Need Advice On My Relationship. Lost, confused and so doubtful

[OnSecondThought]

I will try to break this down as short and easy as possible.

We are not kids, we are both adults who have both had past relationships and grown children.

1. Met my now-boyfriend, who was is so devoted to Christ that he can't even watch non-PG movies, be around anyone who drinks or cusses and looks like he's living only for good and making it to heaven.
(WOW, I was 100% sure he was sent by GOD)

2. Boyfriend tells me how much he loves me, I fall for it because I am stupid and blind in love. He quickly moved in. He brought his 20yr old son and his dog. Yes the relationship was sexual. (I already know this was wrong, I fully understand this is not what GOD wants)

3. A few months go by: Boyfriend tells me all the time he loves me, he's so sweet, but doesn't know if he wants to stay with me forever. (okay, that's upsetting but understandable)
Meanwhile, I am busting my butt, paying all the bills and providing him with everything he wants and needs.

3. Fast forward 8 months. I start to see that the boyfriend is not helpful, doesn't contribute to the household and his now laying on my couch looking up other women, he thinks it's his secret but I can see him quickly hiding his conversations when I walk into the room.

I let this go on for a couple of months. Unsure about what I am really seeing. Hoping it's just my own paranoia. But then the truth finally reveals itself and I have solid proof.

I confront him and of course, he says "he's sorry" "he will stop" but I am livid and sick of it. I feel belittled, heartbroken and disrespected.


4. I kick him out.... He goes back to live in his old house. but quickly starts telling me that it was not his fault and a demon spirit caused him to do it. Plus neither of us were living in God light by having pre-martial sex. He wants a second chance. He wants to live in the house with me, (without having sex) and build a relationship toward marriage.

5. Okay, can you see how dumb I am? Yes, of course, I allowed him back (I was in love with him) with the promises of building a Godly relationship, working toward marriage etc. And things have actually been going fairly well. But it has only been about a month.

Now I am starting to feel like this is not what I want. I keep looking back at the disrespect and it's causing me to lose my feelings for him. I doubt that I can regain my trust with him or get over the disrespect. I don't think I can marry him.

Here is the question: How can I get this back to a regular dating type relationship. Where we start over from scratch. He dates me instead of living with me. I don't want to hurt him but I also don't want him to keep hurting me.... The answer should be cut and dry but I like to see what other people have to say.

 

[tturt]

can't post on this forum.

 

[pdudgeon]

I will try to break this down as short and easy as possible.

We are not kids, we are both adults who have both had past relationships and grown children.

1. Met my now-boyfriend, who was is so devoted to Christ that he can't even watch non-PG movies, be around anyone who drinks or cusses and looks like he's living only for good and making it to heaven.
(WOW, I was 100% sure he was sent by GOD)

2. Boyfriend tells me how much he loves me, I fall for it because I am stupid and blind in love. He quickly moved in. He brought his 20yr old son and his dog. Yes the relationship was sexual. (I already know this was wrong, I fully understand this is not what GOD wants)

3. A few months go by: Boyfriend tells me all the time he loves me, he's so sweet, but doesn't know if he wants to stay with me forever. (okay, that's upsetting but understandable)
Meanwhile, I am busting my butt, paying all the bills and providing him with everything he wants and needs.

3. Fast forward 8 months. I start to see that the boyfriend is not helpful, doesn't contribute to the household and his now laying on my couch looking up other women, he thinks it's his secret but I can see him quickly hiding his conversations when I walk into the room.

I let this go on for a couple of months. Unsure about what I am really seeing. Hoping it's just my own paranoia. But then the truth finally reveals itself and I have solid proof.

I confront him and of course, he says "he's sorry" "he will stop" but I am livid and sick of it. I feel belittled, heartbroken and disrespected.


4. I kick him out.... He goes back to live in his old house. but quickly starts telling me that it was not his fault and a demon spirit caused him to do it. Plus neither of us were living in God light by having pre-martial sex. He wants a second chance. He wants to live in the house with me, (without having sex) and build a relationship toward marriage.

5. Okay, can you see how dumb I am? Yes, of course, I allowed him back (I was in love with him) with the promises of building a Godly relationship, working toward marriage etc. And things have actually been going fairly well. But it has only been about a month.

Now I am starting to feel like this is not what I want. I keep looking back at the disrespect and it's causing me to lose my feelings for him. I doubt that I can regain my trust with him or get over the disrespect. I don't think I can marry him.

