Older women dating younger men 2017

[Jera C.]

So the last post about this that I saw was several years ago, but I came across it looking for similar advice.

I am a recently divorced 43 year old woman interested in a 25 year old man. I have had long discussion s with myself to get me to *not* be interested anymore but it really doesn't work.

My concern is that this kind of interest signals a problem (like a need for therapy) on one side or the other. Is that true? I do t min unconventional, but I do miss d unhealthy and/or unwise, and that concerns me.

The odd part is, when I ran the thought past friends, no one really thinks it's a big deal. I was shocked. I had two be somewhat hesitant (I understand, I am hesitant, or I wouldn't be here asking this) but they resolved it with, "well, if it's a God thing, then it's a God thing."

This is all speculation, mind you, but dang it, if this door opens I want to run through so I want all this junk resolved beforehand! Lolol! My feelings for him will have been officially making me crazy for a year next month. So far the only hope, if you can call it that, is that a friend said infatuations typically last six months to two years. That is no comfort really, as if that's all it is, I don't want to give it any more of my time never mind another year. But if it's not just that, honey...let's go!

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Is this young man born again? (Christian)
Has he expressed and or shown interest in you?

 

[HereIStand]

It depends on the person. If he is a Christian and has his own money, than I don't see anything wrong with it. My wife is older than I am. I recall looking at some of her old college pictures, and remarking "you were a babe." Oops.

 

[Jera C.]

Is this young man born again? (Christian)
Has he expressed and or shown interest in you?

Hi Kit,

He is born again yes. He showed a lot of interest in me as a person, and I could have sworn there was something else there but I convinced myself I was seeing things.

 

[Jera C.]

It depends on the person. If he is a Christian and has his own money, than I don't see anything wrong with it. My wife is older than I am. I recall looking at some of her old college pictures, and remarking "you were a babe." Oops.

Lolol! He is a Christian, and he does have his own money. Works his bootie off, honestly. I have a feeling his mom is a bit attached to him.I'm sure she'd just love it if he dated someone a few years younger than herself if it went that way....lol.

"You were a babe" lololol. Just replace the were with "are" and you're good.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Hi Kit,

He is born again yes. He showed a lot of interest in me as a person, and I could have sworn there was something else there but I convinced myself I was seeing things.

What were you seeing?

 

[faroukfarouk]

What were you seeing?

Good question...

 

[Servant68]

Myself, as a 48yr old male, if I dated someone 18yrs younger than me, would be judged rather harshly.

My younger brother is engaged to a woman 15 years younger than him and they face a lot of judgement and snide remarks. She's 26 and he's 41. She's very mature for her age and he is, well, less so for his age.. ;-)

But I think more telling is that you are recently divorced. Most women in that situation are seeking personal validation that they are still attractive and make all sorts of devastating mistakes in the attempt to recover from the emotional harm done during the divorce process.

Make no mistake, his mother will not approve and his friends will beg him to consider what you'll look like when he's 40 and you're 58. A lasting relationship will be nearly impossible. But if all you want is short term passion and validation, then well, there are other things to address...

 

[timewerx]

There might be a tiny problem if he wants kids of his own.

He may not want his own kids right now...But people change over time.

 

[GUANO]

I know lots of men who would "date" a woman twice their age while in their 20s but none that would marry one. But perhaps that only speaks to the type of men I know. I'd bet that a single guy in his 20's that spends a lot of time in church is probably a good guy.

Now, if he's on the worship team...

 

[Jera C.]

What were you seeing?

Well, he was very aware of me. He made very grand, very generous gestures toward me. Included me in every thing. Bragged on me to other people. I just chalked it up to his being an incredibly nice guy (prob true) but I could have sworn the "awareness" was very much like...a "like". Eyes met a lot, and I noticed it was because we were aware of one another and where we were, what we were doing, quite a bit. He stuttered sometimes. (Does not have a stutter.) He'd look down like a little kid if he invited me somewhere. And sometimes there was this...vibe if he was around me. A lot of intangible tangibles and I kept thinking, "this sure seems to be like how someone behaves when they like you but don't want you to know." I don't know. I say it is wishful thinking just to not embarrass myself but I am not convinced.

 

[Jera C.]

I know lots of men who would "date" a woman twice their age while in their 20s but none that would marry one. But perhaps that only speaks to the type of men I know. I'd bet that a single guy in his 20's that spends a lot of time in church is probably a good guy.

Now, if he's on the worship team...

 

[Jera C.]

Wait I'm afraid to ask....what is the worship team element?

 

[Jera C.]

Myself, as a 48yr old male, if I dated someone 18yrs younger than me, would be judged rather harshly.

My younger brother is engaged to a woman 15 years younger than him and they face a lot of judgement and snide remarks. She's 26 and he's 41. She's very mature for her age and he is, well, less so for his age.. ;-)

But I think more telling is that you are recently divorced. Most women in that situation are seeking personal validation that they are still attractive and make all sorts of devastating mistakes in the attempt to recover from the emotional harm done during the divorce process.

Make no mistake, his mother will not approve and his friends will beg him to consider what you'll look like when he's 40 and you're 58. A lasting relationship will be nearly impossible. But if all you want is short term passion and validation, then well, there are other things to address...

 

[Jera C.]

Nah...no short term passion. That's just using someone (to me). Oh, and to be sure, his mother would have a coronary.

This is good though. In reading these comments and my own responses I am kinda rounding the turn of "this is just stupid" (mentally, anyway) so whatever I thought I was seeing is irrelevant. And he prob is an awesome person so those cool traits I saw are most likely across the board.

I have also thought of challenges that come up as time goes on, and wasn't sure how people work that out. Would be interested in hearing how they have, though I think.the safe zone is the "this is just stupid" label.

