also as an accountability partner for you? this is a huge help to me.

hugs
Angel

 

[lightchild]

thanks for all the advice, but ive tried it all. except hanging up on him, i really hate hanging up on people, especially him. i have an accountability partner, and weve prayed and read the bible together so much, and sadly still fallen to temptation. we're 3 days clean now, which i praise God for, but still, the temptation is still there.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

you've mentioned him, but do you ever initiate things or have those feelings?

 

[madison1101]

thanks for all the advice, but ive tried it all. except hanging up on him, i really hate hanging up on people, especially him. i have an accountability partner, and weve prayed and read the bible together so much, and sadly still fallen to temptation. we're 3 days clean now, which i praise God for, but still, the temptation is still there.

Saying, "I love you, I have to go now, Bye" is not hanging up on him. Tell him ahead of time that is your plan to stay pure. He should understand if you do that.

 

[lightchild]

you've mentioned him, but do you ever initiate things or have those feelings?

i have, but i dont. i havent done it in a long while. if he's not asking, or trying to 'seduce' me, its completely mutual and we both know where things are headed. but for the most part hes the ring-leader. hes the one that says all the stuff and hes the one that says what to do, etc. i just follow because im not comfortable taking charge like that.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

I'll try to just make pertinent comments rather than turning this into something more complicated than necessary.

healthy sex requires two active partners. Otherwise it turns into one person gratifying themselves at the expense of the other.

no means no, even over the phone. Whether you are in the moment as well or just following along, if you express disinterest or say "I don't feel like doing this" then that's the end of it. This is one of the few bits of guidance my dad gave me was that no means no.
If your boyfriend is trying to coerce or "seduce" you then that is bad bad bad. He is objectifying, disrespecting, and using you for his own selfish desires whether he is aware of that or not. Please put a stop to that. be firm with him, hang up on him, break up with him; do whatever it takes. He needs to learn this lesson. You also need to learn that you matter. Your voice is important.

 

[madison1101]

I'll try to just make pertinent comments rather than turning this into something more complicated than necessary.

healthy sex requires two active partners. Otherwise it turns into one person gratifying themselves at the expense of the other.

no means no, even over the phone. Whether you are in the moment as well or just following along, if you express disinterest or say "I don't feel like doing this" then that's the end of it. This is one of the few bits of guidance my dad gave me was that no means no.
If your boyfriend is trying to coerce or "seduce" you then that is bad bad bad. He is objectifying, disrespecting, and using you for his own selfish desires whether he is aware of that or not. Please put a stop to that. be firm with him, hang up on him, break up with him; do whatever it takes. He needs to learn this lesson. You also need to learn that you matter. Your voice is important.

This is excellent. By being passive and allowing it to continue she is degrading herself in the process.