My Husband is boring/Not romantic/Not thoughful....any advise?

[angie28]

Am 5 months Pregnant with our first baby and we got married last year October been together almost 5 years total. Problem is that my Hubby is boring, he never thinks out of the box(not thoughtful)..he never surprise me with dinner dates , buy me romantic staff unless I ask him(e.g buy ,me ice cream)...he does not know how to celebrate special days in our lives like birthday, Achievement, festive seasons....I complained about this to him several times(he doesn't change) and now I gave up. I used to invite him to events I see on meetup.com but he seemed uninterested so now I gave up.

We work abroad and his routine is work and go to church...And when there is no church he can not come up with any plot for us but only sitting on the couch surf the internet and watch the news...am so sick of living in un romantic marriage...since we got married he is not making any effort to make me happy.

I do not have close friends(the few I have are far way) either who I can hang out with. I stopped going to church here because I always felt alone in the crowd and I could not make any close connections beyond church. So my life is all about work and watching movies online. Tried going out solo but it can feel uncomfortable most of the times and I end up leaving.



Also our sex life is next to none...I have a very low libido and now that am pregnant it is zero, we may have sex once in a month or not and how am I supposed to get turned on by a man who does not make me happy!

I love him but am not happy. Is this how marriage is like?



Anyone going through the same?

 

[gym_class_hero]

when my wife and I were first married I discovered she based almost all her happiness on me. It was a lot of pressure on me to be honest because I am not perfect. After many years we discovered together that true joy comes from our relationship with God, He never lets us down although others will. Have you prayed bout this issue with your husband? Id start there. Also when my wife and I had our issues, when she was strongest in her faith walk, that's when she was the most attractive to me. My advice would be to work on your relationship with God and let Him deal with changing your husband.

 

[longwait]

Don't dwell on his negative side look for the positive in him. I understand things will be difficult to adjust to in the early stages of marriage. But as time goes you will get used to your circumstances and wouldn't want it any other way. So he is a God fearing man wanting to please God and go to church. Great! He does not want to be a part of this world. Look at all the men who love the world and end up breaking their wives' hearts by being unfaithful to them. You don't have to fear that about a God fearing person. Besides the Lord might have put you in such a situation so that you could have some alone, quiet time with Him. To pursue the Lord, make time and room for the Lord. You love the Lord, don't you? Yes, that's why you are here on a christian forum and not on some secular platform. Remember, Jesus is your one and only true love. Your eternal Bridegroom and there is no replacement for Him.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

oh no! Looks like my wife has come on this forum to complain about me!
oops I mean just the boring thoughtless part.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

We work abroad

This may be half the problem.

 

[geiroffenberg]

when my wife and I were first married I discovered she based almost all her happiness on me. It was a lot of pressure on me to be honest because I am not perfect. After many years we discovered together that true joy comes from our relationship with God, He never lets us down although others will. Have you prayed bout this issue with your husband? Id start there. Also when my wife and I had our issues, when she was strongest in her faith walk, that's when she was the most attractive to me. My advice would be to work on your relationship with God and let Him deal with changing your husband.

totally agree. it goes for both men and woman that when they find their mate they think they finally have found that which will make them happy. THAT doesnt last long lol. And its a good thing to experience this so that we can literally wake up and smell the coffee! SO im not condemning you who started this thread, its a good topic! But joy and everything else comes from the presence of God, and i believe any marraige could be saved getting to know this. Im divorced I learnt it the hard way.......take it from me, its better to learn it the short way!

 

[pat34lee]

Men are like dogs. They need some encouragement and a pat on the head more often than nagging. Do you go out of your way to make your husband feel special?

If you like movies and can find them, watch "Fireproof" and "The War Room".

You haven't mentioned your husband's nationality or religion. Are they the same as yours?

 

[geiroffenberg]

oh no! Looks like my wife has come on this forum to complain about me!
oops I mean just the boring thoughtless part.

she also mentioned the sex part..... ehem

 

[geiroffenberg]

Men are like dogs. They need some encouragement and a pat on the head more often than nagging. Do you go out of your way to make your husband feel special?

If you like movies and can find them, watch "Fireproof" and "The War Room".

Men are like dogs? What does that make the woman that marries them?