Here is the question: How can I get this back to a regular dating type relationship. Where we start over from scratch. He dates me instead of living with me. I don't want to hurt him but I also don't want him to keep hurting me.... The answer should be cut and dry but I like to see what other people have to say.

Life does not go backwards, it goes forwards.
1.So think about your future.
2. check your relational foundations to see if the relationship that you have is a solid one.
3. determine what you want to build towards in your future.

 

[LoveGodsWord]

I will try to break this down as short and easy as possible.

We are not kids, we are both adults who have both had past relationships and grown children.

1. Met my now-boyfriend, who was is so devoted to Christ that he can't even watch non-PG movies, be around anyone who drinks or cusses and looks like he's living only for good and making it to heaven.
(WOW, I was 100% sure he was sent by GOD)

2. Boyfriend tells me how much he loves me, I fall for it because I am stupid and blind in love. He quickly moved in. He brought his 20yr old son and his dog. Yes the relationship was sexual. (I already know this was wrong, I fully understand this is not what GOD wants)

3. A few months go by: Boyfriend tells me all the time he loves me, he's so sweet, but doesn't know if he wants to stay with me forever. (okay, that's upsetting but understandable)
Meanwhile, I am busting my butt, paying all the bills and providing him with everything he wants and needs.

3. Fast forward 8 months. I start to see that the boyfriend is not helpful, doesn't contribute to the household and his now laying on my couch looking up other women, he thinks it's his secret but I can see him quickly hiding his conversations when I walk into the room.

I let this go on for a couple of months. Unsure about what I am really seeing. Hoping it's just my own paranoia. But then the truth finally reveals itself and I have solid proof.

I confront him and of course, he says "he's sorry" "he will stop" but I am livid and sick of it. I feel belittled, heartbroken and disrespected.


4. I kick him out.... He goes back to live in his old house. but quickly starts telling me that it was not his fault and a demon spirit caused him to do it. Plus neither of us were living in God light by having pre-martial sex. He wants a second chance. He wants to live in the house with me, (without having sex) and build a relationship toward marriage.

5. Okay, can you see how dumb I am? Yes, of course, I allowed him back (I was in love with him) with the promises of building a Godly relationship, working toward marriage etc. And things have actually been going fairly well. But it has only been about a month.

Now I am starting to feel like this is not what I want. I keep looking back at the disrespect and it's causing me to lose my feelings for him. I doubt that I can regain my trust with him or get over the disrespect. I don't think I can marry him.

Here is the question: How can I get this back to a regular dating type relationship. Where we start over from scratch. He dates me instead of living with me. I don't want to hurt him but I also don't want him to keep hurting me.... The answer should be cut and dry but I like to see what other people have to say.

Don't put yourself in temptations way. No one made him do what he did. We all get tempted to sin though. That was his decision. A good prediction of future behavior is past behavior if someone has departed the faith. If you can forgiven him that is fine. Put God first and seek Gods' forgiveness and ask for God's help, and everything will be ok. If you live in known unrepentant sin we cannot expect God to be our help and guide. Seek Gods' forgiveness and turn back to God and ask him to be your guide and teacher and seek Him through His Word and follow what he says and sin no more lest a worse thing happens to you.

May God bless you as you seek Him through His Word.

(Note: Apologies. Please delete this post if needed. I came here by accident as a new thread. I do not think I can post here. I just found out after posting)

 

[Carl Emerson]

Can we move the thread to a forum where others can post ?

 

[bèlla]

Numbers 1 and 2 are contradictory. No one with the character you described in the first would go along with the second. Even if you suggested it. Their conscience would reject it and pursue the connection in a godly fashion.

Why are you with him? He moves in. Brings his son. Is a layabout who’s looking for other options under your roof. And you’re footing the bills!

Where is your self-respect and dignity? Why would you marry him? You have adult children. He isn’t a school boy. You’re seeing the truth but you won’t accept it. This is a train wreck and you’ll pay a heavy price if you marry him.

Why don’t you love yourself enough to hold out for something better? A man whose presence and person adds to your life. Not one who has you wringing your hands and querying strangers.

You will never have the relationship you seek without working on yourself and dealing with the issues that led to him. You’ve ignored the warnings and persist in the pairing. He hasn’t changed. He’ll do what’s necessary to get back in the house and get you to the altar. Then the truth will come out and you’re back where you were.

If you want a worthy man leave him alone. You can’t change him. He wants a keeper…sugar mama…understand? In this situation you’re a woman in name only. You’re carrying your load and his. What are you getting out of it?

You have some soul searching to do. Hopefully you make the right choice. This won’t end well.

 

[Joy]

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