My past coming back to haunt me.

[Elliemare]

Its been many, many years since my encounter with the sex industry. I've been trained and working as a professional, licensed massage therapist for the past 15 years. Going to school, and becoming a licensed MT literally saved my life. I have always conducted myself in a very professional and clinical manner and have never had any issues with clients seeking sexual services in my massage therapy practice.

My biggest fear had always been, that I might run into someone who knew of my work at the gentlemen's club, when I was younger. This fear only came true one time in the past 15 years.

Shortly after starting my first full-time MT job at a wellness center, I saw a client in the lobby talking to my boss. I recognized him, and he recognized me. He soon requested an appointment with me.

I was hoping that this man would make no mention of my previous employment... but he did (only to me, not my boss). I couldn't deny it, but I did tell him that those days are over, I'm a professional and I have a code of ethics to adhere to. He never pressured me to do anything unprofessional. However, I was never 100% comfortable with him as my client. I continued to work on his back pain issues as long as I was employed at the wellness center (about 5 years) because the owner didn't want to lose a good client, and I had no way of explaining why I didn't want to work on him without revealing the truth.

After I went out on my own, and became self-employed, I dropped this man as my client. He tried to contact me a few times several years ago, but he gave up when I would not return his calls. I have avoided him for over 8 years and have even re-located my home and business. I have a completely different life now.

A few days ago, I get a phone call... from this guy! He said he tracked me down, and knows my new location and wants to know if I'll see him as a client again!

Frankly, I just don't want him as a reminder of my past! I feel like he should understand that. I really don't want to call this guy back. I don't want any contact with him and I'm hoping my not returning his call will be enough to send the message. I guess my only fear at this point is that he may show up on my doorstep one day? Then what? When is this going to end? Am I going to be plagued by my past forever? I do still have a lot of guilt and shame, and I still live in fear of my past ruining my life and my reputation all these years later...

 

[hope4today]

It doesn't sound like this man is going to get the message without being direct. It may be better to let him know that you will not take him as a client and do not want him to contact you again. Just my thoughts from the limited info I have about the situation.

Praying you find the right answer.

Hope

 

[r21c]

Elliemare, I imagine that was the end of it?

 

[Elliemare]

Yes, that was the end of it... I hope.

I never heard from him again and I never returned his call.

This guy was always a little obsessive compulsive, so that is one reason why I thought he might show up on my doorstep or continue to call and bug me. He hasn't, thank goodness.

I was also freaked out that he still had my number after all of these years and would be willing to drive such a distance just for an appointment with me. That seemed very odd to me and one of the main reasons I was worried.

I'm changing directions these days. I'm only working as a massage therapist to pay for my hobby farming habit. I may take down my massage business website one of these days and change my voice mail message. If I get a call in the future from him after those changes have been made, I'll be able to tell him that I'm no longer in business!

God is taking me in a new direction and I'm surrender to Him and waiting to see what he has in store!

 

[Blessedj01]

Go to the police and express your concerns.

 

[Bobinator]

I'm not sure this man contacting you warrants a call to the police at this point in time. However, you may want to keep that in mind if the "stalking" escalates further.

There's nothing wrong with being more honest and upfront with this guy, stating that you've turned a new leaf and prefer not to continue servicing people that require you to relive your past. That it's nothing personal, but you don't feel comfortable enough to provide the quality service you've established for yourself and your clients. You may even offer to refer him to another masseuse that you respect.

Another option is if you're a Christian and share your faith with him, and use this as a reason. Sharing Jesus Christ is often a major "turn-off" for people like him.

Pray.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Call him and tell him that part is over and if he wants a massage "on the level" the price is x$. Tell him if he wants more and contacts you again you can't help him and might feel threatened enough to call the law. Tell him everyone deserves a new start and you are making one and if he wants a good massage to make an appointment, if he wants more he should call someone else unless he wants the law involved. You should be clear and concise while letting him transition to what you are doing now.

Maybe he can change too. Maybe he should.

 

[Hidden101]

Never mind. This thread is too old. Should not have posted.

 

[JohnD70X7]

I do still have a lot of guilt and shame, and I still live in fear of my past ruining my life and my reputation all these years later...

There is the rub. No pun intended.

I was a 13 year old looking for a father (mine died of leukemia 2 years earlier) when I fell in with a man in his 40's who repeatedly said he was my big brother, who took me on fun trips and to the movies and to Disneyland... and wanted sexual favors in return (he called it expressing love between two brothers). It took me 2 years to put an end to this. And it took many many more years to face it, and get over the guilt and shame. I couldn't even talk about it for many years more.

Funny how the same people who believe a girl has no business making sexual choices before age 17 (by law) will denounce me as "knowing what I was doing" age 13-15. I shake my head now at the hypocrisy.
And, of course there was a degree of responsibility on my part... hence the guilt and shame.

But I got over it. And you must do likewise (no matter what you do about this guy and his persistence). You may just be a darn-good therapist to him. He may even be interested in you. I didn't gather from your post if he was still in the business. Maybe he's changed too.

Anyway, I believe you need to purge your own guilt and shame. And you need to face him and tell him to leave you alone if you want nothing to do with him It will give you closure as well as him.

Another thing, your story and mine are not as uncommon as we may think... as we may feel when we convince ourselves we are the only ones who ever did this or thought that or whatever. We are all fallen sin-natured, human beings who need salvation. Period. Remember who Jesus sought out in his ministry and was condemned by the religious leaders for doing it, drunkards, tax collectors, prostitutes...

There we all are!

 

[JohnD70X7]

Wow, I just noticed the date of this thread.
I pray this lady gets these messages of encouragement.