 

[EdyChristian28]

tell him read my book

Ed | WritersCafe.org | The Online Writing Community

Hi I'm doctor phils brother Doctor Joel (not associated with Joel from Lakewood or affiliates)

But please let me talk to him.

write him. a list of things for him to do.

he can start with reading my book. since my book is filled with the mind of an artist and creativity that your husband might be lacking. It might give him the initiative to spark those things into play. with only you writing it down on a list.
that's if he is not a football, action movie kinda man. otherwise. we'll need to put more effort into this to be a successful turn around for your second trimester of exciting premotherly marriage and counseling.

"my husband is not exciting" Is this good phil. Phil gave me a thumbs up.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

my Hubby is boring, he never thinks out of the box(not thoughtful)..he never surprise me with dinner dates , buy me romantic staff unless I ask him(e.g buy ,me ice cream)...he does not know how to celebrate special days in our lives like birthday, Achievement, festive seasons....

this list of complaints say more about you than him

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Men are like dogs. They need some encouragement and a pat on the head

I had to check if a male or female wrote this.

 

[Tolworth John]

It sounds like you are lonely.
So talk to your husband, about what you've done that day, what has he been doing, about hobbies you coul;d take up together or alone, about plans for when the baby is born, about names, how to change nappies, feed the baby, about giving birth, going to inspect the hospital, prepare the route to hospital, where to park and charges.
What are your short term planes for the next 6 months, long term plans, how about decorating a nursery, your budget, have you budget for the birth, equiping baby, visiting the grandparents, grandparents visiting you, does he know of any mother and baby groups at church or else where, has he investigated baby carefor when you go back to work, if not going back to work has he revised your budget.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

I have a boring husband, and I wouldn't want it any other way. The boring men are the ones with staying power, who hold on to their jobs and pay the bills on time and don't run around. I always know where my husband is, and what he's doing, and when he's coming home. Stable predictability beats always having to keep guessing, any day of the week. At least that's my experience.

If I want excitement and drama, I'll watch it on television.

PS: It's not somebody else's job to make us happy. It's our own.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

If I want excitement and drama, I'll watch it on television.

depends on the program to be honest but still I get your point !

 

[*LILAC]

My husband's right in with the boring crowd, too. Very predictable yet very stable. He knows what he wants but he can come up with some pretty good surprises for me on his own sometimes. Alot of times I'm the one who has to drag him out for a day (or in reference to the dog comment, take him for a walk) You say you go to church, is there anything going on at the church that you could help out with? Bible studies, ladies groups, etc...?

 

[pat34lee]

Men are like dogs? What does that make the woman that marries them?

If she's smart, a trainer, or dog whisperer.

 

[turkle]

Your husband is the man you chose. I'm sure that when you chose to marry him, you knew exactly who he is. One of the biggest mistakes a young wife makes is to want to change her husband after they marry.

It's good to tell him what you want, to give him ideas about how to please you. But it sounds like, with this man, you will have to take the initiative. The first thing is to be an encouraging example for him. If you want surprises and gifts, do it for him. If you want a better love life, start it and keep it going. If you want to do something other than TV and internet, suggest activities or make a restaurant reservation.

Maybe he will learn to do these things himself, maybe not. Express your desires, but do it with a light heart and fun, not by nagging and complaining. You married him, so he must have good qualities that you can encourage and edify. If you have no expectations, then anything he does for you will be a wonderful gift.

Most importantly, pray for your marriage together. Lift up your concerns to God together, and ask Him to help you to each be the best possible spouse you can be. Seek Him, and he will guide your marriage.

 

[Citanul]

Was he like this before you got married? If he wasn't then it's definitely a far more serious problem than if he was.

But if he was like that then it could tie into the concept of love languages which states that there are different ways that people can show love, and they tend to express it in the way that they prefer to receive it. So it could be that he's not all that concerned about dinner dates or receiving gifts, and therefore doing those may not come all that naturally to him.

If this is the case then that's something that you'll need to work on. He needs to understand that you need those things in order to feel loved, but you need to understand that him not doing those things doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. And it goes both ways as you might not be doing the things that he needs.

Unfortunately, trying to get someone to do something that doesn't come naturally to them isn't always that easy and might not work, so a dramatic change in behaviour might be an unreasonable expectation. But even just knowing that each of you are coming from different starting points should help to improve things.

 

[angie28]

Men are like dogs. They need some encouragement and a pat on the head more often than nagging. Do you go out of your way to make your husband feel special?

If you like movies and can find them, watch "Fireproof" and "The War Room".

You haven't mentioned your husband's nationality or religion. Are they the same as yours?

Yes I have watched them and they are so inspirational. Yes wwe both Christians and same natonality