As for validation, I'm not sure that's the drive for me. I don't feel rejected, nor do I feel unattractive. In this situation that isn't really what the divorce has generated, thankfully. No man's opinion can solve anyone's insecurities.

I think what was interesting to me is a friend who described men my age as "coming in for a landing" and that is exactly what I don't want. So it's a weird place to be. Singleness is looking better and better lol.

 

[Jera C.]

There might be a tiny problem if he wants kids of his own.

He may not want his own kids right now...But people change over time.

Yeah, thought of that too. I figured that would be the first thing friends would bring up to me but instead they said, "adopt".

I guess adopt is the supporter answer and average-woman biology the other.

It would take some strong, unique people. And I guess the nature of the word unique would say, it doesn't happen much.

Oh well.

 

[now faith]

Well, he was very aware of me. He made very grand, very generous gestures toward me. Included me in every thing. Bragged on me to other people. I just chalked it up to his being an incredibly nice guy (prob true) but I could have sworn the "awareness" was very much like...a "like". Eyes met a lot, and I noticed it was because we were aware of one another and where we were, what we were doing, quite a bit. He stuttered sometimes. (Does not have a stutter.) He'd look down like a little kid if he invited me somewhere. And sometimes there was this...vibe if he was around me. A lot of intangible tangibles and I kept thinking, "this sure seems to be like how someone behaves when they like you but don't want you to know." I don't know. I say it is wishful thinking just to not embarrass myself but I am not convinced.

Your toast, He is strongly attracted to you.
What I read from you you feel the same way.
When your world's collide ,all ..?.is going to happen with your Church friends.
Be prepared for the fallout from the gossip tree.

If it's love , well the heart wants what the heart wants.
If it's physical attraction , then lust will run it's course and leave destruction in a wide path behind you.

I would go out with him, but do not give in to physical desire.
Do not flirt and tease him.
See how he responds to you as a person first, find out if both of you know how big of a commitment this type of relationship is.
Then do what's right in the eyes of God.
That would be a vow of marriage between you and God.

I'm 57 now ,I dated older Women for the majority of my dating years.
Was in love , and honestly do not know how it would have worked out.
Ultimately I met the love of my life at 50 ,and have never looked back at any regrets.
Lol my wife is one year older, old habits ....

 

[GUANO]

Wait I'm afraid to ask....what is the worship team element?

Probably nothing. In my own experience in charismatic and evangelical churches, young or middle aged single worship leaders or members were always being doted on by women in the congregation and there were always the late night after church coffee excursions until 1am where it was just a bunch of flirting and long personal talks in which it's hard not too become emotionally involved.

I can only think of one who was never in a divorce and he was a pastors kid who married young to another young woman. The biggest personality trait I see in any performer (church included), and i know a bunch, is self absorption. Perhaps this is only a west coast or denominational thing, or maybe just a common trait in men I've known, I don't know. But anyways, thats just my own input. We can't just have everyone saying "go for it who cares!" Lol. At the end of the day, I dont know this person and who cares what I think? When it comes to choosing partners, more often than not resason and logic aren't involved a whole lot, or maybe it's just like that with me lol.

 

[Jera C.]

Your toast, He is strongly attracted to you.
What I read from you you feel the same way.
When your world's collide ,all ..?.is going to happen with your Church friends.
Be prepared for the fallout from the gossip tree.

If it's love , well the heart wants what the heart wants.
If it's physical attraction , then lust will run it's course and leave destruction in a wide path behind you.

I would go out with him, but do not give in to physical desire.
Do not flirt and tease him.
See how he responds to you as a person first, find out if both of you know how big of a commitment this type of relationship is.
Then do what's right in the eyes of God.
That would be a vow of marriage between you and God.

I'm 57 now ,I dated older Women for the majority of my dating years.
Was in love , and honestly do not know how it would have worked out.
Ultimately I met the love of my life at 50 ,and have never looked back at any regrets.
Lol my wife is one year older, old habits ....

I am glad you found her!

Yes I do feel the same. I have been trying to not show it. As I said, it's been a pain because I can see mine and others points here, I have thought of them myself. So.now I'm just trying to evict the attraction and feelings I guess. I won't lie, I would love to get to know him (and I mean that in the most honorable way). We have similar tastes, abilities, and interests and your right...getting together I also believe would be ... Well it would rock the world at least a bit. Gossip tree for sure. I will not tease him. I genuinely wish I could know him...i don't need to disrespect him by trying to get to the rest. It would only hurt him.

I swear I think my stinking heart has a 23 year old chamber. Feels like the cosmic joke of the century. Sad.

Thanks for your input!

 

[Jera C.]

Probably nothing. In my own experience in charismatic and evangelical churches, young or middle aged single worship leaders or members were always being doted on by women in the congregation and there were always the late night after church coffee excursions until 1am where it was just a bunch of flirting and long personal talks in which it's hard not too become emotionally involved.

I can only think of one who was never in a divorce and he was a pastors kid who married young to another young woman. The biggest personality trait I see in any performer (church included), and i know a bunch, is self absorption. Perhaps this is only a west coast or denominational thing, or maybe just a common trait in men I've known, I don't know. But anyways, thats just my own input. We can't just have everyone saying "go for it who cares!" Lol. At the end of the day, I dont know this person and who cares what I think? When it comes to choosing partners, more often than not resason and logic aren't involved a whole lot, or maybe it's just like that with me lol.

Ahhhh....I wish it was just a West Coast thing but it is not. Self-absorbtion is a plague, and it is on this coast, too.

As for reason and logic, they are there. In my head. Now, the heart is another deal. The two are currently arguing...loudly.